Yes, yes my friends. Advertising sucks and it does so in a larger-than-life-big-top-top-banana-I-really-don’t-wanna-be here kind of way. And why does it suck? There are myriads of reasons but to be totally honest, one of the top three reasons if not THE top reason is dealing with clients who insist on making Dan Quayle sound smart and Ross Perot sound coherent. Dumb shit lines I wish I’d never heard avast in this shitty shit stained industry. To be honest they come a dime a dozen from a wide variety of clients that are sometimes nice, but more often as nasty as a case of crabs that just happen to enjoy gargling hydrochloric acid on the off pubic season. Here’s a nice sample of dumbshit lines I can’t understand how they came forth from some people who somehow managed a college degree and also insist that they have at least a 6th grade reading level. And this is what we want to say to them in response.
CLIENT: I want that art in jpeg AI high res CKY GRB with 3.5 IDPI yet maximum but a small file.
WAS: Ok, now say that 5 times fast.
CLIENT: I don’t know why that brochure takes so long, it’s just copy and paste and put on some photos.
WAS: Well, we don’t know why you take so long making a decision in such a stressful work pose filled day. Is it too hard to squeeze some thinking in between each ass kissing session?
CLIENT: Let’s make a full-blown campaign using product oriented promotional strips.
WAS: Wow, that campaign would fully blow.
CLIENT: Get me the perfect rights managed photo but cheap.
WAS: Ha ha ha……
CLIENT: Here’s a radio spot I made. Just make it fit in 30 seconds.
WAS: Perfect, here’s your status report, company profile and the reason why sales are dropping. It centers around something about higher ups thinking advertising is a joke and “writing” ads when you pay for us to do it, but hey, less work for me so power to you brother.
CLIENT: Are you sure that word is written that way
WAS: No, the dictionary lied to me.
CLIENT: Can you make this artwork in Microsoft Word?
WAS: Sure and bring me some water so I can turn it into wine while I’m at it.
CLIENT: I need these seven brochures rush.
WAS: no my friend, you need a reality check rush.
And the kicker……
CLIENT: I want a full color jpeg of this b/w layout.
WAS: ……no fucking comment.
And that’s just a sample. What else have you guys heard?
2 comments:
As a copywriter, my favorite is:
"Why are you fighting me on these body copy changes? Nobody reads body copy."
Well, if that's true Asswipe, why are you insisting on these idiotic changes?
AE: I'm sorry for you, but I can't tell the client that we can't do this stupid revision just because you are working on 3 campaings at the same time. I need this NOW.
It made me angry just to write that, and I work at the traffic department.
Post a Comment