A couple of months ago I wrote a stupid post about the most weird things that no one knows about Me. I left out a very important thing. Maybe I was trying to protect my privacy too much, maybe I blocked it out and didn't honestly give it a thought. But hey! What the fuck, right? I should say that thing as well!
I left out that I had a very, very, very intense Cancer scare. Yup. Cancer. For a while, my doctors thought I had the Big C.
Damn. As I sit here and write that, I feel... weird. First of all, there is only one other soul in this world who knows. Not even my mother knows about this. Just one person. And trust me, that's all I needed. I can remember the Saturday afternoon when my doctor told me that maybe I was sick. Out of instinct, I called him. You gotta come now. Don't ask, just come. Just one person to have a shoulder to cry and be frightened. Only one person to tell me that everything was going to be ok. Just one person to hold me when all I wanted to do was crumble. Just one person who, waited along with me to get the final results. (I will forever be grateful for all those days and weeks of waiting because without that person I would have never survived... and you know who you are...)
So why the fuck am I writing this, such a personal and frightening thing for all the world to see? Why, if it still bothers me and I cannot tell a soul besides that one person how awful and frightening that was? I mean... sometimes I space out and find myself talking about it. Well. I guess I need to blurt it out. Maybe if I get it out of my system I will forget it. So there. I said it. Feels... weird.
But the one thing that prompted me to write is not huge. I recently saw a program on TLC called Crazy Sexy Cancer. The reason I saw it? I was appalled. How the fuck can someone describe cancer as crazy and sexy? Well, for me, for a while, it didn't sound even a bit nuts. For me... it was You're gonna die, don't sleep, don't eat, motherfucking cancer. So I had to see what all the fuss was about.
All I can say is watch it. It is a very interesting and deep documentary of the life of a young beautiful chick who gets diagnosed with an extremely rare type of cancer. In trying to figure out if she would survive, and how to beat it, she starts to talk to other patients and learn more about this strange disease. And in the end, you get the point. It is Crazy Sexy Cancer. Because it is in you, the desire to live, to fight, to not let anything get in your way. To not be afraid. To not think you did something to deserve it or to cause it.
If you have or know someone who has it, even if you thought you had it, please watch. Makes you think. It made me think and remember. Am I still afraid? Sure. I don't want to ever have to live that again. But if I had to? I think I would be much more ok.
And that... is truly priceless.
2 comments:
I am going to have to check that out, because I did have cancer. I would never call it sexy, either.
I am assuming this is tongue in cheek, but my initial reaction (I had seen this somewhere before I saw it here on your pad) is to be deeply offended.
I think they are trying to "level" cancer and mock it, but I stand by my initial take on this: I find the title offensive rather than provocative. Cancer is not hip. It sucks and it changed my life forever.
I don't mean to rag on you particularly; I have issues that I am trying to get over and something like this really taps into those issues.
That's why I saw it. Because I flipped out when I saw the title. Now, trust me, they are not trying to mock anything. I found it to be very inspirational and a bit... calming in a way. Don't know why.
So yes, please watch and write back if you can.
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