To Porn or not to Porn.

Last week, the all time greatest TravisFckr found a website that sparked a lot of debate amongst the WAS contributors. It was a very cool conversation that arose from the porn ridden catalog website, and I am sorry that you weren't there to hear it - yes, we wrote our views but we had a nice lunch and kept yapping about it).

Basically, the thing was like this: Travis and Restrictions thought that this was a brilliant thing to do, while Joker and I were against it. Whether it is a good idea or not is not the debate. Yes, the website did achieve one thing. People started talking about it. But the guys thought that in this media ridden world, the product had a right to put porn in it. I thought otherwise, only because I thought that it didn't stand up to my idea of getting attention. Joker felt the same way.

I have to say that I love when we don't agree in stuff. Why? Because it shows that this blog is actually written with people with different views, far beyond advertising. It would not be fun if all of us four thought exactly the same about things, because our readers would miss out on many important things. Dammit we have a great crew here!!!

Where was I? Oh. Porn. This weekend where I live there was a debate over an adult convention. Two days of strippers, male and female; dancing, interviews to porn stars, movies, books and many other stuff. What is the big deal? Many people started talking about how inmoral the event was, how bad the people who went there, etc.

That left me thinking about the right to say what is right and what is wrong regarding porn. What do I think? I am pro choice. Not only in the woman's right, but also in the porn right to choose. You might not be surprised, but I am famous for saying that I watch it. Why? Because I found that by watching some kind of porn you actually learn many things. Come on. Sex is not like the shampoo directions. Thrust and repeat? No way. Porn offers many interesting things that maybe some of us will overlook. But it also has a powerful thing. The remote control. In other words: off. Like Rush Limbaugh, for example, if you hate it, you simply turn it off or change the channel.

I get annoyed when people start ranting over people who watch, buy, rent or do whatever that might be considered sexual. If I have a right to say anything I want, if I have a right to believe in any gospel I choose, then why the hell should I get told what to watch and what not to? Granted that it is a bit dangerous, specially if you have kids or teenagers. You have to be careful because you don't want that kind of material to end up in the wrong hands. But like drinking and smoking, you just have to be careful and resposible with it.

It's like our opinions here at WAS. We write what we want to and what we think. When people say that we are wrong, all I can say is... who the hell do you think you are? You are entitled to your own opinion on stuff, but giving an opinion on my opinion is just stupid. Both you and I are entitled to say what we think on a subject. That is what makes us different from other animals. We think and... miracle! We never think alike in many things. The beauty of debate is that can agree to disagree on a specific item.

I for one applaud porn. Yes, it uses women in sometimes a bad way. But you know what? Men are used too. And I celebrate the fact that only in that industry the women rule. It's not about the men. Men are just there to provide shlongs. Women are what matters. They choose when and who, they control the business, they are what the industry is all about. So hooray for that.

If only in advertising it could be the same... Jeez.

Rest in Peace.

The world is difficult. Koreans are testing nukes. Bush is ruining a country. Hundreds of soldiers are dying each day at Iraq. Teachers and cops are still getting miserable salaries. Children are being exploited all around the world. Racism and prejudice are still rampant. Drugs are still winning the war. AIDS and other STD'S still don't have a cure because the government doesn't want to spend one dime on research of any kind.

And yet, my friends, it gets worse. The Federlines are no more.

What is the world coming to? What happened? Will we be able to survive? First Whitney and Bobby. Then this? I don't know if I can take it. The humanity...

Rest in peace, you two white trash people. You gave us laughter, laughter and more laughter.

I just hope that the Brit never stops chewing gum. It would be too much for me.

I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it …………………… BUT.

That hateful fucking conjunction. Such a little pinprick of a word, a syllable that can fuck your mood in an instant. That’s what ‘but’ is. And wouldn’t you know it, I’ve heard a lot of buts lately. Not that there has been a flatulent chorus nearby or that some speaking sphincters have vicariously echoed their thoughts to me, just one too many buts for me, and not the fleshy kind you can spank or grab or even massage with some scented oil. It is only the types of buts that permit people to express their opinions overtly and share with those present just exactly why advertising sucks.

For me and for those on the righteous path, no more buts, not an and nor even an or. No Conjunction junction fuck your malfunction. I urge you to desist from explicitly finding stuff wrong with what’s not broke you dumb bloke.

Seriously, some people just need to put their butty but buts into something just for the sake of arguing, for justifying their positions and salaries. True, sometimes we fuck up, massively even, but this isn’t one of those times. We haven’t chopped a series of poop for crapgasbord delight. We the collective creative unit have not done anything that hasn’t been thinking of the benefit of the company, the brand and our reputations. We’re not looking for a Cannes Lion this time, we’re simply vouching that all our actions and reactions are done with a noble heart to earn a decent buck. So please no more buts, ifs or ands. Not a maybe or a perhaps, just drop it all together, be on your way and give us a tip of the hat.

But nooo… no no no noooooooooo… A but is needed to butt into our work. A but? How bout a series of buts? How bout Bu-mania? How bout a But Stock or a Butoween? How bout forty days and forty buts? That’s what this is feeling like.

“Those creative kids are such a kooky bunch, but we need something different than the creative alternative, the hard sell alternative, the safe alternative, the risqué alternative and the four you did with out specifics in mind, because after all, you love us.”

-Big toothy smile that would put Gary Busey’s to shame-


No dear client. We don’t love you that much as of late because you are being ambiguous with your revisions and nonexistent with your feedback. You have us shooting in the dark and then bitching that we’re not giving you what you want, even if what we’ve done has been following the few indications you pointed out.

Might this be another “Oh the Client blows” rant? Well yes. Am I bitching as if my life depended on it? Of course. But that doesn’t change the fact of the matter that some buts are good and constructive while a bunch of others are just said to say something. So if you, the client, think you are ok, fine. I’ll accept that gladly because after all, it’s your money and I’m more than clear on that and just want to help you out and develop effective communications so we as a team can sell your stuff and we can all get a decent bonus. What’s that though? Oh…. Another but… ok so how bout this… Since you needed to put in another but, then I’m going to do the same. It’s bare, puckered up and ready to be sucked by your likes. Cheers numbnuts.

Thou shalt not kill. Interesting.

Touchy subject. Beware.

Well as you all know, Hussein got the death sentence. I am not going to write about if I feel it's right or not, because I truly think it is not of my business to give an opinion. I didn't live in Iraq. So that alone, in my book, tells me that I should keep quiet about my opinion of the guy. But a part of the sentence left me wondering. What? Well, the fact that it was death by hanging.

Tie a rope around a man's neck. Stand him in some place high. Remove platform.

This is unsettling. At least for me. Because I don't know what to think, honestly. I guess inside me there is a moral debate about this, one that I never knew I had inside me. So I am writing about this verdict today in order to get my mind straight and decide whether I am in favor or against this. As I am typing, right now, I am undecided if this way to end a life is right or wrong.

I used to think that I was for the death penalty. I had my reasons, my way of thinking was taking my life as an example. If, for example (and God please hear me and grant me the wish that this example NEVER happens) a sick person harms my mother, the one thing I love with all my heart in all this world, I would gladly say kill the bastard. Take him and fry his brains until there is no trace of a human being. I strongly believe the eye for an eye law. I don't know if that makes me less of a human being, for wanting revenge, but hey, that's what I have always thought.

I know I have to take into consideration the awful things this man has done to his countrymen. There is no way to not forget about that important bit of information. But today, when the sentence was said, and hanging was the way of justice, I can honestly tell you that I was taken aback a bit. Talk about cruelty. Is it ok to deliver cruelty with cruelty? I don't know. Some parts of me say that they should just jail the bastard and throw away the key. Keep him there, for all time. Take the man and learn from him. Like Hannibal lecter, study the man, his way of thinking. Why? So there can be a way to learn from past mistakes. Maybe then we could know how to stop men like this. Who knows, right?

Another part of me is saying, fuck it, let him hang. For all the mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends of those many people who died for no reason but hate and ignorance. A bad man will be erased from this world. Like a bad weed, you yank it from reality. No more chances for this man to hurt anyone else.

But, again... the thought rises. Kill a bad weed. Another will grow in its place. What do we do then? Kill them, little by little? Can we have back all those people? Can the memory be erased? Can history be replaced? I don't think so. I am very afraid, also, because I know, deep in my heart, that this hanging will cause more violence all around the world. He will become a martyr for many. Bombs will be put to kill innocents in his honor. I don't know about you, but that scares the living shit out of me.

Let's see if I can get a conclusion here, because I am going nowhere. I have no clear opinion.

There is an obscure independent movie called The Last Supper. It is about a group of friends who always have dinner together and one night start talking about what would they do if they had the chance to go back in time and kill Hitler, would they do it? All of them said this: they would try to find him, try to talk some sense into a young Adolf. They would try to give him the opportunity to think about what he feels and acknowledge the fact that hate is wrong. If he wouldn't realize that what he thought was bad, then they would kill him. After that conversation, they decide that they were going to have different people with ultra-conservative views to dinner and give them a chance. Priests who think that homosexuals have to die, etc. When the dinner ends, they would decide if that person has the right to keep on living and spreading his bad views unto others, or just end somewhere in their backyard. What ensues is by far the most brilliant plot you will ever see, and I will not spoit it so you get the chance to Netflix it.

I guess I needed to think about this movie, stupid as it might sound, because now I think I have my final opinion. Yes, I would sit down with Hussein in this 30 days that he has left and try to convince him that he did many things wrong. If he acknowledges the fact that he was wrong in his views and that there are other ways to conduct himself, then I would say lock him up and throw away the key.

But the fact that he shows no remorse at all, that he honesly thinks that this is a travesty done to him, leaves me with no other choice.

My final answer, Regis? Give me the address to the nearest Home Depot. The rope is my treat.

I know where Matt is. Where we aren't.

First of all, I won't put the clip I am talking about 'cause I know that you probably have seen it. It's the clip from www.wherethehellismatt.com. This is a very famous viral video from 2005 and now 2006, courtesy of Stride gum (link provided at the name of the link), in which a guy simply is dancing in many places around the world. I have seen that clip many times.

It got to me. And in a very weird way. Why? Well, the clip can be entertaining and even silly at times. But it has a deeper message hidden somewhere. We are not exploring this great planet. We are stuck at our countries, working, paying the bills... when do we have time to actually enjoy ourselves? And I don't mean the Disney going kind of way. I mean learn about new cultures, architecture, art, people...

Time is passing by and most of us will never even live half of what Matt did. Yes, we take our vacations, some actually have the money to go to a couple of places. But to truly travel and explore the world? Nah. And this makes me want to do something meaningful. By watching this man giving us clips from places we have heard about or have seen in a book, I have realized that I am truly wasting my time. The world has many things to offer me and here I am, working to pay the bills. Not anymore.

I have decided to start saving up and travel. No more Disney. No more USA landmarks. I want it all. Tokio. Germany. Greenland. Australia. Somalia. You name it. I want to say, when I am old, I did that. I was there. Here are the pictures. Listen to my stories. I won't settle for Paris, Rome and Las Vegas. I want my passport to be a true sight to see. Stamps from all over the world.

We work so hard, we put in so many hours and sometimes we get home and all we can think about is that month when we have a couple of days to go to Florida. WHAT? No way! I know that some of you have kids and obligations. It is hard to just pack your bags and run. But there is always a way if you really want to achieve it. We have to do it, guys. There is so much to see and so little time to do it.

Watch the clip. You'll feel the same. Carpe Diem.

In regards to porn and clothes...

Jeans that look even better on the floor
By JASON FEIFER, Associated Press (ASAP)© June 10, 2006

For a clothing company, Shaï's models don't stay dressed very long.
Instead, the French company's online summer catalog displays the clothing in action, and inaction. In three videos, shirts are quickly peeled off, pants are yanked down, and the models do what naked people do best.

No question about it, this is porn -- slick, graphic and heavy on close-ups. But don't fret, shoppers: The videos easily pause to display product information.
Clothing companies such as Abercrombie & Fitch and American Apparel have taken heat for sexy advertising, but they look downright G-Rated next to the Paris-based Shaï. In an attempt to boost its name, the four-year-old urban apparel business took a trend to the extreme, making explicit what is often so implicit in fashion advertising.

Its catalog has become a predictable Internet success, with about 1.5 million visitors since it was launched on March 20. Its message boards are filled with viewers' praise and scorn.
But according to the advertising agency behind it, the catalogs and the company were never really about sex.

''What we're trying to do is to communicate to people that porn is not a taboo anymore, and porn is entertaining,'' said Damon Crépin-Burr, creative director for the Paris-based advertising agency agence7seven. ''So, we entertain them. And we say, when you look at porn, there's clothes everywhere.''
___
HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US
Clothing catalogs traditionally relied on consumer desires, said Crépin-Burr: A person saw an attractive model wearing a certain outfit, and would buy it in hopes of looking like the model.
But today's consumers don't think like that, he said. They want to be engaged, not lured.
That's a common attitude among marketers, particularly in an increasingly cluttered media landscape, according to Abbey Klaassen, media reporter for the industry publication Advertising Age. Some of the most successful ads now are greatly entertaining but have little or nothing to do with the product they promote, she said.

''We are in this age where we're bombarded with lots of commercial messages,'' she said, ''so you see a lot of advertisers to try to break out and stand out with something that is so unusual or controversial that people will seek it out.''
On the Internet, marketers have become more willing to take those risks, she said. Their reward can be great: a viral campaign that consumers pass along to each other, resulting in cheap, self-perpetuating exposure.

Burger King accomplished that in 2004 with subservientchicken.com, a Web site featuring an interactive actor in a chicken outfit. More recently, clothing designer Mark Ecko did it with a video that appeared to show him graffiti-tagging Air Force One.
___
WHO'S BUYING IT?
In using sex so explicitly, Shaï is hoping for the same thing: more bang for their buck, so to speak.

But Shaï's catalog isn't indicative of the fashion world, which is still far from using sex so overtly, according to Loretta Volpe, professor of marketing communications at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. That's especially true in America, because the country is less tolerant of risqué content that's common in Europe, she said.

Even at American Apparel, a Los Angeles-based clothing company known for raw, sexual ads, Shaï's approach is too much. Senior content advisor Alexandra Spunt said her company's ads try to convey a sense of intimacy, and that's not possible with slick pornography.
Not to mention, she said, there's value in keeping the models clothed -- and not just because the company is trying to sell product.

''I think anyone will admit that there's something exciting to leaving part of it up to your imagination, just in everyday life and attraction,'' she said. ''So there's something very different between seeing someone completely revealed and seeing someone clothed or partially clothed. In a way, that can be sexier.''

American advertising may not always be so different from Europe's, though. Volpe said that as the Internet gives advertising a worldwide reach, European attitudes will become more influential.

But by then, Shai will likely be out of the sex business. The summer catalog was only the opening salvo in what Crépin-Burr said will be a long, diverse campaign to win customers through provocative entertainment.

Crépin-Burr wouldn't hint at what's ahead. But next time, he said, the clothes are staying on.

asap contributor Jason Feifer is a freelance writer

A Rush of shit to the Head

Rush, Rush, Rush… It’s impressive that someone with his pedigree would be such a hard case right? Look at the facts. He’s been a happily wed man; three times, and has happily divorced each time. He has one of the highest syndicated radio broadcast shows of all time, because that’s the audience available if you happen to be a big tub of fascist scum sucking prick lard. Trust me, he has company.

Apart from that, he’s been a cigar aficionado for a long time and rightfully so. What better hobby than sucking on a long brown phallic cancer stick for someone who is more noxious than cancer? During the Clinton administration he even called Chelsea Clinton a dog, and rightfully so because he obviously wanted to make an underage girl his bitch citing political postures as the reason why he’s never admitted publicly to busting a nut while thinking of her during binge sessions of Oxycontin and taped reruns of his happily defunct TV show. He also stated that Hillary Clinton’s face looks like a hood ornament, and he’s right because if she saw him, she’d happily run over his gelatinous body.

But seriously, no one should think any less of Rush Limbaugh simply because he’s a racist prick, illogically conservative and I say illogically because you should at least accept a debate when developing an opinion and sharing it with millions of viewers. Something our dear prescription drug whore cares nothing for since any idea, fabrication, and assumption that pops into his delightfully triglyceride ridden blood stream has to be true. You know, who the hell would think he’s wrong.

Oh and if you didn’t know, he’s a snappy dresser and got so popular for his ties that he actually sold $5 million’s worth. Congrats Rush, call me when you send out a noose necktie and don’t worry, I’ll be happy to tie your Windsor.

But hey, we need to pity the scumfuck, after all he has hearing problems, brought on largely in part because of his massive addiction to drugs, but hey, he’s a conservative and he wanted to take the war on drugs head on. And he tackles all the tough issues like how much he amicably disapproves of the fag lifestyle or how nigger quarterbacks really don’t deserve any praise because hell, he’s a nigger, he’s supposed to run the ball. Lord knows what he thinks of chinks and spics and A-rabs.

But in regards to his hearing loss, I just ask one thing, let us all shout in unison so he can hear loud and clear

Fuck you Rush.

Fuck you very, very much.

Screw Jack. I want to have Borat's Baby.

Well, gentlemen and prostitutes, I just saw Borat. It opened in my lovely country a day before the US and A. And I bless the heavens for this. Borat is by far one of the most funniest things I have ever seen on film. Trust me, there are not too many socio-political movies out there than can make you laugh, feel afraid and think... Americans sure have some issues. No wonder they elected Bush. (Ok, ok. Some americans have issues. Not all. Now. Happy?)

This is not for those who think that Fever Pitch was funny. OK? You need to have two things when you come to see this fucking awesome movie: an open mind and a sense of humor. Why? Because if you're too uptight, you are not going to get this, at all. Cohen is doing something that is really gutsy. He's showing us how prejudiced, stupid, ignorant, intolerant... again, SOME americans... are. By talking and behaving badly, he's just a trigger for more people to react to him and show their true colors.

We all know that some parts of the US and A (as he calls it) has... interesting people. With beliefs and ways of thinking that actually makes us wonder simply one thing. Who moved the rock? Where did you come from? How is it possible that you act this or that way because someone is different than you? Well, Borat decides to learn about all of this while on a car trip around the country. And all of us are grateful that he taped the ride.

Even the opening is brilliant. This is a very well thought event. From the start, Cohen has been hitting the media a long time ago. Little by little he has invaded our lifes. His website and myspace sites are a work of art. And the movie is exactly the same. You know what is incredible? He never breaks character. Not in the movie, not in his live appearances. He's Borat, while the cameras are on and no Cohen is ever visible. Damn genius.

This bit of info comes from usatoday.com:

Whenever Baron Cohen is Borat, he never breaks away from the character's wide-eyed stare, gleeful grin, choppy accent and garbled English. While shooting, Charles says he noticed Baron Cohen's mouth twinge a few times, perhaps inching toward a smile, but that's as far as it went.

"He is doing four-hour single-take scenes, and he is in character at all times," marvels Charles. "He's in character when he and I talk between scenes. From the moment he comes out of the hotel in the morning, you're talking to Borat. He was completely immersed in the character. He is an incredibly intense, focused individual." (Click at the name of the post to read the whole report)

All I can say is that I am going to see it again. I am dead sure that I will find millions of moments that I missed. Why? Well... There are times when you are so ashamed for other human beings or so afraid for Cohen that you don't even dare to look. I have witnesses that can tell you there were many times when I just looked away. I haven't done that since Jaws.

Um... Think of WAS when the scene where Borat is coming out of the shower starts. Our gift to you.

PS: I saw it fiiiiirst and you diiiiidn't. Hahahaha.

Service with a fuck you

There’s apparently an epidemic infecting many restaurants and stores and it’s been going on for a while. It’s called being an asshole. Giving shitty service and pretty much sucking on every level you can imagine. Not to be outdone ever, restaurants especially have shown a knack for sucking worse than a malfunctioning Hoover after a power surge.

Here’s the equation. Shitty service, quasi decent to mediocre food, waiting times for beverages extending into the ridiculous, seven waiters touching base with you only to have none bring you what you ordered… which was the same thing each time and all this means I still have to give 15-20% for tip? Hmmm… Why don’t you SUCK the tip of my cock? Why don’t you TIP over and die? Wait, wait, here’s a TIP.. why don’t you do a decent job instead of half-assing things.

Why do I bring this up? For two reasons. One, I’m upset that I had a couple of scenarios over the weekend oozing with said crapitude, (although my company much more than just made up for it). Second, because no matter how much good advertising you produce, as long as the business or company maintains low standards with their personnel, sales will constantly scrape rock bottom. This means that if there isn’t a comprehensive and cohesive effort on behalf of all parts involved, you’re not going to make money no matter how much of your budget you squander on advertising.

Simple enough, right? Do you understand? You don’t? You do? Baby did a boo-boo? Good that you recognized it. Now shut the fuck up and don’t question why I barely gave you a 7% tip instead of any miscellaneous change I might have had lingering in my pockets. Fuck you, come again!

"I am meeting some clients this afternoon..."

The other side of the coin: overtime.

I used to whine and scream when my boss yelled that we needed to finish our jobs in record timing. When it happened, which was quite often, I would say the famous line that everyone of us says in that exact moment: but I have a life! Funny how life is. Now, I get it. I have seen the light.

Sorry to say this, guys, but if your boss is screaming at the top of his lungs that you need to hand over those jobs that have been sleeping at your desk, gathering moss, he's doing it for a reason. He's not being a prick just because. Ok, some dudes are, just because, but in this case, I can tell you why. It is very simple.

He wants both you and him to eat next month. Period.

It's all about making the numbers. Some of you might forget this fact, so that's why I am writing about this. Besides, most dudes and dudettes in ad agencies forget about projections and goals. You might think that because no one gets fired your agency must be doing very well. Not the case. You might be receiving your check every 15 days, but trust me, that doesn't mean your agency is ok. It is not your fault. Honestly. It is not your job to look at what has been billed, what is pending, what is happening to the clients and the crappy way that they pay. But. And a big but. If you could see those pages of tables and sums, you might start to think about that like it mattered a big deal. And it does.

Take my little life, for example. As you all know, I work on a small studio. My own studio. And sometimes I find myself working my butt off, just like if I worked at a big agency. You know the type of day I am talking about. Those days when you eat fast food at your desk and keep at it, hoping that you will finish and find your life once again. But now, I don't have a screaming boss to tell me to hurry up. I am telling myself that. I need to eat. So if working my fingers to the bone will make me achieve it, then I will do it.

Wait. Waaaaaait. Don't start screaming at me because you think that your agency doesn't control your clients and that is the root of the problem. You may actually be right. That might be very well the case, and it happens. Quite a lot. When that sort of things happen, it may be that your coworkers are not up to par with your professionalism. And I understand that. There are some ass munchers who live by the rule of not giving 100% at what they do, and giving a rat's ass if you work overtime. When coworkers fuck up and make you work your butt off it's because of their inability to organize themselves, and well honey, we can't do anything about it. Trust me, this post is nothing about that.

We sometimes forget that by finishing in time, that job gets billed faster and your money is guaranteed, at least for next month. The faster you work, the more relaxed you can be that your check is near to come, with no problems. I would highly recommend that you work freelance for a while so you get my point. It's all about making the deadline and sending that bill. Some creatives think they have all the time in the world to finish a campaign and they are entitled to that in order to deliver a great ad. Well, not so all the time.

That's why I admire good creativity done in record time. When you have two, three days to crap out something decent and you find yourself creating a miracle. Want to know something totally awesome? Take South Park. Funny show, right? Awesome writing, yes? Well... did you know that Parker and Stone actually have three days to write a 30 minute script? THIRTY MINUTES!!!!! The other four days have to be given to production to animate the series. What happens if they don't deliver? Nothing because they have to do it. It is not an option. Well... maybe there is one. No tv show, no check, right?

I am also writing this today because this was a day of overtime for me, which I haven't had in quite a while. And yes, I am tired, but I understand. And I feel like I owe to acknowledge that fact. Here at WAS we are famous for writing with pure anger about the long hours we put in and the loss of daily activities that others have. But well, it is only fair that we sometimes think about the other side of the coin.

And that coin, my friend, is what guarantees that you will be able to eat, drink, smoke and have some kind of a life.

Don't forget it. I sure won't, ever again.

What do I look like?

Apparently my hair has gone blonde, I’ve aged ten years and can now make bombs out of oatmeal, Worchester Sauce, and an Allen wrench stuck inside of a dwarf. A one line job description for a campaign we’ve designed three times already and no real reason why the others have been scrapped except that the client either hasn’t gotten laid or has missed out on the latest episodes of House or Heroes and is crabby; lack of chocolate has also been stated as a possible cause for said bitchiness.

So anyways, that would make it a fourth time we work on this bullshit and if anything, this simply shows that said client and their company are not really interested in selling their product/service. Each time it’s been more watered down and for a company that claims to be in dire straits, the only thing they seem to know how to do aggressively is axe ideas.

Each of the former three incarnations have been done in a day, so we didn’t expect to find a Cannes winner, but we did develop something that could work. Each time there was a rush due date because this has to get produced yet they’re not sure what they want. Great, another one of those campaigns. We’ve done a concept ad, a hard sale ad and a hard sale ad harder than a 4 viagra pill popped unused cock. Now they want to water it down because they don’t want to seem desperate or too aggressive. So you don’t want a concept and you don’t want to be hard sell… so you’d rather just make an ad for the sake of making an ad? … Great… more money for my company but a knack for asking for things rush only to cancel them three times.

Sorry, but if you can cancel something three times, there wasn’t a rush in the first place and you just didn’t have a clue of what you wanted until you saw what you didn’t want. Now that you do know what you want, at least for today, voila, another rush due date… Great… Can someone please ask MacGyver how I can get this fist out of my asshole? I seem to have run out of ideas at the moment.

Belated ideas for Halloween Costumes.

Here is my list of costume ideas. Um. Sorry that I didn't write this before. For the first time in years, I was getting my salad tossed. Loads of jobs. Whoopee! So, keep this somewhere in your Mac (if you work with PC you are the devil) and use it next year.

The following is what you might think of dressing up and what you need in order to have a killing costume:

Media Director/Buyer
Just put a dress on and carry a Vodka bottle all day long. Details! Remember to splash some in your clothes, to make it more realistic. Oh! Just repeat three magic words all day long. Print. Radio. Tv. You know the drill.

CEO
Just don't show up to work. Well, if you have to, refer to all coworkers as "hey you" and forget their names for a day. Then go to your desk, put your feet up and do absolutely nothing.

Creative Director
Put on the most fashionable fake glasses you can find. Ask for free cigarettes all day long. Change your ad all day for stupid reasons or just think that you can do any ad better, and take the glory and credit for every single thing that comes out of the agency that day. Remember to fight with the Traffic dudettes from time to time during the day.

Copywriter
Drink as many Red Bulls as you can, so that you feel nervous all day fearing a typo. Tell everyone to shut the hell up so you can write your name all day long. Curse the day that some idiot decided that a good ad really doesn't need copy. Oh. The most important thing. Go to the bathroom and cry because you never had the balls to pursue a career in decent writing.

Traffic Person
Just dress up like a girl and ask that everything is done yesterday. When people scream at you, blame the Account Executive. Then, proceed to talk all day thru Messenger while whining that you are fucked with work.

Art Director
First of all, you need to set your desk. Go to your local Toys R' Us and buy as many Star Wars crap as you can. Then, go to Hot Topic and buy a stupid message Tshirt. Don't brush your hair, ok? Then, when you finish, open up the nearest Communication Arts. Copy the ad's design. Think you are Ogilvy encarnate the rest of the day.

Client
Women or Man's clothes are applicable here. Just be stupid and tell anyone you see... "I don't get it". Remember to ask for the logo to be bigger and for your cousin to appear on the TV ad. Go to lunch and say that you will pay them in 30 days but ignore that you said it.

Account Executive
Dress up in your finest suit. Then, be an asshole the whole day. Don't forget your knife. Remember. The stabbing is done in the center of anyone's back.

Happy Halloween, people. From all your lovely writers from WAS...