Cock Fencing

Hello again kiddies. It’s been a while but I felt the need to write right about now because I find myself on the wrong end of the fan that has received a copious load of corn laced goodies. 9 mother fucking PM and I’m at my agency. How long was I at the agency yesterday? Oh til 2 AM. Night before? 2 AM. Night before that? 2 AM. Seems that somewhere along the line I didn’t read the fine print that I would consistently be working 17 hour shifts and some co-workers still wonder why I haven’t been able to get rid of a cute little cough I’ve had for about a month or so. I think I’ll even give the damn thing a name at the rate I’m going. But that’s beside the point. The point is to talk about a most common phenomenon I haven’t talked about before and since my creative juices have quite the bitter bite right now, I thought it would be good to elaborate if only for the use of reference to people who are still thinking of signing up for this crazy shit.

Cock Fencing as defined by Joker’s 100% true 100% accurate Dictionary of ad life goes something like this:

Cock Fencing: v. The act of a CD and a CEO or head of client services wasting anywhere upwards of 2 hours in discussing shit that won’t make a difference. Note: There are varying degrees of cock fencing from a scale of 1-5 explained below.

1- Playing with the yarbles – Lightest of Cock Fencing levels. Happens regularly when a CD or head of Client Services happens to pass and see a layout they’d killed two days ago and suddenly love.

2- Thrust and Repeat – Second level of Cock Fencing. It probably refers to the third meeting in a row where you’d swear you’re experiencing déja-vu if you didn’t know for a fact that they are pretty much repeating the previous two conversations.

3- Fancy flailing – An elevated form of Cock Fencing regularly occurring in meetings with clients where an Account Supervisor and a Client agree to disagree on agreeing over what they disagreed. This may take up your whole meeting giving you 6 minutes to present creative to a client that won’t want to even look at your layouts.

4- Dumburai Showdown – Getting to the max. This Level of Cock Fencing can occur in ANY scenario and is mainly defined by the inane shit that is being discussed. This happens regularly when a supposedly important presentation comes up.

5- Montecristo delight – The highest level of Cock Fencing and why I encounter with every New Business in my current agency. The CD and the CEO share a glass of brown Koolaid and have four hour discussions as unneeded by all those involved. Your CD will probably pout, the CEO will posture and everyone involved in the piece of shit presentation will pay the piper.


As seen in the descriptives above, Cock Fencing comes in all shapes and sizes my friends. What you need to remember each time out though is that only one thing is for sure, someone is going to get fucked and odds are it’ll probably be you.