Feb 27, 2008

Designed by Satan, blessed by God

When regarding life there are five great pleasures, eating, having sex, drinking, pissing and shitting. True the last two seem vulgar, disgusting and like natural body reactions, but trust me, when you've been pissing yourself for twenty minutes you definitely believe in god once that stream starts flowing and please, let us not even go into shitting.

But every once in a while, some little devious product comes along that makes your knees go weak, gets your blood pressure pumping and actually makes you think that your taste buds have a libido.

I present, the not so new, yet still new, OREO Cakesters.

For men, this is the essence of a vigorous blowjob condensed within a fluffy little chocolate cake filled with cream. For women, this is that down right sinful fuck you had on a tequila filled night with a gorgeous guy whose name you don't remember captured between two layers of "yum" stuffed full of "oh yeah". I've literally seen people say: "oh my god." with their first bite and have to smoothen down their nipples. They are that fucking decadent and if you haven't tried one and like sweets, you're doing your mouth a disservice.

Now you all might have a few questions. Is this healthy? No. Will it break my carb count? Yes. Will it hurt? Only as to how damn good they are. Trust me this is not healthy food and I'm glad they came out. I wish they even had trans fat just so the lascivious nature of these damn orgasmic pies would be taken up a notch and I could feel even dirtier and sluttier just for eating one of them.

So in short people, if you're having a shitty day and want to say fuck you to Dr. Atkins, the Nation of Southbeach or that Jenny Craig bitch, pick up a Cakester and make sure you have a diaper on.



Thinking In Vain said...

I have often looked on those and wondered. Now I know.

RestrictionsApply said...

Kind of like a Krispy Kreme doughnut

Anonymous said...

Fine, I'll put off my "diet" another year or so. By the way, another great sweet product out now: Twix Java. I'm just sayin'.

Joshua Shaner said...

Not sure if I'm hungry, or horny...or both.

Thinking In Vain said...

I tried them this weekend - they are delicious.

Me said...

Ok I have only one question.

I think that Cracker Jacks are the greatest thing in this universe.

Are cakesters even better than that???

amber said...

your scrumtious description may just be enough to break my no wheat, no dairy, no sugar cleanse...damn I want one!

KathleenGail said...

""oh my god." with their first bite and have to smoothen down their nipples."
Now that is good advertising.

joker said...

TIV: Glad you liked but seriously, buy a 2-pack for a guy friend. It will be hillarious.

Restrictions: EXACTLY like Krispy Kreme in the sense that though gals love Dark chocolate, men love Donuts.

Anonymous: Twix Java..... Must go to a CVS or Walgreens ASAP.

Josh: Do like Dodgeball and wank off while eating.

Me: Cracker Jacks are a sentimental favorite more than anything but I don't think they're in the same league at least for my Taste Buds.

Amber: Sin my child. If not, priests won't have anything to do on Sunday ;) and if you feel guilty just walk to lunch and extra 3 blocks and eat soup. Trust me, they're worth it.

Kathy: So happy you enjoyed, now the question is, did you try them? if you did, then yes, very good advertising on my part lol. Who knows maybe blogging will be a future medium and I'll have something more to bitch about. :D

Cheers to all

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