Touché your assé you dické

When a request for efficiency is taken personal, normally some really “special” things happen. Special ed special. You get a job poorly written? You should be smart enough to figure it out. You get a double job? Well do you expect an executive to go through the trouble of writing another job?

This is the shit I face on a daily basis and people ask me why I have pent up rage. I try to do things by the book so everyone can win and no one gets away with anything, and the reaction is a bewildered look of audacity at me asking for something done right. I guess it’s that way with many things but I don’t think I give a shit and I’d rather slam someone’s face in with a rusty shovel.


Here’s the process:

Get the job.

Read the job.

Raise my right eyebrow because I see that it’s a double job.

I understand there’s no confusion in regards to the job yet I separate both materials to avoid any type of confusion because, well because I don’t trust the intellect of some people that insist on surprising me on a daily basis with comments, requests, observations and thoughts that just baffle the shit out of me.

I do the job anyways.

I hand it in and say that for next time, even if it’s a simple job, there should be two jobs made, because there are two things getting done that are extremely similar, yet due for different dates and encompassing different information.

Reaction? Eyes of a cow shitting gawking at my request.

I explain the request and how it has nothing to do with the complexity or lack thereof of this job. It’s the principle of the thing and how my observation is to avoid future screw jobs that could come from the same person that made the job.

Still gawking. It doesn’t make sense to him/her.

I repeat my stance that it’s ok for this job, because there’s no confusion, but that in principle, it’s wrong because it is a double job. Double jobs meaning two things asked for in one job.

They still can’t believe that I’m asking them to do double the work if it’s clear what they’re asking for.

I desist from insisting since the primate nature is definitely impeding the effects of evolution to catch up to them.

I start leaving and they pull me back to continue contesting my request, that was expressed in a serious yet friendly/courteous manner.

I explain again.

It doesn’t make sense to them.

And I simply dismiss her as obviously it will be a waste of time, money, patience and energy to ask for anything or pretend to make sense when there’s obviously a gap in the communication stemming from my irreverent request for them to work so much more, even if I’m the one stuck with leaving at 8 or 9 PM while they are at home already shoveling food in their mouths, watching their favorite soap opera, licking a goat’s asshole or masturbating to Weird al Yankovic.

Ten minutes later, another job I’d handed in flashes before my eyes.

“Where are the printouts for this?”

I answer that it was just a format change. They have the cd, the material is in their email inbox and I’m working on something else.

“I need those printouts.”

Well in reality the printouts aren’t needed but this person seems to want to feel proud for one brief moment in the day and I give in, printing out said material, identifying it, stapling together, and putting it on the desk.

Now let’s compare and contrast situations for empirical sake. I get a job, it’s not poorly written, it is clear, and it is clearly asking for two things, even if they are similar. Let’s say adapting an artwork for one date, then the exact same artwork, for the same publication two days after (clearly there shouldn’t be a job for this, because they could do a “pick up” but it’s just to make a point). I do the job and when I hand it in I make a request that seems logical because they are asking for two different things. I get looked at like a 3rd grader who insists the brown stain in his pants is really rancid chocolate and no amount of logic will help drive my message through the über thick skull of one incompetent person. I won’t get this “favor” done and the problem will resurface in the future in a moment where it will make a difference and the point I tried to make will finally be able to make sense to numnuts here. Fine. I go back to my work and the same person took offense to my request and my final say in the matter and asks for something that makes no sense regardless if in reality it’s not even my task to perform said request. I sigh, nod, and do it even though it was an illogical request.

And still, I’m the asshole.

You just gotta love some people’s logic and I truly hope that I don’t have to put up with this shit for the rest of my career, because unscrewing the guillotine is really starting to look mighty tempting right about now.