Sep 12, 2006

Shitty clients AKA waste of space

So you have receptive clients that always give you up-to-date feedback and work WITH you to get the best results? Make sure you aren’t cranked up on Thorosine and if you’re sober give many thanks because I can guarantee that most people who read this site have at least one client that they don’t really understand why they have their account. People so far up their bungs that they have lost feeling in their bodies due to intoxicating anal emanations and the still tightened sphincter that ever squeezes any coherence from their overall thought patterns.

Yes, some clients are the business equivalent of the stuff you keep in a garage. You say it’s good for something, you’re not sure what but it’ll come in handy one day; like when you have to show your vast wealth to some beer sipping buddy who just dropped by. They are the participation trophies you got in second grade while doing a Thanksgiving Festival race or something. They are the fifth place ribbon they humiliated you with when your lump of clay got entered into an art competition with four competitors. They are a waste of space.

They gather dust, do work every blue moon or so and don’t cost anything to have nor do they generate enough income to truly make a licking difference. A flyer here, a banner there and another client for your president to say depends on us to produce top notch advertising. Sure… Really those are the jobs that when you see them you actually have to remark:

“Wow… we HAVE that account?”

The kicker is when said account type decides to be more trouble than they’re worth. They question every estimate they’re given and moan and squeal with even the most meek. They groan when you even mention the word production and they don’t understand why we can’t send one PDF and have all publications resend it free of charge. They bring their own CD’s so you don’t charge them the burn CD fee and they’d probably bring an external burner to save the extra $25-$75 dollars for the copy.

These oxygen consumers know no limits and know no maximum depth in regards to how low they will stoop to save a buck. Yet they stay at your agency. Why is that? Why do we keep worthless things in our daily lives and worthless accounts in our agency lives? Why do we insist on keeping that name on the menu? Why do we even acknowledge that they even exist? They’re not creative. They don’t produce cash. They hardly ever even contact the agency. But they’re still our clients. Hmmm… When will both parties get the point… neither of us is really THAT into each other.

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