Ahh the beauty of shitty 80’s movies. The list is long and disgusting but I had to put this specific pile of poo this time around. Remo Williams: The Adventure begins. No matter how shitty this movie is, I see it on tv and like a drunken moth enchanted by the zapper’s light, I’m mesmerized and find myself sitting through 121 minutes of festering cinematography.
How bad is this movie? Well, seeing as one of the champions of shitty movies is the protagonist, you can’t go wrong with this bomb. Fred Ward is not a good actor. Having stated that, I can’t help but enjoy a wide variety of his shitty movies often enhanced by his razzie skills. Bad soundtracks, cheesy lines and a Korean Shinjitsu master that likes soap operas are just some of the twists you’ll be able to enjoy, let alone the fact that they sell Ward off as a genuine action star, almost an actor.
The plot stems out from a police officer who was kidnapped, cosmetically corrected, in the movie they act as if he went through a major transformation when all Ward did was shave off a Groucho Marx moustache. He is later told that he’s been chosen to be an assassin for an über secret organization out to seek justice and keep the balance of the force, but without lightsabers, ewoks or aluminum falcons. He is trained by a Korean master and leter on threatened by a series of cronies that couldn’t beat a triple amputee in an ass kicking contest, not to mention a guy who showed the precursor to the dentistry revolution of the grill by donning a diamond stud in one of his incisors. Classy.
If that isn’t enough, let me remind you just once more, Fred Ward is in it. So don’t look for an Oscar but do look for a movie you might watch more times than Cats without really knowing why.
It is not memorable. It is not perfect. “It is better than that!” - Chiun
Originally posted on 11/2/06
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