If the sight of a Shwinn bicycle makes you go ‘Schwing’ a la Mike Meyers, then look no further than Rad Racing. Awwww yess… with a hero named Cru, his arch rival named Bart and a dance sequence that by any timeline’s standards STILL doesn’t make any sense yet rules, then you can’t miss out on this movie for anything in the world.
Storyline goes as follows. Boy meets bicycle, boy likes bicycle, boy rubs his genitalia on bicycle and has two misfit friends that enjoy getting chased in a lumber yard by what looks like The Iron Sheik in a police officer outfit, boy is expected to go to college, boy has to take his SAT’s, boy wants to participate in a race at … dun dun dunnnnn HELLTRACK. After a moral dilemma that takes him about 6 minutes to decide over, Cru decides to participate in the race.
In between, he meets Aunt Becky from Full House and gets freaky naughty with her even though it seems illegal by age standards. He’s in high school and she REALLY doesn’t look like a teen. But hey, if a kid can get his teacher to send him kinky cell phone lap dances, then Cru can get his rocks off and later brag about it to friends. Apart from all this hunky action, which includes a butt slide scene that showcases one of the most unhygienic displays of necking, a shin kicking kid sister, kung fu training to land a backflip (a popular theme in the 80’s), and the epic bike boogie section of the film. This consists of a bunch of yuppie white kids dancing poorly to 80’s synth pop and then boom, Christian and Cru get their boogie on with the classic track “Send me an Angel” propelling them to cult classic status with every turn of the wheel, twist of the handle bars and digging of their respective wedgies.
With so much drama, so many bicycles and so many 80’s classic tracks, you’d be hard pressed to not want a shitty Rad Racing T shirt or want to be sent by an angel Oooh Oooh Oooh Ooooohhh … Ooooh ooh oooh oooooooooh RIGHT NOWWWWW…
Originally published on 11/10/06
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