Ring. Ring. Client on line two.
Yes? Oh cool. You have revisions. Great.
What's that? You want to change the ad completely? Um. Ok. Oh sure, sure. You changed the strategy. Ah. The offer is completely different. (Sigh) Sure. The target changed as well. Oh. You changed the media plan as well? Great. Make the full ad with all that copy into a half size while I'm at it. Perfect.
Excuse me? Have at least two more ads for tomorrow because you still have a deadline? Um. Let me check in my agenda. At 6pm... I have me yelling at the ceiling because I want to gut you with something made of wood. At 7pm, I'm planning to think of creative and witty ideas for making your butthole even bigger. At 8:30, I'm watching my ass because I don't want to make your revisions. I can squeeze your ad changes at 9. Perfect.
What is it with clients, anyways? I mean, they give us a brief. They tell us, go right ahead and think up ideas for their product or offer. And luck just has it that when you are printing the mother fucker art, already done, they call you up to say that, well, the layout that you did all day is going to change.
Dudes! Make sure that you give the right brief, dammit. Doing ads is not like trying out jeans at the store. You can't change your mind every five seconds. Just make a choice and run with it. If your marketing department hasn't planned out everything perfectly, you don't need to call up the ad agency to make them slave away for nothing. I mean, take your sweet time. Talk it over. Make sure your message is clear. THEN! Call up the ad agency and ask for the ads.
We are not scratching our balls waiting for you to suddenly, out of the blue, change things over. Don't get me wrong, there are times when other brands will do something that you, as competition, have to react to. I can understand perfectly. Shit happens, we have to do something to make you stand out. But if you have almost two weeks or more to develop a strategy, make sure you can deliver. Don't ask for ads that you are not sure you can live up to or don't change the strategy because you were talking to your stupid wife and, since she can't understand a word you are saying, you think that every other asshole in the world won't get your idea.
I really get pissed at people who are insecure. Not because they suck and can't make any decisions. Screw them if they don't have a backbone that is worth shit. I get mad as hell because those are the low ball hangers that make us work even more for a simple ad. Because you don't really know what you are looking for, we work hours and hours at end, trying to hit the spot so you can feel satisfied enough to approve the ad. Is that it?
There are times that you should study your message, think up a good strategy, make sure it works and run with what you feel is perfect. And trust me, what I feel now is that you need a good kick. Two inches above your scrotum.