Jun 29, 2008

Diary of an Intern Day 6

Week 2 Day 1

Ok so I woke up, did some push-ups, feel energized and after a weekend of binging, I'm going to work, forget about last week and start fresh. It's a sunny day and I'm going to go for the gusto as some of the ad people say. We shsould be meeting the CEO


Ok get to work and guess what awesome activity I was invited to so I could understand the world of advertising.... a staff meeting. I think it's an appropriate term because seriously some people act like they have a staff up their ass. First off, Kathy the Traffic Director couldn't finish one sentence without Louis J. saying that how could the company expect to get the work done with those "ludicrous duedates" or some other gay sounding declaration. I swear this guy is better suited to have tights on, a bob hair cut, a skull in hand and starting every sentence with "Hark, hark." But that led to some interesting scuffles since Jan, what seems to be the only sensible person in the account department, insisted that the due dates weren't unrealistic and if the Creative Team was swamped with work, it was due to poor time management since they'd gotten 3 weeks to do something like 3 layouts, a couple of radio spots and an outdoor banner. "Furthermore" she started... if there was any problem with the time scheduling, they could have written or given some type of status report because every time she called, he said his "prize team" was on it. Ok, note to self, never piss off an exec that has her shit together, doesn't let anything slip and just happens to be hot. So after those scuffles, Louis Shakespeare acquiesced to the requests of the insensible account department. Then it got fucking fascinating because there was some role reversal. John, another ACD asked Frank if he'd finally finished the brief and gotten the jobs in order that needed to be done because he didn't want his team to have to spend another week coming out at 11 because of someone's "lack of foresight", "organizational faults" and plain disregard of how to truly earn a pay check. I swear Frank almost jumped the table but instead it got better. Suzanne, the Traffic intern interrupted any type of explosion he could have had reminding him he had about 8 jobs to draft since a phone call or an email isn't the proper way of emitting a job and that he still had about 10 estimates, 20 invoices and lord knows how many receipts to hand in to justify the $300 expense bill he'd run in the week she'd been an intern as well as the unaccounted expense sheets from the last 3 months. I'm pretty sure he began to say something like listen here intern when a grenade went of as Kathy literally barked him into silence and submission suggesting he got his shit together before she took matters up with Jim the CEO. How can I put this? I've never seen a dog neutered, but I'm pretty sure I have a good grasp of how it must look like. All the while, Jenny and Julie managed to be asked to shut up on at least 7 occasions and Jan severely seemed to hate the fact that all their names started with the letter J and that they did so much to besmirch the 9th letter of the alphabet. Becky was busy texting someone or getting a new high scored in Bejeweled, a truly bright talent I tell you. Mandy sat next to the Media people and you know when people are so quiet it scares you, well try to imagine a whole department like that. Crazy shit. Steve has worked up to three saliva bubbles and looked massively immersed in the innerworking of a desk and of course Jerry was having a hard time taking his eyes off Kathy, Jan, Suzanne and Becky's tits. I swear if we ever find a way to conduct horniness into energy I'm sure the guy can power a large scale city for at least 2 hours. Three if Kathy neglects to wear a bra and direct any type of communication to him. And let us not forget our dear Robert........ Have you seen someone brownose so hard you can't tell where the nose hairs start and the ass pubes end? Exactly. Lapdog is much too small a word for this cock knock.

After that things got super fun.... again to our fucking hole on the 6th floor to read Archive and be locked with Steve and Jerry because Robert never made it because he had to go and help Louis J. with something... You know those people who shall forever sound like that shitty kid from grade school that constantly told you they were going to Busch Gardens while you were stuck with your grandparents for the summer? Also remember that you had a blast while they bitched upon their return that Mommy and Daddy only bought them one pair of Mickey Ears? You get the point.

I think I''m beginning to understand why people hate Mondays so much, or who knows, maybe it's that part of having a job in advertising. Lets hope the week gets better.


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