Aug 27, 2009

I'm telling you for the last time: VECTORS!

This is sort of a Public Service Post. The idea is, you copy and paste this and send it to your client. The thing is, I am so freaking mad right now, some "shit", "fuck", "ass muncher" and other bad words might get in the copy, making this post work only for this blog. Oh well. Here we go.

Dear Client. I am telling you for the last time. Send me a logo in vectors. If you send me another low res jpg and tell me to use it for my artwork, I swear... OOOOOh I swear I will go to your office with a donkey, some gaffer tape, X-Acto Knifes and a video camera. You will pay.

How many goddamn times I have to say this shit? Really! I've been working in this crap business for a shitload of years and still, to this day, I have to keep repeating myself.

The kicker is when I write it and send it by email. I get a FUCKING LOGO IN WORD! YOU FUCKING FUCK! A Word document? What am I supposed to do? Write a memo with my artwork?

"But can't you get it from the internet?" NO YOU MORON DONKEY TURD! Those are GIF's! The lowest crap of the bunch? Oh. Well JPG then. PERFECT! Jpg are also pixels you damn stupid human being!

The thing that bugs me the most is... I just can't do it. There are some rotten designers out there who will send the artwork with fucked up logos and laugh all the way to the bank. I still have some dignity dammit. I still want my design to look good. So when I see stupid crap logos, I get really mad.

And you know what? Sometimes it's not the client's fault. Sometimes it's Account Executives who really don't give a shit and send you the crappiest jpg or pdf they can find (a pdf with a fucking low res photo in it) so the client can pass it along and end of story.

Oh! And another thing. Going to do a logo? DO IT ON VECTORS! Yeah, I know you likey likey the special effects and that 3d looks better. So does my fist in your nuts. I hate it when designers do photoshop logos only, you know why? Because I'm the asshole trying to figure out how I am going to do a 30 feet wide artwork with a 2.5 x 5 inch psd logo, 300 dpi. Oh and I am NOT retracing your logo, dude. You do it.

Honestly. Give me vectors or give me death! Here ends my wrath post of the day. Sorry. Really mad.

PS: Johnny Cash giving the finger? EPIC!


Jake P. said...

Sweet Jesus, that's awesome.

I know it's not as bad as vectorless logos, but I did spend about 90 minutes this week trying to get someone to send me hi-res photos suitable for publishing in a magazine. The feature article I wrote is basically freakin' FREE publicity for the guy, and they send me shitty photos that are also lo-res. The jury is still out on whether they will upload the real files to my iDisk or not. Not holding my breath, but I may just have to send 'em a little Johnny C.

adchick said...

In Hooterville, you just learn to live with it. They don't know what Vector is. Maybe you should cut down on the coffee? :) Kidding.

RestrictionsApply said...

Dear Agency:
Vectors? Isn't that the stuff they use to calculate flight routes to the moon? And... I think I have a third cousin in Romania whose name is Vector. Anyways...

My printer never gives me any complaints about the logos I send him. He's a good little supplier. He just takes down my order, does the job, and gets paid. It's as simple as that. It's called business.

Hi-res? JPG? GIF? Outlines? I thought you did advertising, not computer programming, jeez. Hey, I'm not looking to win any design awards or artsy-smartsy stuff like that. I just wanna save (and make) some money. The ugly people behind ugly brands seem to be doing alright for themselves, so why can't I?

Don't like the logo quality? Such is life...

The Client

Lucila said...

ay darling.... sometimes, just sometimes yoy just have to breath and let it go. :(

Teenie said...

I once had a client ask me if we couldn't just change the low res pic to a high res. Oh, the restraint I showed...

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