Jul 11, 2006

Things that suck: Team Building


In Joker's "Much ado about poopshit" post, he bluntly states a clear fact. Team building sucks. I for one applaud my cowriter, because he tells it like it is: it blows. So tonight, while my muscles ache from - gotcha, it isn't hot sex with a sicilian hunk - moving my office, I decided to place my two cents in the conversation. I just hope we have some Creative Directors still reading and maybe, just maybe, we got two or three CEO's who join in the WAS fun from time to time. How is that line again? One person can do the difference? How 'bout two? How 'bout four? (Restrictions I know is definitively with us and Travis, well, he silently nods while he researches GorillaMask for hours at end)

I hate team building reunions and activities. Those kinds where you sit in a circle and simply tell what you don't like about your coworker. The meetings at a very tropical or jungle-like spot and you bungee your way to trust others. Company Logo Tshirt giveaways. You name it. I hate them. Oh! And those conference days where all the company actually doesn't go to work but sit all day listening to some jerkoff giving you pointers on how to be a better person. I would be the one who would call in sick, telling everyone I have unfriendly diarrhea or something, just to not endure that shit.

Wait, wait. I'm all for team building when it's done the correct way. For example. I used to work in an ad agency where SOME of us actually worked together. One for all and all for one. I can remember one specific night where everyone finished early and one dude had 30 something photo retouchings for the next day. All of us even had our keys in hand, ready to go. What happened? We all sat down again, divided the work between ALL the creative department, called for pizza (shit, is that the ONLY food for creatives?) beer, cigarettes and simply worked until we all finished. That's team work.

CEO's and CD's should get the fact that some already work as a team. But team building situations could be managed better. Instead of singing Kumbaya, they should, for example, have everyone stay until the last man finishes. If that means that you will have to do someone elses job, then so be it. Joker has a very valid point in his post, don't tell us we have to do a campaign then leave to feed your cat. If you are the bearer of bad news, then dammit, stay with us and help us finish. That helps more than any Anthony Robbins tape any day. Take your company logo cap and ram it up your ass. If you want us to work as a team, then roll up your lovely designer shirt and get dirty with us.

I think team building should be worked on every single day, not a yearly thing. It is also not a science. If you liked the campaign your slaves I mean your team did, then by all means, write a damn email thanking them. It costs pennies, and it will make everyone feel better. Also, drop by our desks more than twice a month. Talk about stupid stuff. I had a great boss who took his coffee with me at my desk and made jokes with me and my copywriter coworkers for hours at end. It helped, because we had developed a great relationship where we could talk about important stuff as well, and he didn't look at us only as employees. Granted, I quit my job, which I loved, but that was only because I'm a money whore. Somewhere in this blog there is a post about leaving a job you love just because of money. Look for it.

I will leave you with this last thing. The one thing I would wish for as team building that I seldom see? A client calls. He wants his ad for tomorrow. It's six o'clock. Everyone is leaving. You know what is team building all about? When an AE tells his client: the ad won't be made for tomorrow, since we need time to do it right. You will have it soon, and it will be great.

Um. Does that count as team building or a miracle. Food for thought.

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