Jul 9, 2008

More creative guidance? Why of course

In the process of becoming what creatives deem "the real deal", you must look at steps 1-10, 11-20, and 21-30 to truly grasp the beginnings of what it means to be a real creative. Non compliance shall be punished by lashing and you will officially be disregarded from the Creativo Di Magno.

31. Nothing is more incredibly sexy AND creative than an angry creative lobbing something through the air at someone to make their point. Be it a telephone, a shoe, an edition of Vogue the last Sky Mall or a bottle of sake, that communicates creativity because the more random the object the throw, the more you are respected for being a real creative.

32. Always order the most expensive wine on the menu. Price means quality and a creative needs to get true inspiration by ingesting the single most expensive liquid per ounce offered in any establishment.

33. Interns... this is a good time to take up the good old days in Greece where mentoring included constant supervision, teaching of every branch of knowledge and anal plugging. These children need your guidance. If female, you must "gutterball" the boy, where two fingers go into the rectum while one presses the taint. Only then will interns know their role and you will blow off some highly pent up steam.

34. Start brainstorming when people should be packing their bags. A creative team works best when it is drained and sapped dry of hope. Crush their dignity and true creative juices will flow.

35. Believe everything AdAge writes about. Also believe all the results in creative contests and never question the brilliance of Cannes. Cannes judges are equaled only by God in their judgment and inteligence.

36. Make sure your glasses have yellow lenses. That's to help you see the gold creativity that will win your agency the gold.

37. Pony tails are mandatory. It doesn't matter if you're balding and have to staple a racooon head to your head, you need a ponytail (preferably greasy) to be a real creative.

38. Creatives don't wear socks and often walk the office barefoot to suck in the goodness of a creative department, especially when rough layouts are left in your reach to "examine, evaluate, and revise" as necesarry.

39. There is no I in team because the idea comes from one person. Make sure to claim it as yours. Would you share your paycheck with someone much less deserving of an extra cash boost? Of course not.

40. Keep important sounding books on your desk so people not only think but know you are cultured, well read and intelligent. It doesn't matter if you haven't read a thing, that's what the synopsis from Wikipedia is for.


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