Sep 17, 2008

To be or not to be... that is the question.

Here I am again, in a moment of questions and more questions. You see, again I am dizzy, again I don't want to eat anything at all... in fact, everything for two days straight gives me nausea. Now faced with the worst feeling in my stomach, literally, again I face the question: am I pregnant? Whoa.

Tonight I made a promise to go first thing in the morning and do a blood test. Enough Pharmacy tests that are not 100% sure. I have gotten them twice this month and still, I feel weird. Today I cringed with disgust at my breakfast, I didn't eat all my lunch... and I was happy. Scared shitless, still, but happy.

Am I ready to be a mom? I think I am. The clock is ticking away and I found myself knowing full well that everything is ok for that journey. As I sit here, wishing that the nausea would go away I am thinking about what if. What if it's true. What if tomorrow I go in, get pinched and in a short hour someone tells me that in fact, I am gonna have a child. Do I want one right away? No, I haven't fully planned for it. Will I get upset if I am? Not in a million years. As I was a surprise for my mom, I wish that my child would be the same for me. A total surprise. A very beautiful, blue eyed and dark haired surprise, ha ha.

Are we looking for a baby? Really, not now. Neither of us actually are - I said two years, I got a counter offer of next year - which I am actually considering a bit. I just want to take my time and do things right, with real time and most of all, money. But right now, we take good (and expensive) care that we have enough time to deal with that fact later... but as anything in life, you never know what will happen.

So... I really don't know what will the final answer tomorrow. Maybe I'm sick and all this is just another shitty week of nausea, if that's possible. But I know one thing for sure: we are not scared anymore about that idea becoming a reality. For once I have someone with me who doesn't get scared about it, who hasn't got an issue against it... And that, for me, means one thing: peace.


Joker said...

I promise not to cuss in front of the little Me, whenever said arrival may be... Ok I won't cuss too much :D

Glad you're feeling free luv. Cheers to you and the Mr, and congrats... for feeling like that merits a celebration.

adhack said...

You r ready.


RestrictionsApply said...

If it doesn’t scare you, then you’re ready.
The simple fact that you even went through the trouble of writing this post says a lot about your preparedness.
Though I must admit, “ready” is a relative term. Not until you hold your child in your arms will you know that you’ve made the right choice.
And, no matter how much or how little you plan for it, parenthood is always full of wonderful surprises…

Please keep us posted...

Lucila said...

Me, darling you are soooooo going to be a great mommy!

By the way, black hair and blue eyes????


Me said...

Yep. Dark hair like Mom's and blue eyes like dad. YIKES!


M.M. McDermott said...

Talk about timing. We just a had a kid today. Literally. Well, my wife did. I just held one of her legs and tried not to scar my sex life by looking at her lady parts as a bloody portal.

I nearly caught myself on fire lighting the grill with a burning piece of newspaper last week. Now, I'm in charge of shit. Important shit.

You're never ready. But you'd be surprised how good you can fake it when you have to.

Good luck, kiddo.

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