In high school and college you were taught some equations and formulas that for the better part of your life, you won't use. Pythagoras, Relativity, etc. etc. etc. Chemistry, Math, Biology, Trigonometry, Calculus, Accounting… everything had a formula and you memorized it for the test and did what any normal person would do after passing an exam. You forgot it. But lo and behold, life does have its own set of formulas that you should definitely take note of.
Enter Life Formulas. Motivational Speakers always have a way of putting social mores and positive lifestyles into little epithets or formulas and they make millions of dollars off that. Here’s my first attempt at an equation you should definitely avoid free of charge, being more trouble than you are worth.
The formulaic expression is as stated in the title of this post:
trouble > your worth
Why is this an important formula for your life? For the answer just look around you and see the people that at one moment or another are just a pain in the ass to deal with. They kick and scream and mope and cry murder every time they need to do some real work because they don’t have space, or time, or information or anything. It’s not to say that these things aren’t necessary to work, quite the contrary, but I’m referring to people that always have a but or any type of excuse to get off easy and not work.
Lines like “I’m a great creative but I can’t spell for shit”, “I design great but I don’t use THAT program” or anything else. Notice how I focus this in regards to the Creative department and that’s for a couple of reasons. The most obvious one is that I’m a creative and I come into contact with these types of situations all too often and often beg for help from elsewhere rather than attempt to reason with some choice characters. The not so obvious reasons are that I thought I’d give AE’s a break and that for some reason or another, the turnover rate of that department is nowhere near as volatile or unpredictable as the one I earn my keep in. Take some time and think about it, how bad does an AE have to fuck up to get canned on the spot? It would have to be something pretty major because tolerance is a lot higher since they have to face the client every day and teaching an AE how to handle an account or a client is a hell of a lot less cost efficient than keeping someone who is subpar but trained in the ways of the douche client whereas I’ve seen copywriters and artists canned on the spot for something that could merit a little over a slap on the wrist. Yes it also costs money to train an artist to design for a specific client or letting a copy know what words they think are yucky, but it’s nowhere near as dangerous or costly as with account servants.
I’m also not going to say that creatives offer much more drama because that would be a disservice to some rather hacklike would-be professionals I’ve met from the account side who are better suited for Latin novellas than the real life. But the reality is that if you’re annoying enough of a creative, a way shall be found for you to either resign or get fired. So basically the would-be lesson I’m trying to serve up is that no one should ever be more trouble than they’re worth because if you bitch and moan and are problematic, and your agency suddenly loses a client… well I don’t think I have to make a map but lets say it goes something like this. The Creative VP is told he has to cut people, he/she sees the lineup of salaries, the accounts people work and just exactly who annoys the shit out of everyone or brings the overall value of the group down and who makes the best creative. If by any chance you have a decent salary, are a pain in the ass, and your creative doesn’t go over getting the job done, well lets say you are a highly qualified candidate for budget editing i.e. you are not worth your weight in gold, copper, silver or any precious metal and are more worth your weight in lint (shit can at least be used as fertilizer).
So next time you’re in a mood to give off your classic hissy fit, just remember, big brother is watching and he’s itching for a chance to give you the termination wedgy and the worst thing you could ever think is that you are irreplaceable.
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