You have just been cock blocked

Don’t think I’m referring to the event where a man or a woman intervenes in such a manner as to drop the chances of hooking up with a miscellaneous somebody. Don’t think I’m also making any type of reference to your Aunt Bernice hitting on you after four brandies at the family Christmas party. No, I’m making reference to you being blocked by a cock. A little, shriveled, smelly, pathetically insignificant cock who just happens to think he’s God.

As if IT people didn’t already have a massive ego trip where they control the company universe via web portals, system operations and the general maintenance of servers and all that is technological, they can also decide what you can or can’t see. You see, in the grand scheme of things we are all cogs and tools to be used as the higher echelons of the corporative monarchy see fit. We are not supposed to be allowed any type of time wasting activity regardless of our workflow or even need to shut down the monotony of work life for one second. We are workhorses and as mere steeds and burros, if we’re not working, it better not be before 6:00 PM and we better not be here to waste valuable electricity as they would have us believe with the façade that it’s to help global warming instead of reducing the monthly electric bill.

Is this a silly whiny bitchy rant? Quite possibly so, but it’s also a way to explain that although all work and no play makes anyone a dull person, no one is interested in your personal agenda. Your personal agenda means ballsacks to anyone who is just looking at numbers, deadlines, dates, and salary checks. You have no right to even consider writing an email or heaven forbid, watching a video online.

“But you’re creatives! You might need something to jog the mind!”

That’s incorrect my people because since we work in the barren dessert known as the Creative Department, we ourselves should be enough of an oasis of creativity to no need to depend on simple tools like the Internet. And in all honesty, one might want to be a bit more prudent with their usage of company tools, but when you deliver on a constant basis, are never late for a deadline and you have someone possibly screwing with the formula or your peace of mind, then you can’t help but get a bit peeved.

It is true that some people abuse the rights we are given but if you don’t take a closer look at their work load, what they do, what they bring to the table, etc. then you’re not pinpointing the source of the problem which to me would rest in people who constantly chat, download video streams, 1GB trailers, email huge files, or do nothing of their jobs ever. Am I justifying some measures taken by companies? Well yes, because though I believe that we have the right to have fun once in a while, but all fun and no work makes you a waste of space and a detriment to that thing we used to call a team in the good ol days.

That the attitudes which we confront from IT personnel is shitty, now that is the main point and anointing deity like powers to an abusive fuckwad is the last thing you should do, but the first thing most agencies do. Truth be told, there are exceptions to the rule. IT guys who know how to cut it and help and if you’re slipping up, they’ll tell you because they happen to also be human. But what happens most times is that people who can’t fuck without paying for it are pissed at their existence and express their frustration via technological power plays and sometimes hardcore hardware harassment. But if you need a program, a backup or heaven forbid, for them to help you solve what’s up with a whacko jacko machine, there are 10,000 buts and not one solution.

So in summing up:

1.) All work and no play makes you a dull boy/girl.

2.) All play and no work makes you a waste of space.

3.) Playing God while you work makes you a stupid IT guy who needs some whan chung tonight. I’ll be phoning Rodney with your location, a bottle of Absinthe and a tub of KY.

Cheers Mr. Assistant to th Man... may your wee little wee-wee fall from theee as exhibited in the beautiful scene of Rapist #1 in Planet Terror From Grindhouse.