Feb 13, 2008

Veto on the Food Bill

No I'm not talking about politics even if I might be using political jargon. I'm talking about asking for food and being told, "well that's too expensive, we'll just order you some of this in big buckets so we can cut costs." Ok so 6 people stay overtime, you don't pay them, and when they ask for something to eat, you bitch that we're spending too much on food. What's wrong with this picture apart from us being big enough schmucks to put up with this bullshit? Best part is that we still have one more night of work probably waiting for us and that's only if it's one, could be more and so Mr. CEO can keep buying expensive cars, paying for the house, jewelry, random surgical beautifications and his particular brand of Sugar Daddyness, I have to eat shitty Chinese food. Right.

There's nothing better than getting the bullshit pep talk about we need to cut costs, while they keep splurging money and we can't even get a truly decent dinner out of it. I'm not asking for fucking lobster, but if I don't want to eat food that will pretty much guarantee me swamp ass, I think I'm entitled to that since I'm not charging one extra cent and I'm working 5-8 extra hours AKA up to a full work day. And I'm supposed to smile and be happy that I'm pissing my life away to make money and keep on schedule because other people keep fucking up, changing directions and not being sure... sorry.

First off, listen here Trixie Dimple tits. I know you're my client, but seriously, feel free to get your shit together, use whatever brain God was so merciful as to bestow on your hack ass, and let us do our fucking job without saying something so moronic as to cause me to want to vomit on your crispy work uniform and stop doing things that work against a lil' somethin somethin us in the real world call productivity.

Second off, Mr. CEO. I'd say karma is a bitch but since drastic plasty remixes of your face are your apparent new attempt to make amends with the opposite sex and see if you can fool someone into standing you for more than a conversation, I think it's pretty clear you're just trying to put out some of the joy of life you enjoy on a daily basis, back into the system. In case you'd forgotten, we're also human and the only thing I'm sure of tomorrow is that you'll swing your big P & G dick to tells us where we fucked up, and though you might be right on 2 occassions, you'll swear you're on a roll and we'll probably have to stop you before you change the entire campaign that's due for thursday. The whole "things are tough economically" you can truly keep because we've seen how bad things are lately in your personal life and how over sixty thousand dollars have been spent in about two months regarding your visage, your home and your means of transportation. Next time put an extra twenty bucks so I can have some decent food while I make you money ok, Mr. McDuck? Now go back to swimming in your money.

By the way, I don't think I'm asking something massively out of the question, but if If I'm going to have dinner at the agency, the least is being able to eat for less than a third of what I'd charge in an hour. Then again, I forget that I should be thankful that the merciful CEO has given me a job. Yes I know the situation is not easy in a bunch of places, ok? I'm just saying don't be such a shithead cheapskate when it comes to the people who're going to get sick afterwards. Though who knows, a couple of days off with I-don't-give-a-shit-itis seems like an enticing idea. We'll see how this shit flows though I'm hoping for utter constipation.

For now though, cheers from your friendly neighborhood 16 hour working joker.



RestrictionsApply said...

Oh man, don’t even get me started on that crap... Oops! Too late.

These fuckers actually think they’re doing you a favor by throwing out scraps of cat lo mein after hours. Thankfully, I no longer work in such an environment, but I do remember the days. I especially hated when they’d hand out the leftover snacks from the conference room after a big meeting. There’s nothing more humiliating than eating half-eaten power lunch sandwiches and warm assorted fruit. Of course, we were so desperate, anything would do.

I’ve actually heard of places where you have to buy your own food after hours. I hope that’s just an urban legend.

Over the years I’ve learned that for these people, cost cutting applies to everything – and everyone – except themselves. I guess that’s the nature of the beast.

TexanInHippieland said...

Trixie Dimple Tits?

Trixie Dimple Tits?

(If I ever decide to quit this new job I'm interviewing for, I'm gonna pay you to write my exit letter. You're a fucking genius.)

joker said...

And I will gladly write it. Cheers Ben.

As for Restrictions. Man that urban legend you speak of is no legend, I've been in that situation and it's not fun and then they get pissed because I'm not in a great mood. It's like empathy is an alien concept to these fuckwads. And I hear you about them doing a favor to us... shit a favor? That was only a favor if they wanted to offer me an MSG colon cleanse. And yes, it's the nature of the beast, I'm just looking forward to karma proving me right... I just won't hold my breath til that day.

Me said...


Search for Trixie Dimple on Google.

Damn, Joker. Every day you make me proud.

joker said...

SHIT YESSSSSS #1 on the google finder :D hope a porn star takes up the name. ;)

Me said...

Ha. Did you know the theory about how to get your porn star name, and that it should be the name of your first pet and your first street that you lived at?

Well, let me introduce myself.

Coco Madrid, at your service.

TexanInHippieland said...

That wouldn't work for me...

Cinnamon Seventh

Me said...

I disagree. Seventh. Rings like a size, my friend. Potential for the ladies, fo sho.

joker said...

Randy Duke. Has a nice ring to it. :D

RestrictionsApply said...

I'm screwed: My porn name would be Luba Thirtyfirst St.

Thinking In Vain said...

First off - I don't know if I can weave Trixie Dimple Tits into my everyday vocabulary, but I'm certainly going to try.

Secondly - Julia Electric isn't that bad, I suppose.

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