Speed is definitely a client’s drug of choice. True there are various second place finishers but when it comes to speed, well nothing make a client happier than getting things they need done in two weeks handed in a week in advance for no particular reason except to decorate their desk. If you’ve ever wondered why that is or what it’s called, well it’s the 3rd of seven deadly ad client sins and it’s called…
Velocita
When a client constantly needs everything done rush, they should mean it. But they don’t. They just want things done fast so they feel in control. It is dumb ego at its worst often costing various points on the quality meter, but hey, it doesn’t matter because I can later do as many revisions I want (but that’s another sin).
If you’ve ever worked in any advertising department, you’ve had to do things three times as fast with less than half a logical reason to do so. That’s Velocita. The illogical insistence that everything be done as expeditiously as inhumanly possible. Screw anyone’s family or health, this better get done fast or else there’ll be consequences.
The whip cracks, the steeds gallop and the sausage factory is at an all time high because the client said they needed something done double rush because single rush is normal, double rush is urgent, and triple rush means you can land in the black list if you don’t hand that in before the day is up.
Velocita ALWAYS works against the quality of work. Some people shall insist that they work better under pressure and that’s all fine and dandy in their gung-ho mentality feeling like the shit for having done something double-time and triple-quick but what they don’t know is that it’s all for naught. You will work in vain, get elevated blood pressure and limited hours of sleep for nothing.
That’s the thing about Velocita, it’s illogical yet constantly justified by the client with things that make 0 sense on any playing field. But it has to get done because that’s how things are. Oh and also take note that you’re super rushed work shall be sent to be viewed via Blackberry with revisions coming in constantly because if it wasn’t clear enough above, YOU DON’T MATTER.
Clients committing this atrocious sin must bathe in hot oil and impale themselves atop the nearest fire hydrant if you want to save your souls… although being a shitty client begs the question, do you even have a soul?
3 comments:
Of course when it comes to their own work, clients take all the time they need. Three weeks to decide if they want to go 4-color or B&W. One day to create the ad.
I could have written this. My favorite is when the client says, "This is final." They don't mean it. What they DO mean, is that they only have a handful of changes (which will come 5 days from now), and then it will be final "for real." Maybe.
@ hack: That's something I shall never understand and this apst week I had to deal with A LOT of that. Makes you say wtf in the feeblest way possible.
@ Stewbie2: oh lord, the this is final phrase. What a crock. Funny part is when I get the with these changes it's final bullshit phrase. Lord, I wish death were like that for me, I'd get like 8 warnings.
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