Sep 10, 2008

Creative Guidance for our Youth… Concluded

It has been a long hard road, but providence is within grasp. If you've followed the previous 90 steps to becoming the real deal of creative créme (not cream), then you are at the cusp of greatness. People look at you and stand in awe at the grand creative deity you are blossoming into. Every brain storm is a first class trip to creative Nirvana and every idea is a golden egg that if handled with love and care will transform into a golden lion, a pencil, a sun, an eye or any other golden idol for you to have worshipped. These are your last 10 steps. Do me proud.

91. Never be practical or time efficient. If you finished your work and came up with a solid campaign so everyone could be out of the office by 8 PM with no one having to work the weekend, you are doing something terribly, terribly wrong. Explore more creative worlds, elaborate and above all ponder.

92. When someone asks if an idea is ok or not, focus on format, typos and how not maintaining a standard is detrimental to the sale process. The merit of the idea is of no importance if the paper is not in perfect format and typo free.

93. Schedule meetings at 12 PM or 7 PM Friday night. That’s the best time to get people’s attention because the mixture of creative and gastric juices is a divine and you would stand in awe at how well people work when angry and frustrated.

94. Change opinions. What can be more productive than offering a variety of thought patterns that not even the world's leading cryptologist can crack. Flip Floppping is as much an art as conceptualizing.

95. Apply the Shatner timing when speaking. Have dramatic pauses where there shouldn't be then blurt the most important information in an 8 line sentence without pausing for breath or to ensure someone heard all you had to say. Your brilliance comes in these nova bursts of inspiration and tough on anyone that cannot keep up with you.

96. When you finally admit you've made a mistake and someone else was right, make sure to make the biggest deal out of this because you are infallible and to even admit you are capable of a mistake is grace beyond words I have to express.

97. Waste more time on mood pieces than on actual campaign work. If you start with a hollywood production you don't need anything to back it up so no worries.

98. Spend EVERY dime you earn on shit you don't need. The more useless the items you buy and the more based on impulse and caprice, the better.

99. Name call, name call, name call. Let people know how fantastic you are because you worked in this place, or were able to come in contact with so and so's brilliance or that you had endless chats with that famous person that appeared on that piece of shit ad you did a decade ago. Don't talk about it as if it were the good days though. Remembering fondly is for children, use this as license to demonstrate you are a more valuable human being than anyone you have ever or will ever come into contact with.

And the most important rule if you want to be a successful creative.

100. Don’t be creative. Don’t have your own thought pattern. Conform, settle and do what is suggested always and I GUARANTEE you will find an agency that’s looking for a creative just like you.



Me said...

(Standing up)


Last one was... FUCKING EPIC.

This is a gem of a post.

the girl Riot™ said...

i now feel completely prepared for international domination in the (un)creative spheres. couldn't have done it without you!

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