Oct 18, 2007

Eco blog #3 of 3: Make a difference

After one poem and one call for action, I needed to complete the trifecta by offering a few suggestions to make a positive impact on the environment. I’m sure you’ll find these suggestions useful so you all know that even though our primary function is to hate advertising, our secondary mission is to preserve the Earth.

1. Get all the revisions you’re going to make on an artwork and give them to us. Don’t offer then a little at a time for this is no time for being a job cock tease or a complete douche bag. All the revisions imaginable in one batch. We’ll be able to save the equivalent to the Everglades in less than a year because of less printouts offered to the client so they can jack off and think themselves some supra deity that knows everything that will happen with their ad.

2. Think before you say something stupid. Not only will you avoid polluting breathable air with your inane bullshit, but you’ll also consume less oxygen.

3. Every time you hand in a shitty brief, plant a tree. The Amazons will be green again.

4. If you insist on saying something stupid, wire my brain into an energy charge unit. I’m sure I can muster enough BTU’s to make it a worthwhile investment and then every time you say something completely moronic, it’ll be for the good of society rather than for the exclusive detriment of my patience.

5. Put ceiling fans in front of crappy AE’s. They blow out enough hot air to give 4,000 rotations per hour. That’s free energy and best of all, money in the bank.

6. Put a reservoir beneath the desks of good AE’s. Between sweat and tears of frustration you’ll be able to flush 1,500 times per week and again, and with all the shit they have to deal with, you’ll need those freebie flushes.

7. Put breathing tubes into media people’s mouths. The sheer methanol content can later be harnessed as non fossil fuels and you can power an entire department for two days with just one hung over media buyer.

8. Put promo people in giant wheels and then have scantily clad women offering shitty premiums in front of the wheel. A bottle of Jack Daniels, a carton of American Flavor cigarettes and you’ll guarantee they’ll run over four miles to get to the piece of ass. That’s four miles per promo person.

9. Wire the fingers of IT people to a kinetic generator. In an hour’s time you’ll have generated enough electricity to jump start a car seven times, operate the elevator and power all major desk lamps on a floor.

10. Take bullshit VP’s, mediocre account directors and the entire garden variety of bureaucratic middle men that consume space and money and put in less than a third of what they’re worth. Chop em up, add urine and feces, mix as desired and use as fertilizer. Hey you can never have too much compost right? And we want those company plants to look real green.

Here at WAS, we’re concerned with the well being of the planet. Please print out these suggestions and post them up on a billboard in your cafeteria or pantry and spread the wealth. Just remember, when it comes to mother Earth:

Save the planet, kill a douche bag.


Skipper Joker


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...