I'm feeling Japanese this week

Enjoy

This is MY motivation

Women listen to "Bitch".

White would-be boxers listen to "Eye of the Tiger"

Guys who are almost gay listen to "I Need a Hero" .

Me? I've got my own brand of inspiration.... especially for this week. CHEERSSSSSS

"I was licking jelly off of my boyfriend's penis and..."

How I wish I had those one liners. Ladies and Gents; Sarah Silverman.

Offended? Um... I guess she's sorry. Um... Not.

What if the client were YOU?

As creative professionals, it’s our right to bitch and moan about clients and their inane ways. And hey, why not? As workers who’ve historically made up the lowest possible tier in the marketing caste system, it’s our job to trash The Man.

Experience (and this beloved Blog) has taught us that clients are overpaid, undereducated, chicken-shit assholes who get off on stepping all over us creative hippy types. Of course, they say that no one understands them, that we can’t imagine the pressure they’re under, the responsibility. From a client’s point-of-view, how can a lowly creative miss the connection between selling more phones and ending world poverty? Plus, clients foot the bill, so that gives them the right to do whatever they want, no matter how stupid, right?

Ok, so let’s step into their shoes: What would you do different if you were a client and “the weight of the world” fell on your shoulders? Would you consider it reasonable to give creatives three months to come up with a slogan? Would you really spend $500,000 on a 30ss ad that will run in a tiny market for less than three months? Would you see your advertising agency as a specialist and a consultant, or as hired help that are paid to merely follow your instructions? Would you not call the agency at 6:10 p.m. asking for revisions for something that’s due the next day? What would you do to be a good client?

Before you answer that, consider this: One of my worst clients today used to be my partner in crime the advertising game many years ago. She was an AE who quickly rose through the ranks to become a high-powered VP of Client Services (a fancy term for a highly paid regular AE). She and I used to complain about how fucked up clients are and her hatred for client antics was exceptionally sharp. Well, she now owns a business and, as a client, she is everything that she hated about clients. Her explanation: “You just don’t understand, it’s different on this side.”

The Wisest Woman I will ever meet.

For reasons that are obvious, I cannot put a picture of my grandma here at WAS. Not that you would ever meet her in real person and say "Hey you're Me's Grandma, tell me who she is in real life", but to protect myself I can't. But I wish I could. She is beautiful. In fact, when she was a bit younger, she looked like Rita Hayworth. And this is not, kind of look like her... She really did. Now, of course, as time has gone by, she is still beautiful, but in a more grandma-ish sort of way.

Today, something reminded me of that phrase I keep writing about, over and over again, which by now you will be thinking... Here goes Me again quoting her grandma with that bullshit thing about being ok. Well, go suck a ball, today was proof of one thing and one thing only: my grandma is the wisest woman - um, apart from my mother, which kicks total ass - that I will ever meet.

Yeah. You know the line that my sweet grandma told me years ago: sometime you will look back at your life, remember a problem that you thought it was impossible to solve, and you will laugh about it.

Again and again, it happens. And today I received a call that made me so happy that I needed to celebrate. I cannot tell you why I am celebrating, this will come later in a post. Besides, it creates a bit of suspense... what could it be? You'll see.

But yes, I need to celebrate that my grandma was right. At the end, some people I know, laughed at the end. It was hard. It was difficult. It was scary. Made you think of the worst. Made us feel concerned, made us want to be there just in case the story didn't have a Hollywood ending.

What my grandma wants out of all os us, well... screw you it's my granny, so it's me, me, me... (just kidding), is that we all have to be strong, and to realize that we have the power to overcome anything. If you think that you cannot solve a problem, then probably you won't. By surrendering, you let life win. No way man, impossible. We can overcome anything.

So... to the person who had a problem and didn't sleep for a couple of days, some little penguin told me everything is ok. I told you by way of old Chaplin, smile. I hope you are doing it right now.

For the other person, which I can't really write anything here because you will know soon enough... I am so proud of you.

And to grandma... Te amo. Mucho. Eres la mujer más increíble del mundo y es un orgullo ser parte de ti.

Sorry. I had to speak from the heart... (but since she shines, she already knows I'm writing this...)

E=Mc2

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Twenty Pet Peeves I’ll never get over

1. Guys who wear corduroy jackets. You look like a combed turd, please take that shit off.

2. Women with skanky perfumes. Thank you for always reminding me what a cheap vagina should smell like.

3. Guys who can’t leave their junk alone. You have a cock, it won’t go running off without you. Please leave it the fuck alone.

4. Getting interrupted while having tea. I have a mug full of piping hot water, do you really wanna get on my nerves?

5. Having someone ask me something while I’m timing a radio. I’d think that me focusing on a screen and looking at a watch would be indicator enough that you should at least give me a minute to finish something endlessly more important than your dumb ass question.

6. If someone asks for my pen and walks off with it, that’s bad enough. But when someone has the tack to take it, sign something and then proceed to fellate my poor pen, I feel just as if a bum had walked up to me and licked my cheek.

7. If you need something from my desk, feel free to look, but also feel free to not make it seem as if the FBI raided my workspace in search of some terrorist threat.

8. Getting Christ emails. A full blown post is forthcoming.

9. Constantly being told by an exec to just do something so the client stops annoying them. I know a client is a pain in the ass, but saying no once in a while and holding firmly to a recommendation once in a while wouldn’t hurt now, would it?

10. Hearing detailed stories of Phil’s sex life. Everybody knows a “Phil”. It’s this guy that can’t seem to be able to keep his pelvic adventures to himself. To make it worse, not only are the tales luridly described, but he smells like bologna accentuated body spray. Gag.

11. When an exec tells me that the artwork just needs a teeny tiny little change. I know you’re going to need like 20 of those, be up front and honest and I’ll tell you when I can do it.

12. People leaving earlier than the rest of the team. Give a fuck about your co-worker and help out so we can all get out at a prudent time.

13. When people complain for no reason. I constantly complain, but I always have a reason : D.

14. Silent but deadlies. We all have to fart, have the decency to go to a place where you won’t kill someone with your Colon Cologne.

15. Not being told when I have a booger in my nose or a piece of food in my teeth. I’d do the same for you. Let me know I look a tad on the nasty side.

16. People saying we should do X or Y thing to save the company money. Want to save the company money? Work for free suckass.

17. People who sing along LOUDLY to their music. It’s ok to air guitar and even do the Rock Band drummer. Just keep the singing to yourself.

18. Anyone who constantly asks for gum and never has any. These people are like gum bums and though I often ask for gum, I always have stuff to share.

19. At lunch time anyone who chews with their mouth wide open. I’m not a baby chick, you’re not momma bird, now shut your trap.

20. Perfume sellers at department stores… their entire existence is a detriment to world society.

For someone in need.

Yes we can.

Let's give it a shot...

There will be... Milkshakes.

Um. There are no words to describe this. Well, I can think of some.

Dark. Incredible. Amazing. Jesus H Christ.

All I want to do in life now is scream this: I drink your milkshake.

Daniel Day Lewis is so fucking awesome in this movie, that I would have his children.

Enough said.

Diablo Cody rocks.

What a wonderful movie, dammit. This weekend I saw Juno and... whoa. For those of you out there who think this is a chick movie, trust me you are wrong.

The basics? Well, our friend Juno is bored one day and decides to have sex with her best friend, Bleeker. (Who hasn't?) What seemed to be just a one night thing, out of curiosity... ends up being a 9 month "situation". Of course, she has to tell the parents. She has to endure the long stares at high school. But this is not the problem. It is a bit more complicated than that.

It is the story of a young girl trying to find good in a very bad situation. At that age, we are all trying to find out who we are. Add to that a baby coming... and life gets interesting, to say the least. Ellen Page is simply amazing. She nails it, big time. In fact, every single actor in this movie is superb. Yes, I wrote superb, so sue me. Even the damn music is spot on.

But the most amazing thing about this movie is the amazing script. It is so great when you watch a movie and you can believe every single line. Diablo Cody wrote the shit out of it, I kid you not. I can compare it to Woody Allen, Tarantino or Kevin Smith's scripts. Totally believable, spoken like the real thing.

I was the first one that was a bit skeptical. I sat down thinking... this is going to blow. Coming from a person who loves gore, blood and violence, I had to watch because I promised my mom I would. You know... I love my mom and if she needs me to see a sappy movie with her, dammit I will sit down and smile, even if I end up sleeping during the whole thing. Seconds after the movie started, I was laughing my ass off. The one thing that this movie is not is sappy.

So please, meet Juno. She is a wonderful kid.

After kissing a bunch of toads, my friend got her prince.

A couple of months ago I asked our male readers to pitch in and help a friend in need. She was sort of dating a guy who turned to be a two timing idiot. Well, you guys wrote your opinions, she read them... Thought about them for a while...

Well, I thought you'd like to know that because of you guys she finally gave the guy his pink slip and moved on to greener pastures. How green? Well, she found a nice... scratch that, a wonderful guy who adores the bejesus out of her!!! By taking your advice and your opinions, she finally opened her eyes and deleted from her life a guy who really didn't deserve her attention.

So, my friend is happy, I'm glad to report. And I wanted again to say thank you to all the men who told it like it is to help a chick out.