It took two full weeks of the New Year and some close calls last week, but it happened. It really happened. I’m beyond pissed yet again. See, this wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t made a resolution to mellow the fuck out in the new year, but stupid me, I did and I should have known better than to think I could keep this up with the trailer trash doucheness that are some of my clients. I was wondering if it would take long for them to do one of their marvelous coupes where whatever the agency did was wrong, they draw a sketch, write a copy and hand it in so we do as we’re told because they know more about design, writing, and advertising than an agency.
Suffice to say that I’m between nauseous and wanting to take one of those pasty shits that no matter how many times you wipe, there’s still some grime on your sphincter. That’s because some clients are utter shit. They don’t listen to reason, they never finish a meeting with you, they impose changes and know better than everyone. And that’s exactly why they have a shady marriage, are despised by anyone that has to say they are one of their supervisors and are even physically disgusting to anyone that comes in contact with them, because they are a disease. Clients like that are a plague of mediocrity that climb tier after tier in a company and you have no fucking idea how they made it since the fecal matter of a catfish, a creature that feasts on shit is still higher on my life hierarchy than them.
When I think of people that I’d send to the gallows were I a dictator, they would be on this list because apart from mediocrity, you see no function to their existence except to deplete resources, consume energy, pollute and spread their disease by procreating and offer more of what I’d like to call “The Stupid”. If you saw the Neverending Story, you know that in the movie there is a blank entity known as “The Nothing”. Following that same premise, establish that what they spread is a whole lot of duh throughout the land. These are the kind of people that are born out of incomplete ova and weak sperm. These are beings created when anal intercourse splurges its result on a vulva after pulling out. This is where some clients unfortunately come from.
In the span of less than two hours I have been faced with not one, not two, but three jobs from Mein Kampf sucking client extraordinaire and when I ask about the job, I merely get the classic puppy dog don’t hate me but that’s what they want look, and it shall forever make me sick. Stupid due dates, lame jobs, imposed creative directions because we don’t have an exec with a backbone and are offered up just about zero backup from anyone possibly worth mentioning.
So I get here, to this sordid state of pissed, and I realize, that I still have a job to do and a resolution to keep. It’s my job not to let this affect me so much and trust me when I say it’s hard. It’s so hard because I hate shit work, I hate being off strategy or not having any strategy and I hate the lack of consensus and the presence of a client Dictatorshit where orders and creative mandates are given by people who actually hired us to do this work for them. I’d actually like to say that our pathetic results are the reason why things work this way, but it’s not because this particular toad stain has never allowed us to do what we think is best for the brand. By never, I really mean never. Not one job? No sir, not one job. Every single project has had some type of compromise that ultimately dooms the piece to suck or fall in the clutter gutter. And they’re fine with that. They’re super happy and why not? They get to feel like gods for every day they work. Every decision they make is final. That’s one hell of an ego stroke if you ask me.
People have told me I bitch too much and I sometimes agree with them, but then I see the situation for what it is and because of my nature of being anal and not Seymore Butts anal, I understand where I come from. I’m trying to do things right by the light of things I consider to be right. I want to be on strategy. I want there to be a genuine purpose and I want good work to sell them lots of their product. And in response, I get ordered to change things because of whims, gut feelings and the overall attitude that I really don’t matter and I’d say it pisses me off, but on a weakling level, it hurts to be demeaned in such a manner. Truth be told though, this person isn’t worth the lint of a corpse’s asshole as a professional or an individual and that’s the only thing that keeps me from really going postal.
So what’s the point Joker? A couple actually. First, it doesn’t matter how much chemistry you have with your clients, if there’s a higher up that doesn’t like you, things will never flow. Second, taking things really personally is never healthy and never logical. Third, you reap what you sow, if you offer shit orders and mandates, your advertising will be shit. I can always deny I did it. Four, shitty people sometimes make it big, and that’s why things are so sloppy. Fifth, clients continue to be my #1 reason Why Advertising Sucks.