ANALogies

To continue with the constant tirade o swashbuckling client hatred spurred on by fun times on the job, might I offer comparisons for my clients in the creative vein since they have no clue as to what creativity or message effectiveness refers to. Having firmly established the purpose for this and any other comparison that may come forth from the dystopian entrails of the right side of my brain, enjoy my way of seeing some clients. (DISCLAIMER: Obviously good clients exist and obviously I don’t work with them. If you have a good client offer a happily ended massage because you should count your fucking blessings.)

On any given day we have to deal with tons of shit and to be frank (even though that isn’t my name), 80% is client spawned and I’m being kind here, overly kind. Word revisions because something just doesn’t sound perfectly right to them, design requests (I mean orders), creative suggestions (orders yet again), and new ideas (AKA things they want you to do and will subtly or not so subtly suggest you do and which you might as well end up doing because if not they’ll hire a freelance to do it). That being said, I have my first ANALogy for clients.

Clients are like hemorrhoids.

You deal with shit and they just make dealing with it that much more troublesome, painful, annoying, itchy, disgusting and plain ole difficult. They get in the way of dealing with shit, they have no true purpose in life except to annoy and even if you go through the correct procedures to get rid of them, they can come back. In fact, they make dealing with shit so difficult some times that you want to cry and in the worst instances, they’ll cause you to bleed. So here’s to the hemorrhoidal clients we have to deal with. May you all be cauterized in hell.