Jan 30, 2008

Dennis Hof doesn't give discounts!

So today, again, a client wins the prize for being a total idiot. According to our latest poll, Clients are the people who most annoy us. No surprise there. For me, at least, today was an example of a sheer WHAT THE FUCK moment.

I have this stupid ad that measures two inches. Ok. I'm being overly dramatic. The fucker is just small. Client sends in this lovely email. We want it adapted to whatever bigger size. I quote the thing. Send it in.

"This is way too expensive for a revision".

Um. Ok. I'll play nice. Cut off the prize. Send it again.

"Still way too much".

If I had Rambo's character, I would have driven down at her lovely office with a machete in hand... you know the drill. Think of Apocalypse now, when Sheen enters Brando's camp? Yeah. That was my imagination running way overboard. I breathe. I look at the quote and decide. Enough.

I had two choices, you see. I could have lowered the price to a ridiculous number and prostitute myself way more ugly than the chicks at the Point... or, I could just call the client up and explain with loads of patience what this kind of job requires.

You see, the last time I checked, my mac didn't come with a "Command-Size-Change", where I could hit the little apple icon and bingo, there is the ad done in a different size. When Steve Jobs comes up with that one, I would gladly bend over, toss his salad with glee and tell my clients that I don't need to charge that much. But, since we can't do that, I drew my line in the sand.

Trust me, I was scared shitless. My client could have told me to FUCK OFF, Bill Connolly style (jesus I'm still laughing for that clip alone) and do the change with a twit creative that would have charged a dime... she could have told me that my services would not be needed anymore... or what DID happen. She understood what I was explaining and approved the damn quote.

You know, I am very lenient when it comes to clients. It's not that I bend over completely, but sometimes I let them have their way when it comes to stupid changes, stupid comments, etc. I think that it's their ad, I can strongly recommend my point of view but at the end, if that's what they want, fuck it. But not when it comes to what I deserve for busting my imaginary balls. No way. I'm good, dammit, and I deserve the amount I tell them.

If hookers at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch tell you that an ass eating contest, with whipped cream and plastic shlongs costs you 2,000 bucks an hour and they don't ever lower their price because old Dennis Hof will probably spank them to death... then dammit, there's my price. Don't like it? Find someone else to much on your balls and deliver with perfection.


RestrictionsApply said...

Funny enough, these are the same clients who don't mind paying for $15.00 martini or a $300 round of golf. Ask your client if she gives her customers discounts...

TexanInHippieland said...

Dennis Hof. Great reference. And a Great post. (almost as good as the previous one)

Me said...

Yeah. Hof.


You know a dirty secret about me?

Hof to me is one sexy pimp.

With enough tequilas in my system... yep.

Damn I'm such a slut.

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