I know this is very personal, but what the hell. I need to write this so I never forget and also because I'm still shaken up about it. My mom averted a huge accident today. She's ok, happy, like it never happened. But I am freaking out. Not because I'm still scared, I know she's ok. It's just that it put a lot of things into perspective.
For the last few days I have not been able to sleep - or should I say, months? You all know about my insomnia by now. Sometimes I kid about it and take the time to blog myself to sleep... hey, sometimes I just go out with friends and have a few beers and a laugh. The thing is my insomnia is caused by two things, and one of them is work.
I guess this is why I wanted to share with you guys, because in a manner of minutes, I got a reality check so huge, I thought you guys would understand it. My mom is all I have in the world. Jeez, write that line down and watch the tears run down! Me, crying? I must have faulty faucets...
Yes, my mother is all I have and all I love in this world. All I am and all I know, I owe to her. My character, my strength, all comes from her and what she taught me. She is the greatest friend I could have, and I only wish I, as a daughter, can make her proud someday. I have promised myself that I will make all her dreams come true, because of all she had to leave behind in order to raise me. Wanna hear what she wanted me to be or have? Be highly successful at what I do, get married again, this time with someone I truly love and having a little boy so she can take him golfing with her - while I'm working.
Life without her doesn't seem possible.
And the funny thing is? Although I know this, deep in my heart, sometimes work, and other things that are happening in my life, makes me forget. I work so many hours, I give it all most of the time that I don't get to see her that much. I'm sometimes so tired to go see her because of my work... Because of stupid ads. Stupid print ads! Can you believe this shit? Then come other problems and situations... Then I'm so sad or angry that I don't want for her to see me that way. But secretly I know she knows... I know she worries. And she usually takes it cool, she tells me to sleep, it's ok, I can see her later.
Today, I almost didn't have that chance anymore.
I swear on my life that I will never, ever, do that again. Other things are less important when it comes to blood and true love. I wanted to write this because maybe there are a couple of you guys out there that are like me, that life sometimes makes us lose track and forget what is really important. We give our all to many things and people, and we forget, not by choice, just by accident, what we already have.
Don't wait for a bad thing to happen. Go out there and find the ones you love and show them. Show them that you care, show them that you love them. Don't take anything for granted. Don't think, oh, I'll have her forever. Or, he'll be there tomorrow. You don't know that for sure. Life is funny that way.
I'm done worrying. I may not have all the love/work security or stability I want in my life that I have wanted or that I have fought over, for years and years. Who cares. I won't fight it anymore. I got my mother. And I'm not letting her go.
PS: Sorry if I got too sentimental. Don't worry, I'll be back to my usual work-hating, dirty mouth and boob expanding self tomorrow. Promise.