Aug 26, 2008

Irrational vengeance is oddly satisfying

To what extent does working in advertising fuck with your sense of the rational? More than you would think and here’s why, when you start consuming a competitor’s brand out of spite for your client you’ve reached a level of bizarreness no one else will ever understand.

In my would be career I’ve taken delicious joy in consuming rival colas and soft drinks, juices or even milk, I’ve savored every morsel of my competitor’s shit ass combo and I’ve gotten delightfully drunk by cheating on my client’s brand with a whorish competitor’s six pack. And you know why I do that? Hell I’ve seen their shit advertising and I know someone’s enduring the exact same angst as I am and are probably doing the same. But there’s just something massively fulfilling about not helping a client that never helps you and merely insists on making your life a dumbass Groundhog repeat every day with the same jobs and their fucking gorgeous insight into making whatever you wrote or designed, perfect. That’s right, I attack my client’s ego by not consuming their products and I fucking love it.

What’s the best part of all of this? Possibly getting caught because in this case you WANT to get caught you want to show what their sniveling shit ways have prompted you to do while your AE proclaims himself the protector of the brand or some other bullshit. And you know why it’s so fucking beautiful? Because of free will and your right to eat and drink and buy whatever the fuck you want.

Today I got revision number 700 I don’t know how much from a certain account that for the last 5 months has been anything except friendly, logical, easy going, or fun to work on. It’s been a full on “I’m right do what I say” fest and apart from the fact that one of my clients looks like Peter Griffin, the other is a crass bipolar woman and the third is the most hateful cream puff asshole you’ll ever get to meet, I genuinely wanted to help their brand not to long ago. But when I saw that every effort was in vain, I started doing the nasty with competitors brands and I swear, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed fast food that much. It was downright deplorably lascivious and I would have thrown the soda on my woolly chest while pounding down their shit food just to make a point that ANYTHING at that moment would be better than helping the client that fucks me every day.

Being proactive didn’t work, being creative didn’t work, being hard selling didn’t work. They just want to justify their fucking salary by ALWAYS having a revision and there’s only so much I can take after working on the same project 5 fucking times while reading the smiley ridden emails from fuckwads that express their inner Warhol and Hemingway with my art director’s design and my copy, because they ALWAYS know fucking better and they always filter information like some molasses I.V. for good measure.

So keep on sending revisions cum sneezers, I’ll happily do them while having my extra marital combo and licking my fingers with the $6-$7 of food I could have spent on you if you weren’t such little shits.

Cheers

3 comments:

Warren said...

You say "cum sneezer" like you think it's a bad thing.

Joker said...

Coming from a client, it definitely is because it's probably aged demon cum and that's just wrong. Though if I catch them eating a booger like some coke junkie I might actually get a chuckle. :D

1Letterman said...

I knew I was going to love my new art director partner when I arrived at this new agency one time.

I went into his office, and he was just finishing something up. I glanced at his "out" box.

On a sheet full of client revisions was scrawled, "FUCK YOU! WHAT ART SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?"

We hit it off immediately and ended up getting several best of shows in a row. For another client.

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