Given the track record as of late of a wonderful co-worker, she being the hands down winner of the mediocre annoying bitch award, I thought I’d write another little something-something just to get one more bit of anger off my chest. Now where to start.. or how for that matter? How bout I write her a brief letter:
Dear venomous cunt:
I, your adoring copywriter, have taken the liberty to grace your undeserving piece of shit self with a letter. I, one of the eight people who right now hate your guts, am just dropping a line to wish you well, or not so well be it as it may. Hopefully you’re enjoying your day out frolicking with the client that would gladly backfist you after having offered a high five.
You, who so candidly send revision after revision without even thinking about what the client says; you who simply say ‘ok’, ‘sure thing’, ‘whatever you need’ and ‘it’ll be done by 5:00 PM’. FUCK YOU. Fuck you and the clients you don’t stand up to. Fuck you and your cute little smiley faces on the jobs. Fuck you and your bullshit disposition. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you and your diet. Fuck you and I hope the father had stronger genes so we don’t have to put up with ANOTHER bitch tailored in fashion to you. Fuck you AND your birthday.
You stupid, moronic, mediocre halfwit. You ARE the reason why people are afraid of adopting. They secretly fear that they might get someone like you. You ARE the reason why Gattaca and DNA manipulation is being considered so as to avoid the further stunted evolution of the human race. Shit I wouldn’t be surprised if one they you start walking on all fours and peeing the carpet because you ARE that much of a bitch.
And the kicker? She’s not wrong. She’s never wrong. 9 people, one has just added him/herself to the bandwagon, are pissed at her sub-par performance as of late. Nine people, three short of a dozen in a small agency are pissed at her for sucking as an account executive and more importantly, as a person. But noooooo.. She’s NEVER wrong. We just don’t understand her, and don’t empathize with her situation. BLOW ME. I have never gotten a break over my personal situations and even when at great personal loss, I’ve gone to respond for my responsibilities even if I’ve had to hold back tears. I’ve been absent from work a grand total of two times in any type of job I’ve ever had and I’ve left early only when it couldn’t be helped, less than ten times. But she has to be absent, she’s got so many obligations and responsibilities and no one is here to be her shoulder. Oh cry me a fucking river and boo-fuckedy-hoo. Did you spill the milk? Yes. Did you mess up? Yes. Did you fuck up? Yes you did. Yet I have to be understanding of your mistakes just because you have a specific personal situation that you use as a crutch so people will pity and tolerate you more? Lovely. How bout.. no? How bout… fat chance? How bout… you’re not the only one with problems?
Love and angry sex,
Do not misunderstand me, I’m not saying that people’s situations should never be taken into consideration for x or y aspect of their job. But having a person fall back on personal issues to explain why they’re doing bad at work and justifying their less than 110% they so candidly demand from is no joke and not something I take lightly. I think it’s unfair and don’t care for putting up with someone’s bullshit just so that person can leave earlier. I don’t care because that person is the same reason why I can’t leave early because things aren’t flowing as they should. I can’t back that up because I can’t understand or justify someone leaving early while others stay behind doing work that was solicited at way past a logical hour, obeying the client’s every whim and just so that person can make sure he or she doesn’t miss American Idol.
It makes me want to have a time machine so I can murder the bitch then go back in time and brush it off as I remember the sweet moments of her last gasping breath while she drowned in the jobs she sends us. That’d be a nice super power don’t you think. No need to have a rigid conscience. Just do what you will and turn back time so it’s undone. Perfect. I would go Groundhog murder crazy on some people’s asses, but alas only wishful thinking on my part.
So in the words of a truly earnest voice…
“you may say I’m a dreamer.. but I’m not the only one.”