May 12, 2006
Sometimes I think that's all that your boss should tell you. Just bend over 'cause I'm going to stick it where you don't like it. In other words, bosses tend to simply forget some of the things they tell you when they lied I mean hired you in the first place. I know that getting a job is like going out on a date, you have to do your best and make an excellent presentation in order to get laid... and sometimes people embelish a bit, just to get there faster.
But bosses... damn. They are like men who will do and say anything, just to get some poonani. Here are just some of the ones I've heard of:
• I want you to be Associate Creative Director - this means that you are basically going to do all of his damn work. Quote his TV ads, make his calls. Everything but hold his weiner at the bathroom. And trust me, you still won't be able to present a damn idea worth a shit, because he will shit on anything. Well, unless you are ballsy enough to present something to the client that your CD hasn't seen. Go testicle use!
• We'll pay you X amount, at the end of three months we will negotiate another salary for you - this means that in three months you will not be able to see his sorry ass, because he will avoid you like penile fungus. And when you try to talk about it, he will blame doing nothing on many things like the current economy, client problems, the weather, anal leakage and many more stupid excuses. Just learn how to save up money, 'cause it's going to take a long time for you to change that salary.
• I will pay for all your expenses - Sure bet, asshole. But my expenses are not just soggy pizza from time to time. I have a cellular phone that you call me at many times a day just to annoy the shit out of me. I have a car that I use to go to stupid presentations of work that my CD puked on. But no. All you get paid for is that damn pizza you get after 9pm. Someone kill me.
• You will be working on X amount of accounts - This is only true the first month, maybe. Then he will think you are some kind of superhuman being that can come up with hundreds of campaigns for all his clients. Just try to argue your way out and you'll get the "I'll fire your ass in a second" look.
There are many more but those are the ones that are fresh in my mind. If you remember more, by all means share.
Posted by Me at 5:13 PM