Each year, millions of people take the liberty of drafting a series of promises that most will probably not make good on or give up after the month of March. Some people go for losing weight, others decide to take crocheting courses, some people think they can actually will themselves to bathe more often and yes, some people even insist that they can and will stop smoking crack.
Here at WAS we have our own series of resolutions. We’ve dispensed with the bullshit and have summed it up as much as possible, not.
1. We promise to despise our jobs that much more to maintain the high level of hate posts and the top quality of scatological postal bitch-fits we offered throughout 2006.
2. Fuck dieting. We’ll gorge pizza to make Chris Farley and John Belushi proud and thus develop clogged arteries and ulcers to promote our decaying moral standards.
3. We pledge to whore ourselves ever so more to our respective companies in order to continually threaten to quit our jobs without ever committing to pulling the trigger, or will we?......
4. Long hours shall be spent in what’s most important; checking videos on youtube to post you guys the links and save you the trouble of searching.
5. We promise, and I mean truly promise to stop sniffing Sharpies and freshly pressed printouts… for however delicious they may be.
6. We solemnly swear to uphold peon and worker bee attitudes if that means bitching about getting treated like crap when we keep being sold bullshit stories that the economy is fucked up henceforth, no raise. If you can afford a new Bentley, we can get a 2K raise shitheads.
7. We commit to continually jerk ourselves off with eight hour workday dreams, 401 K matching and the reality that most of us will most likely cash our vacations rather than take them.
8. Posting during work hours shall be a must to receive maximum exposure to all that threatens to shatter the psychic battlements we call our psyche.
9. We promise to answer any and every question we receive even if you insist on brainstorming for months. Don’t worry we’re patient… really we are… no need at all… to…. send… awww for Christ’s sake ask us people.
10. I pledge to donate $10 to a fundraiser of our choosing for every post submitted to WAS by our readers, no bullshit. (I’d put more but not exactly bill Gates talking here).
11. I promise with my heart of hearts to surf a lot more this year. Salty balls and sand on my toesies makes Joker a happy happy little copy.
12. We promise to post in regards to topics of interest if they are submitted in writing and preferably attached with some divine sequence or gallery of porn.
13. We shall continue to offer our views on music, movies, and maybe start including reviews on videogames (that last one’s a big if but hey, it’s a resolution so who gives a shit).
14. Travis promises to work on his language skills…. by offering his pseudo talents in the international language of love.
15. Restrictionsapply promises to ascend me from Paddawan once I successfully kill an AE or two using the skills from training with the Ask The Ninja.
16. Me promises to have a bigger woollier set of balls than 90% of the male population. She currently dominates 84% but she wants to be even higher on the food chain. You go girl(<----that constitutes my seconds of gayness allowed in a day).
17. I’d promise to switch to decaf but unfortunately this is my natural demeanor, tough shnoogans.
18. I pledge allegiance to WAS and the procrastination for which we stand. One group of people under blog, incorrigible, in liberty to hate one and all.
19. And most importantly, we promise to continually thank all readers for giving a damn and tuning in. It might be a bullshit blog, it might not be, but it means a lot to us and for you to enjoy it is as gratifying as it is to write and contribute, thank you.
’06 was a blast and we hope you guys enjoyed. Much love to my co WASsers and may we all get a step closer to Mai Tai wishes and five-dollar lobster dreams.
Al the best to our readers and writers alike. Cheers mates.
Happy ’07
Joker
