Second of Joker's Top Five Top Ten Lists from 2006

People I’ll miss the most from 2006

10. Willie Pep / Floyd Patterson

I’m a boxing fan through and through, which shows blatantly as I didn’t mention Sergei Liakhovich, Haseem Rahman or Jose Luis Castillo in the dumbest people in ’06 although they fucked up professionally by losing credibility or fights they shouldn’t have lost. That being said, I need to mention Willie Pep and Floyd Patterson in the list of people I’ll miss the most, not because they died young. No, luckily they had pretty decent lives. But I put them on this list because of their exceptional contributions to a sport I’ve grown to love to sickening heights. Willie Pep was a defensive master and it was incredible how he embarrassed people by making them look silly from constantly missing. It was defense at its highest level and major kudos must be given to a man who is finally being given the credit he deserved. Second on the list was Floyd Patterson. Not only was this a hell of a boxer, although some may dispute some of his opponents, but he was the first guy to be documented in showing real concern for a fighter he’d knocked out. By knocked out I mean that his rival was unconscious for five minutes after Floyd Landed a leaping left hook straight out of out of a videogame fatality maneuver. He was a sportsman, a nice guy, and a gentleman in every sense of the word. He might not have been as flamboyant as other notable greats, but his achievement in the ring focused on destroying the notion that nice guys finish last.

9. Red Buttons

Most people would go who the fuck is this? This was a very good comedian who actually won an Academy Award. I’d further elaborate, but instead I suggest you looking up some of his one line quotes for one simple reason, he was extraordinarily good. He had a “Never got a dinner” skit, which was that time’s equivalent to “You might be a redneck”. Brilliant material. Here is some written proof.

Cain, whose wife divorced him because he wasn't Able. Never got a dinner!

Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, "We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay!" Never got a dinner!

Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, "No, you got it wrong! The WORLD is round. YOU're flat!" Never got a dinner!

Old McDonald, who said on his honeymoon, "Ee-eye-ee-eye-OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!" Never got a dinner!

Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, "Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned!" Never got a dinner!

Eve, who asked Adam, "Does this fig leaf make me look fat?" Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?" Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, "I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing!" Never got a dinner!

Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!

Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth, never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!

"Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?" (Source: Vanity Fair, March 2003)

8. Kirby Puckett

For those who loved baseball, you couldn’t help but love the Puck. He led Minnesota to two championships, smashed hopes for opponent teams and bred dreams for people who really didn’t have much to cheer about prior to Kirby. His records, hitting average and leadership were only eclipsed by the disappointment in learning he had glaucoma and was thus forcefully retired from baseball. He also seemed like a great guy and one who looked the part of a bar local, yet played with more heart and talent than any Disney movie character even after the typical 80’s clap scene.

7. Chris Penn

I liked his acting, even in Best of the Best (Chris Penn as a martial artist, you gotta fucking love it). He was well liked, had pretty good acting skills, could drink his bodyweight in whiskey and still make you laugh with him and not at him. If only his brother could take a cue from Chris and lighten the fuck up. Every chilidog I ever eat in my life will be in his name.

6. Jack Pallance

Apart from liking his acting, him being one of the top villains ever in movies in my regards, this guy gave one of the most memorable acceptance speeches ever, doing one armed push ups on stage. Balls, a hefty snarl and a guy you couldn’t help but like.

5. Gerald Ford

Why do I put the Vice President moved into Presidency after Watergate who actually pardoned Nixon? Because he passed away and he was faced with some of the shittiest decisions any president would have to face ever. He pulled out soldiers from Vietnam and did his best to move the country out of recession. Was he perfect? No. But without all that bullshit he had to go through he would have definitely been reelected.

4. Joseph Barbera

My childhood and English Skills would be nothing without Hannah-Barbera. Last year marked the passing of one of the two guys responsible for some of the best TV I was ever able to enjoy. I wish we could clone him to see if we can’t salvage some of the Saturday Morning Cartoon bliss I was so lucky to feed on. Thanks Joe.

3. Steve Irwin

I’m still quite upset he died. Again, he might have been a madman, but I insist on anyone telling me he wouldn’t be on your top ten list for people who you’d love to share a pint of beer with. Cheers mate.

2. Syd Barrett

Psychedelia and Rock owe a lot to Syd and Piper at the Gates of Dawn will always be a sentimental favorite in my collection for as long as I live. Though I adore the Floyd and recognize that they wouldn’t have gotten that good if Syd wouldn’t have fallen, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love what they made together. A sad loss that might mean a reunion tour, but what a price to pay.

1. James Brown

The best interviews on TV and the hardest working man in show business. I missed out on The Godfather and I don’t think I’ll get over that. He was a funky, chunky, monkey with a voice that demanded attention and the chops to make you ask why people give a shit about N Sync’s dance routines. The Godfather wasn’t the shit, I wouldn’t dare use a word like that even in a positive sense. He was tha man and only Chuck Berry can compare in regards to influence in music. Thanks Godfather, for all the I Feel good times…

NOTABLE MENTIONS

Saddam Hussein & Augusto Pinochet

I’m going to miss these guys for a few reasons. Hussein for not staying alive to continue to give a logical excuse for the invasion. Lets see what bullshit they come up with now to stay in the Middle East. To Pinochet, for dying of natural causes instead of shot and or tortured, and to both for leaving Castro behind instead of taking him for the ride, close but no cigar doesn’t count fuckers.