Oh man oh man. The lame ass story of a good ad gone wrong. Again. You see, I kind of forgot about when this happens: the creative judges (the AE, the CEO and the other fucknuts who give opinions to your greatest work yet) ask you to put the creative idea RIGHT in the header.
Can I do a concept around the basic idea?
No. Put it in the header.
Can I write a line that's the same but different?
No. Write it, exactly as it is.
Can I ram all my concept drawings up all your butts?
No. Ram them up the header.
I don't get it at all. If you want the ad to be moron proof... why send it to the creative department at all? Just write what you want and let us design it in a cool way. That way, we won't lose valuable time that could be spent watching the Road Rules-Real World Challenge or something. Project Runway. I love the 70's, 80's and 90's. Even better: Best Week Ever. Then all we do is proof it and get the hell home.
Moron proof ads kill me. To think that people will not read your ad because you are doing a concept around the basic idea is wrong. Look, butthole: you can write your ad as moron as you are, but still, if one person just changes the channel or flips the page, they still won't read it. I can put a photo of a big fat ass right in the newspaper. Still, I can promise you that, out of a 100 people, maybe 20 won't give it another thought and pass the page without noticing it.
There is one thing to make people look, another to get your ad quickly. You can do a great concept and people will get it. The ones that stop and read it, will. Ok, ok. There are morons out there who may read an ad and don't get it. But trust me, it depends on the product. If, for example, a dumb fuck needs a new set of... ball enhancing pills, for example, in my sweet opinion, I can do a great ad with a great concept behind it. If the dude needs this product, he WILL read it and try to figure it out.
There are hundreds of ads that I see every single day that I don't read. It's because I don't need that product at all! It's like the Penis Pump ad I keep getting in my email. I know there is a pump, but since I don't have a weiner, I don't need to read it. Damn. Even if I did, I wouldn't need it 'cause I would have the greatest donger known to man. Um... I digressed. PEOPLE WHO NEED THE PRODUCT WILL READ YOUR AD!!!
The sad thing is that we can fight our way in this stupid argument all the time, but if ad execs still keep asking for the "safe ad", we're screwed. The client will see this lame ass ad and think: if they are giving me that option, that means my product is so difficult to understand or so down and out that I need to make this easier for my target. Approved. Damn it.
Then, we have: our fucked up portfolios, full of lame ass ads that we are so ashamed of showing, we even cringe when we see it tucked under our desks. That's why many of people out there can't jump ship. All because of Ad execs asking us to give header. But, remember to ask this when you're done: "Was it good for you as it was for me?"
Jan 6, 2006
To kiss ass or not too kiss ass... that is NEVER the question
To all suck ups out there, one simple statement from me to you: BLOW ME.
I am sick and tired of these massive diaper stains who follow their bosses around more despicably than a 2nd grade brown noser. My god, do you have no self esteem? Do you need to cater to someone's interests to the point where your co-workers gag at your incessant ass licking. What do you prefer that nice pruny boss ass with, syrup, tartar sauce, or honey mustard. FUCK!!! I thought I left this shit in high school, but nooooo.... You mean to tell me that suck ups are also going to make my life a living hell just because I insist I'm arthritic if it just so happens I have to kneel and pucker up to some shallow insensitive, capitalist fuck head that would just as soon see me six feet under than at my work station? Fuck you............ My God, some people just have no sense of self worth and they need to be a teacher's pet even when they are well into their thirties. This is some sad shit... Hell almost as bad as being a 40 year old virgin. By all means grow up and grow some balls or ovaries. I don't give a fuck. Grow a mustache and armpit hair for all I care, just feel free to mature enough to not adopt a juvenile attitude in regards to your work place.
Man, I've worked with a whole variety of people but this specific gender puke of slime gnaws right at my taint. Nagging and getting people into shit with an Igor like "Yes Master" attitude. No scruples and just one great big "yes massah" doctrine. I'm glad you feel happy being someone’s slave bitch and licking the crud from every anal wrinkle your superiors possess. That does not mean however that I hope you choke on one of said higher ups butt nuggets because you deserve no less. A slow death would be a blessing because embarrassing yourself in such a manner every day just so you're in cahoots with your boss just makes my liver belch.
Like the cartoons with the little fucking dog sucking up to the big dog... Same fucking principle, same stupid result. They get nowhere and although they feel self realized by having slurped up every last drop of the loads their bosses, their bosses are simply feeding off their hypocritical praise.
I truly hope you lose your sense of smell, because being that hi up in someone's ass is just wrong. For now though, I just hope to God some sense is beaten into you before you lose all type of merit to the eyes of everyone except me. To me, you are already hopeless and should definitely consider a career as a lobbyist. Lord knows they need some good kiss asses.
I am sick and tired of these massive diaper stains who follow their bosses around more despicably than a 2nd grade brown noser. My god, do you have no self esteem? Do you need to cater to someone's interests to the point where your co-workers gag at your incessant ass licking. What do you prefer that nice pruny boss ass with, syrup, tartar sauce, or honey mustard. FUCK!!! I thought I left this shit in high school, but nooooo.... You mean to tell me that suck ups are also going to make my life a living hell just because I insist I'm arthritic if it just so happens I have to kneel and pucker up to some shallow insensitive, capitalist fuck head that would just as soon see me six feet under than at my work station? Fuck you............ My God, some people just have no sense of self worth and they need to be a teacher's pet even when they are well into their thirties. This is some sad shit... Hell almost as bad as being a 40 year old virgin. By all means grow up and grow some balls or ovaries. I don't give a fuck. Grow a mustache and armpit hair for all I care, just feel free to mature enough to not adopt a juvenile attitude in regards to your work place.
Man, I've worked with a whole variety of people but this specific gender puke of slime gnaws right at my taint. Nagging and getting people into shit with an Igor like "Yes Master" attitude. No scruples and just one great big "yes massah" doctrine. I'm glad you feel happy being someone’s slave bitch and licking the crud from every anal wrinkle your superiors possess. That does not mean however that I hope you choke on one of said higher ups butt nuggets because you deserve no less. A slow death would be a blessing because embarrassing yourself in such a manner every day just so you're in cahoots with your boss just makes my liver belch.
Like the cartoons with the little fucking dog sucking up to the big dog... Same fucking principle, same stupid result. They get nowhere and although they feel self realized by having slurped up every last drop of the loads their bosses, their bosses are simply feeding off their hypocritical praise.
I truly hope you lose your sense of smell, because being that hi up in someone's ass is just wrong. For now though, I just hope to God some sense is beaten into you before you lose all type of merit to the eyes of everyone except me. To me, you are already hopeless and should definitely consider a career as a lobbyist. Lord knows they need some good kiss asses.
Twenty signs you work too fucking much
How many times have you asked yourself if you're a workaholic? If it surpasses the times you've woken up weeping like a preschooler who doesn't want to go to school, you're in trouble. Here are twenty tell tale signs that your priorities are just fucked up}:
20.) You dial extensions instead of your pin number when you're at an ATM
19.) You find yourself humming to that piece of shit drone music they put over the speaker at work.
18.) If you get a voice messaging system you leave a verbal note about some obscure job you need to get feedback on when in fact you're calling your son or daughter.
17.) you secretly dread Manila Envelopes
16.) You secretly want to take all the products worked in your company, put em in a pile, start a bonfire and then lunge forth into the flames.
15.) Just like an Alzheimer’s disease sufferer, you forgot if you even ate.
14.) You start calling your dog by co-worker names
13.) You find yourself taking notebooks to the can, because your convinced that the best ideas you get come during a nice shit.
12.) You arrive at your agency only to find that it is closed.... because it is Saturday
11.) You wake up thinking of deadlines.
10.) Your urine turns brown from all the coffee you have ingested.
9.) You ask yourself if you can inflict deep enough wounds on your wrists via paper cuts.
8.) You find post-its inside your sock drawer.
7.) Your desk has enough random food particles to be considered a sampler dish.
6.) Your socks never match..... Neither do your shoes
5.) You start listing all the ways you can get fired but still receive severance pay.
4.) Your eyes are bloodshot from looking at a computer screen instead of because you got high.
3.) Your breath stinks of Red bull & coffee and you look more like a tweaker than someone who has a job.
2.) You spend your weekends planning new sick day excuses and ways of achieving a total black out while also blocking the auxiliary power to your company.
1.) You constantly blog just to cope with the fact that you are guilty of more than a few of the previously stated.
If any or all of the previous are your reality, guess what? You're fucking up and letting life pass you by. Read a Chopra book and get your shit together now would you.
20.) You dial extensions instead of your pin number when you're at an ATM
19.) You find yourself humming to that piece of shit drone music they put over the speaker at work.
18.) If you get a voice messaging system you leave a verbal note about some obscure job you need to get feedback on when in fact you're calling your son or daughter.
17.) you secretly dread Manila Envelopes
16.) You secretly want to take all the products worked in your company, put em in a pile, start a bonfire and then lunge forth into the flames.
15.) Just like an Alzheimer’s disease sufferer, you forgot if you even ate.
14.) You start calling your dog by co-worker names
13.) You find yourself taking notebooks to the can, because your convinced that the best ideas you get come during a nice shit.
12.) You arrive at your agency only to find that it is closed.... because it is Saturday
11.) You wake up thinking of deadlines.
10.) Your urine turns brown from all the coffee you have ingested.
9.) You ask yourself if you can inflict deep enough wounds on your wrists via paper cuts.
8.) You find post-its inside your sock drawer.
7.) Your desk has enough random food particles to be considered a sampler dish.
6.) Your socks never match..... Neither do your shoes
5.) You start listing all the ways you can get fired but still receive severance pay.
4.) Your eyes are bloodshot from looking at a computer screen instead of because you got high.
3.) Your breath stinks of Red bull & coffee and you look more like a tweaker than someone who has a job.
2.) You spend your weekends planning new sick day excuses and ways of achieving a total black out while also blocking the auxiliary power to your company.
1.) You constantly blog just to cope with the fact that you are guilty of more than a few of the previously stated.
If any or all of the previous are your reality, guess what? You're fucking up and letting life pass you by. Read a Chopra book and get your shit together now would you.
Jan 2, 2006
The Joy of Jumping Ship
Ahoy mates! Please gather all belongings. Make sure you don't leave your baggage unattended and that you packed it yourself. Bring your ID with photo in hand. It is business and pleasure, my friend. You are jumping ship! Congratulations.
Tis the season to be jolly. Many dudes and dudettes are leaving on a jet plane and switching jobs. Grrrrrreat! I love doing it. Didn't get to do it for many years 'cause I was dead scared of leaving my ad job. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Well... yes, I kind of know. I was chicken shit. Scared out of my wits, thinking that if I left I wouldn't do good in another agency. Damn, was I wrong. By jumping ship I learned many stuff about me, the first and most important of all being that ALL AGENCIES ARE THE SAME: THEY SUCK.
But. But! Sometimes, really crappy ad agencies come along in our lifetimes... and we have to run outta there like we have anal leakage or something. Places where you don't learn crap, where team work is wishful thinking, where assholes rule. Those places suck beyond belief and if you stay, damn, you are just preparing yourself to get cornholed, every single day.
I worked on the World's Suckiest Ad Agency for five months. The first month, I thought... Well, maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe it's me. It can't be that bad. Ok. Second month. This is bad. I might have to do something if this shit doesn't get better. Weeks into my second month, I started looking for a job. I hated it so much I even cried when I got home. I went there, every single morning hating my life. I stared out of my office window and daydreamed. There is no place like home. There is no place like home.
It took me five months to leave. When I found a job - I even got a 11k paycut so I could run outta there, quick - I quit the very next day. Screw your two weeks, man. You can rub them over your ass 'cause your stupid agency doesn't deserve one day more from me and, besides... I need to start enjoying life again.
Pissed off at your ad agency? Feel like you are stuck? Do you honestly know, deep in your heart that you can't possibly learn more or develop yourself in any other way? Get your passport and leave, dude. There is no reason to stay. It's like... a bad marriage! Did you do alln that you could? Did you try? Nothing works, huh? If you feel you won't be happy any other way but leaving and starting over, then dude, go right ahead. Leave. Start a new life.
With a younger sexier agency. Hope she loves you long time.
Tis the season to be jolly. Many dudes and dudettes are leaving on a jet plane and switching jobs. Grrrrrreat! I love doing it. Didn't get to do it for many years 'cause I was dead scared of leaving my ad job. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Well... yes, I kind of know. I was chicken shit. Scared out of my wits, thinking that if I left I wouldn't do good in another agency. Damn, was I wrong. By jumping ship I learned many stuff about me, the first and most important of all being that ALL AGENCIES ARE THE SAME: THEY SUCK.
But. But! Sometimes, really crappy ad agencies come along in our lifetimes... and we have to run outta there like we have anal leakage or something. Places where you don't learn crap, where team work is wishful thinking, where assholes rule. Those places suck beyond belief and if you stay, damn, you are just preparing yourself to get cornholed, every single day.
I worked on the World's Suckiest Ad Agency for five months. The first month, I thought... Well, maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe it's me. It can't be that bad. Ok. Second month. This is bad. I might have to do something if this shit doesn't get better. Weeks into my second month, I started looking for a job. I hated it so much I even cried when I got home. I went there, every single morning hating my life. I stared out of my office window and daydreamed. There is no place like home. There is no place like home.
It took me five months to leave. When I found a job - I even got a 11k paycut so I could run outta there, quick - I quit the very next day. Screw your two weeks, man. You can rub them over your ass 'cause your stupid agency doesn't deserve one day more from me and, besides... I need to start enjoying life again.
Pissed off at your ad agency? Feel like you are stuck? Do you honestly know, deep in your heart that you can't possibly learn more or develop yourself in any other way? Get your passport and leave, dude. There is no reason to stay. It's like... a bad marriage! Did you do alln that you could? Did you try? Nothing works, huh? If you feel you won't be happy any other way but leaving and starting over, then dude, go right ahead. Leave. Start a new life.
With a younger sexier agency. Hope she loves you long time.
Jan 1, 2006
FireFox RULES!
Tired of that old Internet Explorer? Screw Bill Gates and switch to Moxilla's Firefox. It is a cool web browser, perfect for blogging (it adds many features that IE can't manage). It also has many cool features like:
Tabbed Browsing
Use tabbed browsing to open multiple Web pages in a single browser window, and quickly flip back and forth. Drag and drop open tabs to keep related pages together.
Improved Pop-up Blocking
Firefox’s built-in pop-up blocker has been enhanced to block more unwanted pop-up and pop-under ads.
Integrated Search
Tap into the power of the Web’s most popular search engines with the built-in Search bar, and easily add new engines.
We have installed a cool link to the download page, go right ahead and install it!!! Hope you like it!
Why didn't we think of this?
I found this website, which is hillarious: bullshitjob.com (click at the name of the post to go there). The idea rules - some guys teamed up and began to post their company emails and memos (ah, I've read a few in my life who would kill me from laughter again). This is just a sample (don't sue us, guys, it's free advertising!!!) so you can visit and laugh your butt off:
A recent memo from the boss:
The cleaning person left me a note saying that the coffee pot was left on last night and there was a small amount of coffee left in it. It is very important that we all are making sure that the coffee pot is turned off before the end of the working day. The people in charge of kitchen duty should be double checking to make sure that the coffee pot has been turned off and that no coffee is left in the pot.
Also, the water cooler continues to be left plugged in with no water in the cooler. Per my previous emails, I have stated the importance of why the water cooler always needs to have water in it or unplugged. We have already experienced the result of what happens, in the first 4 months that we had the water cooler we did not take care of it and it lead to the motor burning out. If you would like to continue the privilege of water, you must abide by the rules.
Ah. Brilliant. And someone thinks this person deserves to be in charge. Enjoy!
A recent memo from the boss:
The cleaning person left me a note saying that the coffee pot was left on last night and there was a small amount of coffee left in it. It is very important that we all are making sure that the coffee pot is turned off before the end of the working day. The people in charge of kitchen duty should be double checking to make sure that the coffee pot has been turned off and that no coffee is left in the pot.
Also, the water cooler continues to be left plugged in with no water in the cooler. Per my previous emails, I have stated the importance of why the water cooler always needs to have water in it or unplugged. We have already experienced the result of what happens, in the first 4 months that we had the water cooler we did not take care of it and it lead to the motor burning out. If you would like to continue the privilege of water, you must abide by the rules.
Ah. Brilliant. And someone thinks this person deserves to be in charge. Enjoy!
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