Mar 17, 2009
I am walking the shopping mall. I am minding my own business. Suddenly one thing catches my eye. I hear a sweet voice. "Hey, Me. Look here." I am dumbfounded. There they were, the greatest shoes known to human kind. They start to talk even more. "I come in your size, lady. Care to wear me a bit to see if we fit?" I could not resist. Shoes have some strange power over women. I succumbed. I was left with an incredible pair of shoes and a 150 dollar bill. Yes. 150 dollars for a pair of shoes. I must be crazy.
For as long as I can remember, men have always asked us women what is the deal with shoes. Well, I think they are like crack cocaine. You get a hit and you want more. You try to figure this on your brain a bit. I should not get those shoes. I have more than I can handle. I cannot afford them. So you walk away a bit, but those fuckers talk back, I swear. "Get me!" I have always have a dilemma 'cause I sometimes leave the store, knowing full well that I really don't need them... and then I sit at home, wondering... Shit. I should have gotten them.
Oh and don't get me started on why women can't control their shoe buying addiction. Just one trip to your local Sears Brand Central and all you see is men, drooling. I mean, you just would need to mop the floor or get buckets. There are hundreds of men out there every Saturday buying tools that they will definitively will not use. A Dremel, really? In what moment will you need to make a hole in anything near your house? Honestly, come on. An electrical Saw? Yes, YES! It will look lovely on its case, not being used for anything related to cutting. I've seen houses that are run down but they have all the tools to fix them... But the lady of the house sure has her shoe thing going on!
Guys, at least us women will actually put the shoes on, even if it is for going to the supermarket. Call us crazy, call us deranged. Hey, at least we'll wear them. Ok, ok. So sometimes we spend way too much (example, me last Saturday) but... but... hey at least if you sum up your tool bill it kind of adds up, right?
Look, I write this because I know somewhere in this earth there is a man shitting himself over a huge bill caused by shoe addiction. All I can say is, dude... I'm sorry. It's just a condition, much like your tool or watch addiction (men sure love their watches, wouldn't you say?). Next time your lady comes with a shitload of boxes... just smile and go visit your tools.
By the way. I put on my new shoes today. They were awesome. Orgasm awesome.
Posted by Me at 10:49 PM