Thank thee ‘the’

If football players, boxers and presidential hopefuls can give thanks to Yahweh, Christ, or their preferred deity of choice, I can give thanks to an overlooked word that is responsible for us not sounding like Neanderthals. Think about it, how many phrases would be utter nonsense or sound apelike without the existence of the word the. Hell I used it in that last sentence twice and that’s without counting the time I said it… hell, I just used it again. But seriously think about how you would sound without ‘the’.

“Could you please pass ketchup.”

“Do you have time?”

“What hell?”

“Where is shit?”

“This is moment.”

“What fuck?”

Etc, etc.

Without ‘the’, we would all sound like second or third language English speakers and our messages could be conveyed in such idiotic manner that none of us would understand each other. Why am I taking this moment to give thanks to ‘the’? Because it is ‘the’ moment to do so. No particular reason, no inherent need, no doomsday clock ticking though I can luckily say that if said need would exist, I could resolve it in ‘the’ nick of time. It declares absolutes better than most other words. I am THE shit. That guy is THE biggest asshole in the world. Suck THE cock. It’s just so fun and easy to use that I couldn’t imagine a day without the.

The sheer power of the word is to be admired because it proclaims, establishes superiority and defines uniqueness. Hell, without ‘the’, what hell would we do? Hip hip hooray I say and let the ‘the’ make your day. Tis a new day, a new year, and it is the perfect opportunity to thank the ‘the’, because if there wasn’t a ‘the’, what would be point?

Happy procrastinating

Joker