Jun 5, 2006

This one is for the guys

Seeing as men have once again come under fire from female scrutiny, I thought it only fair to offer some queries from some men in regards to the actions of some women. Generalizing has been an issue so feel free to address it as you wish and if you’re offended, ask yourself why you’re offended. Enjoy.

1.) Why do women like men who are taken? Is the competition too much to ignore? Do you need to prove your female prowess clawing over a taken penis? Please, calm the head banging of single men all around, we’d love to know.

2.) If a woman gets cheated on once, twice, and three times, why is the problem with the whole male race and not with that particular woman’s taste in men?

3.) Why do so many women deny that they masturbate? Yes I know this chauvinistic society sucks but instead of cowering in shame over rightfully getting yourselves off, shove it in their faces because if it’s ok for a guy to jerk off constantly as long as his nutsack is able to produce a nice gooey ending, I don’t see a problem with a girl polishing her nails aux naturale.

4.) Why do women fake orgasms? If the man fails at making you climax he should end up feeling like a loser and he should know about it. He should also know what to do to help you get the satisfaction you deserve. It’s called communication. If you fake an orgasm you are just misdirecting guilt to be centered on you and if he doesn’t care if you came or not, then what the hell does that tell you about your relationship and the man you’re with?

5.) Why do women insist on being cockblocks for their male friends? Do not dodge the question and just tell us why if friends are hanging out, and a guy is trying to talk to a girl, 55% of the time a female friend will sabotage their approach? I’ve seen this up close so by all means, don’t try and tell me that this doesn’t happen.

6.) Why do women always expect chivalry yet never offer the same details to men? I am fucking blessed to have such a caring woman for a partner; but I see that this little detail that comes so naturally to her escape so many other women I know.

7.) When did one night stands become a love contract? Last I checked, when two people want to fuck, they fuck. Period, end of story, nice to know you, thanks for the orgasm I might even like to do this again. When we say no strings attached, we mean no strings attached. I know women who can do this and they get accused of being a tomboy or even unlady like (in many instances they are declared a slut) and that’s total bullshit. If you love someone and they just want to fuck you, make sure to not let dreams and positive vibrations get you in a situation where you will be hurt. It’s not that he’s a prick because he doesn’t love you; he doesn’t have to love you. Love is when two people share the sentiment. If one of the two just wants to fuck the only thing that needs to be made clear is that no strings attached are wanted and if you try to kid yourself that you can pull it off without becoming attached, think again.

8.) Why do women insist on convincing themselves that porn is just for boys? I know girls who love porn and they have to do it in hiding because it is evil. Total horseshit. If you like it, bless you and may your collection put all men’s to shame.

9.) Do you really think men believe the whole “wow it’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen” bit? Only when you take a deep gulp and stand there pondering a second or two are we even on the verge of mildly believing we might be the top cock in your catalogue.

10.) If you dress seductively, why do you get angry if an ugly guy looks at you? I know it’s not pleasant but it’s not his fault. Don’t go calling him names because you made yourself look good and he noticed. He’s not saying that you’re fat, he’s not saying your hair is puffy, he’s ogling. Let’s put it this way, a mouse trap sometimes traps flies, cockroaches, butterflies and even some lizards even if the trap is meant for a mouse. The same goes for men and women and you should at least feel good that someone noticed you got all fixed up.

So how bout it? Anyone willing to step up to the plate and answer to the pig that wrote this? Men are waiting. So by all means, dish it out because if anything, just remember one thing ladies, if men are pigs, women are sows.

Kind Regards,
Joker

5 comments:

SchizoFishNChimps said...

Men have faults a-plenty,
But women only two:
Everything they say,
And everything they do

Me said...

1) It isn't like we're looking at attached man and thinking "hey, feeding time is ready". Every woman will agree with me that it's all falling for the greatest bullshit line ever: "I really like you, you make me feel so different. This is not just some fling, I never do this anyways. I really believe I can leave her and be with you". Somewhere down the line you see a very depressed and in love woman waiting, based on a lie.

2) If the chick doesn't do it herself, I mean revenge cheating (and we all do, trust me), then hon, I'm sorry but it's just plain bad luck. So we get pissed. It's like having a dude that hits or is verbally abusive. If we have even one more, we start getting angry.

Besides. Men cheat, they get caught. Women cheat, you never know. Fact.

3) Because somewhere in the line someone told us it wasn't ladylike. Now... In this years seems odd, you don't know how many chicks talk about their night with their plastic vibrating friends with pride. Just say batteries and they smile. No kidding.

4) Many reasons. Sit down for this. Because:
• we are dead tired and honestly, we're not into it that much.
• we'd rather watch tv than argue about the lameness of the previous act (for those who suck at doing it)
• we have to go to work (for those morning dudes)
• long banging situations sometime gets us tired dammit. We'd rather end it with fireworks than actually say "but my thigs hurt"

Now. Faking it should be made at least once a year or less. If you are a woman and you're faking it on a weekly basis, leave. You really don't like the guy at all.

5) Cockblocks usually are chicks who don't get laid as much. They are used by pussy whipped women. Try that theory or mine: women are jealous or each other at some degree. If you are hot and have a nice penis, trust me, there is some friend of us who will make it difficult for us to get you.

6) Hey, I'm like that too. I buy gifts, I make up nice dates to go to. I even offer to get dressed as a nice police woman (kidding)... Some girls are just lazy and prima donnas in that department. Sorry for that.

7) Never practiced the one night thing, so I can't answer that one. See? I'm an angel. NOT. I only can say that any woman who tells you no strings attached is bullshitting you.

8) Another "don't do it" by our moms. But hey, you'd be surprised at how many of us watch. Now... we don't buy porn. We need the money for shoes!!!

9) I never say it unless it is true. Now... You don't know how many chicks tell that one and then, when they dump the guy start yapping about how small, bent, skinny it really is.

10) Fact: none of normal women get angry. It's just an act. Women dress up because we want to feel sexy. I for one am very proud of my boobs and actually take them out for a night once in a while. There is no problem when people stare, just don't touch. They might get kicked in the nut sack. Not by me. Hehe.

Lucila said...

1. I have a theory that any women or men want what they can't have. That's why there is a common thing going on with wanting the already taken person. Let's face it, dating, love and anything involved are like hunting. The harder it is to trapt that sucker, the better. Do I go for the hunt? No. I learned my lesson at a young age and that type of "hunt" is pointless in my book.

2. I wouldn't blame the man. If she let it happen once...is like letting a child do something naughty, he knows he can get away with it and will do it over and over. So if my guy cheats on me and I found out with pain in my heart, he's out of the picture instantly.

3. I used to deny it. But it was because the priest of my school (also the principal) in one speech before our first confession day he made it clear that masturbating is a sin and we had to confess it or we would burn in hell. A couple of years later I realized the son of a bitch is gay and he just wanted the guys to confess that so HE could masturbate thinking of them. Nasty shit. I came out of the masturbating closet in College when in conversation with my two crazy roomates we all came clean and it felt great to finally said out loud. So to all the girls out there don't be a fool and fucking enjoy it!!!!

4. The only time I did that was on my first realtionship and I just wanted him to get the fuck off me. So I faked it. But never again. It was pointless and stupid.

5. Hey I have even pretend we are lesbians just to get the fucker off the picture. But this only happens if my friend looks me with the "save me please" eyes. If the guys is sorta hot and not booring this is NOT going to happen. But if you are unfortunate looking or just and asshole this is our M.O.

6. I don't know either. I treat my guys the way they treat me.

7. I don't know this one too, because like you say I was called a slut.

8. This is like number 3. You have been told that is a SIN!!!! *thunder* oh well I discovered my dad's statch at 9 and I READ each one. While some friends were reading Archie or Condorito, I had already read to many erotic letters and articles from Penthouse and Playboy.

9. I don't say...only once I said " OH MY GOD!!!!" but that was truly a huge....thing. Anyway, I don't say shit but man are all insecure in that part and I SAY ALL because they ask "Is IT ok for you?" I am not lying they have ask me that, even the tripod that made me ask for god's help. I we girl think we are all fat you guys think that your wee wee is not enough.

10. That doesn't apply to me...I like attention, period. I don't get mad but that doesn't mean I'll give you the time or day. Just look but don't get closer. ;)

Joker, I hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

1.Its what they say, but actually is our fault because even if we like what they are babbling about is on us to gat the hell away from married men. If not we are screwed. and will never get the man.
2.bad luck or just plain stupidity.
3. before it was nt a lady thing to do, now fuck yeah. if your guy is not delivering , well a vibrator never stops.
4.not to make your love one feel bad
5.Ill get back to you on this
6.I like being sweet, difrent, sexy, sometimes fflurty . playfull. depends on my mood. I hate boring. but sometimes the guys suck- they are hust full of it boring and nohaving a clue
7.there is always stings att.
8.bull shit, we love it as much as you do
9.never true
10. we love that ugly or not. the worst is when our own men dont stare but others do

Anonymous said...

1.) Because usually most of the good ones ARE taken, so thus the taken ones are deemed more desirable. I personally have never gone after/screwed around with a married or otherwise "spoken for" fella, but have definitely been attracted to "taken" guys.

2.) Because one (or ten) bad apples tend to spoil the bunch, unfortunately. It's not just women though - I've dated guys who've been cheated on, and they constantly were suspicious and accusatory to me (for no reason). It sucks!

3.) I don't know. Most of my friends have no problem fessing up. In fact, they talk about it with great fondness; some preferring their own talents to their partners! (ha-ha) I think "Me" is correct in that many consider it unlady-like to speak of in mixed company.

4.) Because sometimes just faking it, is a lot better than telling the guy, "It's just not gonna happen tonight. WAY too many guys take this personally and as a reflection of their skills, so to avoid a lengthy "do I not turn you on" conversation, sometimes it's best to just pretend. However, I recommend doing this only a few times a year, if absolutely necessary. I agree with Joker--it's best to be pretty honest, otherwise, your guy thinks he's doing a good job when he's not, and then you NEVER get to have the big "O". School him early on how to please you, and you should be golden. Also, usually, in long-term relationships, you can get away with the "it's not gonna happen tonight" with no repurcussions.

5.) Because 1) they have a crush on that friend, or 2) we have deemed your conquest unworthy of your affections.

6.) I have found that in about 50% of the male population, that chivalry seems to be dead, unfortunately. Chivalrous guys deserve admiration and respect. They are WAY more sexy than guys who disrespect ANY woman, whether they are reserved or "wild". We could all use a little more kindness and respect when dealing with others.

7.) Never had a technical one night stand. My quick hookups always resulted in at least a 3-month relationship, even if we both knew it was "nothin' but a thing." If I ever did have a real one night stand, I would think that the chance for a "real" relationship in the future would be pretty remote, so I would never pursue it. Those who do are eiter immature or delusional. I think many of the women of which Joker speaks have most likely not been informed of the "no strings attached" policy by some of the guys.

8.) OK, I'm by no means a prude, but just really have not watched a great deal of porn. When I have, it's mostly funny to me. I get much more turned on by the psychological aspects of love/sex. Porn doesn't do too much for me (depends on the movie, I guess), but let me watch 9 1/2 Weeks, and LOOKOUT!!!

9.) I've only said that once, and it was to the "first place winner" in the top cock in the catalogue category. And that was only because there was a serious discomfort level involved. Most guys I've encountered have never asked. I mean, unless it's pretty miscroscopic, it's all good, no matter what the size, y'know?

10.) Honey, I'm over 30 - if ANYBODY decides to ogle me, I don't care if they're a flippin' troll - I APPRECIATE it!

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