Recently, Adbroad wrote a post about well, the euphemistic joy of romance novels when referring to man roots (Why I think gonads, I don't know). So being a Viceroy of Porn (since there is already a king or various) I offer my humble list of metaphors to refer to what we lovingly call cock. I've taken the liberty to divide this by genre.
FANTASY
Power pumper
Wizard’s Wand
Mallet
Dragon lance
Magic Arrow
Giant Cyclops
ELECTRONICS
Torchlight
Joy stick
Floppy
Nav Bar
Vagi prompter
The holy Avatar
PRODUCE
Soddy gherkin
Peeled Carrot
Gonzo Banana
Zesty Zucchini
Sappy vine
The pale eggplant
MEATS
Meat loaf
Penile pepperoni
Kosher dog
Slimy sausage
Kielbasa Delight
Love meat
MASONRY
Wonder rod
Mighty Mortar
Cock block
Drywall plaster
Meaty Wedge
And of course
the jackhammer
OTHER EDIBLES
The solid cream cone
Atkin’s Éclair
Porridge Spitter
Daddy’s Twinky
Beef Stick
Fruit gusher
MISCELLANEOUS
Nana’s nunchuk
Pipi pickle
Cockaccino
Love boat
Cbone Steak
Meat skewer
And to keep up with the times…
Wii Spit
3 comments:
See, I've always enjoyed the musical euphemisms:
The Meat Whistle (an instrument perfect for playing the Slobber Blues)
The Bony Oboe.
And, giving a shout out to my celtic roots (heh), The Bagpipe .
There we go: This comment should just about make me unemployable.
Unless I get to own a company by chance.
Didn't think in musical terms but many thanks for the additional entries.... (yes pun intended)
Recently divorced, I told a friend I was going on a date. He asked...
"Are you going to get some stinky on your hangy-down?"
That beat everything I'd heard up to that point.
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