Aug 31, 2007

To the cock sucker who stands up and leaves in every meeting

You…. Mr. client. Correction, Mr. asshole client. Mr. pencil dick I wear a pocket protector and feel like the shit because I have a disgustingly colored shirt chromatically swaying between Captain Crunch shit and pig vomit while wearing my fancy Rado. Mr. levelheaded shitbox I can never finish one meeting because I’m busy doing something more important than what I called you in at 8 AM for. Might I be inclined to suggest for your personal growth that if you have the balls to call for a meeting at a ridiculous hour like 8 AM that you stick through a presentation through the end. Might I possibly suggest you taking a moment of your time to pass all calls on to your assistant so that we might actually have your attention from the get go or is that too complicated? I’m sorry to suggest or even solicit your attention but after a group of people bust their asses to develop some advertising that might work, the last thing we need is the face of bullshit apathy at that hour of the morning. Then again, you don’t care and you never will care about the psychological state of the advertising team working to promote your shit brand or anyone you come in contact with, so why bother? A brand that could be much better if you didn’t insist on paraphrasing competitor’s advertisements verbatim. It comes to my attention that advertising to you is worth even less than to me but guess what, this is my job and I’m not about to half ass it because you decided to be a total chump stain and stood up and left during the presentation for something that was confessed to us that wasn’t an emergency so by all means, dispense with the façade and at least be man enough to admit you weren’t in the mood to even give an advertising team the 40 minutes you asked us to squeeze a more extensive presentation into. Thank you for demonstrating your priorities and for further making it despondently clear why your brand is where it’s at. Thank you for substantiating my theory that mediocre hacks are assigned to take important decisions. Do not worry; we shall never again push the envelope. We will avoid putting the A+ effort so you don’t have to pat us on our heads for being a nice group of bitches that do your bidding. We shall always be thrilled to finish a presentation to your cronies rather to the asshole that always has a knack for slaying something that might separate us from the clutter. We shall forever call product hero shots with a shit line a concept so you feel comfortable knowing that you’re getting “top advertising” for your far from top dollar. Also, feel free to develop a personality so I don’t have to gag every time I see you because of your blandness. Seriously, you’re wife has to love Tofú a la carte because you don’t have one iota of anything remotely interesting, your favorite phrase is “hmmmm” and every time you think one can’t help but think you’re a damn robot with outdated software running a marketing department. Your mere presence makes bread stale and soda flat and if you were a cereal, it’d be something on the lines of puffed air without sugar. May you be considerate enough to get a vasectomy or feel free to just slash your nuts off. If you need help I know about nine people willing to do anything to help you out with that since you’re such a prized client. Apart from that, I’d ask you to blow me, but you’re probably so lame that anything would go limp in your mouth.

With a sincerely offering of my middle digit for your asshole

Joker

6 comments:

RestrictionsApply said...

Looks like someone had a case of the "Mun-days". Just kidding. I feel your pain. Been through that same shit many times and I can only tell you it gets worse. Those ass fucks really are full of themselves. Try not to take it personal.

joker said...

I know it's not a personal thing but I just think it's massively rude, as are plenty of things to do with clients but hey, such are they. I vent therefore I maintain a level head but thanks for the concern man. Laters

Chris said...

well done, joker. well done.

joker said...

Thanks chris, some people don't share my opinion and that's cool but if I don't get it out of my system somehow I'm gonna snap lol.

°flo said...

Ha! This is SO TRUE!!! I will link this on my blog right away!

Anonymous said...

This week, I had an incident where I had to stay late redesigning a poster for a client and sending the file to Kinko's so this client, who was in such apparent rush, could pick it up the next morning first thing. However, the dude picked up the day after. I'm so annoyed with these people that make you run arround for apparently, no reason.

I mean, he finally made the decision as to what he wanted 15 minutes before my day ended! 45 minutes later I'm finally sending a file. At 7:30am next morning I call Kinko's just in case and thank God, they had come through. But what was the point? UGH!

I wish there was a place one could report clients, just like clients can report businesses to better business beaurau. I mean, why do we need to eat so much shit especially when we get peanuts, not top dollar?

I don't understand why the state of client-biz relationship in the Advertising world seems to be getting worse for the biz and better for the client. They're getting top dollar work, for peanuts AND get to treat us like thier bitches! Is it too much to ask that a client be honest on deadlines and timelines? Like, if you don't need the fucking poster for 2 days, don't make run like a chicken w/its head cut off so I can have ready for you the next morning, when you intended to pick it up the day after!

UGH! I hear you about the venting...Although for me, the more I talk about this, the more I want to, at least key this jerk's car.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...