Mar 5, 2008

Twenty Pet Peeves I’ll never get over

1. Guys who wear corduroy jackets. You look like a combed turd, please take that shit off.

2. Women with skanky perfumes. Thank you for always reminding me what a cheap vagina should smell like.

3. Guys who can’t leave their junk alone. You have a cock, it won’t go running off without you. Please leave it the fuck alone.

4. Getting interrupted while having tea. I have a mug full of piping hot water, do you really wanna get on my nerves?

5. Having someone ask me something while I’m timing a radio. I’d think that me focusing on a screen and looking at a watch would be indicator enough that you should at least give me a minute to finish something endlessly more important than your dumb ass question.

6. If someone asks for my pen and walks off with it, that’s bad enough. But when someone has the tack to take it, sign something and then proceed to fellate my poor pen, I feel just as if a bum had walked up to me and licked my cheek.

7. If you need something from my desk, feel free to look, but also feel free to not make it seem as if the FBI raided my workspace in search of some terrorist threat.

8. Getting Christ emails. A full blown post is forthcoming.

9. Constantly being told by an exec to just do something so the client stops annoying them. I know a client is a pain in the ass, but saying no once in a while and holding firmly to a recommendation once in a while wouldn’t hurt now, would it?

10. Hearing detailed stories of Phil’s sex life. Everybody knows a “Phil”. It’s this guy that can’t seem to be able to keep his pelvic adventures to himself. To make it worse, not only are the tales luridly described, but he smells like bologna accentuated body spray. Gag.

11. When an exec tells me that the artwork just needs a teeny tiny little change. I know you’re going to need like 20 of those, be up front and honest and I’ll tell you when I can do it.

12. People leaving earlier than the rest of the team. Give a fuck about your co-worker and help out so we can all get out at a prudent time.

13. When people complain for no reason. I constantly complain, but I always have a reason : D.

14. Silent but deadlies. We all have to fart, have the decency to go to a place where you won’t kill someone with your Colon Cologne.

15. Not being told when I have a booger in my nose or a piece of food in my teeth. I’d do the same for you. Let me know I look a tad on the nasty side.

16. People saying we should do X or Y thing to save the company money. Want to save the company money? Work for free suckass.

17. People who sing along LOUDLY to their music. It’s ok to air guitar and even do the Rock Band drummer. Just keep the singing to yourself.

18. Anyone who constantly asks for gum and never has any. These people are like gum bums and though I often ask for gum, I always have stuff to share.

19. At lunch time anyone who chews with their mouth wide open. I’m not a baby chick, you’re not momma bird, now shut your trap.

20. Perfume sellers at department stores… their entire existence is a detriment to world society.

3 comments:

Kelly said...

so good that i can't even pick a favorite.

TexanInHippieland said...

Dude, have I been away from advertising that long? I completely forgot about the "timing radio" one!!

joker said...

Kellÿ: Thank you and the best part is that you don't have to lol ;)

Ben: I've lived through that one so friggin often that it's not even funny. oh well.

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