Oct 3, 2007

Hey I felt like it: New slogans

Some are too long, many suck but hey, I was just in the mood to rant.

1. Kaopectate: Making sure the shit hits the fan when you want it to.

2. Mylanta: It tastes like shit so you can deal with yours.

3. Xoloft: Swallow so life doesn’t suck.

4. Nike: Helping young children earn 1 dollar an hour for over 70 years.

5. Coca Cola: Kidney stones and diabetes are the next trend.

6. UHU: Stickier than your little brother's gym sock.

7. Yahoo: Nude Britney and quantum physics within one search engine.

8. Wikipedia: Brittanica has just been fucked.

9. Moto RZR: Police brutality calls for this type of discretion.

10. Folgers: Only something this terrible would need flavor crystals.

11. Ebay: Buy shit you don’t need victoriously.

12. Trojan: Size doesn’t matter as long as you’re well covered

13. Schlitz: Get drunk even if it tastes like Schlitz. or Let's get Schlitz Faced.

14. Viagra: For insomniacs that like to stay up all night.

15. Heinz: More bang for your buns.

16. Apple: From 0 to trendy in $1,427 dollars.

17. Fruity Pebbles: Helping boost Ritalin sales since 1982.

18. Lipton: Because we know you love to teabag.

19. Depends: When you get asked if you just shit your pants, you don’t want to
answer: “It depends”

20. Summer's Eve: Finally a douche bag with a purpose.

21. Facebook: Stalking high school obsessions has never been this easy.

22. Energizer: Because a hurricane and a powerless dildo are emergencies we’re built to handle.

23. Ball Park: Penis envy has never been so tasty.

24. GAP: Putting a GAP in men’s closets since 1969.

25. Old Navy: Cheaper than head from your mom.

26. Protex Hand Sanitizer: Aiding politicians to shake hands even with members of the community they don’t like.

27. Hummer: If you’re asking who killed the electric car, you’re looking at him.

28. Breathsavers: Screw the planet, save my sense of smell.

29. Altoids: For curiously strong blowjobs.

30. Taco Bell: The equivalent of a high colonic at a fraction of its price.


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