In the fantabulously marvelous world of advertising, there are hard working people, non-invasive expendable people, shitheads, assholes and shitheads or assholes referred by their relatives or squeezed into a company no matter what because well, daddy said so. The extent to which this happens is definitely something to document since I’ve seen positions invented out of thin air to accommodate the skills of the particular hack in question just because some weak sperm decided to make it to their mommy’s ovum. Instead of letting nature take its course and permitting said waste of oxygen to return to the earth to fulfill some kind of purpose rather than waste financial resources and mainly offer conflict as their bulk by-product, these people (if you can calm them that) instead wreak havoc on company culture truly proving that a rotten apple can fuck up the funky bunch. Tis not to say that advertising is exclusive to this, but it is to say that since I work in advertising and have witnessed this phenomenon in the context of an ad agency, then that’s the main point of view I’m forced to take.
Nepotism in itself is a long tried and true occurrence and MTLB (Make the logo bigger) has commented and written in regards to this topic a few times, thus in large part prompting me to write this post. Luckily I’m in a relative free zone for once in my life, but I can assure you that I’ve seen my fair share of personnel reshuffling to cater to a particular family’s need. I’ve seen people get fired for no reason and have some halfwit appear out of thin air three days after the person left… like some type of position resurrection gone sadly wrong. I’ve seen good people get accounts taken away from them and given to the golden cow creative. Golden cow mainly because he is unjustifiably idolized by his relatives and offered prized accounts so he or she can build their portfolio… what balls. I also deem them Golden Cow because all they seem to do is chew all day, swat flies off their asses and shit while looking oh so bright in sequin laced leather.
There are two types of nepotism though (probably more, but for my purposes, two seems like a good number to rant about). The first type is the one that believes infallibility is a don bestowed upon their kin. I’m talking blind here folks, the type of parent or relative that congratulates the kid for saying papa by the age of 8. I’m talking about the type of relative that insists that fifth place get a trophy as well. I’m talking about the type of family member that roots for a kid in the school band even if you can’t tell the difference between their playing or a moose getting its nutsack stapled to a hyperactive porcupine. Then there’s the other type of nepotist, the one that hasn’t got a choice and they feel responsible for the fuckup that is their sister, brother, cousin or whatever. They don’t even like sharing the same space as a relative and being forced to give a hack a job is even worse since they feel it’s their job to not only get them a job, but to nurture them to not be such a vital waste of time and energy.
As for the cost of the practice of nepotism, that’s where things get beyond ludicrous and reach lampoon levels. The salaries these people are dished out are insane and for the cost of paying someone’s brother to do a half ass job and be a professional delegator, you can hire two or three decent to good professionals on a full time salary rather than constantly hiring freelancers that up the bill a couple of grand a year. Oh and their equipment has to be the best even if their directorial skills haven’t evolved from Microsoft Paint and their 32” screen is mainly used to play minesweeper and learn the Berries and Crème dance. As if that’s not enough, how many times do these reusable douche bags get their own office so they can lure interns in and seduce young boys and girls with the promise of ascension for a blowjob or some generous cunnilingus? This in turn leads to another variant of nepotism mentioned in a previous post of people who fuck their way to the top… well almost to the top because they need to be one or two steps below someone to effectively continue getting tea bag and tossing corporate salad to make a career out of brownnosing.
What’s the worst part? This won’t ever stop because it’s a luxury owners can have not to mention that the current US President was elected and promoted on questionable merits probably based deeply in Nepotism. But politics aside, nepotism shall always be cause to get angry but it is truly one of the genuinely futile fights of life. There’s no way to win and you’re better off adapting or jumping ship rather than teaching a stupid dog old tricks. If you defer in thought, then by all means charge on, but consider this post an I told you so.