Cliche No. 2: Weird Toys

Forget your Star Wars Luke Skywalker. Screw your Darth Crapper. Extremely weird toys are the thing to have if you are looking to fill the cliche list down at your ad agency. The kind you find at Rotofugi (link above), Kid Robot... It is very simple. Weird toys are fun for both you and your coworkers. Even more, it's always fun for the innocent souls who sometimes take it seriously: I once had some toys that scared (screams and all) one of my clients. She came in and saw what I had at my desk. Ha. The woman was pale white in no seconds. MMM... The pleasure of being thought of as a weirdo. Those were the good times.

These right here are the most awesome Halfsies. They are made by Roman Dirge, god of all wacko and very off the normal path.

For me, I like weird toys. It goes well with my screw life, be different attitude. I get even scared with Barbie anyways, dammit. Put a Barnie plush toy and I will scream my head off. Being normal sucks anyways, right?

I wish I had come up with: Pedigree's Dogs Rule TV ads

Before I begin: a small excercise. Put your hand in front of your body, palm facing yourself. Curl all your fingers but the middle one. Now, all together, let's proceed to give cats the most deserved middle finger there could possibly be. Cats suck ass. They are a breed of traitors, snobbish animals that are so high maintenance it's ridiculous. Just come home one night and see if the hairy bastard comes to meet you. Being a cat or having a cat blows. (Sigh) Let's continue.

Yup. Dogs rule. And Pedigree knows it. I have just seen it and I have to give props to a campaign well done. The "We're for Puppies" Tv spot (link to the Pedigree commercials above) is amazing. If you don't go "aaaaaaaaaaawww" in any moment of that ad you are a sick person who lacks a heart.

That's another simple (Hey you, Cannes hounds, see? I said simple!!!) ad that tugs deep at your heart. You either want to run to your local pet store and buy the whole store and bring it home... or even better, you decide to buy every single barking kind of dog there is. That's award winning in my book.

So, here's to the agency (TBWAChiatDay LA, by the way). I just hope they brought enough pizza and cigarrettes when you were working on the campaign. That way I am sure that you were happy.

Being Bobby Brilliant

I know, I know. The first season of Being Bobby Brown is over. I don't care. I'm buying it on cd when it comes out. This is the best program. Ever. And if you have a sense of humor that differs from the Everybody loves Raymond norm, you're definitively in for a great time. And if you are slaving away at the creative department, this is the show to watch.

If you think you're weird in some way, Bobby is there to make you seem like a chomp. The episode where he decides to go camping deserves an Emmy, in my book. Standing ovation. That episode made me laugh so hard I think I busted my kidneys. And Whitney... whoa. Just when you think Bobby can freak you out, in comes his sweet wife to make you double chomp.

Look. Every single episode has the best lines of copy I have ever heard (for those that actually have a sense of humor outside the designated color lines). No haha audience laughs programmed line. This is for "real".

So yeah, when Bravo decides to run a BBB marathon, for the love of God, watch it.

my liver or my conscience

The beauty of getting sick. I don't mean a headache sick, I don't mean the runs sick, I mean sick sick. Sick where you are at the point of considering saying fuck it and going home. These are the days I tough it out feel all macho only to realize that most times, it isn't appreciated and it isn't worth it. Not to bash my industry.,.. but I will... Apart from pimps, slave traders, drugs pushers and the Kansas militia, there is no industry more cruel in regards to its employees than advertising.. or so I want to believe. Who knows, maybe I'm in Drama queen barbie mode and just want to bitch, but I truly believe that for all the effort, work, skills, butt saving and client meeting smoothening we sometimes do, we should get something in return. Yes I think I have a semi decent salary, but when you put into perspective what you actually produce as an employee... hell my salary is no where near what I bring to the table. I'm not saying I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.... although I do think it's pretty stupid to think that's the best thing out there. I'm just syaing I and we should all be considered and treated with a bit more respect and appreciation. Hey so I'm bitchy, but I did my job, and I did it well. I didn't sacrifice anything eventhough I'm in the mood to vomit in alternate secuences just to keep people guessing. The point is that not even a bullshit pat on the back or much less premiums or whatnot, just another stack of jobs, revisions and a look of oh boy are you screwed. Not very motivating... but hey such is advertising. It's wonderful how an ad agency can sell so much bullshit that they can't even recognize when they're doing shit wrong. We need to keep working because.... we need that new Rolls? My wife needs a Botox tune up or my concubine needs to get a makeover. Yeah, hierarchies blow and that's the point... next time I feel like shit, I might just take my liver home for some R & R and let everyone else fend off the ad hounds.... or maybe I won't . only time will tell.

Tell me I'm sexy, dammit.

Buy me flowers. A box of chocolates. Put on some nice Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. Give me a nice massage. Hey, at least I prefer this way of screwing me for free than by telling me you'll do an ad and proceed to just forget to pay it.

Hey there, Mr. Big Client... I take it that you think of my bill like my phone number. You just conveniently lost it somewhere... and I'm supposed to believe that you'll get back to me. Yeah. Right.

Ah, the client who thinks our work is sometimes for free. What a lame ass sucker ducker. Those are the ones that want to make me just retire and work at McDonalds. What is up with those people, anyways? Do they get stuff from Walgreens for free? Do they just ignore the cashier while visiting their Burger King?

My theory on those bastards is simple. Here's what they think: "Hey, it's a simple thing, designing. Writing? Oh my, I can do it myself but I just don't have the time. So when those funny witty guys sit for hours at end designing or writing a simple ad... hey, If I decide to not do it, just because I can, I just proceed to ignore the bill."

What a total disrespect for our work. I hate it when those kind of clients come along... but like a true Klingon (at heart I'm a geek as well), I truly believe that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Hey you Mr. No Pay. It's ok. I'll auto-shove my bill up my sweet ass.
But (no pun intended), here's the catch. We're even. I kiss and tell. Everyone. So... when you move on to another... Ha.

If I only had that brain: Kevin Smith

Snooch to the nooch? The theory about contract workers at the Death Star? You have to be a genius to come up with Clerks. I just wish I wrote that way all the time. Kevin, you rule. You are the King of Kings.

I have all of his DVD’s. I’m even a sick fan who will sit for 6 hours or more watching An Evening with Kevin Smith, thinking that it will help me in my craft. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think it helps.

The thing is, if you work in advertising, it is mandatory that you watch all his movies. Those are a joy to watch, and even better, to talk about when not wanting to work at the agency.

Test yourself: you have a choice to attend a Night with Neil French or An Evening with Kevin Smith. If you chose the french fries… it’s never too late to become an Account Executive.

“I can’t believe he (or she) came up with that!”

We’ve spent a lot time here at this blog talking about how great/frustrating it is to be a creative. We acknowledge our egos and our superhuman creative prowess. But I must admit that every now and then I get a slap in the face when someone –a “regular” person– comes up with a great idea that I simply must use. When I say regular people, I’m talking about anyone not in the industry, from bus drivers and maintenance personnel, to used car salesmen and Chili’s waiters. Every once in a while, traditionally non-creative types actually come up with good stuff, material that forces us creatives to swallow our pride and accept its genius.

Case in point: The creative client. Seriously. I worked with a client who was actually a pretty good creative guy. He wasn’t good at actually writing or designing, but was really out there in terms of coming up with good material. He owns a series of hip restaurants/lounges in downtown and does a lot of radio ads. When we meet, he gets so excited about the project that he takes over and starts shooting off ideas. I don’t mind because he’s not a dick about it; he listens to my ideas as well and respects what I do for a living – it’s NOT a case of “My ideas are better, so step off beeyotch!” We’re very professional about it. He’s a wacky guy and is very passionate about his business, so he knows exactly what he wants.

The campaign we created was very effective, and I say “we” because even though they were his ideas, I was the one who polished his crude work. Because of this mutual respect, the advertising accomplished it goal: it won both critical and commercial acclaim. Plus, we built a very healthy agency/client relationship – he never saw me as useless just because he came up with the good ideas. In fact, he said that my mere presence was what inspired him. “I spend all day with businessmen,” he would say. “Whenever I hang around creative types, I feel free.” This relationship got me thinking: A good idea can come from anywhere; The trick is recognizing it and using it in an effective manner.

Yes, we are very jealous about our work, but true creative genius/leadership doesn’t just stem from coming up with The Big Idea. It also comes from recognizing The Big Idea, even if it comes from an Account Executive or client or hairdresser. One of my all-time favorite slogans (“The curiously strong mints” for Altoids), was actually written by an early 19th century British chemist. He submitted a report to his candy factory bosses, and ended by describing the nature of the candy recipe he developed. Another favorite slogan of mine (“If you find a better car, buy it”) was written and made famous by Chrysler CEO Lee Ioccoa.

Much like a magazine or book editor, our challenge is to not only to come up with great work, but to also recognize other’s good work and make it shine.

I feel Geeky, oh so Geeky...

Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, boyyyyyyyy! For all you role playing, no chick laying dudes out there... Be happy. Here at Advertising Sucks we appreciate anything videogame related. Since I am the only woman I know of who likes to play videogames as much as a guy - and if you come to my house and call me up on it, I swear, I will kick yo' ass in whatever PlayStation game you want, beeyatch! - I decided to provide my homies with the perfect Amazon link there is: videogame bestseller lists.

Look for the banner at the right of your blog screen. There, every couple of days you will see what's hot (Hi Paris Hilton) in the world of geeks... sorry, the world of gaming, specially in role playing.

But... that's not all! Call now and you will also get, free of charge, a banner dedicated to our favorite, Anime! Yeah boys and girls, now you can order and look for the bestsellers in that department as well.

So get that credit card ready... 'cause they don't call it a joystick for nothing.

I wish I had come up with: Hummers H3's Little Monster TV Spot

Duuuuuuudes. This totally rocks. I saw this spot just once and I was even not paying attention to the TV at all. I remember it perfectly. The New Hummer H3 "Little Monster" Ad is simply amazing. A great concept and easy to understand - not like those other spots that you go crying to mama 'cause you didn't get it.

Ha. And to think that when I started at this business, there I was reading Communication Arts or Print Magazine... A young padawan in training, trying to develop a style... And suddenly there it was. An ad I just din't get. I felt stupid. How stupid: stooooopyd stupid. I thought, "Whoa. I don't get this." I proceeded to mentally abuse myself until I got it. It never worked. For some strange reason I felt like I lacked something upstairs.

Fuck no. There are ads that just people don't get at all. Complicated or artsy fartsy ads that are only an inside joke for some jackass copy and art director and, well, some AE didn't mind to spend the money anyways so they help approve it. I hate those types of ads, and see many of them on a daily basis at my local newspaper.

Furthermore (oh wow, I used it in a sentence), I believe that clients are paying so much money, they deserve their ad to be simple to understand. Now come on, don't get medieval on my ass and say that "oh but you are supposed to make your ad witty and creative so that they remember it". Yes Sherlock, I agree.

What I don't agree is making your ad so difficult (how difficult? E=mc2 difficult) that your audience, instead of relating to the brand, just dismisses it in a moment of frustration. Think about that while you're writing your next Cannes, you witty one.

Wait. Let me rephrase that last line. Think about that while you're looking at Cannes for material for your next ad, you xeroxy one.