Apr 8, 2008

People who annoy me: Volume 3: Gilby Clarke

In the very fertile valleys of Doucheness, among the hill tops and reigning over the small douche serfs lives Gilby Clarke, an Elder douche if there ever was one. Some people might actually remember Gilby and if they do, they probably would still pump gas if that were still a career option, watched Rock Star Super Nova or finger bang their kittens with Quiet Riot as theme music.

For those who might not know, and there should be a few, Gilby is most famous for being the backup guitarist for Guns & Roses when Izzy quit the band. Lets go over that, his biggest achievement in this world is having been a replacement guitarist.

Does this mean I have a beef with replacement guitarists? Not by a long shot. What it does mean though is that true to the nature of a douche, little of his accomplishments can be attributed to his own merits. He’s pretty much a great covers player and did some guitar work for other bands including Slash’s Snakepit. That means he’s a second fiddle, that means he’s not a superstar, that means people can stop sucking on his cock right about… umm.. now.

I actually gave rockstar super nova ONE chance and after watching that episode I almost did a “Pink” as interpreted by Bob Geldoff in Pink Floyd’s film adaptation of The Wall (if you haven’t seen this, rent it today). Really, being a rock fan I felt such disgust at the people on the show, the hosts and the whole asshole larger than life I’m so cool persona that I would have induced vomiting and in the outskirts of Dave Navarro, Tommy Lee and Jason Newstead was the little douche that could, our beloved Gilby Clarke.

For a second I said, shit maybe I have to listen to his myspace page to see if there’s anything to back up the claims that he’s a guitar hero or a rock star for that matter. What do I get? Umm…. A whole lot of Gilby I guess. I’m not going to say that it isn’t listenable because I’d be lying, but I’d also be lying if you read me writing something on the lines of being impressed.

To add to this, in Rockstar Super Nova, some pickled yak taint said he’d always dreamed of playing with Gilby and they proceed to do a blistering rendition of…… Solsbury hill by Peter Gabriel. Just in case, I actually REALLY like this song, but it doesn’t exactly scream Rock Star if you ask me and to boot, it’s not much of a song to be performed by a Guitar Hero. Yet the cock sniffing and the groupie rim jobs continue for someone who though he might be a nice gent (as offered up by his Myspace profile… a joke onto itself) he’s not much of an icon, much less a guitar hero, much less a rock star. Yet the entire crew of Rock Star Super Nova did a hell of a job of making me hate them much more and though it’s been quite a while since I saw that piece of shit show, I’m still pissed about having taking some of my valuable time and wasting it on some circle jerking would be rockers that need to stop waxing their chests and start making music that rocks at least half as hard as their egos.

Until then, thanks for the memories and the ultra rockness, but I’d rather jam a rusty screw driver up my urethra.



RestrictionsApply said...

Jeez, I used to like this guy, kinda, just because he was in GnR. But now that you put it that way, what a fucking prick. Seems like he's almost as much of a prick as all of the characters played by Daniel Day Lewis (notice I say "characters played by." I'm sure DDL himself is not a dick).

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