I so apologize for not having prompted this fight before it starts. I think it's a crime if you love boxing and you miss this fight. That being said, this fight is about to begin... Stay tuned, will report soon.
Prediction? I can't abandon ma boy Juan Manuel Marquez. I say JMM by decision, I hope I'm wrong though and that he gets a knockout... what the hell will happen? Lets see.
Feb 28, 2009
Scary moments.... I mean real ones
Though you might expect me to be talking about presentations, ninja jobs, personnel change, or even getting fired, when you look at the macro side of life, these things not only pale in comparison, but truly take their true shape of insignificant events in our lives. Well not completely insignificant, but silly when compared to births, marriages, divorce, winning the lotto, getting head from your best friend's mom or death.
But eliminate all those options from the last sentence and leave that last word. If anything is clear in this life, it's that we're all going to die, eventually. I know people have faith in modern medicine, the existence of vampires or the fountain of youth, but for most people, there's just kicking the bucket and holding on to see what the hell happens when we go all flatine and shit.
Why do I bring this topic now? Well apart from the fact that we've rarely talked about death and the workplace, well, this week I almost saw a co-worker die... and it puts a lot of shit into perspective and it reminds me of all the accidents, injuries and close calls I've seen in a work environment. All in all, I've seen a person lose consciousness from low blood sugar and go into shock, seen a heart attack, an epileptic seizure and have had a co-worker die from a variety of health complications. This week had me seeing a co-worker losing consciousness because of a congenital heart defect that after a nice dose of stress, his aorta pretty much shut off and cut blood from going to his brain for a few seconds, enough for him to collapse and almost die.
I don't know about you though, but when I hear something like that, I can't help but ask how this has gone unchecked for 6 years or so. Then I remember that we all have to work, and that some people don't consider taking a day off as something remotely kosher, or they simply don't take care of themselves. Whatever the reason, it just goes to show that you can actually die at your work place, something we rarely take into consideration since we're too busy hating or loving what we do to look past responsibilities and see that there's a life being lived in a cubicle next to you and that said life can expire at any moment.
But think about it, do you know of ANYONE who would want to die on the job? Obviously barring firemen, cops, soldiers, and samurai that consider said tragedy as honorable, which it is if you ask me, but if they had a choice, do you think anyone would want to die in their job? True there might be a few Officer Riggs out there, but for the most part, everyone has a very different place and moment they'd like to die in (as if we truly had a choice in this, suicides excluded). For my part, no. I think few things could be sadder than having the spend your last moments on this Earth with people you are forced to interact with and aren't necessarilly the ones you'd want to be with.
Hey, maybe I'm wrong and there's nothing more glorious than having an aneurism while finishing a spread sheet, but somewhow I doubt that.
But eliminate all those options from the last sentence and leave that last word. If anything is clear in this life, it's that we're all going to die, eventually. I know people have faith in modern medicine, the existence of vampires or the fountain of youth, but for most people, there's just kicking the bucket and holding on to see what the hell happens when we go all flatine and shit.
Why do I bring this topic now? Well apart from the fact that we've rarely talked about death and the workplace, well, this week I almost saw a co-worker die... and it puts a lot of shit into perspective and it reminds me of all the accidents, injuries and close calls I've seen in a work environment. All in all, I've seen a person lose consciousness from low blood sugar and go into shock, seen a heart attack, an epileptic seizure and have had a co-worker die from a variety of health complications. This week had me seeing a co-worker losing consciousness because of a congenital heart defect that after a nice dose of stress, his aorta pretty much shut off and cut blood from going to his brain for a few seconds, enough for him to collapse and almost die.
I don't know about you though, but when I hear something like that, I can't help but ask how this has gone unchecked for 6 years or so. Then I remember that we all have to work, and that some people don't consider taking a day off as something remotely kosher, or they simply don't take care of themselves. Whatever the reason, it just goes to show that you can actually die at your work place, something we rarely take into consideration since we're too busy hating or loving what we do to look past responsibilities and see that there's a life being lived in a cubicle next to you and that said life can expire at any moment.
But think about it, do you know of ANYONE who would want to die on the job? Obviously barring firemen, cops, soldiers, and samurai that consider said tragedy as honorable, which it is if you ask me, but if they had a choice, do you think anyone would want to die in their job? True there might be a few Officer Riggs out there, but for the most part, everyone has a very different place and moment they'd like to die in (as if we truly had a choice in this, suicides excluded). For my part, no. I think few things could be sadder than having the spend your last moments on this Earth with people you are forced to interact with and aren't necessarilly the ones you'd want to be with.
Hey, maybe I'm wrong and there's nothing more glorious than having an aneurism while finishing a spread sheet, but somewhow I doubt that.
Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie ever.............................?
Ok, I hope y'all got over the Oscar buzz, the dresses everyone wore, the nipple flashing by Sharon Stone and the very real assessment by Molly Cyrus regarding her role in her new Hannah Montana movie, stating that it's deep enough to maybe even make it to the Oscar's.... whatever Miley (by the way I will insist on writing your name as I see fit depending on my mood in any sentence where I'm generous to include any reference to you). It was a very different type of Oscar night for various reasons and to be honest, just like the dress selection on the red carpet, there were hits and misses.
First off, choosing Hugh Jackman as a host was an interesting choice and when they let him do his stuff, I thought he was rather entertaining since he was being asked to up the ante to regular antics rather than asking a comedian to tone down their comedy. The first musical number I really enjoyed and more than anything, because it showed the Oscars not taking themselves too seriously if only once in this lifetime. The stage was actually beautiful, the presentation for best supporting actors, and best supporting actresses as well as actresses and actors in lead roles was a departure from before and 3 of the 4 were an interesting twist even though the kumbaya levels were on high. That being said, I dunno what the hell happened in the best supporting section where the format bogged, the people had nothing really interesting to say and well, it was aight at best. Everyone looked too stiff and any acting chops were quickly dissolved in a sea of uptightness, well with the exception of Cuba Gooding Jr. looking like an extension of his Boat Trip and Norbit roles rather than the talented actor we've seen in other movies. I swear, that guy is like Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to roles he's chosen. Sometimes brilliant, often painful.
In comes my first beef... Penelope Cruz winning for Vicky Barcelona... um....... nothing against Ms. Cruz but ok... good for her. Somehow I look at the competition and scratch my head quite a bit when it comes to this one because I thought it was a category stocked with so much talent that it was anyone's game.... except Penelope. But hey, great for Cruz. She accepted gracefully, gave thanks to Pedro Almodovar who pretty much made her career and through sexy lisps and admitting she might faint, she took the little bald guy to home. Well deserved? Well lets just say I'll check all movies in a month's period just to try and be fair. I'm just saying she was the underdog and maybe she wasn't the most deserving acttress in that category.
(wow, that was some weak segway to get to my point but screw it)
Speaking of underdogs that got the benefit of the doubt WAY too much, enter Slumdog Millionaire........... Ok first off, nothing against Slumdog Millionaire. I think it was a great movie, a nice time at the movies and money very well spent. That being said, it was a great movie, not fantastic, not life changing, not impacting, not incredible, not movie of the year. It was just very, very, very good and though I'm actually glad it got nominated, I'm not so glad that it won so many awards. Nothing against the people of Mumbai, it's just that I think some Bollywood films are even better than Slumdog and they've rarely even been mentioned in the same sentence with Oscar, unless you're talking about some cold cut meats.
Trust me on this, I LOVE underdogs winning, but winning when they deserve to win. Slumdog is a great movie... but the best movie of 2008? I think not. Simply said, I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and was floored by the painstaking beauty of this movie. A movie that to me was as good as it could have been made regarding score, visual presentation, sets, makeup, acting and pretty much everything I can think of. Was it a bit slow? Well to me, that's relative and if you were bored in Ben Button then it's either not your cup of tea or you have the attention span of an Olsen twin fan. That being said, Danny Boyle winning best director was a slap to the face of David Fincher. Again, not taking away the talent that is Danny Boyle, he's a great guy, good director and seems like as good a person to share dinner with as anyone, but when you compare movies, I still think it fell way short of at least two other movies. But you know what, it didn't piss me off that much because in the end Slumdog is excepcionally well made and had very interesting tricks to showcase.......
Where I do get really pissed off is in awards like sound mixing, original score and best song.... above all best song and for two damn reasons. One, Peter Gabriel's song is better and second and MOST importantly, Springsteen did not get nominated. Hell I could even accept Sean Penn winning the Best Actor award, but the Boss not even getting mentioned? Fuck that. And I actually applaud Gabriel for not wishing to participate in the awards after the hack and slash they did with the songs. It was like his song, remixed to better fit the Slumdog theme of the night.
Which is the point. I'm not sure what political interests catering to a Slumdog night was going to serve, but I hope it served them.
The only thing I did not have a gripe with was Heath Ledger winning for his role as the Joker. My gushing love for the Joker aside, I think it was a special win because it showed that blockbusters can and should have great acting. It showed that characters like that can and should win when pulled off so incredibly well and that you don't have to be Phillip Seymore Hoffman or a Slumdog to win. You just need talent.
cheers
First off, choosing Hugh Jackman as a host was an interesting choice and when they let him do his stuff, I thought he was rather entertaining since he was being asked to up the ante to regular antics rather than asking a comedian to tone down their comedy. The first musical number I really enjoyed and more than anything, because it showed the Oscars not taking themselves too seriously if only once in this lifetime. The stage was actually beautiful, the presentation for best supporting actors, and best supporting actresses as well as actresses and actors in lead roles was a departure from before and 3 of the 4 were an interesting twist even though the kumbaya levels were on high. That being said, I dunno what the hell happened in the best supporting section where the format bogged, the people had nothing really interesting to say and well, it was aight at best. Everyone looked too stiff and any acting chops were quickly dissolved in a sea of uptightness, well with the exception of Cuba Gooding Jr. looking like an extension of his Boat Trip and Norbit roles rather than the talented actor we've seen in other movies. I swear, that guy is like Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to roles he's chosen. Sometimes brilliant, often painful.
In comes my first beef... Penelope Cruz winning for Vicky Barcelona... um....... nothing against Ms. Cruz but ok... good for her. Somehow I look at the competition and scratch my head quite a bit when it comes to this one because I thought it was a category stocked with so much talent that it was anyone's game.... except Penelope. But hey, great for Cruz. She accepted gracefully, gave thanks to Pedro Almodovar who pretty much made her career and through sexy lisps and admitting she might faint, she took the little bald guy to home. Well deserved? Well lets just say I'll check all movies in a month's period just to try and be fair. I'm just saying she was the underdog and maybe she wasn't the most deserving acttress in that category.
(wow, that was some weak segway to get to my point but screw it)
Speaking of underdogs that got the benefit of the doubt WAY too much, enter Slumdog Millionaire........... Ok first off, nothing against Slumdog Millionaire. I think it was a great movie, a nice time at the movies and money very well spent. That being said, it was a great movie, not fantastic, not life changing, not impacting, not incredible, not movie of the year. It was just very, very, very good and though I'm actually glad it got nominated, I'm not so glad that it won so many awards. Nothing against the people of Mumbai, it's just that I think some Bollywood films are even better than Slumdog and they've rarely even been mentioned in the same sentence with Oscar, unless you're talking about some cold cut meats.
Trust me on this, I LOVE underdogs winning, but winning when they deserve to win. Slumdog is a great movie... but the best movie of 2008? I think not. Simply said, I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and was floored by the painstaking beauty of this movie. A movie that to me was as good as it could have been made regarding score, visual presentation, sets, makeup, acting and pretty much everything I can think of. Was it a bit slow? Well to me, that's relative and if you were bored in Ben Button then it's either not your cup of tea or you have the attention span of an Olsen twin fan. That being said, Danny Boyle winning best director was a slap to the face of David Fincher. Again, not taking away the talent that is Danny Boyle, he's a great guy, good director and seems like as good a person to share dinner with as anyone, but when you compare movies, I still think it fell way short of at least two other movies. But you know what, it didn't piss me off that much because in the end Slumdog is excepcionally well made and had very interesting tricks to showcase.......
Where I do get really pissed off is in awards like sound mixing, original score and best song.... above all best song and for two damn reasons. One, Peter Gabriel's song is better and second and MOST importantly, Springsteen did not get nominated. Hell I could even accept Sean Penn winning the Best Actor award, but the Boss not even getting mentioned? Fuck that. And I actually applaud Gabriel for not wishing to participate in the awards after the hack and slash they did with the songs. It was like his song, remixed to better fit the Slumdog theme of the night.
Which is the point. I'm not sure what political interests catering to a Slumdog night was going to serve, but I hope it served them.
The only thing I did not have a gripe with was Heath Ledger winning for his role as the Joker. My gushing love for the Joker aside, I think it was a special win because it showed that blockbusters can and should have great acting. It showed that characters like that can and should win when pulled off so incredibly well and that you don't have to be Phillip Seymore Hoffman or a Slumdog to win. You just need talent.
cheers
Feb 26, 2009
The mother of all inventions
About seven years ago a dude who thought he was my boss told me, in the throws of a heated discussion, that nothing new could be invented because everything had been done before. We were discussing creativity in advertising and his comment threw me off because it showed me just how ignorant this guy was. Charles H. Duell, Commissioner of the U.S. patent office, said the very same thing… in 1899!!! Poor old Charles never saw the advent of cars, TVs, video, computers, etc. – Insert foot in mouth, bro.
Anyways, this got me to thinking of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. What would your pick be?
I’d have to go with the infamous line from the Dustin Hoffman classic, The Graduate: “Plastics!”
I nominate plastic as the greatest invention of the 20th century
What about you?
Anyways, this got me to thinking of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. What would your pick be?
I’d have to go with the infamous line from the Dustin Hoffman classic, The Graduate: “Plastics!”
I nominate plastic as the greatest invention of the 20th century
What about you?
Five Things that Define: Pissing Me off.
Let's cut the bullshit, ok? In a world where everyone is jumping on the "25 Random Things" bandwagon, I choose to go the other route and stick to five. WAS style, mo'fo! You know, keeping it old school...
So anyways, it is not that I've had a bad day, au contraire my friends, been having a great year so far. But today, I bought a new kick ass PDA (ok Restrictions, now is the time to give me hell for that purchase, wink wink) and I found myself pissed off. Trying to learn how to use it reminded me of one glorious thing that annoys the shit out of me and suddenly I realized...
I have not written about five simple things that piss me off. So hey, what better moment than this to set the record straight? Here we go...
1) Voicemails.
In the wonderful world of telecommunications and cellphones, someone invented a great thing: missed calls. If you called and I didn't answer, my phone, miraculously will alert me to the fact that I have a missed call from you. So when you leave me a message telling me "Hey, It's Me, call me back", I get pissed off. Look, I waste enough time for me typing numbers and listening to a godforsaken machine so that I can listen to what seems to be obvious. Take that moment and truly explore the possibilities. "I saw George Clooney and he's here at the bar next to your office, come as fast as you can" is a great voicemail. "Remember to get me that plastic shlong when you go to the store" is also a great message for me to listen. But "Just call me back. Bye."... Yeah. You'll get my new phone rammed up your ass.
2) Emails in Messenger.
You are my pal. I give you my gmail address. I specifically say: don't send any emails to my messenger account 'cause I hardly ever read them. Just stick to the email I gave you and all your messages will be read and answered. So why the fuck did I open the messenger email by a click-accident and ended up having 93 motherfucking emails? Oh and don't get me started on people who tell me "But I sent you that email, didn't you get it?" Yeah, I didn't get it because you sent it to the last place I would look. Hotmail is and will always be a disgrace, so don't expect me to switch from my lovely Gmail because you would like for me to open, of all things, a damn forward.
3) Angry Customers who have no right to be so.
Today I walked in the cellphone store to find a mob. People were yelling and screaming at the people behind the counter. Being friendly because I know that these people have to smile even if they get shit on right in their face, I nicely asked one of the clerks what was the problem. Simple: they were only three and for some strange reason, they had a load of visitors that they simply could not take all at once. Were they understaffed? Maybe. Did the people around them notice that? Nope. Sometimes people come in with the "The customer is always right" attitude and forget that life just has a sense of humor and some days out there you will not be serviced as fast as you would want. Screaming and yelling makes no difference if you have to wait. So please, try to be civil. If you can't do it, man, just walk away and come in tomorrow.
4) Hugs, kisses, Best Friends, Flowers or anything else that Facebook applications offer.
Want to give me a hug? Call me up, set the date and give me the hug in person. But if I catch one more person trying to make me give important data information so that they can send a truly impersonal sign of affection, I will go bonkers. Yeah, you read right. Every time you add an application to your Facebook account all that you are doing is giving that developer all the data they can put their hands on. Your age, current place of residence, email, likes, profiles... You know what? Instead of doing that, just waltz right in the FBI for all I care and surrender yourself. At least it will have more sense. Just don't make me join the fun. I get plenty - PLENTY - of hugs and kisses every single day. The people that I love and care for get the same... IN PERSON.
5) People who call once, get the voicemail and insist on calling time and time again until you answer.
There is one rule to calling back someone more than twice. It has to be: 1) a very important information that needs to be shared asap because if not you will miss it or will be affected if you don't know about it or; 2) an accident or death (god forbid). Anything else is just bullshit. Yes, I know it might be important to you but hey, maybe I'm in a meeting, maybe I'm talking to someone else who needs my whole attention or maybe I'm having amazing sex and no information is relevant at that point. Making repeated calls just to talk about stupid things like "I touched my boobie today" makes people seem desperate. And desperate people also annoy me, but it's just five things, so let's keep it that way.
There you are. Five wonderful things I could live without but I know that it will never happen. What about yours?
So anyways, it is not that I've had a bad day, au contraire my friends, been having a great year so far. But today, I bought a new kick ass PDA (ok Restrictions, now is the time to give me hell for that purchase, wink wink) and I found myself pissed off. Trying to learn how to use it reminded me of one glorious thing that annoys the shit out of me and suddenly I realized...
I have not written about five simple things that piss me off. So hey, what better moment than this to set the record straight? Here we go...
1) Voicemails.
In the wonderful world of telecommunications and cellphones, someone invented a great thing: missed calls. If you called and I didn't answer, my phone, miraculously will alert me to the fact that I have a missed call from you. So when you leave me a message telling me "Hey, It's Me, call me back", I get pissed off. Look, I waste enough time for me typing numbers and listening to a godforsaken machine so that I can listen to what seems to be obvious. Take that moment and truly explore the possibilities. "I saw George Clooney and he's here at the bar next to your office, come as fast as you can" is a great voicemail. "Remember to get me that plastic shlong when you go to the store" is also a great message for me to listen. But "Just call me back. Bye."... Yeah. You'll get my new phone rammed up your ass.
2) Emails in Messenger.
You are my pal. I give you my gmail address. I specifically say: don't send any emails to my messenger account 'cause I hardly ever read them. Just stick to the email I gave you and all your messages will be read and answered. So why the fuck did I open the messenger email by a click-accident and ended up having 93 motherfucking emails? Oh and don't get me started on people who tell me "But I sent you that email, didn't you get it?" Yeah, I didn't get it because you sent it to the last place I would look. Hotmail is and will always be a disgrace, so don't expect me to switch from my lovely Gmail because you would like for me to open, of all things, a damn forward.
3) Angry Customers who have no right to be so.
Today I walked in the cellphone store to find a mob. People were yelling and screaming at the people behind the counter. Being friendly because I know that these people have to smile even if they get shit on right in their face, I nicely asked one of the clerks what was the problem. Simple: they were only three and for some strange reason, they had a load of visitors that they simply could not take all at once. Were they understaffed? Maybe. Did the people around them notice that? Nope. Sometimes people come in with the "The customer is always right" attitude and forget that life just has a sense of humor and some days out there you will not be serviced as fast as you would want. Screaming and yelling makes no difference if you have to wait. So please, try to be civil. If you can't do it, man, just walk away and come in tomorrow.
4) Hugs, kisses, Best Friends, Flowers or anything else that Facebook applications offer.
Want to give me a hug? Call me up, set the date and give me the hug in person. But if I catch one more person trying to make me give important data information so that they can send a truly impersonal sign of affection, I will go bonkers. Yeah, you read right. Every time you add an application to your Facebook account all that you are doing is giving that developer all the data they can put their hands on. Your age, current place of residence, email, likes, profiles... You know what? Instead of doing that, just waltz right in the FBI for all I care and surrender yourself. At least it will have more sense. Just don't make me join the fun. I get plenty - PLENTY - of hugs and kisses every single day. The people that I love and care for get the same... IN PERSON.
5) People who call once, get the voicemail and insist on calling time and time again until you answer.
There is one rule to calling back someone more than twice. It has to be: 1) a very important information that needs to be shared asap because if not you will miss it or will be affected if you don't know about it or; 2) an accident or death (god forbid). Anything else is just bullshit. Yes, I know it might be important to you but hey, maybe I'm in a meeting, maybe I'm talking to someone else who needs my whole attention or maybe I'm having amazing sex and no information is relevant at that point. Making repeated calls just to talk about stupid things like "I touched my boobie today" makes people seem desperate. And desperate people also annoy me, but it's just five things, so let's keep it that way.
There you are. Five wonderful things I could live without but I know that it will never happen. What about yours?
Feb 24, 2009
Feb 23, 2009
Feb 21, 2009
2001 post odyssey
For some reason I have a fixation with the post numbers today so my apologies. That being said, 2009... still no sign of flying cars, we still haven't effectively harnessed nature based energy for a clean and sustainable environment, we get our asses handed to us by Mommma Gaia every year, we consume more than we produce, the planet is going apeshit and the beginnings of another War (Cold or not and obviously not taking into account the ongoing ones right now, I wrote "ones" because Iraq isn't the only one, and last I checked, the whole world economy is in the shit... which gets me to thinking a few things... how can a socioeconomic system collapse worldwide? You'd think that if one economy fucks up, another one fluorishes, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It's like and endless downward spiral of bullshit and I can't help but look at my wallet and scratch my head a little that the only thing that really allows me to buy more or less shit than your next citizen is the presence of little marked bills, plastic cards with magnetic strips and electronic data that vouches for my ability to acquire x or y item, property or service. I don't know, when you step back, it really doesn't make much sense though I'm not really sure it should make any sense. But I don't think Capitalism should make any sense. Hell no socio economic system when put into practice really makes sense anyways, proving on a daily basis that theories rarely get translated effectively into reality. What one person thinks and millions agree on most certainly does not have to reflect what happens in reality.) are all going on at the same time. [Yup that other parenthesis lasted until there. I suck.]
What I think I'm getting at is that I think the human species is in an evolutionary slump of sorts. I'm sure many people would be scratching their heads at such a comment but let me put it to you this way, does the existence of technology, computers, and robotics make us better than our predecessors? If you ask people if we've evolved they'll most certainly answer duh, or of course, or like, yeah... which puts my point into action. Just because we have the means to make shit happen, to make things better and to get along better, it does not for the life of me mean that we are any better. Just because a child can program a VCR doesn't make the kid Einstein, it just makes them more adept in dealing with the technologies available today. Then hardcore people would say that the average person wouldn't be able to survive one day in the wilderness to which I reply that your average bushman wouldn't be able to effectively survive in a city setting either.
Think about it: on one side you have a cushy fluffy guy who is thrown into a jungle and can't even tell the time of day, determine which way is north based on the position of the sun, differentiate a delicious berry from a poisonous one and who can't stand up to an angry ferret. On the other side, you have a respected member of an indigenous tribe in an urban setting. They won't be able to easily find free clean water sources since pretty much anything is laced with deadly bacteria that would sooner kill them than satiate their thirst. They'd get lost on side streets and the rough terrain and hot asphalt would screw up their feet in less than a day's worth of travel. Not to mention the impending doom of traffic and the frequent subway deaths that would occur from touching the evil metal underground vein or whatnot.
Which brings me back to my point, it's not that we're better or worse than we were a hundred years ago, it's that we're stuck and through making life more comfortable, many of us have slacked to the point of feeling self righteous thanks to a post on a blog.
Another point, why is everything solvable via lawsuits? Seriously. We've become so weak physically that we've developed our powers of rhetoric to the point where sticks and stones are bullshit in comparison to words, documents, contracts and a hearing.
Take for instance this milestone: The coffee was too hot. I burned myself. I'm going to sue your ass. I get millions of dollars.
You read it and you really have to go wtf. Because to me, it should read something like this: The coffee was too hot. I was in too much of a rush. I burned myself. I'm a douche. Could I please have ice water?
Seriously, as if we as a species weren't becoming enough of a joke already, lord knows how much percent of the population is born with low birth weight only to mature into obesity faster than you can say McFat Ass.
So where are the flying cars? Where is my het car that is a collapsible suitcase? Where is my sense of world identity and when will we stop fighting long enough so that we can travel only to transfer this same argument into an intergalatic setting?
The answer?
A. I dont know.
B. Who gives a shit?
C. Get over Back to the Future and the Jetsons
D. I really don't know how i could be this fucked up and have never smoked weed in my life....
Regardless, just a few things I wanted o mull over just for the sake of posting something else tonight. If you need an additional post, no worries. Miguel Cotto and Kelly Pavlik are fighting tonight and if they rock or suck... I most likely will have something to say about that. So for now, happy head scratching.
cheers
What I think I'm getting at is that I think the human species is in an evolutionary slump of sorts. I'm sure many people would be scratching their heads at such a comment but let me put it to you this way, does the existence of technology, computers, and robotics make us better than our predecessors? If you ask people if we've evolved they'll most certainly answer duh, or of course, or like, yeah... which puts my point into action. Just because we have the means to make shit happen, to make things better and to get along better, it does not for the life of me mean that we are any better. Just because a child can program a VCR doesn't make the kid Einstein, it just makes them more adept in dealing with the technologies available today. Then hardcore people would say that the average person wouldn't be able to survive one day in the wilderness to which I reply that your average bushman wouldn't be able to effectively survive in a city setting either.
Think about it: on one side you have a cushy fluffy guy who is thrown into a jungle and can't even tell the time of day, determine which way is north based on the position of the sun, differentiate a delicious berry from a poisonous one and who can't stand up to an angry ferret. On the other side, you have a respected member of an indigenous tribe in an urban setting. They won't be able to easily find free clean water sources since pretty much anything is laced with deadly bacteria that would sooner kill them than satiate their thirst. They'd get lost on side streets and the rough terrain and hot asphalt would screw up their feet in less than a day's worth of travel. Not to mention the impending doom of traffic and the frequent subway deaths that would occur from touching the evil metal underground vein or whatnot.
Which brings me back to my point, it's not that we're better or worse than we were a hundred years ago, it's that we're stuck and through making life more comfortable, many of us have slacked to the point of feeling self righteous thanks to a post on a blog.
Another point, why is everything solvable via lawsuits? Seriously. We've become so weak physically that we've developed our powers of rhetoric to the point where sticks and stones are bullshit in comparison to words, documents, contracts and a hearing.
Take for instance this milestone: The coffee was too hot. I burned myself. I'm going to sue your ass. I get millions of dollars.
You read it and you really have to go wtf. Because to me, it should read something like this: The coffee was too hot. I was in too much of a rush. I burned myself. I'm a douche. Could I please have ice water?
Seriously, as if we as a species weren't becoming enough of a joke already, lord knows how much percent of the population is born with low birth weight only to mature into obesity faster than you can say McFat Ass.
So where are the flying cars? Where is my het car that is a collapsible suitcase? Where is my sense of world identity and when will we stop fighting long enough so that we can travel only to transfer this same argument into an intergalatic setting?
The answer?
A. I dont know.
B. Who gives a shit?
C. Get over Back to the Future and the Jetsons
D. I really don't know how i could be this fucked up and have never smoked weed in my life....
Regardless, just a few things I wanted o mull over just for the sake of posting something else tonight. If you need an additional post, no worries. Miguel Cotto and Kelly Pavlik are fighting tonight and if they rock or suck... I most likely will have something to say about that. So for now, happy head scratching.
cheers
20 random thoughts
For our 2,000th post, well I thought I'd just offer some personal musings about pretty much anything I can think of in 10 minutes or less...
Current time? 8:58 PM
Ready
Set
Go
1. Have you noticed that people that drive a Smart Car look anything but Smart?
2. I think there should be a law banning paying any groceries with checks. sorry granny, but it's just annoying.
3. Days are like gumball machines, sometimes you get the flavor you want, sometimes you get that piece of shit black licorice ball.
4. I think we should all stop praying to God for guidance to Chris Cornell, he is a lost cause and we must cherish special days like the ones when he knew how to rock.
5. I wonder if gay guys think about the women they'd fuck if they weren't gay.
6. Why can't I have .001% of Miley Cirus's fortune? I promise to put it to good use and I'd start by putting her dad out of his misery.
7. The new term for confused sexuality or bisexuality is metrosexual... please recognize that you've at least dreamt of cock and enjoyed it.
8. Would a black jewish rapper say Oy, Yo or both?
9. Why do people feel the need to tap on their wrist when they ask you the time? I can see you don't have a watch. Just ask me the time and we skipped a step.
10. By the way, don't ask if I have the time, it's an intangible concept and if I could grab a hold of it I'd certainly charge to share it.
11. Don't you know that being in a constant state of rush will most likely cause premature ejaculation, a car accident, or both?
12. If you have three hours to kill ask an artist if a certain piece of shit art is really art? It'll be like Nietzche and Liberace's would be love child on a sugar rush rant.
13. I love it when guys cringe when you remind them that the sexy love muffin of their life, the woman that inspires them to pollish more wood than Pledge, choke more chickens than Colonel Sanders and produce more adhesive than Elmer's not only has to physically take a dump, but that one of the orifices they so want to protrude is the point of origin.
14. Why are pro-active solutions so passive most of the time?
15. Why do we insist on guidelines when thinking outside the box?
16. Who coined the phrase think outside of the box and how stupid was that person to not get a copyright on that sweet mofo?
17. If a cokehead has a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero, does this affect the power of his initial Cokeness?
18. I vote for testicle cleavage so we may be able to compete with women in the work place.
19. Does anyone else think the New York Jets should seriously consider changing their franchise name? I'm just saying.
20. How many people do you know that have bought or thought about buying a Snuggy?
Time? 9:10. Two minutes over, oh well.
Cheers though.
Current time? 8:58 PM
Ready
Set
Go
1. Have you noticed that people that drive a Smart Car look anything but Smart?
2. I think there should be a law banning paying any groceries with checks. sorry granny, but it's just annoying.
3. Days are like gumball machines, sometimes you get the flavor you want, sometimes you get that piece of shit black licorice ball.
4. I think we should all stop praying to God for guidance to Chris Cornell, he is a lost cause and we must cherish special days like the ones when he knew how to rock.
5. I wonder if gay guys think about the women they'd fuck if they weren't gay.
6. Why can't I have .001% of Miley Cirus's fortune? I promise to put it to good use and I'd start by putting her dad out of his misery.
7. The new term for confused sexuality or bisexuality is metrosexual... please recognize that you've at least dreamt of cock and enjoyed it.
8. Would a black jewish rapper say Oy, Yo or both?
9. Why do people feel the need to tap on their wrist when they ask you the time? I can see you don't have a watch. Just ask me the time and we skipped a step.
10. By the way, don't ask if I have the time, it's an intangible concept and if I could grab a hold of it I'd certainly charge to share it.
11. Don't you know that being in a constant state of rush will most likely cause premature ejaculation, a car accident, or both?
12. If you have three hours to kill ask an artist if a certain piece of shit art is really art? It'll be like Nietzche and Liberace's would be love child on a sugar rush rant.
13. I love it when guys cringe when you remind them that the sexy love muffin of their life, the woman that inspires them to pollish more wood than Pledge, choke more chickens than Colonel Sanders and produce more adhesive than Elmer's not only has to physically take a dump, but that one of the orifices they so want to protrude is the point of origin.
14. Why are pro-active solutions so passive most of the time?
15. Why do we insist on guidelines when thinking outside the box?
16. Who coined the phrase think outside of the box and how stupid was that person to not get a copyright on that sweet mofo?
17. If a cokehead has a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero, does this affect the power of his initial Cokeness?
18. I vote for testicle cleavage so we may be able to compete with women in the work place.
19. Does anyone else think the New York Jets should seriously consider changing their franchise name? I'm just saying.
20. How many people do you know that have bought or thought about buying a Snuggy?
Time? 9:10. Two minutes over, oh well.
Cheers though.
Let's post it like it's 1999
If you've read this blog for years, months, weeks, days, hours or simply because you did a search for cock fingering, well thanks. Yeah I know we give many thanks here at WAS but fuck, 1,999 posts and counting? And still going strong? And still people feel inclined to have us on their daily blog roll? The shit, you bet your ass I'm going to say ultra many thanks for anyone who has found any ad insight, any relevant music review, followed any movie warning or related to any of what we have to cybernetically offer.
Our cussery continues to tread flagging ground, we still hate advertising and we still have a long ways to go to cover all their is to hate about advertising, but in between there are also thousands of other things we enjoy writing about. Personal victories, bonafide catharsis, therapeutic F bombings, you name it and it's game. We've been lucky enough to reach out to other bloggers and have them reply in kind and offer wonderful insights into their own versions of fucked up points of view and I couldn't be happier with all the things I achieve in a writer's sense with this blog.
Part journalism, part comedy, part reviews, part sports insight, part personal victories, part existential ponderings... So much to say, so many posts to look back and say holy crap, I was pissed off that day. And yeah, your occasional thank you rants for helping channel our anger towards something much more productive than punching a hole in the wall.
What role if any we play in the larger schemes of our blogxistence, well that's all up to the people who click on the link and find relief in all the shit we post so even if it sounds like a broken record, we must give thanks because there are just too many personal milestones not to say thank you between one dick joke and another.
So here's to 1,999 other fucked up rants for your enjoyment.
Cheers
Joker
Our cussery continues to tread flagging ground, we still hate advertising and we still have a long ways to go to cover all their is to hate about advertising, but in between there are also thousands of other things we enjoy writing about. Personal victories, bonafide catharsis, therapeutic F bombings, you name it and it's game. We've been lucky enough to reach out to other bloggers and have them reply in kind and offer wonderful insights into their own versions of fucked up points of view and I couldn't be happier with all the things I achieve in a writer's sense with this blog.
Part journalism, part comedy, part reviews, part sports insight, part personal victories, part existential ponderings... So much to say, so many posts to look back and say holy crap, I was pissed off that day. And yeah, your occasional thank you rants for helping channel our anger towards something much more productive than punching a hole in the wall.
What role if any we play in the larger schemes of our blogxistence, well that's all up to the people who click on the link and find relief in all the shit we post so even if it sounds like a broken record, we must give thanks because there are just too many personal milestones not to say thank you between one dick joke and another.
So here's to 1,999 other fucked up rants for your enjoyment.
Cheers
Joker
Feb 19, 2009
Feb 18, 2009
Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 246-250
On responsibilities
Never confuse definition with improvisation when drafting responsibilities.
On frustration
Blame is easier said than assumed.
On lousy days
A positive mind frame is no match for the annoying powers of bureaucracy.
On getting up early
The novelty of being the early worm wears off after you realize you still just have a job.
On leaving late
Few things are more relative than the definition of late.
Never confuse definition with improvisation when drafting responsibilities.
On frustration
Blame is easier said than assumed.
On lousy days
A positive mind frame is no match for the annoying powers of bureaucracy.
On getting up early
The novelty of being the early worm wears off after you realize you still just have a job.
On leaving late
Few things are more relative than the definition of late.
Feb 17, 2009
Feb 16, 2009
Feb 14, 2009
Mysteries of the Men's Bathroom
Recently a set of rules were submitted on this blog. Rules that all men should seriously consider following when they go to one of the holiest places at your job. It's a place where no calls have to be taken, where rush jobs don't exist, where time pauses and there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's a constitutional right to bear arms, but it's your physical right to relieve yourself of the woes of urine and feces.
But rules are just the start of it all. The toilet mores and pooping axioms set forth should prove useful, but sometimes, there are just things that defy explanation and I'm here to try and find me some answers. The variety of perplexing events and findings would boggle the mind or test your gag reflex and the following are just a brief excerpt of what happens in the realm of porcelain and cherry pucks.
Mystery A: Hair today gone tomorrow.
Call them calling cards, call them a gag inducing gag, but either some guys feel the need to groom while doing number one or two, or there is a magnetic attraction between porcelain and the nether hairs. It's not like I've lost count of how many pubes I've found. Trust me I don't count them. But I have seen more pubes than I am comfortable with archiving in my brain. Theories vary between the little hairs having sentience and wanting to escape to the oceans via septic waterways, to them not being real hairs at all but an invasion of a new lie form composed solely of hair proteins, pubic lint and some sort of bizarre adhesive. If I receive new information, I'll be sure to post it, but also feel free to shed any light onto the pubic mystery.
Mystery B: Pollock in the Potty
Jackson Pollock revolutionized the artistic world by dripping paint onto a canvas. Applause to Pollock for turning a mistake into a million dollar collection of works. But seems the spirit of Pollock roams through all the bathrooms of the world, infecting peers of all races, genders and sizes and prompting them to drip their piss nozzle all over the floor to create an almost theater like texture to stick to your shoes. Spectrometers have been rendered useless confusing ectoplasmic residues with dried urine, but efforts are being made to find the universal answer as to why guys can't keep the piss inside a urinal. Trust me, I can understand a toilet because of distance, angle, trajectory and the ever entertaining urethral antics we have going on, but missing a point blank target? Well, I can also assume people are doing jumping jacks while they're taking a piss.
Mystery C: Eating in the boys room
Amazing but true, I've seen wrappers of candy bars in bathrooms. Now I don't really know about you, but if I stand up and kind of see something that resembles a Baby Ruth, the last thing I want to do is replace it immediately. How anyone can enjoy or see themselves forced into eating while shitting is beyond me, but hey, it's just like advertising. I might not be the target and there might be a bevy of guys who feel the need to always have something within their systems.
Mystery D: Mirror mirror on the floor
Can anyone please explain to me why bathroom floors are so glossy and shiny and reflective? I don't know why this is but having to find new poses to not see the marble silhouette of my penis being readily available to any neighboring pisser is not my idea of fun, comfort or relief. Please, put some matting on them fuckers.
But that's just the skim of the top. I'm sure there are many more mysteries to ponder, gag and mull over. What have you seen in a bathroom that defies explanation?
But rules are just the start of it all. The toilet mores and pooping axioms set forth should prove useful, but sometimes, there are just things that defy explanation and I'm here to try and find me some answers. The variety of perplexing events and findings would boggle the mind or test your gag reflex and the following are just a brief excerpt of what happens in the realm of porcelain and cherry pucks.
Mystery A: Hair today gone tomorrow.
Call them calling cards, call them a gag inducing gag, but either some guys feel the need to groom while doing number one or two, or there is a magnetic attraction between porcelain and the nether hairs. It's not like I've lost count of how many pubes I've found. Trust me I don't count them. But I have seen more pubes than I am comfortable with archiving in my brain. Theories vary between the little hairs having sentience and wanting to escape to the oceans via septic waterways, to them not being real hairs at all but an invasion of a new lie form composed solely of hair proteins, pubic lint and some sort of bizarre adhesive. If I receive new information, I'll be sure to post it, but also feel free to shed any light onto the pubic mystery.
Mystery B: Pollock in the Potty
Jackson Pollock revolutionized the artistic world by dripping paint onto a canvas. Applause to Pollock for turning a mistake into a million dollar collection of works. But seems the spirit of Pollock roams through all the bathrooms of the world, infecting peers of all races, genders and sizes and prompting them to drip their piss nozzle all over the floor to create an almost theater like texture to stick to your shoes. Spectrometers have been rendered useless confusing ectoplasmic residues with dried urine, but efforts are being made to find the universal answer as to why guys can't keep the piss inside a urinal. Trust me, I can understand a toilet because of distance, angle, trajectory and the ever entertaining urethral antics we have going on, but missing a point blank target? Well, I can also assume people are doing jumping jacks while they're taking a piss.
Mystery C: Eating in the boys room
Amazing but true, I've seen wrappers of candy bars in bathrooms. Now I don't really know about you, but if I stand up and kind of see something that resembles a Baby Ruth, the last thing I want to do is replace it immediately. How anyone can enjoy or see themselves forced into eating while shitting is beyond me, but hey, it's just like advertising. I might not be the target and there might be a bevy of guys who feel the need to always have something within their systems.
Mystery D: Mirror mirror on the floor
Can anyone please explain to me why bathroom floors are so glossy and shiny and reflective? I don't know why this is but having to find new poses to not see the marble silhouette of my penis being readily available to any neighboring pisser is not my idea of fun, comfort or relief. Please, put some matting on them fuckers.
But that's just the skim of the top. I'm sure there are many more mysteries to ponder, gag and mull over. What have you seen in a bathroom that defies explanation?
5 villains that define: Joker
TIE 5. John Doe - Seven / Bill Foster - Falling Down
On one side you have a calculating killer hellbent on proving a point. Making examples out of people who are morally questionable to a supreme fault, yet who are not penalized for their sins. Sometimes I can't help but think some people would make better use of themselves by serving as compost.
As for Bill Foster... well lets face it, everyone has at least one day when they are truly about to snap. Think about what would happen if you said to hell with it and just did as you please. I think most people have a Bill Foster within them, they're just scared of admitting it and smarter than to let him loose.
4. Tyler Durden
What if your own worst enemy was you? Guilt, distorted self imagery... hell it ALL pales in comparison with Tyler Durden. He fucks like you want to fuck, looks like you want to look, talks like you want to talk and is how you think you want to be. If THAT isn't the greatest villain in any of our lives, then you've had a pretty fucked up life indeed.
3. Jigsaw
I have a thing about making a point and i rank Jigsaw far higher than John Doe for several reasons. He's creative, he's brutally honest, but he gives you all the tools so you can save yourself. What other type of killer does that and actually rejoices if you conquer your inner demons?
2. The Riddler
Riddle me this, what villain is second only to the Joker in villains that define me? The Riddler is by far one of the most compelling characters I've ever come across and I can't help but love his insanely creative and brilliant nature.... but he's no Joker.
1. The Joker
1990... I see Batman the film and my life changes. Finding a villain I can identify with at such an early age probably fucked me up for the rest of my life, but wow.... what fun I can have. I still remember when Me asked me to write on this blog or the first time I wrote via ICQ. I didn't have to think twice... my name is Joker and the fixation is ever evident in little details of my life. To put it simple, I keep a Joker card on me at all times. As if that weren't enough, a quote I've been repeating ever since I saw the movie shall stick with me until the day I die... If you gotta go... go with a smile.
On one side you have a calculating killer hellbent on proving a point. Making examples out of people who are morally questionable to a supreme fault, yet who are not penalized for their sins. Sometimes I can't help but think some people would make better use of themselves by serving as compost.
As for Bill Foster... well lets face it, everyone has at least one day when they are truly about to snap. Think about what would happen if you said to hell with it and just did as you please. I think most people have a Bill Foster within them, they're just scared of admitting it and smarter than to let him loose.
4. Tyler Durden
What if your own worst enemy was you? Guilt, distorted self imagery... hell it ALL pales in comparison with Tyler Durden. He fucks like you want to fuck, looks like you want to look, talks like you want to talk and is how you think you want to be. If THAT isn't the greatest villain in any of our lives, then you've had a pretty fucked up life indeed.
3. Jigsaw
I have a thing about making a point and i rank Jigsaw far higher than John Doe for several reasons. He's creative, he's brutally honest, but he gives you all the tools so you can save yourself. What other type of killer does that and actually rejoices if you conquer your inner demons?
2. The Riddler
Riddle me this, what villain is second only to the Joker in villains that define me? The Riddler is by far one of the most compelling characters I've ever come across and I can't help but love his insanely creative and brilliant nature.... but he's no Joker.
1. The Joker
1990... I see Batman the film and my life changes. Finding a villain I can identify with at such an early age probably fucked me up for the rest of my life, but wow.... what fun I can have. I still remember when Me asked me to write on this blog or the first time I wrote via ICQ. I didn't have to think twice... my name is Joker and the fixation is ever evident in little details of my life. To put it simple, I keep a Joker card on me at all times. As if that weren't enough, a quote I've been repeating ever since I saw the movie shall stick with me until the day I die... If you gotta go... go with a smile.
Five careers that would have defined: Joker
Been lost a while, I know, but I think I'll be posting a few things the next couple of days now that I have some energy and time.
First on the laundry list of things to write about are 5 career paths that I would rather have than the one I currently do. Having changed industries 3 months ago (though still doing some similar work), this post now results in an interesting exercise since now that I know that it is feasible to be able to switch industries as long as my skillset is applicable, well the sky's the limit.
So what's on my list?
#1. Writer. First and foremost I find myself continually looking for day jobs as a writer of sorts while pursuing writing on my time off. Few things really satisfy me as much as writing creatively so imagine my surprise, frustration and anger at seeing that an ad Copy Writer is really fucked over by the system at every corner and castrated creatively at the smallest sign of client resistance. As for writing creatively? Well that's how I get my shit together regardless of where or what ÍIve worked at. It's how I express the oddest most creative things in my life and I'm proud of every shred of paper I've ever dedicated to a poem, a song, an idea, a story, an essay, a post... anything. Anything that has me with a pen or a word processor putting my thoughts down for others to share my madness, I can't help but enjoy. In my life, I've won a first prize for best poetry and a third for best short story. I obviously put this career at number one because honestly, it's the career I want to pursue full blast if I happen to succeed. But more than that, I write not because I want to be famous, but because I really enjoy writing. Attention and notoriety are just collateral for the initial satisfaction I get from writing for myself. True I may have a lot of things to write about from my life, but for the most part, I write fiction though this entire blog is a big heap of non fiction. I've posted many times about my book on here. I'm still at chapter 37 but mainly because I hadn't organized a set of characters I'm going to delve into from this chapter to the end. Not much time to elaborate a character? Damn right it isn't, that's why I'm already thinking of a storyline that will continue within the reality set forth in my book. Weird. Well that's the point, it's a never ending segway of stories and mind fucks and I can't help but love how all the things that make me who I am come out in between the lines. Conflicts of faith, intolerance towards racism, sexism or mysoginy. You name it and I see it on those lines I've put down, and I can't help but smile at what I create and I just hope someone else will find enjoyment in the trips I take down what the fuck avenue.
2. Musician. I echo Restrictions in this career path but I have to stress, all I write, play and sing is for my satisfaction first and foremost. That's why I love Pearl Jam and other such acts. They've always been true to themselves and opened their arms to fans so they can hitch the ride and see what's crawling up on their head. I have about 30 or so songs I've recorded on tape and I'm going to be working to put them down digitally. Will it suck? Will it rock? Will it be interesting? We'll see if I don't post some on this blog so you can support or mock as you see fit.
3. Tour Guide. How's this for fucking random? But I honestly do enjoy giving tours from random places I know about and would truly enjoy getting all the possible info about a place or a series of places to offer a real tour. Plus, I'd always focus on offering off-the-beaten-path alternatives obviously without leading to thoughts that I'd knock out the tourists and steal their kidneys or something of the sorts. I just find that the most frecuented places on tour are often not the most memorable.
4. Teacher. Still confused? Well I'd be an asshole teacher to start off with most of all because I think most students today really truly don't give a damn, don't give a 15% effort and could care less what they do with their lives as long as they get paid... and I think there's something really fucked up with that. At the very least I would hope to be the type of teacher that really teaches and who becomes a fixed memory in the mind of a student. Am I asking for too much? Who knows? Maybe I'll give a class or two to find out.
5. Stand up comedian. One of my greatest heroes is Bill Hicks. I think the service of comedians like Hicks, Carlin, David Cross, Dave Chappelle, Louis CK, Lenny Bruce and Doug Stanhope is that honesty is their policy and comedians to me play a vital role in keeping things real regarding life in general. Though it is aiming high, I would love to one day be able to tell jokes that stick with someone as much as these guys have done for me. Will that happen... Well I am working on a standup bit so hey, maybe I can get lucky and make a funny joke, or maybe I'll just have to wear a wig like Chris Crocker and offer to suck off an inflatable donkey covered in jalapeño marmalade.
Cheers
First on the laundry list of things to write about are 5 career paths that I would rather have than the one I currently do. Having changed industries 3 months ago (though still doing some similar work), this post now results in an interesting exercise since now that I know that it is feasible to be able to switch industries as long as my skillset is applicable, well the sky's the limit.
So what's on my list?
#1. Writer. First and foremost I find myself continually looking for day jobs as a writer of sorts while pursuing writing on my time off. Few things really satisfy me as much as writing creatively so imagine my surprise, frustration and anger at seeing that an ad Copy Writer is really fucked over by the system at every corner and castrated creatively at the smallest sign of client resistance. As for writing creatively? Well that's how I get my shit together regardless of where or what ÍIve worked at. It's how I express the oddest most creative things in my life and I'm proud of every shred of paper I've ever dedicated to a poem, a song, an idea, a story, an essay, a post... anything. Anything that has me with a pen or a word processor putting my thoughts down for others to share my madness, I can't help but enjoy. In my life, I've won a first prize for best poetry and a third for best short story. I obviously put this career at number one because honestly, it's the career I want to pursue full blast if I happen to succeed. But more than that, I write not because I want to be famous, but because I really enjoy writing. Attention and notoriety are just collateral for the initial satisfaction I get from writing for myself. True I may have a lot of things to write about from my life, but for the most part, I write fiction though this entire blog is a big heap of non fiction. I've posted many times about my book on here. I'm still at chapter 37 but mainly because I hadn't organized a set of characters I'm going to delve into from this chapter to the end. Not much time to elaborate a character? Damn right it isn't, that's why I'm already thinking of a storyline that will continue within the reality set forth in my book. Weird. Well that's the point, it's a never ending segway of stories and mind fucks and I can't help but love how all the things that make me who I am come out in between the lines. Conflicts of faith, intolerance towards racism, sexism or mysoginy. You name it and I see it on those lines I've put down, and I can't help but smile at what I create and I just hope someone else will find enjoyment in the trips I take down what the fuck avenue.
2. Musician. I echo Restrictions in this career path but I have to stress, all I write, play and sing is for my satisfaction first and foremost. That's why I love Pearl Jam and other such acts. They've always been true to themselves and opened their arms to fans so they can hitch the ride and see what's crawling up on their head. I have about 30 or so songs I've recorded on tape and I'm going to be working to put them down digitally. Will it suck? Will it rock? Will it be interesting? We'll see if I don't post some on this blog so you can support or mock as you see fit.
3. Tour Guide. How's this for fucking random? But I honestly do enjoy giving tours from random places I know about and would truly enjoy getting all the possible info about a place or a series of places to offer a real tour. Plus, I'd always focus on offering off-the-beaten-path alternatives obviously without leading to thoughts that I'd knock out the tourists and steal their kidneys or something of the sorts. I just find that the most frecuented places on tour are often not the most memorable.
4. Teacher. Still confused? Well I'd be an asshole teacher to start off with most of all because I think most students today really truly don't give a damn, don't give a 15% effort and could care less what they do with their lives as long as they get paid... and I think there's something really fucked up with that. At the very least I would hope to be the type of teacher that really teaches and who becomes a fixed memory in the mind of a student. Am I asking for too much? Who knows? Maybe I'll give a class or two to find out.
5. Stand up comedian. One of my greatest heroes is Bill Hicks. I think the service of comedians like Hicks, Carlin, David Cross, Dave Chappelle, Louis CK, Lenny Bruce and Doug Stanhope is that honesty is their policy and comedians to me play a vital role in keeping things real regarding life in general. Though it is aiming high, I would love to one day be able to tell jokes that stick with someone as much as these guys have done for me. Will that happen... Well I am working on a standup bit so hey, maybe I can get lucky and make a funny joke, or maybe I'll just have to wear a wig like Chris Crocker and offer to suck off an inflatable donkey covered in jalapeño marmalade.
Cheers
Feb 13, 2009
The Little Juno in my life.
I love my mother with passion and all my heart. This fact by now has to be boring to long time WAS readers, because I write about her a lot. But bear with me, last night mom called and... wow. Those conversations that you have to remember for all your life. So let me share one more time.
So she calls me very late at night. Do you have my photograph when I was pregnant? Yes, I said. Why? That is the only photograph that I have of me pregnant.
Long pause. I know where this is going...
You see, my mom had me when she was 18. She was naive and my father... well, asshole is a word, right? I just think that he met this amazingly beautiful woman and didn't really think things through. So, being a tough cookie she decided to have me. Last night she started talking about how hard it was to be pregnant at such an early age, not knowing what would happen but, still, knowing that I was the best thing that happened to her...
Apparently she had just finished watching Juno for the millionth time and she connected with that little young girl. This movie was, for her, going back in the past and seeing herself with all the big problems in the world on her shoulders. I took the opportunity to ask what I've never dared to: did someone tell her to put me up for adoption... or to have an abortion? She didn't flinch and told me straight out that it was never an option for her. My eyes watered a bit. I thought... whoa mom, your life would have been so much different, with so much more opportunities but still, you chose me over all other things... But I didn't have the courage to tell her that. The thing is, she doesn't even think about it. She told me that I was the greatest thing that she created and was most proud of in all her life.
Hearing that and knowing it has so much power...
The importance of the picture, for her, was the fact that while pregnant, no one would even think about celebrating the moment with a photograph. Although she stood proud to carry a child, she looked around and felt... I guess she felt that she was just alone. It took just a friend with a camera at her university to look at her and go... click. Juno reminds her of that, being alone in a world that she doesn't understand.
I took all the opportunities as I could last night. I just had to ask. I asked about how she learned that she was pregnant. How scared was she? How did she tell my grandpas? What, if anything, did my "father" do to try to make things right for at least a second? (He actually tried, that was a surprise to me). Did she feel safe? Did other people make her feel bad about it? (Not one).
It was just a nice and wonderful thing, talking to mom about bringing me to life. If you have children, please tell them about that part in your life. For me it was just wonderful to share such a deep and intense moment with mom. I promised that I would scan that black and white picture and blow it up for her to hang proudly in her wall.
Thank you mamita, for believing in me and yourself. You are and will always be my hero.
So she calls me very late at night. Do you have my photograph when I was pregnant? Yes, I said. Why? That is the only photograph that I have of me pregnant.
Long pause. I know where this is going...
You see, my mom had me when she was 18. She was naive and my father... well, asshole is a word, right? I just think that he met this amazingly beautiful woman and didn't really think things through. So, being a tough cookie she decided to have me. Last night she started talking about how hard it was to be pregnant at such an early age, not knowing what would happen but, still, knowing that I was the best thing that happened to her...
Apparently she had just finished watching Juno for the millionth time and she connected with that little young girl. This movie was, for her, going back in the past and seeing herself with all the big problems in the world on her shoulders. I took the opportunity to ask what I've never dared to: did someone tell her to put me up for adoption... or to have an abortion? She didn't flinch and told me straight out that it was never an option for her. My eyes watered a bit. I thought... whoa mom, your life would have been so much different, with so much more opportunities but still, you chose me over all other things... But I didn't have the courage to tell her that. The thing is, she doesn't even think about it. She told me that I was the greatest thing that she created and was most proud of in all her life.
Hearing that and knowing it has so much power...
The importance of the picture, for her, was the fact that while pregnant, no one would even think about celebrating the moment with a photograph. Although she stood proud to carry a child, she looked around and felt... I guess she felt that she was just alone. It took just a friend with a camera at her university to look at her and go... click. Juno reminds her of that, being alone in a world that she doesn't understand.
I took all the opportunities as I could last night. I just had to ask. I asked about how she learned that she was pregnant. How scared was she? How did she tell my grandpas? What, if anything, did my "father" do to try to make things right for at least a second? (He actually tried, that was a surprise to me). Did she feel safe? Did other people make her feel bad about it? (Not one).
It was just a nice and wonderful thing, talking to mom about bringing me to life. If you have children, please tell them about that part in your life. For me it was just wonderful to share such a deep and intense moment with mom. I promised that I would scan that black and white picture and blow it up for her to hang proudly in her wall.
Thank you mamita, for believing in me and yourself. You are and will always be my hero.
Five Careers that would have defined: Me
Every once in a while, most of all when you are working your ass of at 1 in the morning, you sometimes find yourself nightdreaming of the what if's in life. What if I would have chosen a different career? Which one would I choose right now instead of making the Body Copy a bit more bigger and the headline a bit more crappier? Food for thought, every single time, right? Let's see, I'd choose:
1) Writer
Definitively. It's in my grandfather's blood and I am proud to be a carrier. There is no greater thing in this world than doing this. I would write anything. Be it a journalist, a magazine writer, a novelist... whatever. The sad thing about being a copywriter is that you never fully give your all because someone else always shits on it and you have restrictions of space, content and even time. I started this blog out of that hunger to write what I felt, what interested me and without it I sure would go fucking bonkers.
2) Lawyer
I would have been a great prosecutor. When injustice comes and I know someone is guilty, I go for the jugular. There is no greatest pleasure than proving, bringing evidence and arguing a point. Searching for evidence and proving it to be true gives me a rush like nothing else in the world.
3) Photographer
That comes from my mother. She was a great photographer when she was younger, in her twenties. (Who else remembers stuff from when their mothers were that old? I know, it's priceless for me. Stay tuned for the next post) I found myself from an early age taking photographs and I even almost changed my Bachelor's Degree when I made a Photograph Exhibit in college. But I thought that I would starve from hunger so I went the advertising route. What a shame...
4) Painter
Another thing that comes from Grandpa and his love for art. He used to teach me about the greats when I came home from school - he tutored me after hours for years and I learned more with him than in any school or college. This is what I studied, art. I painted for all those years and I sure enjoyed it with passion. It sometimes makes me melancholic of what could have been if I had stuck to my guns and gone off to paint for a living, but again, I heard one of my teachers talking about how great I wrote and how good a copywriter I could be and... I just bought the bullshit. I miss painting quite a lot.
5) FBI Agent.
A gun? Shooting people? Yeah, my cup of tea. The one thing that I do in real life that is sort of the same is Paintball and... there is no other feeling like shooting a gun, even if it's filled with paint. Two big reasons why I never even explored what option? I know I could not kill someone and I'm too short. And yes, I am not kidding.
So there you go, my five "what if's". What are yours?
1) Writer
Definitively. It's in my grandfather's blood and I am proud to be a carrier. There is no greater thing in this world than doing this. I would write anything. Be it a journalist, a magazine writer, a novelist... whatever. The sad thing about being a copywriter is that you never fully give your all because someone else always shits on it and you have restrictions of space, content and even time. I started this blog out of that hunger to write what I felt, what interested me and without it I sure would go fucking bonkers.
2) Lawyer
I would have been a great prosecutor. When injustice comes and I know someone is guilty, I go for the jugular. There is no greatest pleasure than proving, bringing evidence and arguing a point. Searching for evidence and proving it to be true gives me a rush like nothing else in the world.
3) Photographer
That comes from my mother. She was a great photographer when she was younger, in her twenties. (Who else remembers stuff from when their mothers were that old? I know, it's priceless for me. Stay tuned for the next post) I found myself from an early age taking photographs and I even almost changed my Bachelor's Degree when I made a Photograph Exhibit in college. But I thought that I would starve from hunger so I went the advertising route. What a shame...
4) Painter
Another thing that comes from Grandpa and his love for art. He used to teach me about the greats when I came home from school - he tutored me after hours for years and I learned more with him than in any school or college. This is what I studied, art. I painted for all those years and I sure enjoyed it with passion. It sometimes makes me melancholic of what could have been if I had stuck to my guns and gone off to paint for a living, but again, I heard one of my teachers talking about how great I wrote and how good a copywriter I could be and... I just bought the bullshit. I miss painting quite a lot.
5) FBI Agent.
A gun? Shooting people? Yeah, my cup of tea. The one thing that I do in real life that is sort of the same is Paintball and... there is no other feeling like shooting a gun, even if it's filled with paint. Two big reasons why I never even explored what option? I know I could not kill someone and I'm too short. And yes, I am not kidding.
So there you go, my five "what if's". What are yours?
Feb 12, 2009
Feb 11, 2009
Interesting question...
The guys from Digg got an interesting email from someone and it left me thinking... what would the guys at WAS say?
Here is the question...
If you had to choose between no more blowjobs or not eating cheese for the rest of your life... what would you choose?
Surprise me, gentlemen...
Updated rules to this question: There are no rules that say that you will increase the amount in any of the categories. You have to take your own cheese and Bj quantities to do your individual maths... Thanks Tyler for helping me clear out the question!!! Much love!
Here is the question...
If you had to choose between no more blowjobs or not eating cheese for the rest of your life... what would you choose?
Surprise me, gentlemen...
Updated rules to this question: There are no rules that say that you will increase the amount in any of the categories. You have to take your own cheese and Bj quantities to do your individual maths... Thanks Tyler for helping me clear out the question!!! Much love!
Thank You, Mr. Farrell: A review of You're Welcome, America.
Almost three weeks ago Travis told me that Will Farrell's "You're Welcome, America: a Final Night with George Bush" was closing on March 15. That was it. I was buying tickets asap. I mean, come on, this is almost an historic stand up and I just had to go see it.
I'm glad to report, it was money well spent. Loads of money, I might add, but still... epic.
First of all, if you wanna catch it, I can only say one thing: you're running out of time. The event is completely sold out. If you want to go see it, there is only one way: purchase them through a reseller. Yep, that means cold hard cash. I saw tickets running as much as 400 bucks per person! But if you have a little money to spend, by all means catch whatever tickets are available and go.
Look. Bush screwed up big time, and there is no better way to spend an evening than laughing at him for an hour and a half, a bit more. Farrell's rendition of Georgie is spot on. Dumb as a mo'fo, a true idiot, a what the fuck were people thinking man who got elected. And what better time to go laugh at this sorry excuse of a President than right now, when Obama has just been elected? What does he call him? Oh yeah, the Tiger Woods guy. Brilliant.
A word of advice: leave the theater as fast as you can and wait for Will at the door on the left. Like a true gentlemen he will sign autographs and take pictures - believe me, hehehe. That will be the icing on the cake, meeting Will.
In a world where Shrek has a fucking musical, Will has saved Broadway. Period. Go see the President and clap. Not only because Will made you laugh... because that damn fuck Bush has left the building.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex ROCKS!
If you are not planning to visit Ohio... ever, but you would like to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, no worries my man or dudette. NYC, the capital of the world now has it all: the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex!
Guys, what a treat. I recently came back from a weekend in my beloved city and one of the best moments spent - and money - was there. Just 25 bucks and bingo, you are celebrating the one thing that makes us all happy across the globe - MUSIC!
The Annex is located at 76 Mercer Street. You might think that it's a bit small but sorry my friend, you're in for a fucking amazing experience. Just check your coat and turn off your camera - you really won't need it and besides, there are no pics allowed, period.
Enter and you will get a great movie tribute of all the artists you love - trust me, when it was finished, I had clapped, screamed, banged my head... and it was just starting. The expo comes with a wireless sort of iPod that you carry all around the exhibit - and it activates different music, depending on where you are standing. AMAZING!
For me it was a treat because of one thing: the day we came in, there were a cool group of people, ranging almost all ages. And all of us, I mean ALL OF US, ended up singing and dancing all over the exhibit like idiots. The power of music and it's effect on us is celebrated here like nowhere else, trust me. You will leave wanting to get back in - I sure did!
What can you see in this exhibit? How about... John Lennon's piano? Check. Blondie's outfit with blonde wig? Check. Letters from Paul Simon to Art Garfunkel? Check. CBGB's awning, chairs and even sound system? Check. Handwritten material from all your loved artists? Check! You will go nuts, believe me.
So please, if you go to NY it will be a crime if you skip this little place in heaven. Loads of Rock and Roll love... Me.
Feb 10, 2009
Where in the world is Osama Bin Laden? A review
Dear FBI - you can stop reading this post, this is just a normal review of a flick I just saw. Thanks and keep up the good work!
So yeah, I just finished watching Morgan Spurlock's Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden. If you don't know who Morgan is, just click away to Netflix and rent Super Size Me. (Oh and try to eat a Big Mac after that one)
The basics? Morgan is about to be a daddy and suddenly he starts wondering how safe is the world for his newborn. Aside from natural disasters and other bad stuff, there is terrorism and the bad people that market it as a way of life. He wonders... Is the world safe with Osama around? What motivates people to blow themselves up for a few virgins in heaven? Will it make a difference if Osama is still around? And most of all... How the fuck the WORLD has not found one single guy? So then, he does the unthinkable - he leaves his pregnant wife to search for the Evil doer himself.
What comes out of this great documentary is an exploration on, in my opinion, how completely fucked up our views are regarding... well, each other in the world. Morgan interviewed loads of people that are affected directly and indirectly with Osama's views and impact. In fact, when I started watching the movie I thought: he will just find loads of fanatical dudes screaming Death to the Infidel, that's about it. Not so.
He found that the majority of people living in Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, Egypt and loads of other places are not following the feared and very well hidden Osama Bin Laden. They disregard anything of what he portrays. I found that this movie was an eye opener in so many levels... Listening to people say that these terrorists are just a few bunch of fanatic assholes who make everyone else look bad was not what I was expecting.
Morgan found out that mostly all the people in the world had some strong views against the US government - remember, this movie was filmed while Bush was still in office - but they didn't hate the Americans as a people. Well, I can very much agree that US has shit somewhat Foreign Relations and that some people out there just saw the Bush-Government as bullies... but there was a glimpse of hope about love and understanding, if you looked deep enough, and Morgan sure did, you could find it.
Where in the World makes a scary point: Osama is just a man. Granted, he now has convinced a shitload of other douchebags to fight in many places around the globe. But stopping one man will not end terror. In fact, just talking and restructuring Politics and Politicians may do the trick. If we all stop and listen, if we all just try to get along, if we just sit down and agree to make peace, then the movement started by one man will slowly end.
What scared me the most was one thing: everytime Morgan tried to find out what people knew about Americans and viceversa, you got people influenced so much from the media that it was astonishing. Not one fact was absolutely right, from either side. It scares me shitless to think how much bullshit we get from our news sources because if we don't have all the facts straight, imagine how the other world thinks of us!
So, if you can, Netflix it. Trust me, it will enlighten you. Nice work, Morgan. And congrats on the new baby boy!
Feb 6, 2009
Do critics matter?
In response to Me’s post from 2/2/09:
Not all chefs are good chefs. Not all lawyers are good lawyers. Not all doctors are good doctors. Mediocrity nestles itself everywhere. Likewise, not all critics are good critics.
The article you reference is a clear example of how the democratizing effect of the Internet is instilling fear in the hearts of academics and purists. The fact that the people DO have a powerful voice to pass judgment on film, art, books, etc. via the Internet poses a serious threat to their mighty, elitist Ivory Tower. Like Meryl Streep said in the article, professional critics are “becoming irrelevant.” The times, they are a changing.
Of course, one must be wary. A lot of junk also gets filtered through the popular justice system. How else to explain the success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua? But still, just as you choose your friends and weigh the importance/relevance of their opinions, one should do the same with critics.
So, what makes a professional critic a good critic? What makes them relevant, still? In my opinion, a good critic doesn’t pass judgment; he provides context and significance. Think of him as more a historian than judge. Most critics aren’t filmmakers, so there goes their credibility, in my opinion. But a good critic will recognize the role of a film and its context. He’ll explain why the movie/restaurant/art/book/wine matters. Notice that the more respected critics NEVER give grades like they do in elementary school, much less a thumbs up or down. A good critic presents an analysis – it’s up to you, the reader, to engage in that discussion and determine if its worth it.
For examples of good critics, throw out your dusty copies of The New Yorker and pick up instead Time Magazine. Richard Corliss (movies) and Richard Lacayo (art) are the best. Every week I look forward to reading their take on stuff, even if I know I’m not gonna see it. Why? Because they provide context, not judgment. Reading their stuff is like participating in a great conversation. They are not condescending. They do not write from an Ivory Tower.
I don’t think criticism will die, but it certainly will evolve. We just need to filter them, like we do everything else.
Not all chefs are good chefs. Not all lawyers are good lawyers. Not all doctors are good doctors. Mediocrity nestles itself everywhere. Likewise, not all critics are good critics.
The article you reference is a clear example of how the democratizing effect of the Internet is instilling fear in the hearts of academics and purists. The fact that the people DO have a powerful voice to pass judgment on film, art, books, etc. via the Internet poses a serious threat to their mighty, elitist Ivory Tower. Like Meryl Streep said in the article, professional critics are “becoming irrelevant.” The times, they are a changing.
Of course, one must be wary. A lot of junk also gets filtered through the popular justice system. How else to explain the success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua? But still, just as you choose your friends and weigh the importance/relevance of their opinions, one should do the same with critics.
So, what makes a professional critic a good critic? What makes them relevant, still? In my opinion, a good critic doesn’t pass judgment; he provides context and significance. Think of him as more a historian than judge. Most critics aren’t filmmakers, so there goes their credibility, in my opinion. But a good critic will recognize the role of a film and its context. He’ll explain why the movie/restaurant/art/book/wine matters. Notice that the more respected critics NEVER give grades like they do in elementary school, much less a thumbs up or down. A good critic presents an analysis – it’s up to you, the reader, to engage in that discussion and determine if its worth it.
For examples of good critics, throw out your dusty copies of The New Yorker and pick up instead Time Magazine. Richard Corliss (movies) and Richard Lacayo (art) are the best. Every week I look forward to reading their take on stuff, even if I know I’m not gonna see it. Why? Because they provide context, not judgment. Reading their stuff is like participating in a great conversation. They are not condescending. They do not write from an Ivory Tower.
I don’t think criticism will die, but it certainly will evolve. We just need to filter them, like we do everything else.
Feb 5, 2009
Feb 4, 2009
Face it, some days you just want to be over
Some days are great.
Some days are normal.
Some days are chill even.
But some days........ well some days you just truly want to get them the fuck over with.
I'm not saying today is one of those days, though it was a couple of bullshit strokes above par. I'm just saying that I do know what a truly shitty day in the context of a cushy work environment is all about.
Your computer might be spazzing, you might just get one bullshit fwd in an entire week when you just want someone to send a message and show they care, you might have had your significant other cheat on you with an inanimate object, your choice of poultry, a magical lima bean from the super market and your aunt Tilda. Maybe you fucked up and had five people bust your ass on it. Maybe you had your period and really didn't need some asshole to ask if you had your period because you snapped at something that deserved a snap regardless of your hormonal state. Maybe you broke a nail, chaffed your ass, splintered your bung, sat on a staple drank what you thought was your coffee and turned out to be someones office spitoon. Whatever it is, sometimes 24 hours (and much less when you think about it) don't pass fast enough.
To boot, as if you called the bullshit brigade to rain poop on your parade, shit keeps going wrong. A button from your shirt comes off, your high heel breaks, your soda was hot or the sandwich you yearned for was discontinued.
Yes folks, some days blow more than a hoover during an atomic power surge. But guess what, there's good news at the end of the inverted brown rainbow. There's a tomorrow. There's the chance to look back at what will be yesterday and just insist that the day was a total dick. That you won't do anything of significance on that day and be it passive aggressive in nature, it's better than nothing.
So here's to a tomorrow just in case today sucked rhino dick.
Cheers
Some days are normal.
Some days are chill even.
But some days........ well some days you just truly want to get them the fuck over with.
I'm not saying today is one of those days, though it was a couple of bullshit strokes above par. I'm just saying that I do know what a truly shitty day in the context of a cushy work environment is all about.
Your computer might be spazzing, you might just get one bullshit fwd in an entire week when you just want someone to send a message and show they care, you might have had your significant other cheat on you with an inanimate object, your choice of poultry, a magical lima bean from the super market and your aunt Tilda. Maybe you fucked up and had five people bust your ass on it. Maybe you had your period and really didn't need some asshole to ask if you had your period because you snapped at something that deserved a snap regardless of your hormonal state. Maybe you broke a nail, chaffed your ass, splintered your bung, sat on a staple drank what you thought was your coffee and turned out to be someones office spitoon. Whatever it is, sometimes 24 hours (and much less when you think about it) don't pass fast enough.
To boot, as if you called the bullshit brigade to rain poop on your parade, shit keeps going wrong. A button from your shirt comes off, your high heel breaks, your soda was hot or the sandwich you yearned for was discontinued.
Yes folks, some days blow more than a hoover during an atomic power surge. But guess what, there's good news at the end of the inverted brown rainbow. There's a tomorrow. There's the chance to look back at what will be yesterday and just insist that the day was a total dick. That you won't do anything of significance on that day and be it passive aggressive in nature, it's better than nothing.
So here's to a tomorrow just in case today sucked rhino dick.
Cheers
You want something worthy of a flagging?
So it seems recently someone found something interesting on this site worthy of a flag. For those who don't know, getting flagged means someone basically reported you some place because the content of your blog and or website is not deemed appropriate by someone with a weak stomach, intolerance to fucked up ideas or a low threshold for creative uses for the words fuck, cunt, dick, cock, cum, jizz, asshole, cornhole, siberian donkey taint licking and or snatch buffet.
That being established, I can't say I'm surprised we've been flagged but only that it took this fucking long for someone to whine about what we write about. Consider this the unfriendly net neighborhood watch who insist on telling other people that it's a boo boo to read ridiculous rants from people who are in dire need of venting and rather than fisting the first dumb ass to truly say something offensive, we just log onto this here little blog and write our woes away.
Content on this site has always been fucked up. From the get go. I'm telling you that there have been comparisons with shit, piss, vomit, semen, menstrual flux and any other bodily discharge your average male or female can produce. But finally... FINALLY someone took notice that maybe we're a bit too fucked up in the head for our own good. So to the person who flagged us and has made following this blog's progress on technorati something of a super fucking chore, here's to you.
Thank you for representing what is weakest in us. For not having a sense of humor. For possibly finding offense in the term Trixie Dimple Tits as coined by moi. Thanks for showing what the weakest link in the humor chain is all about. Thank you for not being able to change the channel and for feeling the moral imperative of informing your prude peers about the maladies parading in this little blog of scorn. Or was it a vengeful company CEO, or CD that got wind of what is being written here? Is it possible one of the hateful scumbags that have taken years from my life through incompetence and slave trade sensibilities has actually stumbled upon this blog and seen himself reflected in the words we spew forth.
Has a mighty Valhalla man poked a peon's blog in the eye? Well if so I suggest you smell that finger, because the only eye you poked was my lovely brown eye, and I'm sorry to say, today I jogged. So enjoy the musky felch worthy boucquet on your finger.
Or wait, did some Republican read and see that we're openly liberal or democratic? Say it ain't so my cute white elephant. For a second I thought I was on the right trek to finding honest Republicans that believe in the system and want the best for this country without having to resort to barbarically ancient conservative ways.
Or maybe it was homeland security that saw we'd be writing about el Che, and actually not agreeing with his movie portrayals or real life exploits.
But when I think of it. The odds of something that interesting or worthwhile being the reason why some douche bag wants to indirectly censor us, it just becomes obvious that some yuppy dildo or dildette probably had nothing better to do after watching and believing anything Fox news has to say about the world and decided to be a little bitch and digitally bitch at big brother.
So whoever did the flagging, applause to you, for being exactly the type of person I abhore, resent and hope you get an ingrown hair in your crotch.
And to all those who enjoy our sctalogical fuckterpieces
Cheers my brethren
That being established, I can't say I'm surprised we've been flagged but only that it took this fucking long for someone to whine about what we write about. Consider this the unfriendly net neighborhood watch who insist on telling other people that it's a boo boo to read ridiculous rants from people who are in dire need of venting and rather than fisting the first dumb ass to truly say something offensive, we just log onto this here little blog and write our woes away.
Content on this site has always been fucked up. From the get go. I'm telling you that there have been comparisons with shit, piss, vomit, semen, menstrual flux and any other bodily discharge your average male or female can produce. But finally... FINALLY someone took notice that maybe we're a bit too fucked up in the head for our own good. So to the person who flagged us and has made following this blog's progress on technorati something of a super fucking chore, here's to you.
Thank you for representing what is weakest in us. For not having a sense of humor. For possibly finding offense in the term Trixie Dimple Tits as coined by moi. Thanks for showing what the weakest link in the humor chain is all about. Thank you for not being able to change the channel and for feeling the moral imperative of informing your prude peers about the maladies parading in this little blog of scorn. Or was it a vengeful company CEO, or CD that got wind of what is being written here? Is it possible one of the hateful scumbags that have taken years from my life through incompetence and slave trade sensibilities has actually stumbled upon this blog and seen himself reflected in the words we spew forth.
Has a mighty Valhalla man poked a peon's blog in the eye? Well if so I suggest you smell that finger, because the only eye you poked was my lovely brown eye, and I'm sorry to say, today I jogged. So enjoy the musky felch worthy boucquet on your finger.
Or wait, did some Republican read and see that we're openly liberal or democratic? Say it ain't so my cute white elephant. For a second I thought I was on the right trek to finding honest Republicans that believe in the system and want the best for this country without having to resort to barbarically ancient conservative ways.
Or maybe it was homeland security that saw we'd be writing about el Che, and actually not agreeing with his movie portrayals or real life exploits.
But when I think of it. The odds of something that interesting or worthwhile being the reason why some douche bag wants to indirectly censor us, it just becomes obvious that some yuppy dildo or dildette probably had nothing better to do after watching and believing anything Fox news has to say about the world and decided to be a little bitch and digitally bitch at big brother.
So whoever did the flagging, applause to you, for being exactly the type of person I abhore, resent and hope you get an ingrown hair in your crotch.
And to all those who enjoy our sctalogical fuckterpieces
Cheers my brethren
Joker's 20 on 20 M.D.O.D.
So you thought this series wasn’t going to be finished? Uh-uh, no way, no how. There are quite a few series I haven't finished and this is one I really want to finish. There are just too many great blogs out there for me to scratch this series without getting to the end.
So next in the 20-20 series is the contribution by 911 Doc from MDOD. Lets put it this way, if you think we’re jaded from our daily traverses through the dumbass world of advertising, just try and think how you’d do in a health care environment and all the shit they have to deal with on a daily or hourly basis. These people are real doctors, who work day in and day out caring for people that are sometimes difficult, often times whiny and annoying yet occasionally very thankful, as am I for 911 Doc taking some time to answer my random batch of questions.
MDOD is pretty much a compilation of unruly doctors that tell shit like it is and make my vents look tame in comparison. There are various contributing writers pushing forth their own brand of anger, what the fuckness or sick perverted humor and I can’t help but recommend this read to anyone at the very least curious as to what a doctor does on an average day. Many thanks to AdBroad for having indirectly referred me to this crazy bunch since I’ve always wanted to ask like a million questions to doctors… for this exercise I settled on 20. Here’s the result.
20 Bloggers.
20 Questions.
No filtering.
Enjoy.
1.) How many people participate in MDOD? Give a brief description of each if possible.
We have seven docs who participate at MDOD, though Dr X is hard to locate and usually in a bad mood.
Brief descriptions:
911doc- angry
Lofty Zahari- angry
Etotheipi- angry and twisted
Quixxote- angry
DRX- sociopathic
ERDoc85 - angry
Schrodinger's Cat - angry
and
Olfarft- angry (and old).
2 & 3.) Describe what MDOD means to you. How do you all know each other?
MDOD started simply as a safe place for me to vent about practicing emergency medicine. It's not like "ER" on TV and it's not like anything on TV... it's the ER. at about the same time other ER docs decided to start blogging and venting and I am glad for that. For those of us who write at MDOD I believe it is basically a place to vent, but it seems that we reach a lot of folks outside of medicine and to the extent we tell them 'how it really is' perhaps we are more than a place for burned out docs to vent.
JOKER: Trust me, you guys are. I always enjoy seeing differnt perspectives and ways of seeing life and one can't help but wonder what a doctor's take on typical life bullshit might be different from your average layman since most people almost consider doctors a different species and often forget that they're people with lives, frustrations, feelings of dejection and who are flesh and bone.
4.) Describe what a bad day is like for you and compare it to what you normally hear people complain about as a bad day?
Hmm, what is a 'bad day' for me? my answer is not a shift in which people die or throw up on me or any of those things (though they are certainly bad), but rather, a shift where I am so busy I forget to pee. right after i see my last patient I finally remember I need to pee and then it takes me about three hourse to calm down enough to sleep. another surely bad day is a shift in which you pronounce a child dead. the experience itself is something i never want to have again, and the parental conference is the worst thing i can imagine outside of torture.
JOKER: More than anything, I asked this so people could put things in perspective and get a different answer from your typical person dying scenario. Obviously that isn't a pleasant experience, but if you're a doctor and more so in ER, it seems that's just something you'll have to come to terms with. As for forgetting to pee... shit man, I can't even begin to fathom what it would be like for me to forget to take a piss. As for taking three hours to calm down, I can relate to the symptom, though not the cause, meaning that I might have trouble getting to sleep, but it's most likely due to some batch of senseless mind numbing project that really contributes little or nothing to society.
5.) What blogs do you read?
In terms of blogs I read it really varies a lot depending on how much time I'm putting into MDOD. if i have time the blogs linked on MDOD are my favorites. Adios to monkeygirl by the way. love ya gal.
JOKER: It's interesting to see the different things people are into and to find awesome links to random blogs just for reading some random blog.
6.) Your job would be so much better if you had these five things.
My job would be so much better if I had.... patients who take responsibility for themselves (that's one through four) and 5. ... if I had a job that paid me based on my training, skill, and worth.
JOKER: I can't help but smile at how some sentiments echo from one industry to another. As for patient's taking responsibility for themselves? That's like asking your average desk jockey to take the blame for their fuckup rather than point a finger and try to Hot Potato the blame over to someone else.
7.) What are some of your heroes and why are they your heroes?
My heroes are not hard to figure out based on my answer above. I will always love Winston Churchill and in terms of movie heroes I love almost all of Clint Eastwood's characters. Folks that I know that are heroes? Most of the pilots I served with, my friends who have deployed in service of our country, and the United States Marines.
JOKER: I have various friends in the Marines and the Army. Can't say I'm happy any time they're deployed because I'd rather shit being all rosy, but without these guys, we'd probably be ultra fucked. So hats off to the people in uniform. As for Winston Churchill, interesting choice. Not many people owuld pick a succesful British politician, army officer, orator, nobel prize winner and writer as a hero... They're too busy sucking on the smell of Kanye's ego. So great choice.
8.) If you had a shot to do something else with your life (and were actually interested in doing something else), what would it be and why?
If i were given a choice of 'what to do with my life' I would probably still choose medicine. It's a calling, and it's hard to envision doing anything else. This is a problem because it's become so unlike the job that folks had even fifteen years ago. I think if I had to choose another career I would be a teacher and a coach. Maybe that's what I'll do next?
JOKER: interesting. I asked because I know some doctors who have changed specialties, but stayed in medicine because it is their calling, while others have opted to change careers altogether and after 10+ years studying, I don't even know how to react to such changes except to applaud them for not settling.
9.) Four books everyone should read; four cd's everyone should listen to; four movies everyone should watch.
Four books everyone should read:
Mere Christianity: CS Lewis. The first time I read it, it made me quite uncomfortable, the fiftieth time I read it I still got more out of it. For those who are not believers it is the best book on understanding the faith that built this country.
The Lord of the Rings: Tolkien was a contemporary of CS Lewis at Oxford and they were friends (Tolkien was Catholic and Lewis Anglican)
Deep Survival: new book, Lawrence Gonzalez, required reading for anyone who wants to know how to make it through a disaster, an illness.
The Last Lion: William Manchester. A great history of the life of Winston Churchill written by a former marine who fought in the South Pacific. It’s part of a trilogy but Manchester never finished the last installment.
CDs?
moondance, van morrison. (So fucking true. Love this cd though would couple it with Astral Weeks. Just Van at his best).
Eat a Peach: allman brothers.
Led Zeppelin II. I've always debated which is the best Zeppelin album. I'm between II and I though the rest are also incredible, but the first two are just insane as to how good they are.
Funky Kingston, Toots and the Maytalls. Great choice. My brother would be very proud.
Movies?
Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood.
Apocalypse Now.
Cool Hand Luke
Animal House.
10.) Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Hopefully on this side of the grass and out of the ER.
11.) What are your greatest fears?
Greatest fear? The playing out, in our country, of the classic book 1984.
JOKER: Scary how possible it is huh?
12.) What do you think of medical shows like Scrubs, ER, Grey's Anatomy and House MD? How do those shows compare with reality?
I love scrubs. The others I don't watch. ER was good for a while but it is not the way a busy trauma center works (though they do a good job with the medical stuff). House is a joke and I don't get it.
JOKER: I asked this one because I don't know how many people swear they know about being a lawyer because of Law and Order, could be a crime scene specialist thanks to CSI or magically become whiz doctors because they watch these Med shows. Amazing the amount of self manufactured bullshit people ingest.
13.) What do you miss most about college if anything?
College? Everything. Even though we thought we were anything but carefree, we were. It was fantastic. I understand the pull of staying there forever and many of my friends have done just that.
14.) What medicines would you never take and why?
Medicines I would not take? Hell I'll take just about anything legal if it helps. The proliferation of the colon cleanse and alternative medicine stuff is nothing but shit (pun intended). The reason that alternative cures are still around is that people will always look for a quick fix. Snake oil can not be banned. But the guy on the late night infomercials talking about observing his four year old daughter's bowel habits gives me the creeps and he's making millions. People will pay for his snake oil without blinking but do not want to pay for traditional, western medicine.
JOKER: People shall now and forever want a quick fix. Happy pills. Pain go bye bye pills etc. For my part, I just try to avoid meds whenever possible but if my stomach is fucking with me or I have a headache worthy of a cranky mother of five having to deal with multiple child meltdowns, I won't be a dick and I will take the aspirin. But if it's something mild, screw it.
15.) What would you say to anyone interested in embarking a career in medicine?
If it's in your heart go to it. Keep in mind to be smart with how you finance your education as it will dictate your specialty choice. Hard to bite on the pediatrics residency if you come out of residency owing 300k and making 80k. If it's something you are thinking about because you like the idea of being called 'doctor' then do something else.
JOKER: It's sad that so many people seem to do it for the money and respect. good to see people genuinely interested in helping others.
16.) What is the most common diagnosis you see?
Most commons diagnosis? 'Not sick'. in all seriousness this is the only thing that matters to me, is the pateint sick or not. Most are not. Other than that, upper respiratory illnesses and chest pain.
JOKER: I wonder how this answer would change from state to state, from country to country etc.
17.) What are some basic rules for your day-to-day work?
Rule number 1 through 10... everyone is sick until I prove they are not.
JOKER: Interesting philosophy.
18.) Describe your experience as a med intern. What were some of the most important lessons you learned?
Internship rules. Two options. If you are gunning for a neurosurgery position be front and center, never sleep, read all the time, and volunteer whenever possible. If you just want to make it through, which is the norm, hang back, do your work, and shut the fuck up. Our medical training programs are so thorough that you can't help but learn it after years and years of repetition.
19.) What's the weirdest condition/accident/injury you've ever had to deal with?
Weirdest condition ever encountered? How can I choose just one? How about the guy who stuck a mayonnaise jar up his ass to 'relieve constipation'? Then there’s the woman who put pennies in her vagina because timothy McVeigh had just been executed and she was warding off his ghost (yes, she was schizophrenic).
JOKER: Maybe the guy thought Miracle Whip could really do miracles though if he could fit a mayo jar up his ass, I think his last worry would be constipation. Makes you think twice about saying that everything tastes better with mayo. As for the woman? Maybe she was offered advice by someone with a heavy Hispanic accent insisting that she put some clean penis in her vagina and not to worry. Or maybe she trusted in the power of Old Abe or maybe she just secretly wanted matching odors from both orifices. Who knows?
20.) Dissect me with any question you might be curious enough to ask.
Questions for you: if you are a surfer, how long would it take me, a snowboarder who can swim pretty well, to get at least marginally proficient at surfing?
JOKER: It shouldn't take long at all. I think snow is a much crazier surface to carve on though I haven't had the pleasure of riding really fresh powder. Only snowboarded once. But it should be an easy transition with a funny initial learning process for one simple reason. Surfers steeer with the front leg and stabilize with the back leg and snowboarding is inverted. Other than that, I think it's a great advantage if you snowboard actually. if you're having trouble with a short board, start with a long board in small surf first. If you can handle that, you'll transition much better to the shortboard. Just remember, spinning around in a long board is a bitch.
Second, if you live to surf, how do you make ends meet?
JOKER: you find a night job. or shifts that can allow you to have some income yet have the morning to surf. i'd say to live off fish etc, but that depends on where you're based. I would strongly recommend against eating anything fished from many Cali breaks just because, well, I think it's obvious. Your other option is to move to a place like indo or Costa Rica and be the American contact. Actually, if you work at Tavarua as a guide, you have a decent job, easy access to epic surf and can still save a buck here and there.
What's the secret to living a life based around your most loved activity which, unless you are a pro, doesn't pay the bills (I have an idea about this having spent two years as a ski bum in Colorado but I'm interested).
JOKER: Read above. For me, I love to surf and can't see myself without doing it, but I don't live to surf only. I love to play music and my passions are writing, music, surfing and boxing. I'd never be a boxer though I love the sport, don't consider myself good enough to be a recording artist, am not good enough to compete but I can write like a motherfucker, so the choice is simple. :) I just don't drop any of the other fixations in my life because there is no need to.
Many thanks for the great answers Doc. Take care and thanks for busting your ass on the job.
Cheers
So next in the 20-20 series is the contribution by 911 Doc from MDOD. Lets put it this way, if you think we’re jaded from our daily traverses through the dumbass world of advertising, just try and think how you’d do in a health care environment and all the shit they have to deal with on a daily or hourly basis. These people are real doctors, who work day in and day out caring for people that are sometimes difficult, often times whiny and annoying yet occasionally very thankful, as am I for 911 Doc taking some time to answer my random batch of questions.
MDOD is pretty much a compilation of unruly doctors that tell shit like it is and make my vents look tame in comparison. There are various contributing writers pushing forth their own brand of anger, what the fuckness or sick perverted humor and I can’t help but recommend this read to anyone at the very least curious as to what a doctor does on an average day. Many thanks to AdBroad for having indirectly referred me to this crazy bunch since I’ve always wanted to ask like a million questions to doctors… for this exercise I settled on 20. Here’s the result.
20 Bloggers.
20 Questions.
No filtering.
Enjoy.
1.) How many people participate in MDOD? Give a brief description of each if possible.
We have seven docs who participate at MDOD, though Dr X is hard to locate and usually in a bad mood.
Brief descriptions:
911doc- angry
Lofty Zahari- angry
Etotheipi- angry and twisted
Quixxote- angry
DRX- sociopathic
ERDoc85 - angry
Schrodinger's Cat - angry
and
Olfarft- angry (and old).
2 & 3.) Describe what MDOD means to you. How do you all know each other?
MDOD started simply as a safe place for me to vent about practicing emergency medicine. It's not like "ER" on TV and it's not like anything on TV... it's the ER. at about the same time other ER docs decided to start blogging and venting and I am glad for that. For those of us who write at MDOD I believe it is basically a place to vent, but it seems that we reach a lot of folks outside of medicine and to the extent we tell them 'how it really is' perhaps we are more than a place for burned out docs to vent.
JOKER: Trust me, you guys are. I always enjoy seeing differnt perspectives and ways of seeing life and one can't help but wonder what a doctor's take on typical life bullshit might be different from your average layman since most people almost consider doctors a different species and often forget that they're people with lives, frustrations, feelings of dejection and who are flesh and bone.
4.) Describe what a bad day is like for you and compare it to what you normally hear people complain about as a bad day?
Hmm, what is a 'bad day' for me? my answer is not a shift in which people die or throw up on me or any of those things (though they are certainly bad), but rather, a shift where I am so busy I forget to pee. right after i see my last patient I finally remember I need to pee and then it takes me about three hourse to calm down enough to sleep. another surely bad day is a shift in which you pronounce a child dead. the experience itself is something i never want to have again, and the parental conference is the worst thing i can imagine outside of torture.
JOKER: More than anything, I asked this so people could put things in perspective and get a different answer from your typical person dying scenario. Obviously that isn't a pleasant experience, but if you're a doctor and more so in ER, it seems that's just something you'll have to come to terms with. As for forgetting to pee... shit man, I can't even begin to fathom what it would be like for me to forget to take a piss. As for taking three hours to calm down, I can relate to the symptom, though not the cause, meaning that I might have trouble getting to sleep, but it's most likely due to some batch of senseless mind numbing project that really contributes little or nothing to society.
5.) What blogs do you read?
In terms of blogs I read it really varies a lot depending on how much time I'm putting into MDOD. if i have time the blogs linked on MDOD are my favorites. Adios to monkeygirl by the way. love ya gal.
JOKER: It's interesting to see the different things people are into and to find awesome links to random blogs just for reading some random blog.
6.) Your job would be so much better if you had these five things.
My job would be so much better if I had.... patients who take responsibility for themselves (that's one through four) and 5. ... if I had a job that paid me based on my training, skill, and worth.
JOKER: I can't help but smile at how some sentiments echo from one industry to another. As for patient's taking responsibility for themselves? That's like asking your average desk jockey to take the blame for their fuckup rather than point a finger and try to Hot Potato the blame over to someone else.
7.) What are some of your heroes and why are they your heroes?
My heroes are not hard to figure out based on my answer above. I will always love Winston Churchill and in terms of movie heroes I love almost all of Clint Eastwood's characters. Folks that I know that are heroes? Most of the pilots I served with, my friends who have deployed in service of our country, and the United States Marines.
JOKER: I have various friends in the Marines and the Army. Can't say I'm happy any time they're deployed because I'd rather shit being all rosy, but without these guys, we'd probably be ultra fucked. So hats off to the people in uniform. As for Winston Churchill, interesting choice. Not many people owuld pick a succesful British politician, army officer, orator, nobel prize winner and writer as a hero... They're too busy sucking on the smell of Kanye's ego. So great choice.
8.) If you had a shot to do something else with your life (and were actually interested in doing something else), what would it be and why?
If i were given a choice of 'what to do with my life' I would probably still choose medicine. It's a calling, and it's hard to envision doing anything else. This is a problem because it's become so unlike the job that folks had even fifteen years ago. I think if I had to choose another career I would be a teacher and a coach. Maybe that's what I'll do next?
JOKER: interesting. I asked because I know some doctors who have changed specialties, but stayed in medicine because it is their calling, while others have opted to change careers altogether and after 10+ years studying, I don't even know how to react to such changes except to applaud them for not settling.
9.) Four books everyone should read; four cd's everyone should listen to; four movies everyone should watch.
Four books everyone should read:
Mere Christianity: CS Lewis. The first time I read it, it made me quite uncomfortable, the fiftieth time I read it I still got more out of it. For those who are not believers it is the best book on understanding the faith that built this country.
The Lord of the Rings: Tolkien was a contemporary of CS Lewis at Oxford and they were friends (Tolkien was Catholic and Lewis Anglican)
Deep Survival: new book, Lawrence Gonzalez, required reading for anyone who wants to know how to make it through a disaster, an illness.
The Last Lion: William Manchester. A great history of the life of Winston Churchill written by a former marine who fought in the South Pacific. It’s part of a trilogy but Manchester never finished the last installment.
CDs?
moondance, van morrison. (So fucking true. Love this cd though would couple it with Astral Weeks. Just Van at his best).
Eat a Peach: allman brothers.
Led Zeppelin II. I've always debated which is the best Zeppelin album. I'm between II and I though the rest are also incredible, but the first two are just insane as to how good they are.
Funky Kingston, Toots and the Maytalls. Great choice. My brother would be very proud.
Movies?
Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood.
Apocalypse Now.
Cool Hand Luke
Animal House.
10.) Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Hopefully on this side of the grass and out of the ER.
11.) What are your greatest fears?
Greatest fear? The playing out, in our country, of the classic book 1984.
JOKER: Scary how possible it is huh?
12.) What do you think of medical shows like Scrubs, ER, Grey's Anatomy and House MD? How do those shows compare with reality?
I love scrubs. The others I don't watch. ER was good for a while but it is not the way a busy trauma center works (though they do a good job with the medical stuff). House is a joke and I don't get it.
JOKER: I asked this one because I don't know how many people swear they know about being a lawyer because of Law and Order, could be a crime scene specialist thanks to CSI or magically become whiz doctors because they watch these Med shows. Amazing the amount of self manufactured bullshit people ingest.
13.) What do you miss most about college if anything?
College? Everything. Even though we thought we were anything but carefree, we were. It was fantastic. I understand the pull of staying there forever and many of my friends have done just that.
14.) What medicines would you never take and why?
Medicines I would not take? Hell I'll take just about anything legal if it helps. The proliferation of the colon cleanse and alternative medicine stuff is nothing but shit (pun intended). The reason that alternative cures are still around is that people will always look for a quick fix. Snake oil can not be banned. But the guy on the late night infomercials talking about observing his four year old daughter's bowel habits gives me the creeps and he's making millions. People will pay for his snake oil without blinking but do not want to pay for traditional, western medicine.
JOKER: People shall now and forever want a quick fix. Happy pills. Pain go bye bye pills etc. For my part, I just try to avoid meds whenever possible but if my stomach is fucking with me or I have a headache worthy of a cranky mother of five having to deal with multiple child meltdowns, I won't be a dick and I will take the aspirin. But if it's something mild, screw it.
15.) What would you say to anyone interested in embarking a career in medicine?
If it's in your heart go to it. Keep in mind to be smart with how you finance your education as it will dictate your specialty choice. Hard to bite on the pediatrics residency if you come out of residency owing 300k and making 80k. If it's something you are thinking about because you like the idea of being called 'doctor' then do something else.
JOKER: It's sad that so many people seem to do it for the money and respect. good to see people genuinely interested in helping others.
16.) What is the most common diagnosis you see?
Most commons diagnosis? 'Not sick'. in all seriousness this is the only thing that matters to me, is the pateint sick or not. Most are not. Other than that, upper respiratory illnesses and chest pain.
JOKER: I wonder how this answer would change from state to state, from country to country etc.
17.) What are some basic rules for your day-to-day work?
Rule number 1 through 10... everyone is sick until I prove they are not.
JOKER: Interesting philosophy.
18.) Describe your experience as a med intern. What were some of the most important lessons you learned?
Internship rules. Two options. If you are gunning for a neurosurgery position be front and center, never sleep, read all the time, and volunteer whenever possible. If you just want to make it through, which is the norm, hang back, do your work, and shut the fuck up. Our medical training programs are so thorough that you can't help but learn it after years and years of repetition.
19.) What's the weirdest condition/accident/injury you've ever had to deal with?
Weirdest condition ever encountered? How can I choose just one? How about the guy who stuck a mayonnaise jar up his ass to 'relieve constipation'? Then there’s the woman who put pennies in her vagina because timothy McVeigh had just been executed and she was warding off his ghost (yes, she was schizophrenic).
JOKER: Maybe the guy thought Miracle Whip could really do miracles though if he could fit a mayo jar up his ass, I think his last worry would be constipation. Makes you think twice about saying that everything tastes better with mayo. As for the woman? Maybe she was offered advice by someone with a heavy Hispanic accent insisting that she put some clean penis in her vagina and not to worry. Or maybe she trusted in the power of Old Abe or maybe she just secretly wanted matching odors from both orifices. Who knows?
20.) Dissect me with any question you might be curious enough to ask.
Questions for you: if you are a surfer, how long would it take me, a snowboarder who can swim pretty well, to get at least marginally proficient at surfing?
JOKER: It shouldn't take long at all. I think snow is a much crazier surface to carve on though I haven't had the pleasure of riding really fresh powder. Only snowboarded once. But it should be an easy transition with a funny initial learning process for one simple reason. Surfers steeer with the front leg and stabilize with the back leg and snowboarding is inverted. Other than that, I think it's a great advantage if you snowboard actually. if you're having trouble with a short board, start with a long board in small surf first. If you can handle that, you'll transition much better to the shortboard. Just remember, spinning around in a long board is a bitch.
Second, if you live to surf, how do you make ends meet?
JOKER: you find a night job. or shifts that can allow you to have some income yet have the morning to surf. i'd say to live off fish etc, but that depends on where you're based. I would strongly recommend against eating anything fished from many Cali breaks just because, well, I think it's obvious. Your other option is to move to a place like indo or Costa Rica and be the American contact. Actually, if you work at Tavarua as a guide, you have a decent job, easy access to epic surf and can still save a buck here and there.
What's the secret to living a life based around your most loved activity which, unless you are a pro, doesn't pay the bills (I have an idea about this having spent two years as a ski bum in Colorado but I'm interested).
JOKER: Read above. For me, I love to surf and can't see myself without doing it, but I don't live to surf only. I love to play music and my passions are writing, music, surfing and boxing. I'd never be a boxer though I love the sport, don't consider myself good enough to be a recording artist, am not good enough to compete but I can write like a motherfucker, so the choice is simple. :) I just don't drop any of the other fixations in my life because there is no need to.
Many thanks for the great answers Doc. Take care and thanks for busting your ass on the job.
Cheers
Feb 3, 2009
Resolution Revolution
Resolution Report!
So 2009 is off and running and a month has already gone up and passed by beneath us. Yeesh. Well at the beginning of this year I’d said I’d be doing a monthly report on the status of all my resolutions and see how it all pans out month by month. That being said, I’ve been jotting down my progress in a notebook as well as just keeping tabs on what I’ve been up to, so without further ado. Here they go.
On the physical spectrum of life, I started getting into a routine a bit late so numbers are a bit low in that section but they’re coming along and the more comfortable I feel with my routine, the sooner I’ll be able to increase the amount of reps to be performed. For now though, here’s what I have so far:
PHYSICAL
Bicep Curls
200 / 5,000
Butterfly curls
200 / 5,000
Pushups
200 / 5,000
Sit-ups
150 / 10,000
Jumping Jacks
450 / 10,000
Squats
300 / 10,000
Miles run/walked
0 / 100
Yoga classes
N/A
Hours meditated
0 / 100
I’m more than clear that I need to work on my running/walking, meditating and yoga pursuits. The first two I can remedy while yoga will have to wait til I’m able to pay it without a hitch. As for the rest, finally getting into a routine so booyakasha for me. I expect a big bump in numbers by the end of February.
PROFESSIONAL
Freelance jobs
1 / 8 freelance
If by any chance someone needs a freelance copywriter to help em out, feel free to ask. Starting the year a bit slow, but hoping things will pick up. Only time will tell though.
Work proposals
3 in progress of 10
I'm actually about to submit three proposals this week, so wish me luck with those new things. Hope it's something that'll help me.
Work on portfolio
N/A
Haven't done much of anything with this but thinking of talking with the artist from my company to see if he isn't interested in doing something random for our portfolios.
RECAP:
Starting the year off slow in terms of freelances, but fret not, 11 months to go. The proposals are projects I want to submit officially and I’m still fine tuning a couple and waiting on responses from other people. I haven’t worked on my portfolio, but have drafted some ideas for stuff I want to do.
ACTIVITIES:
Surf Sessions
6 / 50
I'm extremely satisfied with the rate I'm surfing and hope to keep it up to meet the deadline. Hoping I'll have a chance to surf on a weekday either afer work or during a random surf lunch. I've done it before, just have to be super efficient with my bullshit excuse, that's all.
Swim / bodysurf
0 / 10
As long as there good surf I don't expect this number to go up. Besides, I'm pretty sure this is a more summer activity.
Local tourism
N/A
No plans yet. When I get my credit card all paid for I'll start doing a couple of fancy trips with ma Mrs.
Concerts
0 / 5
Yet to go to one. Shame on me, then again, I did mention that thing about wanting to pay off my credit card right?
Trips
0 / 2
None yet, lets hope this changes.
Writing with Pen & Paper
Could write more but not completely negligent. Lets see if I can keep working on the book and looking for an excuse to spurt some ink. :)
Movies
1 / 40
Paul Blart: Mall Cop – Honestly, it isn’t bad but I was expecting much more from the movie. It’s like it didn’t try its best to really be a great comedy flick and everything felt rushed and under developed, especially my laughter. Oh wait, there wasn't much of that going on either. Just barely passing grade for me.
Watch DVD’s I’ve bought
3 down lord knows how many to go.
Pi – Darren Aronofski is officially one of my favorite directors along with Kubrik, Sam Mendes, David Lynch, David Fincher and Ford Coppola. I’m looking forward to seeing the Wrestler. Wow, that last sentence was the biggest understatement yet.
Escape from New York – A new Guilty pleasure if ever I saw one. John Carpenter is campy at times, but I can’t help but love his style. Snake Pliskin is the shiznit.
Inland Empire – David Lynch is so far removed from reality that I can’t help but enjoy his what the fuck moments. Not my fave Lynch flick, but a worthy add to the collection and proves that no one can do surreal like Lynch. I can only think of Frank Miller's S.P.O.S. (Steaming Pile of Shit) The Spirit film and see how fine a line absurd surrealism traverses. On top of that, I can only nod in approval at the ease with which Lynch makes a WTF movie that can’t help but capture my attention.
Videogames finished
3 / 20
Zakk and Wikki – Quest for Barbaro’s Treasure – Wii
Fun filled puzzle game that is way harder and gratifying than its kiddy look insinuates. If you own a Nintendo Wii and bitch there are no games to play, I hear ya and feel ya. But you can pick this one up for $20.00 brand new and see if you have what it takes to pass a game that is just what the Wii needs more of. Excellent game and gets my nod of approval as one of the ten games you HAVE to buy for your Nintendo Wii. Please, be a sport and trust me on this one.
Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes – Game Cube
It’s been a long time coming, I know. But I finally started playing the MS franchise and DAMNNNNNNNNNN this is some great game playing. I knew I was missing out on something big, but though it should have been obvious, I'm still extremely impressed.
Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty – PS2
Though I liked some elements from the first game more, including the boss fights, this is still a kick ass game with depth, good writing and engrossing gameplay. Already playing MGS 3 and I know I'll probably hope to buy a PS3 to play #4. Seriously solid game playing.
Books read
1/30
Yeah I know I'm slow on this, but I do a lot of reading in airport terminals, flights, doctor's appointments or when fixing up the car. None of these have happened lately, explaining why I'm so slow on this. Might have to drop the total to 20 at this rate to be realistic.
2nd book of The Bartimeus Trilogy – The Golem’s Eye
Great series if you like quasi kiddie fiction. There’s some great dialogue and literary devices used that I can’t help but enjoy. It’s a slow starter but once it picks up, it’s pretty hard to drop.
Playing guitar
Not playing five times a week necessarily, but doing pretty good and sometimes playing more than an hour to make up for lost time
ACQUISITIVE:
Get new computer
Looked into options, pricing and payment alternatives. As soon as feasible, will purchase the unit. Probably going to purchase an iMac with some software that could be the digital music recorder I need. We'll see what happens.
Net connection
Looked for info. As soon as things settle, this is mine. Can’t stand dial up one more second.
Digital recorder
N/A Read above
MONETARY
Save Money
N/A Still paying off a few things. Should be able to start this up by Early March at the latest. Wish me luck to be able to start saving up for the wedding peeps. :)
Payments
Gotten every one... for now
Mom’s cakes
Minimal help, could do more. Lets see what I can do to help.
Donations
Coordinated to donate $200 for one cause, will look into an additional one and if I get a super beefy freelance I'll probably donate a part of it.
KNOWLEDGE:
Learn / record songs
N/A Haven’t looked into it. Won’t forget though. This seems like one of those resolutions I might botch, but not intending to do so.
Learn Random Info
The usual fare of random stuff. This is such a given that it shouldn't be a resolution but might do a mini series offering interesting wtf tidbits.
Read the news
Doing pretty good. Can always read more but it feels good to be able to answer to most comments made by people relating current events.
Retake French
N/A Haven’t looked into it. I suck I know.
Dance classes
N/A Need to look into info pronto
WRITING:
WAS posts
18 / 200
With this one have two or three more on the way for tonight, but counting up until this post.
Posts in other blog
0 / 100
Damnit.... lets see if February has me getting my shit together.
Finish book
Still in chap 37 but hoping to get some writing done tonight and this week.
Write short stories
0 / 10*
Have one I’ll write this week probably. Hope I don't procrastinate too much. It's a boxing story. Not totally sure what I'll do when I finish it, but I've been meaning to write this for about 8 months. Just letting it simmer in my mind a bit.
Essay project
0 / 20
Need to get focused on this. I think it's a work with great potential. Lets see if I don't dick around too much.
Draft story arcs
0 / 3
Could be doing much more, will try and focus on finishing the structures. I've jotted down a bunch of ideas but haven't organized them yet.
WAS Movie
Still pending
Some great ideas come up though and will start drafting a storyline soon.
Progress reports
1 / 12
this is the first one
Standup piece
N/A – Need to put this in agenda somewhere.
Be more positive
Doing pretty good though I still have my funk days.
Forgive people
Forgotten. Have put to a side the gripes with a couple of people. Or so I say to myself every day. I just got tired no wasting energy on people that doen't deserve to consume me in said manner.
Negative energy
Still focusing and channeling energy for better things like a cuss filled post. More on this soon. :)
Love Mrs. Joker
Oooohhhh yeah - more each and every day. That's actually the easiest one of any list because few things come more natural to me than love this girl.
Lets see how I do in February though.
Cheers
So 2009 is off and running and a month has already gone up and passed by beneath us. Yeesh. Well at the beginning of this year I’d said I’d be doing a monthly report on the status of all my resolutions and see how it all pans out month by month. That being said, I’ve been jotting down my progress in a notebook as well as just keeping tabs on what I’ve been up to, so without further ado. Here they go.
On the physical spectrum of life, I started getting into a routine a bit late so numbers are a bit low in that section but they’re coming along and the more comfortable I feel with my routine, the sooner I’ll be able to increase the amount of reps to be performed. For now though, here’s what I have so far:
PHYSICAL
Bicep Curls
200 / 5,000
Butterfly curls
200 / 5,000
Pushups
200 / 5,000
Sit-ups
150 / 10,000
Jumping Jacks
450 / 10,000
Squats
300 / 10,000
Miles run/walked
0 / 100
Yoga classes
N/A
Hours meditated
0 / 100
I’m more than clear that I need to work on my running/walking, meditating and yoga pursuits. The first two I can remedy while yoga will have to wait til I’m able to pay it without a hitch. As for the rest, finally getting into a routine so booyakasha for me. I expect a big bump in numbers by the end of February.
PROFESSIONAL
Freelance jobs
1 / 8 freelance
If by any chance someone needs a freelance copywriter to help em out, feel free to ask. Starting the year a bit slow, but hoping things will pick up. Only time will tell though.
Work proposals
3 in progress of 10
I'm actually about to submit three proposals this week, so wish me luck with those new things. Hope it's something that'll help me.
Work on portfolio
N/A
Haven't done much of anything with this but thinking of talking with the artist from my company to see if he isn't interested in doing something random for our portfolios.
RECAP:
Starting the year off slow in terms of freelances, but fret not, 11 months to go. The proposals are projects I want to submit officially and I’m still fine tuning a couple and waiting on responses from other people. I haven’t worked on my portfolio, but have drafted some ideas for stuff I want to do.
ACTIVITIES:
Surf Sessions
6 / 50
I'm extremely satisfied with the rate I'm surfing and hope to keep it up to meet the deadline. Hoping I'll have a chance to surf on a weekday either afer work or during a random surf lunch. I've done it before, just have to be super efficient with my bullshit excuse, that's all.
Swim / bodysurf
0 / 10
As long as there good surf I don't expect this number to go up. Besides, I'm pretty sure this is a more summer activity.
Local tourism
N/A
No plans yet. When I get my credit card all paid for I'll start doing a couple of fancy trips with ma Mrs.
Concerts
0 / 5
Yet to go to one. Shame on me, then again, I did mention that thing about wanting to pay off my credit card right?
Trips
0 / 2
None yet, lets hope this changes.
Writing with Pen & Paper
Could write more but not completely negligent. Lets see if I can keep working on the book and looking for an excuse to spurt some ink. :)
Movies
1 / 40
Paul Blart: Mall Cop – Honestly, it isn’t bad but I was expecting much more from the movie. It’s like it didn’t try its best to really be a great comedy flick and everything felt rushed and under developed, especially my laughter. Oh wait, there wasn't much of that going on either. Just barely passing grade for me.
Watch DVD’s I’ve bought
3 down lord knows how many to go.
Pi – Darren Aronofski is officially one of my favorite directors along with Kubrik, Sam Mendes, David Lynch, David Fincher and Ford Coppola. I’m looking forward to seeing the Wrestler. Wow, that last sentence was the biggest understatement yet.
Escape from New York – A new Guilty pleasure if ever I saw one. John Carpenter is campy at times, but I can’t help but love his style. Snake Pliskin is the shiznit.
Inland Empire – David Lynch is so far removed from reality that I can’t help but enjoy his what the fuck moments. Not my fave Lynch flick, but a worthy add to the collection and proves that no one can do surreal like Lynch. I can only think of Frank Miller's S.P.O.S. (Steaming Pile of Shit) The Spirit film and see how fine a line absurd surrealism traverses. On top of that, I can only nod in approval at the ease with which Lynch makes a WTF movie that can’t help but capture my attention.
Videogames finished
3 / 20
Zakk and Wikki – Quest for Barbaro’s Treasure – Wii
Fun filled puzzle game that is way harder and gratifying than its kiddy look insinuates. If you own a Nintendo Wii and bitch there are no games to play, I hear ya and feel ya. But you can pick this one up for $20.00 brand new and see if you have what it takes to pass a game that is just what the Wii needs more of. Excellent game and gets my nod of approval as one of the ten games you HAVE to buy for your Nintendo Wii. Please, be a sport and trust me on this one.
Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes – Game Cube
It’s been a long time coming, I know. But I finally started playing the MS franchise and DAMNNNNNNNNNN this is some great game playing. I knew I was missing out on something big, but though it should have been obvious, I'm still extremely impressed.
Metal Gear Solid 2 Sons of Liberty – PS2
Though I liked some elements from the first game more, including the boss fights, this is still a kick ass game with depth, good writing and engrossing gameplay. Already playing MGS 3 and I know I'll probably hope to buy a PS3 to play #4. Seriously solid game playing.
Books read
1/30
Yeah I know I'm slow on this, but I do a lot of reading in airport terminals, flights, doctor's appointments or when fixing up the car. None of these have happened lately, explaining why I'm so slow on this. Might have to drop the total to 20 at this rate to be realistic.
2nd book of The Bartimeus Trilogy – The Golem’s Eye
Great series if you like quasi kiddie fiction. There’s some great dialogue and literary devices used that I can’t help but enjoy. It’s a slow starter but once it picks up, it’s pretty hard to drop.
Playing guitar
Not playing five times a week necessarily, but doing pretty good and sometimes playing more than an hour to make up for lost time
ACQUISITIVE:
Get new computer
Looked into options, pricing and payment alternatives. As soon as feasible, will purchase the unit. Probably going to purchase an iMac with some software that could be the digital music recorder I need. We'll see what happens.
Net connection
Looked for info. As soon as things settle, this is mine. Can’t stand dial up one more second.
Digital recorder
N/A Read above
MONETARY
Save Money
N/A Still paying off a few things. Should be able to start this up by Early March at the latest. Wish me luck to be able to start saving up for the wedding peeps. :)
Payments
Gotten every one... for now
Mom’s cakes
Minimal help, could do more. Lets see what I can do to help.
Donations
Coordinated to donate $200 for one cause, will look into an additional one and if I get a super beefy freelance I'll probably donate a part of it.
KNOWLEDGE:
Learn / record songs
N/A Haven’t looked into it. Won’t forget though. This seems like one of those resolutions I might botch, but not intending to do so.
Learn Random Info
The usual fare of random stuff. This is such a given that it shouldn't be a resolution but might do a mini series offering interesting wtf tidbits.
Read the news
Doing pretty good. Can always read more but it feels good to be able to answer to most comments made by people relating current events.
Retake French
N/A Haven’t looked into it. I suck I know.
Dance classes
N/A Need to look into info pronto
WRITING:
WAS posts
18 / 200
With this one have two or three more on the way for tonight, but counting up until this post.
Posts in other blog
0 / 100
Damnit.... lets see if February has me getting my shit together.
Finish book
Still in chap 37 but hoping to get some writing done tonight and this week.
Write short stories
0 / 10*
Have one I’ll write this week probably. Hope I don't procrastinate too much. It's a boxing story. Not totally sure what I'll do when I finish it, but I've been meaning to write this for about 8 months. Just letting it simmer in my mind a bit.
Essay project
0 / 20
Need to get focused on this. I think it's a work with great potential. Lets see if I don't dick around too much.
Draft story arcs
0 / 3
Could be doing much more, will try and focus on finishing the structures. I've jotted down a bunch of ideas but haven't organized them yet.
WAS Movie
Still pending
Some great ideas come up though and will start drafting a storyline soon.
Progress reports
1 / 12
this is the first one
Standup piece
N/A – Need to put this in agenda somewhere.
Be more positive
Doing pretty good though I still have my funk days.
Forgive people
Forgotten. Have put to a side the gripes with a couple of people. Or so I say to myself every day. I just got tired no wasting energy on people that doen't deserve to consume me in said manner.
Negative energy
Still focusing and channeling energy for better things like a cuss filled post. More on this soon. :)
Love Mrs. Joker
Oooohhhh yeah - more each and every day. That's actually the easiest one of any list because few things come more natural to me than love this girl.
Lets see how I do in February though.
Cheers
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