World Wide Day of Beer at WAS!

No excuses. Today you will have a beer. Or two. Or three. But you will have them. It's for your own good. Why? Because many advertising people are taking their job WAY to seriously. Face it. WE ARE NOT CURING CANCER. WE ARE NOT ENDING HUNGER NOR POVERTY. We are just making ads. Stupid ads that we find funny or, should I dare to say... witty. In between what we do, stuff happens. Most cool, funny... others that can make us want to kill and gut.

But... we're not winning a Nobel Prize here, people.

So? Leave early and go have a damn beer. Live the real life.

We'll buy the first round. If you can find any of us four.

Booyaka.

The future frightens me

Unfortunately this is not a joke or a super scatological verbal filth fest, quite typical of me. This is about friends of mine going through such travails that it leads me to worry about the advertising scene in various places.

Economically speaking, the times are tough and everyone is cutting back on their budgets. From factories stationed stateside returning to Japan, to halved advertising costs, to companies developing in-house advertising to better control their ads and save a pretty big buck by shafting unsuspecting people; the tactics are endless and the repercussions obvious. Things are going to the crapper in various places and I can’t help but wonder how far will it go.

Ignoring the ever alarming rate of violence and psychopaths going on shooting sprees, if such a thing is even possible, I see friend after friend calling me up desperate because they are out of a job and no one seems to be hiring. Good people, talented individuals looking to be part of a team, have gotten strategically eliminated to balance the budget. And still we see people eating lobster thermidor, driving Bentleys while the workforce is watching the world go round after being hacked by the guillotine.

To make matters even better, seems there’s a new crew of small agencies willing to milk young professionals until they quit. By milk I mean extort any value from them while rewarding them with wages and salaries comparable to your local fast food joint… before getting shafted by taxes.

The future really frightens me because things will possibly get to the point where it spreads all around, infecting the collective. Crossing oceans and industries and pushing us to a pseudo feudal system where neo-capitalist serfs will be the job descriptions of future generations. People murdering Amish people? Teens killing teens? Paris Hilton making a CD? Sounds to me like it’s all going down the drain and who knows when any of us will be next. For my part, I’m luckily employed in a place I don’t despise working at. It’s no Eden but hell, what bullshit office job is? Yeah you might get hooked on working, but that doesn’t mean it’s heavenly.

To any and all ex-coworkers and friends who have gotten financially eliminated from their companies, my best to you. I know the times are tough and I wish you the best.

Peace, love and… well we had to strategically eliminate the maki rolls… what bullshit.

Why advertising REALLY sucks!

Holy Shit.

The Amazing Adventures of Vito Corleone and his Mafia Friends

Today I came home early to connect my TiVo (I moved) and, since it takes almost an hour to get all the programming, I decided to pop in The Godfather II to make time go faster.

Damn. I wish I was a Corleone. This is the best damn thing on film.

Why am I writing about this? Well, it just so happens that I know someone who hasn't seen any of the movies. It's a sin, I know, but maybe when he/she reads this post, maybe I'll get the motivation flowing to go to the video store and enjoy this piece of gem and violence.

For me, and maybe this is kind of manly but I really don't give a rat's ass, The Godfather series are all about honor. What you do for people, how you help others... with a little gun twist. I may be a chick, but I have some dude traits in my character, and the most noticeable is that. You question my word or my honor... Whoa. You're in for a roller coaster ride. And a damn bad one. Maybe it's the fact that I grew up around guys, and you guys have that thing about not being a traitor, being a buddy that women simply don't have. Good male friends will never turn on their dudes. Women? Forget it.

Um... Where was I? Oh. Honor. Think about it. Don Vito was all about honor. You do me a favor, I'll never forget it. Same applies to you. It's my word. My honor. Santino, the best damn dude ever in the world? Honor. You fuck with me, my family or anyone and I'll kill you. Honor. Michael... Well. The dude tried. Let's go legit, he said. Oh no. People didn't like that idea so much. Let's kill the idiot instead. Shoot his house with his family inside it as well. WHAT? In my bed! Where my wife sleeps! Where my children play with their toys! A man without a family is not a man! Screw it, kill them too, Mickey.

Fredo? Who needs him... Let's go fishing, bro!

I have just finished the first four hours (taking a break) and it has the perfect scene ever, with Mike and Fredo. Michael thinks that his brother is a traitor but he's not sure. He looks at Fredo in the face and asks him if he knows some dude, Johnny Ola. He denies it. Hours later, while a little drunk, he hears his brother spill out the beans about how he hung out with Ola some time ago. The face of Michael is simply perfect. The sadness of actually discovering that someone you love or care for has lied to you is simply amazing. But, hey... My mom and the Corleones know. Tell a lie... someday the truth will come to bite you in the ass. Capisci? (Yup, it is spelled correctly)

For me, the gems of all the movies are the tid bits of advice you get. You learn so much about how to handle things, it's like a bible. I always wish people, like Luca Brasi, that "may their first child be a masculine child". Like Don Vito, I always insist on "hearing bad news immediately" (ask anyone).

But more importantly, The Godfather has a line which I live by.

"Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment."

So true.

The question of the day? Which one is the better of all three?

The Lord giveth.

Lord. You have been good to me over this couple of months. You have been there for me. You have listened to every plea. I have been a good woman, Lord. And today, I praise you. A miracle has happened. Murphy is back. And not in a damn animated kid movie.

Um. Lord? Can he do another stand up please?

Thank you. Amen.

Guess who brought home the bacon

So let’s get a few things clear. I drive a grandma car and guess what? I also happen to drive like one. I obey the law like a good little boy scout and have avoided driving under the influence for a full year because I’d rather not tempt fate into donkey punching me. I pay my taxes, I do my best to be courteous on the highway and I’m a full-blown defensive driver. So what are my thanks? A ticket on my car’s windshield this morning for “obstructing traffic”. Wanna know what the kicker is? I was parked in front of my house. Wanna know the other kicker? If I park it in the driveway I also get a ticket for obstructing the sidewalk.

Hence this post. You really have to love a system that is designed to thwart your every ounce of will to be a good person. Have a busted taillight? Tough shit. Were you going 47 in a 45? Bad boy. More and more each day I feel less and less safe with more and more cops. Really, from the workplace to my house I have to see at least ten patrol cars and please don’t think I’m exaggerating, because sadly, I am not. You know why I don’t feel safe? Because there has been a steady increase in cops yet a drastically declining rate of quality police officers on the street. Don’t believe me? Then by all means push your accelerator a bit more and get pulled over just to see what the officer’s reading level is. Parking tickets and speeding tickets are at an all time high while drug traffic, murders, rapes and assaults are also steadily climbing. Trust me, if I see a drastic increase in the amount of police officers on the street, the last correlation I want to see with this increase is boosted crime and punishment for those mildly infracting the law or those who at least in my case, are check mated by a dimwit system designed to skew the odds against anyone dumb enough to parlay his/her hard earned money on good will.

Am I saying there are too many cops? Yes. Because most of them suck. The other day a co-worker was graced with the opportunity of seeing a horrendous accident where luckily no one was injured. Think metro bus meets Honda with faulty breaks. Everyone was lucky, well except the cunt in the patrol car that looked at the accident and continued on her way, probably late for her date with some pastry to contribute to her already full figure. She wasn’t lucky, she was just a bitch. Am I saying there are a lot of mediocre officers on the street? I’ll take it a step further. There is way too much mediocrity in most industries. Law enforcement just happens to have been the case in point for this morning’s post. Am I saying there are no good cops that do not have an iota of logical thinking in their pursuit for justice? Not at all. I’ve even met officers I consider highly gifted people who day in day out bust their balls (or ovaries) protecting and serving like a real cop should. Ignoring the car parked in the yellow line to stop and ask why that guy is carrying an Allen wrench and some pliers at 8:00 AM in a parking lot. But sadly, these people are not the norm, as are most people who try to genuinely do good in such career circles.

Instead of people with talent, taste and manners, we are offered people with deficient communication skills, problems with aggression, substance abuse, and a massive inferiority complex where even if you drive a piece of shit car, you are pulled over just for the hell of it while some asshole is doing 90 in a school zone. Instead of being able to drive safely, women are subject to being pulled over so an officer can “scope out the scene” (real story) and maybe get her phone number. Instead of feeling safer, I feel like I’ve got yet another enemy on the road whom I have to watch out for. Great. Like I needed yet another fucknut to worry about.

Day after day I just see things getting worse all around and for today at least, the focus is on the boys and girls in blue, because sadly they blow. To any and all good cops out there, thanks for breaking the norm and making the streets a bit safer. To all you uniformed assholes, guess what? You are just like the Police Academy movies. Except that while those guys knew how to bust a funny joke, you guys are simply a joke. I hope you bite into a stale donut and bad coffee.

Screw Jack Bauer.

The Good Lord and RestrictionsApply will hate me for this, but dammit, I'm trading in my Jack Bauer for some Heroes. Man, this is the best damn series in a long time. Today was the second chapter and jeez, it rocked. Great characters, writing, cool twists. All in all, I believe this is a must see for you ad people out there.

Don't know what it's about? In a single sentence: everyday people who realize that they have extreme gifts are joined together to save the world. Well, at least that's what we know for now. If you like comic books and you hate, hate, hate Desperate Housewives and what it's doing to humanity's IQ, then this program is for you.

And this post brings me to one question. If you had a choice to have a super power, just one alone (no cheating)... What would it be and why?

All aboard!!!

Jesus Christ! If these guys push the limits anymore, I pretty much guarantee you that there will be a death toll in the next movie. How these guys are walking let alone alive is beyond my wildest dreams. Really, if you’ve ever thought that what you’ve done in truth or dare is remotely twisted or fucked up, rest assured your best stunt will pale in comparison to the tamest of antics of these guys.

Ok so here’s the deal. If you liked the show and loved the movie, there is no reason for you to not enjoy this cinematic idiot circle jerk.

Now, if you do not enjoy the show then… Then what the hell did you expect? A plot? Drama? A good storyline for the whole family? No fellow WASERS. If you see this movie it’s because your funny bone is a bit askew. You are twisted and you enjoy watching senseless mayhem for the sake of testing your threshold to see how much you can watch and laugh at without feeling guilty. By the way, if you have a weak gag factor… do not watch this movie empty handed. Torn skin, copious amounts of shit, unattractive scrotums, overweight strippers and different types of semen make it onto the screen. Hell, there’s even a crabby cameo. So trust me, unless you can handle it, I suggest saving the $6.50 on your combo and just asking for an empty jumbo popcorn bag. You’ll need it.

Also, if anyone thought Johnny Knoxville would hold back since he’s been in Hollywood quite a few times as of late, you are dead wrong. He and Steve-O tie for the craziest stunts in the movie while gross out goodies go to Steve-O once again. Trust me, any movie that makes you even remotely pity Bam Margera is worthy of watching and trust me, you’ll get to the point where you almost pity these guys… almost.

So to one and all, if you enjoy people whipping themselves to the point of looking like they have a severe case of self induced spina bifida while eating shit… figuratively and literally. Then this is the movie for you. As for me, I’m willing to shell out another $6 to see it again. Call me crazy, or call me fucked up, but call me so we go to the movies. So to all messed up sapiens, all the best.

Peace, love, and hold the maki rolls until the gag factor has settled a bit.

Cheers.

Would you rather be here?

Our good friend Ed sends this amazing photo. Well, tomorrow is Monday, dammit. Good thing I really don't want to come in. I might be calling in sick. Ha. Enjoy this incredible image of Bora Bora. Oh, Ed wants to know if someone else would like to join him in opening an agency there. Ed, if you ever want to open up a toy store or a bar, give me a call.

Sorry, we're closed.