Dec 28, 2007

Here's a new one: Christmas Card Envy

Though Make the Logo Bigger and Multi Cultural Classics have mentioned how Agencies totally suck in how they promote themselves, this post is not necessarily about that, but about something endlessly dumber. I've heard of penis envy, pure envy, professional envy, relationship envy, but I'd never heard of christmas card envy.... until this christmas.

To make a long story short, my shop hasn't been the most cheerful scenario in the last couple of months for various reasons I don't think I'm morally and legally allowed to elaborate on. That being said, none of the people who work 80 hour weeks in my team were really in the mood to make a christmas card for our resident Grinch of choice. So what happens you say? In comes Mr. Hack with his freshly poop laminated nose. He's got a great idea that's never been EVER done.... by no one..... really.... super original idea...... ground breaking...... revolutionary...... mind boggling......... and obviously..... lame. In defense of Mr. Hack and to be totally fair, none of us gave enough of a shit to stop this from going out with the agency name on it because, well we had work to do while he was kissing ass. Kudos for being even more of a taint muncher.

So what happens later is classic, someone else, another agency actually, makes a christmas effort.... that's interesting. What procedes is a two line jumbled typo ridden email from Mr. Head Honcho saying how we can't evolve unless we take risks... this from a guy who's shot down more good ideas than a redneck has shot down bottles, tip cows or fucked slightly rotten pumpkins. We're told we're not thinking out of the box in regards to the christmas card and in short, that we suck; a charming little message that's been drilled into our psyche every time he doesn't get head and he gets to the agency to say we're wasting his time and money... charming dude, seriously. He has the charisma of a petrified piece of dog shit that's been crumbled and stuck between the crevaces of a shoe.

The interesting parts regarding this story are as follows. A.) We always get bashed for suggesting non-cost-efficient ideas and this one that got in this guy's craw cost quite a pretty penny to say the least. B.) These people had a group of people working solely on this project, or at least had more time/resources/and or desire than we did. C.) They said a whacky idea and higher ups trusted them. In my book, that's three strikes of things we don't count with and I'm 100% sure that we're not the only shop that put out a lame christmas card. I'm also VERY sure there are agencies with great work even in something so trivial as a christmas card.

What really makes me giggle though is the attitude taken by higher ups where they pretty much went: "Wahhhhhh.... I want a cooler christmas card than theirs.... wahhhhhhh." So this is where we have to get motivation from. A bitchy owner that whines about everything, gives half assed thanks when we bust our asses and the client is actually happy yet lambastes us at every nitpick chance he gets.... Hmmm.... how bout you ask Santa for yoga classes next christmas. That way you can suck yourself off, kiss your own ass and let us do what you say we can't do especially when we're not allowed.

Some people say I'm bitter. I just say that this is therapy and since buying an uzi and shooting a couple of people doesn't sound like a real good idea, I'll keep bitching into the new year. Happy continued holidays


Chef Joker


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