Jan 17, 2008

Checkity check yourself...

Before I go medieval on your ass with a spoon and a frozen chicken.

I know, the song goes another way. My post, my title, my business.

I am furious. Livid. Aw... how come? Clients. Again. Yes! This month it's all about the bullshit we have to deal with. And today, my bullshit has a bigger penis. I just want to know something. If you can explain it to me like a four year old, then I would gladly appreciate it.

Situation #1: I go into a sex shop. Buy myself loads of KY Gel. A big plastic shlong, color... bright yellow. I also buy a nice Nurse dress to go with the night's plan. I walk to the register. Wait. Let's not forget the penis looking candy! Ok so back to the register. Do I:

A) Tell them to ring me up and take all those beautiful things home. Enjoy hours of demented pleasure not suitable for weak adults. Take photos as well.

B) Tell them that I need a bill sent to my address. In 30 days I will pay for my pornish items.

C) Tell them to send a bill, proceed to ram it up my butthole when it arrives and pay when I give a shit.

Ok since we all know that A would be the right answer... why the hell do clients pay when they want to? I've had so much bills that are not getting paid in the near future that it's starting to bug me more than any itch on any testicle I could imagine I would have. The thing is, I call, nothing. I write, nothing. I get a poor excuse on the economy and the state of my client's accounting staff... want to know how much bullshit I have heard? Here are some:

1) My account staff is only one person and he's on vacation. When he comes back from Bora Bora I think he should try to process your check.

2) I lost your bill, can you send it again? Um. This particular bill got sent out 7 times. Yes. Again. 7 motherfucking times. In paper. In emails. In cakes and doughnuts. Still, they lost every single one. Where are they? Well, I can bet it's lying next to one of many socks I lose on my dryer.

3) We pay in 30 days. Not 30 days after I sent in the bill. 30 days after they process the bill with hundreds of signatures, mainly of secretaries and idiots. Then it's more than 30 days, right? Nope. 30 days. I can't believe that you don't understand this equation, Me!

I don't get it. I swear. If you ask me to do a campaign, rush, then why the hell do you give me shit when I ask for my check in due time? Can someone please explain this to me and actually make sense?


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