Aug 25, 2012

Guilty Pleasures Vol. 13: Howard The Duck


I don’t know how many people mentioned this flick or how they guessed it was along my shit pile of movies I for some reason have a soft spot for. See that’s the thing about a guilty pleasure, you know it’s a festering pile of shit rejected by its creators and denied by people who acted, wrote for or did anything for the flick, because regardless of how bad the product is, you know someone had lots of love for the movie and actually thought it could be successful. It doesn’t matter that the plot revolved around a Duck filled planet where one night robe wearing, Play Duck reading midget dressed in a duck costume got magically pulled to the Earth where he didn’t die because of some bullshit explanation no one could ever swallow no matter how well you’d lubricate the turd of a theory. But there it is, in all its shining glory….. Howard the Duck.

As if the premise isn’t enough to make you question your sanity if you actually paid for a ticket for this film, the plot is as weird as it is dull… or is that the dialogue, or maybe both… wait a minute.. I’m actually pondering if the plot and dialogue of Howard the Duck have any merit in this time space continuum… Wow, it shows it’s just Tuesday. But there I am, sitting at 2 AM, flipping channels and coming upon Howard the Duck… and instead of taking that as the perfect opportunity to go to sleep I actually have a giddy child inside giggling at the fact that I’m going to see a naked female duck singing in her bathtub while sipping champagne…



How could you not love this movie then? You have Duck tits for christsake. That’s almost a good enough insult in itself to merit watching the movie in thanks to George Lucas for actually giving the go ahead on this quack brain movie. My only lament is that there was no true Duck Fucking… that would have been fucking classic and I’m sure it would be one of those thoughts I’d recur to just to get through shitty day while still smiling.

So lets see if we have everything necessary for enjoying a movie… duck themed plot? Check. Ridiculous premise, sci fi phenomenon explained via unlikely theorems? Check. Duck? Quadruple check. Aroused duck that enjoys smoking cigars? Way too often for most people’s comfort zone, but check. Bad acting? Enough to make a Razzie Special dedicated to this piece of shit film. Lea Thompson seriously considering banging an alien duck? Check….. Bad guy that mysteriously turns into a cross hybrid, duck dinosaur, mothra turd? Check. Duck tits? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

This movie has everything you need to be ashamed to enjoy. It’s the type of shit you’d get slapped out of confessional for. It’s the type of shit some sad bastards actually masturbate to because they have a thing for ducks. It’s better than big, it’s a tiny midget duck with a funny waddle, a sense of 80’s coke goon asshole fashion style, the extreme use of toots to refer to a woman and bad line after bad line. It’s a piece of shit, it’s horrendous, it’s gruelingly bad. It’s Howard the Duck.

And as if the movie in itself isn’t bad enough… you have this ending to jump to. Teasing, electronic drum set, hair spray galore and enough duck to make you think twice about ordering a peking duck… because it might refer to a poorly zipped trowser of your favorite quacker.



Originally posted on 6/24/08

5 comments:

Me said...

I threw up in my mouth a little.

Ladies and Gentlemen... Tim Robbins is in the building!!! Talk about Oscar winner.

auntie Christ said...

Thanks for making me waste about 15 minutes of my day watching these clips. I couldn't shut it off! Lea Thompson was a cutie, almost like Wendy and Lisa or Sheila E. performing at the end. Oh, and I'm fairly sure that birds don't have tits!

Thinking In Vain said...

I can't seem to read this whole thing or watch the clips. I saw this in the movie theater when it came out and I had nightmares for forever.

Joker said...

Lol, that's the biggest compliment I could have gotten ;)

Thinking In Vain said...

LOL, awesome! :D

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