Mar 31, 2009
People who Annoy me, Volume 8: Celine Dion.
I can tell you honestly one thing: if someone had asked me to give Anne Frank's location by using Celine Dion music to torture me, I would have spoken in the first 20 seconds. That's how bad this fucking annoying chick annoys me. How much do I hate the bitch? This example will give you a good idea: on my wedding, I specifically made a list of the music that for NO reason was going to be played, no matter if holy Jesus came down in the church and punched the priest in his unused testicles. Come on, the one day when you are supposed to be happy... do you really want to listen to Enya? Yeah. You get the picture.
So, the one thing I specifically asked was, NO FUCKING CELINE DION. My heart will go on? Fuck you Celine. Fuck you in the ass while I am driving the Titanic up to the biggest and most filled with crap iceberg in town.
The worst part is, I seldom remember her existence in this world. Like some kind of weird sickness, I try to stay as far from the Dion as I can be. If by some reason she appears on the tv, I take a bat and destroy it. If my radio starts playing her turd-ass music from hell, I stop the car and jump of the nearest bridge. Yeah, there are ways to avoid this crap. But then... it happened. I was fucking trapped...
On Monday I decided to do what I hate the most. Yep. I went grocery shopping. You cannot understand how much I dislike this activity. It is boring, I have to deal with idiots who for some reason lost their ability to drive a supermarket car, have to deal with other buttmuchers who read lables for hours right in the middle of aisles... It is hell, but hey, I can only eat bread and water for so long.
Anyways, I am walking along and it hits me. I feel shit all around me. Lord have mercy on me. What is this awful feeling? HOLY SHIT IT'S CELINE DION OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING SPEAKERS! Oh no. Jesus. I start to breathe. You can do this. You can do this. Just buy the fucking food as fast as you can and get the hell out of here. Speed shopping... Remember, channel Supermarket Sweep...
"And it's all coming back to me..." Lord does this woman know how much she sucks? First of all... She married a fucking old man THAT SHE KNEW WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE! WHAT? Does Incest come in different varieties? Last thing I heard getting freaky with one of my mom's friends still was a horrible disgusting idea... but hey, I guess Celine needs some shlong, even if it's old and friend of the family. FUCKING YUCK! How bad is it go get some new dick, Celine? You know, meet someone new, get to know him and then give him the poonany? Oh no, is it difficult? Shit. Must be the hair.
Does she have a nice voice? Yeah, sure. There are many people out there with decent enough lungs to belt out some of her tunes. But, the math doesn't add up. The nice lungs vs the incredible way this woman is just nasty to watch and listen - don't get me started on her canadian french accent of crap - is totally unbalanced. Jesus. Even Mariah Carey belts out some tunes and I can sit in a chair and endure 20 minutes more than if Celine is in the picture.
So there you go. I might end up deleting this post after a few hours. Why? How am I going to log into WAS and not see that bitch staring back at me? Fucking yikes.
Mar 30, 2009
You better Link yo' self...
It's that time of the month where you send us your links! We love to share cool sites and we've been getting some from time to time but we need you input. Write us in the comment box of this post new websites, blogs, anywhere in the net that you feel we need to keep an eye out and I promise to add them to our links.
Like our blog and already have your own? How 'bout you link back to us! Hey, we need you as much as you need us, it's a cool way to have new visitors to your website and ours!
And please, be kind and click. Go visit our partners in crime, we have many cool websites currently linking here. We already posted three that came in little by little but hey, you know people, I know people... Let's all mambo! Just kidding.
Thank you dear WASers!
Like our blog and already have your own? How 'bout you link back to us! Hey, we need you as much as you need us, it's a cool way to have new visitors to your website and ours!
And please, be kind and click. Go visit our partners in crime, we have many cool websites currently linking here. We already posted three that came in little by little but hey, you know people, I know people... Let's all mambo! Just kidding.
Thank you dear WASers!
The Wrestler Review
How good is Darren Aronofsky? He’s damn good. How good is Mickey Rourke? He’s damn good. How good is seeing Marisa Tomei’s over 40 breast? It’s damn good as well.
Before the whole Oscar fiasco blew over and had us seeing Slumdog Millionaire make an undeserving sweep (I insist it’s a very good movie, just not phantasmagoric as I was sold and as it was made to be, but more on that later), The Wrestler showed me just why I love Darren Aronofsky so damn much. So let’s analyze each of the three questions on top and see if we can’t elaborate enough to communicate why I’m going to buy this movie once it comes out.
1. Darren Aronofsky is one hell of a director. Some people had a problem with The Fountain, but I found that movie so beautifully depressing that I can’t help but hold it close to my heart. Just in case you need some clarification, once an Aronofsky feature ends, you’re not supposed to feel good. Let me explain. Pi, his first film, is a weird tale of a young genius mathematician that couldn’t get laid if you put the tip of his penis in the opening. I’m talking sociopath with an obsession with the mathematical equation to understand pi. What ensues is a twisted tale where good acting, interesting camera angles and a modern day black and white flick threatens to bust into anyone’s top 100 movies simply because it’s so engaging. It’s creepy, compelling, offbeat and quite a lot weird, so naturally I’m loving it. The next movie in his repertoire is the Masterfully depressing Requiem for a Dream. Just in case, I think all teens should be showed three films so they desist from drug usage, shitty habits and bigotry. The movies are American History X, Kids, and Requiem. Acting is top notch, stories are gut wrenching and there is no Hollywood ending here. I think the sheer plausibility of the movie is unnerving to a very real point. Again, great soundtrack, kick ass editing, style bleeding from every pore and a movie that just demands to be seen since it’s also on my top 100 all time movies. Third on the list, The Fountain. Depressing, beautiful, complicated, confusing and beautifully sad. This is a hit or miss with people and for me it was a great hit. I bought it without thinking about it and recommend the movie if only for the sets, the visuals and the music. I just happen to really like the entire movie though. So how does the Wrestler compare with the rest of his collection… I think the thing I like of some of Aronofsky’s work is just how real it feels. If you’ve ever been a fan of wrestling, you have to see this movie and by the end you should be choking up and to sum it all up, I almost started watching wrestling again, that’s how good this movie is and as with all other of Aronofsky’s films, it’s a story that sticks with you and there are characters you see in your dreams, talk to and feel genuine compassion for. That’s as much a work of the director, as the screen writer as the actor; which brings me to Mickey Rourke.
2. This movie is pretty much heralded as the return of Mickey Rourke, as a stroke of masterful acting, and you know what? I agree. Rarely do you feel characters feel this real and relevant. Ram is a screw up, he’s always been a screw up, and he’ll always be a screw up… but you can’t help but love the character. You just can’t. He’s so real and broken and beat, yet he still puts pain and ego aside and does what he has to so he can get by. I didn’t see Milk with Sean Penn, but trust me, just seeing Penn win it after seeing the Wrestler has convinced me I have to see Milk, because if Sean was better than Mickey, it has to be something to behold. So am I part of the crowd that is suddenly in love with Mickey Rourke? Not really, I even liked him in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, I was just wondering where the hell he was… until we got reunited in Sin City with his delicious rendition of Marv… another master stroke downplayed if you ask me. Plus, the fact that Mickey has never given too much of a damn is charming, case in point, wearing a picture of his fallen Chihuahua. I’m a dog lover so I can relate, but wow, seeing where Mickey has gone to and where he’s gotten thanks to this, well I can’t help but be thankful for seeing this movie and want to see the next Rourke installment.
And finally… Marisa Tomei
3. Strip dancing and bearing it all in a movie shouldn’t be easy for anyone to do, especially for Tomei who has been holding out on giving guys a reason to adjust their trousers. True I could focus on her topless scenes and how this fulfills a decade’s worth of prayers from many people I know, me not necessarily included, but not necessarily complaining either. Ms. Tomei for her part held her own solidly in the movie, though to be honest, I’m not sure she deserved the Oscar’s nod, but maybe that’s just because Mickey was so damn good. I’m not for the life of me taking ANYTHING away from Marisa. I think the Oscar nod in My Cousin Vinny is very well deserved and by the way, I love that friggin movie. I just wasn’t blown away as much by her performance this time around, then I think of it… she was nominated as best supporting actress… and a big part of the Wrestler’s niceties come from Ram’s relations with all people around him, especially his stripper love. So retracting, she deserved the Oscar nod, just not the win, though I’m still curious to see if Penelope Cruz was really THAT good. Regardless, Marisa was a key part in keeping this movie real, so many props to her.
On a final note though, or semi final as it may be, I honestly think Springsteen not winning or even getting an Oscar nomination for The Wrestler original song is about as lame as the Oscars can get… but hey… thank the stars for the Golden Globes eh?
All in all, I honestly can’t recommend this movie enough. It’s well shot, well acted, well written and just well made from every conceivable angle. So here’s to Marisa’s topless acting, Mickey’s return to form and Darren producing yet another movie that demands to be filed under Kubrick good.
Cheers
Tales from the Client Side: Adaptation
In continuing with some of the silly things I’m exposed to, I realize that more than anything, I feel like a native who has switched from tribes and is still trying to adapt to some of the nuances of the new throng. Yes, yes I still have to deal with idiotic moments from Valhalla, but compared to anything I was exposed to in the five agencies I worked for, this is peanuts… seriously (or so it seems).
It took me a career shift to a large company to see how much concentrated idiocy can roam through a small to midsize agency; the thing is that since there are less people, you’re forced to deal with it point blank. I’ve been in my new job since November 17th, that’s four months thirteen days into this run, and yes I’ve found some things to not like, but my blood pressure is normal and I can laugh so many things off it’s scary to anyone who’s ever worked with me. I’ve been told I look like a different person and though the same foulmouthed Joker is still quite here, my anger has been assuaged to the point where I can tell when I’m mad at something worthwhile, and when I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s some new found sense of maturity though I doubt it.
True, I’m afraid that writing about this will pretty much guarantee a self imposed jinx, but if only for once, I want to write how satisfied I am. How appreciated I feel in my new job and how much of a difference that all makes in my demeanor. Yeah, I can still get cannon fodder to firmly establish dislike for incompetent people, I’m clear that won’t ever go away, but I’m content… and I don’t think I recall me ever saying I’ve ever been content with a job… any job for that matter. There have always been multiple problems and things to bicker on about. That’s just the way it is.
As for advertising, I never thought I could enjoy my freelances this much. Not having to deal with the constant nonsense of an AE with a delirious sense of grandeur, watching how most AE’s were getting paid twice what I was, sometimes justified, most times not so much to say the least. It’s great. It’s great not having to swallow down a fellow creative that considers that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, walking with more ego than T.O. and a Nascar racer combined, and bordering on referring to themselves in the third person. I obviously miss my crazy horde of fellow peers, that goes without saying. But instead of wanting to be where they are, I just wish them the same sense of satisfaction I currently possess.
Who knows? Maybe I downed a couple of gallons of the Korporate Kool Aid, but something tells me that I was just in noxious environments for so long, that something normal smells like a rose and that something that most people find intolerable is more than ok with me. There is no advertising zealot, there is no psycho supervisor, there is no spineless creative director, there’s only work, and tons of it and I’m very happy with that.
Does this mean I will die here and run out my professional career in this company? No. I just don’t think I could ever work in advertising again unless the money was ridiculously right, the conditions set and the notice served that I’m never, ever going to stand what I did for five years ever again. Until then, I’ll keep doing my freelances and looking at the bright side of advertising rather than sucking on the cancer ridden teat on its underbelly.
So here’s to the moment, may it last after pushing publish on this post.
Cheers
It took me a career shift to a large company to see how much concentrated idiocy can roam through a small to midsize agency; the thing is that since there are less people, you’re forced to deal with it point blank. I’ve been in my new job since November 17th, that’s four months thirteen days into this run, and yes I’ve found some things to not like, but my blood pressure is normal and I can laugh so many things off it’s scary to anyone who’s ever worked with me. I’ve been told I look like a different person and though the same foulmouthed Joker is still quite here, my anger has been assuaged to the point where I can tell when I’m mad at something worthwhile, and when I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s some new found sense of maturity though I doubt it.
True, I’m afraid that writing about this will pretty much guarantee a self imposed jinx, but if only for once, I want to write how satisfied I am. How appreciated I feel in my new job and how much of a difference that all makes in my demeanor. Yeah, I can still get cannon fodder to firmly establish dislike for incompetent people, I’m clear that won’t ever go away, but I’m content… and I don’t think I recall me ever saying I’ve ever been content with a job… any job for that matter. There have always been multiple problems and things to bicker on about. That’s just the way it is.
As for advertising, I never thought I could enjoy my freelances this much. Not having to deal with the constant nonsense of an AE with a delirious sense of grandeur, watching how most AE’s were getting paid twice what I was, sometimes justified, most times not so much to say the least. It’s great. It’s great not having to swallow down a fellow creative that considers that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, walking with more ego than T.O. and a Nascar racer combined, and bordering on referring to themselves in the third person. I obviously miss my crazy horde of fellow peers, that goes without saying. But instead of wanting to be where they are, I just wish them the same sense of satisfaction I currently possess.
Who knows? Maybe I downed a couple of gallons of the Korporate Kool Aid, but something tells me that I was just in noxious environments for so long, that something normal smells like a rose and that something that most people find intolerable is more than ok with me. There is no advertising zealot, there is no psycho supervisor, there is no spineless creative director, there’s only work, and tons of it and I’m very happy with that.
Does this mean I will die here and run out my professional career in this company? No. I just don’t think I could ever work in advertising again unless the money was ridiculously right, the conditions set and the notice served that I’m never, ever going to stand what I did for five years ever again. Until then, I’ll keep doing my freelances and looking at the bright side of advertising rather than sucking on the cancer ridden teat on its underbelly.
So here’s to the moment, may it last after pushing publish on this post.
Cheers
Tales from the Client Side: The pin
So I've been at my job for almost four months and I'm still baffled by a few of the things that I have to do and have even acquiesced to a couple of things just because,well I'm so damn happy with my current place professionally. So that means I've dealt with having to get up at 6 AM to be in by 7:30 (you get used to it), I dress nicely, (which means no t-shirts for me.... ever....) but all in all, pretty much everything I've had to do is a small price to pay for good pay, 110% better benefits, a nice work environment and not being pissed off 16 of the 18 hours of a typical waking day. That doesn't mean there aren't things that make me feel a little silly.
Apart from your garden variety of protocollary things, I have to act like a stuffed animal handed out at company rallies and put on a pin. It's a bit weird because at first I couldn't help but feel like a bank teller or a stewardess, but in the end, it doesn't take that much to make these people happy. So I put on the pin and that's that.
Do I think it's monumentally silly? Well yes and no. I understand the merit in asking people to do that but I still can't help but think it a bit silly. I can understand higher ups, that have to live and breathe the brand constantly and on this point, I can see theirs, but still, it's silly, there's just no other way to describe it.
Apart from your garden variety of protocollary things, I have to act like a stuffed animal handed out at company rallies and put on a pin. It's a bit weird because at first I couldn't help but feel like a bank teller or a stewardess, but in the end, it doesn't take that much to make these people happy. So I put on the pin and that's that.
Do I think it's monumentally silly? Well yes and no. I understand the merit in asking people to do that but I still can't help but think it a bit silly. I can understand higher ups, that have to live and breathe the brand constantly and on this point, I can see theirs, but still, it's silly, there's just no other way to describe it.
Mar 28, 2009
Incredible: Annie Leibovitz: Life Through A Lens
This is the famous photograph made by Annie Leibovitz of Yoko Ono and John Lennon. In our lifetimes, we have seen this masterpiece millions of times. But... did you know that 5 hours later, John Lennon was dead? This is just one bit of all the incredible facts you can learn if you Netflix this documentary.
If by some horrible twist of fate I end up losing my eyes, the one thing I would ask God would be that I get to have Annie's eyes. There is no other greatest photographer in my book, period. This documentary is just the thing you would love if you are interested in art, design and photography. In fact, ever since I was very little I turned to taking pictures because I hoped to develop a fifth of her talent - hasn't quite worked yet, but I keep trying...
Guys, I promise this is a flick you will love. You get to understand and live through all her life, it is a very deep and interesting look at the woman that has delivered hundreds of amazing pictures in our lifetime. Only she makes me buy Vanity Fair, without her the magazine would be just bland. The film is based around the moment she decided to make a book about all her work, going back in time when she was young, when she worked for Rolling Stone, got commissioned to do portraits for rock bands, fell in love with a lovely woman who later in life died from cancer, her babies, her way of working... it was simply amazing to watch.
So there you go, now that Yoko and John photograph has more meaning than ever. Talk about saying goodbye with just a click... Amazing.
Mar 27, 2009
Five Alcohol Drinks that Define: Me
If alcohol is a truth serum, then bring it on my friends. Alcohol, when consumed normally, is the best treat ever. Besides the fact that it tastes good as fuck, it also relaxes you, puts you on a great mode... So I was thinking... been a while since we've done the Five Things Series, and what better way to return to it than drinking?
Again, these are the drinks that define me. Not maybe my favorite drinks, but the ones that I sip and go... dammit, that takes me back:
1) Red Wine.
This in my book is the all time winner. It means one word only: relax. It means take it slowly, cool and long conversations... all in a chillax mode. Whenever I can I will choose red wine, my favorites being anything that comes from France or Argentina. Maybe there are better regions, these are just my favorite. France, specifically because I went with my boyfriend on the best Christmas vacation ever and it brings back just sheer moments of happiness. Argentina, on the other hand, reminds me of when I was single and I would meet on a weekly basis with my girlfriends and talk about bullshit until 5am...
2) Pomegranate Margaritas.
Talk about one drink that has made me get into some serious trouble while having the best laughs of my entire life. One night while in NYC we decided to drop by a great restaurant. Since it was pretty cold, we decided (no logic here whatsoever) to drink a PITCHER of this amazing type of Margarita. We left the restaurant, went shopping and walking, completely drunk. In our crazy alcohol status we decided to walk down the street and have another. Let's just say this basic line: the morning after, I awoke completely nude, the hotel room was just a mess with lamps and tables moved as far away to the bed as possible (yeah, kinky), with a lip swollen and my boyfriend laughing his pants while repeating time and time again: the best night of my life. (The swollen lip was because I fell down in front of a church, drunk as hell)
3) Tequila Shots.
Although I don't do them as often, it now has become a tradition with some of my friends that we ditch work and go see a movie. It doesn't matter where we go to see it, it just needs to have a bar near so we can all have a round before or after the flick. Ask Restrictions, it's the best thing ever.
4) Amaretto Sour.
This was the first drink, cocktail, that I ever tasted as a tween. Once in a while I will ask for it and it brings me back when I was twentysomething, hopping bars and discos like there was no tomorrow. I promise you, the saying that some flavors take you back to specific times and places in your life is completely right.
5) And last but not least: BEER!
Hey dudes and dudettes, I live at a place surrounded by water. The beach is just minutes away from my apartment. Beer has this amazing effect when you are at the beach... it just makes it more perfect. I now prefer Heineken Light (cannot drink the regular, too heavy), but I've known to down some cool Coronas, Coors Light, Presidente, MGD's (yeah, kill me) and... ashamed to admit, when I had no money back in college I even went down the Shlitz route. But I gotta tell you, there is no better moment in your life when it's Sunday, just a day before going back to work, and you are wasting your time smelling the ocean, dipping your foot in the sand and chugging one cool beer. Trust me.
So there are mine... what about yours?
Oh and by the way, WAS says: drink responsibly!
Mar 26, 2009
Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 256-260
On rush hour
The shortest route is often the longest way.
On titles
Does MBA stand for Meaningless Bullshit Announcement?
On bosses
Workaholism is vertically contagious.
On cell phone usage
Reality does not have a mute button, monitor your voice.
On titles
A diploma means you can fool a system, not necessarily a person.
The shortest route is often the longest way.
On titles
Does MBA stand for Meaningless Bullshit Announcement?
On bosses
Workaholism is vertically contagious.
On cell phone usage
Reality does not have a mute button, monitor your voice.
On titles
A diploma means you can fool a system, not necessarily a person.
Mar 24, 2009
Last time I checked, Superman was a figment of someone's imagination.
Again, let's first ask our friends at Wikipedia. "Superman is a fictional character, a comic book superhero widely considered to be an American cultural icon. Created by American writer Jerry Siegel and Canadian-born artist Joe Shuster in 1932 while both were living in Cleveland, Ohio, and sold to Detective Comics, Inc. in 1938, the character first appeared in Action Comics #1 (June 30, 1938) and subsequently appeared in various radio serials, television programs, films, newspaper strips, and video games. With the success of his adventures, Superman helped to create the superhero genre and establish its primacy within the American comic book. The character's appearance is distinctive and iconic: a blue, red and yellow costume, complete with cape, with a stylized "S" shield on his chest."
Got that right? An imaginary person, created by two human beings. So, my question is: why the fuck do people think that some of us have superhuman abilities? Mainly... clients?
I am extremely pissed off today. The one thing I promised myself when leaving the biggest ad agencies where I live is this: I will manage MY DAMN TIME. It will be me and only me deciding on a delivery schedule that I can manage. Enough with people telling me how many jobs I have to deliver. My office, my rules, my time. Not that I will slack off and just send out two jobs at a day... Just an honest, clear cut schedule of things that are going out to get approved and things that need a little bit more time to get done properly.
I would like to scream this at the top of my lungs: BY CALLING ME AND ASKING FOR A CHANGE IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I WILL DO IT THAT SAME MOMENT! What happened to waiting in line? What happened with knowing for a fact that by rushing people who need to be creative you will end up having a turd of an ad?
And don't get me started on rush fees. No one ever pays for rush fees anymore! We're supposed to act as fast as we can, even if we fuck the pieces up in the process... and for what? So that your boss doesn't chew up your ass, right?
Listen, our ads DON'T CURE CANCER. There is only one rush in this whole world: saving another person's life? Do you really mean to tell me that by having your damn flyer the world will not come to an end? Really? Bullshit. If you change something in any type of creative piece it will require some time to figure some shit out.
The last time I heard, there is NO COMMAND AD or COMMAND FLYER or COMMAND RADIO SPOT or COMMAND FUCK CREATIVES. Let me tell you, if the Adobe people come up with that wonderful shortcut, I will be the first to buy that program for a fucking million fucking fuck dollars. But guess what? It's not available. The program runs on, basically, our minds and hands. We have to move shit. We have to write shit. We have to resize, cut, paste, print, read again, print again, photoshop the mother satan out of it so that your changes are done.
I mean.. Jesus. Where is Dirty Harry and his Smith and Wesson when you need them?
How did you get into this mess?
So, you’re in the ad business, and somehow, life in the agency isn’t as peachy as movies like “Crazy People,” “What Women Want,” “Picture Perfect,” and countless others made it out to be. What happened? Where is your corner office and three-hour lunches? Where’s your Manhattan penthouse? Why are you not shooting commercials in Fiji?
At some point not too long ago something made you consider that advertising was a cool and fascinating career. A little voice inside your head told you that you were destined to be a painfully hip ad man/woman. Where did that spark come from? What was the attraction? What made you get into advertising in the first place?
For me, it was a little commercial about a little black man with a big mouth. Mars Blackmon (aka Spike Lee) gushing about the craziness that is Michael Jordan… for Nike. It was the late 1980s, I was in high school, and out of nowhere comes this motor-mouthed cool cat. The presence of Our Holy Michael Jordan (I grew up in Chicago, so surely you’ll understand) was a plus. For the first time in a long time an ad was ENTERTAINING. Plus, it was shot in “daring” black and white, considered innovative and avant-garde back in the day. Also, the idea of a spot coming off as a short movie was extremely appealing, given the ADD-riddled context of my generation.
This campaign was the bug that bit me. It definitely made me consider advertising as a career.
DISCLAIMER: Despite everything I’ve just said, I never formally studied advertising or anything close to that. And shortly after college I fell into advertising by accident, though I sort of coordinated for that accident to happen. Do I regret it? Let’s leave that for another post.
So, what made you want to get into the business?
Mar 23, 2009
Recycle, dammit!
I found this idea so great I decided to give you a little DIY for a change. Ok, ignore the crappy gimmick at the beginning, it gets interesting if you are into recycling...
Who watches the Bouncing Blue cock... I mean Watchmen
SPOILER ALERT: There is more gratuitous cock in this movie than on a Corn Flakes box.
If you've ever had a craving to see what a flacid smurf cock would probably look like, then here's the movie for you. So tonight I watched the Watchmen and though my initial comments might lead you to think this movie sucks, quite the contrary, I thought it was pretty good. Notice how I say pretty good and not amazing, groundbreaking, revolutionary, life altering or magnanimous. I'll leave those adjectives for Coraline, which I already wrote about today.
Here's the thing, Watchmen in premise is pretty much almost impossible to effectively translate into a movie. If you've read the graphic novel, you'll agree, simple as that. As a graphic novel, it is timeless, revolutionary and in a sense, a must read right up there along with the hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, lord of the Rings, Dune, Harry Potter, Nietzche, and the Bible, all great works of fiction that will teach you something about life. Some a bit more significant than others, but regardless of what some people might think of that last title... all fiction. Nothing against the good book, I think it's a marvelous piece of work more people should read out of curiosity than because they're ordered to.
That being said, there's just no way a Watchmen movie could measure up to the Novel... but boy, did they give a hell of an attempt. I take nothing away from Mr. Snyder and I think no one else could have come as close to him to pulling it off, so kudos to him for the direction, the preservation of the plot and for casting people perfect to play all main characters.
Seriously, if you want to focus on the best aspect of this movie, disregard the special effects and just take my word for it, some people were just perfect in their performance. Rorschach was simply perfect. no ifs ands or buts about it. Kudos to Jackie Earle Haley for making me look for his name in wikipedia to fucking give the man props. Billy Crudup as Dr. Manhattan was also extremely well played though the excess of cock was just too much. And Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the Comedian... shit that was solid. Funny thing is the guy looks like Robert Downey Jr's old version. Classic.
Seriously, you could put the guys pecker in the credits because the sky blue wand has more on screen time than Hannibal Lecter in silence of the lambs, and even Hannibal wasn't able to upset me as much as the glowing member. As for Nite Owl, pretty good to say the least. Some people might be annoyed that he's such a dweeb, but if you read the comic you'll give the man props. As you will for Ozymandias. People will insist he's a queer bag or something else that's completely innapropriate, but guess what... read the comic. Spot on again. That's the thing, everyone did their jobs extremely well... So what happened??
Can you say Lost in Translation?
The pacing was just out there and there's no way a movie would be able to survive without cutting direly needed info. And it happened, and either you noticed because you read the novel, or because you were giving a hefty dose of huh in the theater. It's just a heavy story and I'll be sure to watch the movie again, just not at the movies.
Oh and did I mention there's a hefty portion of glowing blue cock in the movie? Just making sure. I wouldn't want you to be taken by surprise at the penis appearance of El Schlongo de Doctor Manhattan. Really, between that, and a sex scene that lasted about a minute too long for my taste, and I loves me some sex scenes, i felt sexuality was pushed maybe a little too far in this movie. Too far because it served no purpose in the end except for you to go, wtf.
Anyways, if you're low on your blule cock intake and want the perfect super hero movie to confuse you and shove more blue cock down your gullet than Smurfette's, then by all means, watch the Watchmen, appreciate the effort and buy the novel.
I guess it's just another part of the joke....... If you don't get this, that just means you need to read the graphic novel.
cheers
Coraline... wow
If you haven't gone to the movies to see Coraline. Please do so. Screw Madea, fuck 12 rounds, desist from being a Shopaholic and quit giving more money to Slumdog... watch Coraline. 3-D, 2-D, whatever. Just ensure that you see this piece of art in the theater.
If you want to see what a real visual masterpiece looks like, then do no more than watch this flick. To my knowledge, I haven't smiled that broad when a scene began... well ever I think. I'm talking eye candy and a veritable smorgasbord for your imagination. To me, this is sitting right next to the Wrestler as one of my favorite movies of the year.
Excellent soundtrack, beautiful visuals, characters that will leave you vexed, perplexed and refreshingly satisfied since you've probably never seen anything like what you're going to see in this film. From the get go, you really don't know where this movie can actually get to since the twists and turns are as peculiar as Neil Gaiman can get, and if you've read Gaiman, you know that's a wonderfully bumpy ride you can take again and again.
There's just so much to like about this movie for me, that I can't help but tell everyone to go see it, just for the sake that it's so amazingly well done. Some people insist on comparing it with Nightmare Before Christmas and for Jack's sake, I hope they desist for though I really do love Mr. Skellington, Nightmare has seriously nothing that can go up against Coraline and win.
I know purists are going to hiss at me and say I suck, but when you break it all down, you've got better visuals, a better score, better characters, better editing and better plot development than Nightmare could ever hope to achieve. If you can't handle that, it's cool, I know you're biased and it's cute to see that you can't accept your little flick has just been ousted as the best stop animation movie, one of the best animation movies, and one of the best movies I've ever seen.
Honestly, I can't remember when was the last time I was THAT satisfied when I got out of the movies. So if you have a few bucks and the movie is still around, do yourself a favor and spend it on Coraline.
Maybe then you'll understand why if Mrs. Joker and I have a daughter, I wouldn't mind naming her as the main character of this masterpiece.
Mar 20, 2009
Mar 19, 2009
Sing Kumbaya one more time and I will rip you a new one.
Let me start off with facts. According to Wikipedia: "Kumbaya (also spelled Kum Ba Yah) is a spiritual song from the 1930s. It enjoyed newfound popularity during the folk revival of the 1960s and became a standard campfire song in Scouting and other nature-appreciative organizations.
The song was originally associated with human and spiritual unity, closeness and compassion, and it still is, but more recently it is also cited or alluded to in satirical, sarcastic or even cynical ways that suggest blind or false moralizing, hypocrisy, or naively optimistic views of the world and human nature."
Today someone told me about some douche Team Building idea that I just cannot let it go by and not write about it. While enjoying some nice sushi, this story actually made me gag enough to make a mental note to post it here at WAS.
Look, I'm all for Teamwork. I truly believe that an ad agency runs perfect when all the players, or at least the majority try to work as a team. Advertising is a very stressful job and if people pitch in to help others, they actually might end up having a normal life, getting home earlier, enjoying time with their loved ones while delivering decent material.
Now, let me ask you this. Why the holy fuck do we need some kind of Team Building exercises, most of all the kinds that require us to play some bullshit game like we are all mentally retarded or infants? Why is it that some people in our offices feel the need to make us go back in time when we were 10 years old and make us dance, draw, jump or sit in a circle? I mean, instead of just making a normal reunion with all of us down in the nearest conference room and giving us the facts about what the company expects from us... do we really need to sing Kumbaya one more time? Hold hands? Say a prayer and hope that we all get along? WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
If I remember correctly once I wrote about one company that I worked for that was extremely fucked up, and they decided to make a Team Building Saturday. I learned about it on a Monday and I quit the job that Thursday. Period. Not that I quit because of that specific thing - it was a hellhole from the beginning and I was going to go either way - but that was the thing that turned my resignation to Defcon 1. I refused to participate in any activity that required me to mentally go backwards to when I was a teen. Period. In my book, there are many more interesting ways to develop team efforts in any sort of business. Kumbaya singing is sure not one of them.
The thing that made this story vomit material was the fact of all the gory details behind the activity. I cannot go into details because I need to protect my friend, but I can say this: it will take a shitload amount of time that could be used to deliver jobs, make deadlines and even answer the phone for anxious clients. I sure would like too ask the fucking idiot who actually planned this crap just one thing: isn't team building based on one single fact, time management? Because the last time I heard, when you work as a team, the machine runs perfectly and you end up working in less time and with less problems. So, Einstein out there... Do you realize that you will waste a fucking day on this shit, demean people in the process because you felt like going back to Kindergarden?
Oh and don't get me started on Team Building exercises that require people to divide in smaller teams to achieve a goal. Brilliant! Yes, you are promoting TEAM and DIVIDING in the process. Holy Satan, what a great idea! (Can you smell the sarcasm?) Yes, YES! Let's DIVIDE people to make them work as a team. Listen, if someone in your ad agency does this crap... Shoot him or her all together. Work as a team to eliminate the one bastard who actually doesn't have a clue on what Team Efforts truly are.
Hey, CEOs and Human Resources dudes and dudettes out there. Want to make your team work together? First of all, not one person leaves if one still hasn't finished. Instead of heading for the door, sit down and ASK THEM if they need help. My bet is, they will need it. If they say don't worry, I'm ok, sit down anyways and be there. You know, moral support? It actually fucking works. I've known some great AEs who stay way past bedtime just sitting in their cubicles and being there just in case someone has a question.
Another brilliant idea that is not used so much? Everybody must be in the same boat when it comes to campaigns. Not one person can turn their backs on their team. If you don't agree with what the team is presenting, hear them out and back them up, even if you think there could be a better plan. A truly united team will defend with their soul anything that the agency produced. Even if you think it's a turd, if the group thinks it's brilliant, it's your job to defend it to death. Nothing stinks more than unfriendly diarrhea than someone, mid presentation, saying something that puts in doubt what the rest of the group believes in.
So to my friend who has to suck it up and play Fifth Grader in the next Team Whatever Reunion... I feel your pain. My word of advice would be to get as drunk as possible and just laugh, but I know this is not great advice. Hm. Well, I hear Xanax does wonders...
Hope you leave as early as you can. Love you...
The song was originally associated with human and spiritual unity, closeness and compassion, and it still is, but more recently it is also cited or alluded to in satirical, sarcastic or even cynical ways that suggest blind or false moralizing, hypocrisy, or naively optimistic views of the world and human nature."
Today someone told me about some douche Team Building idea that I just cannot let it go by and not write about it. While enjoying some nice sushi, this story actually made me gag enough to make a mental note to post it here at WAS.
Look, I'm all for Teamwork. I truly believe that an ad agency runs perfect when all the players, or at least the majority try to work as a team. Advertising is a very stressful job and if people pitch in to help others, they actually might end up having a normal life, getting home earlier, enjoying time with their loved ones while delivering decent material.
Now, let me ask you this. Why the holy fuck do we need some kind of Team Building exercises, most of all the kinds that require us to play some bullshit game like we are all mentally retarded or infants? Why is it that some people in our offices feel the need to make us go back in time when we were 10 years old and make us dance, draw, jump or sit in a circle? I mean, instead of just making a normal reunion with all of us down in the nearest conference room and giving us the facts about what the company expects from us... do we really need to sing Kumbaya one more time? Hold hands? Say a prayer and hope that we all get along? WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
If I remember correctly once I wrote about one company that I worked for that was extremely fucked up, and they decided to make a Team Building Saturday. I learned about it on a Monday and I quit the job that Thursday. Period. Not that I quit because of that specific thing - it was a hellhole from the beginning and I was going to go either way - but that was the thing that turned my resignation to Defcon 1. I refused to participate in any activity that required me to mentally go backwards to when I was a teen. Period. In my book, there are many more interesting ways to develop team efforts in any sort of business. Kumbaya singing is sure not one of them.
The thing that made this story vomit material was the fact of all the gory details behind the activity. I cannot go into details because I need to protect my friend, but I can say this: it will take a shitload amount of time that could be used to deliver jobs, make deadlines and even answer the phone for anxious clients. I sure would like too ask the fucking idiot who actually planned this crap just one thing: isn't team building based on one single fact, time management? Because the last time I heard, when you work as a team, the machine runs perfectly and you end up working in less time and with less problems. So, Einstein out there... Do you realize that you will waste a fucking day on this shit, demean people in the process because you felt like going back to Kindergarden?
Oh and don't get me started on Team Building exercises that require people to divide in smaller teams to achieve a goal. Brilliant! Yes, you are promoting TEAM and DIVIDING in the process. Holy Satan, what a great idea! (Can you smell the sarcasm?) Yes, YES! Let's DIVIDE people to make them work as a team. Listen, if someone in your ad agency does this crap... Shoot him or her all together. Work as a team to eliminate the one bastard who actually doesn't have a clue on what Team Efforts truly are.
Hey, CEOs and Human Resources dudes and dudettes out there. Want to make your team work together? First of all, not one person leaves if one still hasn't finished. Instead of heading for the door, sit down and ASK THEM if they need help. My bet is, they will need it. If they say don't worry, I'm ok, sit down anyways and be there. You know, moral support? It actually fucking works. I've known some great AEs who stay way past bedtime just sitting in their cubicles and being there just in case someone has a question.
Another brilliant idea that is not used so much? Everybody must be in the same boat when it comes to campaigns. Not one person can turn their backs on their team. If you don't agree with what the team is presenting, hear them out and back them up, even if you think there could be a better plan. A truly united team will defend with their soul anything that the agency produced. Even if you think it's a turd, if the group thinks it's brilliant, it's your job to defend it to death. Nothing stinks more than unfriendly diarrhea than someone, mid presentation, saying something that puts in doubt what the rest of the group believes in.
So to my friend who has to suck it up and play Fifth Grader in the next Team Whatever Reunion... I feel your pain. My word of advice would be to get as drunk as possible and just laugh, but I know this is not great advice. Hm. Well, I hear Xanax does wonders...
Hope you leave as early as you can. Love you...
Chris Cornell: Scream - The long review
Ok.... last night I listened to the new album by Chris Cornell... and still today, without having listened to it a second time (for my own mental sanity), I'm still trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Please don't think I don't respect an artists wishes to be creative and to express all the outlets that tickle their pickle. I love people branching out and experimenting. But how do you go from being a Rock God... form being called The Voice... to what Chris Cornell is now.
Between Carry On and Scream I am officially not trusting Chris Cornell until I find proof that whatever he releases doesn't resemble a Cleveland steamer on the irritated chest of a guy who doesn't know how to shave but does love the stinging feeling of nature's baby ruth bar on their being. I literally had to stop this album before it ended and let me make it clear as to why.
When you listen to Down on the Upside, Superunknown, Bad Motor Finger, Audioslave, out of Exile, Revelations and the beautiful Euphoria Morning, you can't help but be depressed at the material he's releasing.
Scream is an apt title for the album because that's exactly what I wanted to do after I listened to it. If there was any doubt in my mind that Timbaland is one of Satan's minions doing his bidding on the Earth, suffice to listen to this fucking album just to know it's true.
From being one of the best lyric writers in the 90s and someone I could relate to in so many songs, I'm left feeling frustrated and empty, like a guy who got caught getting a handjob from a one armed transvestite named Earl.
Now get ready for this, even how disgusting this album is, at least it's not as bad and as robotic and limp as Carry On. I'm not saying this is good.. I'm just saying that at least Chris' heart was into this damn disaster.
Oh and Timbadouche offers his own spark and bite in as many as 3 or 4 tracks that not only benefit from his midi produced soundtrack but also from his terrific backup vocals. In the second track we were able to enjoy some of his scratch scatting and the sad part is that this album gets progressively worse as it wears on. honestly, you think it's bad at the beginning? Get ready for the suckathon to go on.
To add insult to injury, Chris and Timba were wise enough to compare this heaving pile of shit with Dark Side of the Moon or stuff from Zeppelin...................... Read that last sentence and let it sink in.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... has it sunk yet.................................................................................................................. maybe a little more..................................................................................................... ok.
WHAT
THE
FUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Honestly, comparing this fucking album to the epic Dark Side is heresy and sacrilege at the very least if not insulting on every known level known to humankind. Honestly, this is like a sideshow where you pay 5 bucks to see a chick dressed as if she were a fake lady. You're being over charged for watching her try and be something she clearly is not, it isn't believable, it isn't enjoyable, it's stupid, it's a waste of time and you end up asking yourself why the hell they even bother with a snakelady. And the same exact thing goes for Chris Cornell.
I know you're healthy, you restored a restaurant in France and are a fashion model, but seriously, could you swap the wheatgrass for jäger and remember what it was like to make good music, or are you simply the biggest lost cause ever to break my heart. I could even think this is all a practical joke in busting our hopes before doing something monumental, but I doubt it to say the least.
To sum this up finally... Chris Cornell AND Timbaland call Scream their best work ever...................... Ummmm... enjoy the money Chris. I'm sure a bunch of Jonas and Miley fans will love your new album and call you edgy and current, but just know that the people that you have touched in this lifetime weep painfully because death would have been a much more welcome fate than watching you commit rocker hara kiri.
Be well and may your balls grow hair once more.
Cheers
Labels:
Chris Cornell,
Scream,
suckety suckk suck,
Timbaland
Mar 18, 2009
Chris Cornell: Scream. Halfway through the album
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I apparently have a death wish....
I've committed myself to listen to Chris Cornell's latest album to review it................. will report soon... if not, don't expect another post ever because I'll probably be face down in my bathtub... wish me luck.
Labels:
Chris Cornell,
Scream,
Timbaland
Mar 17, 2009
Women and Shoes: The Mystery.
I am walking the shopping mall. I am minding my own business. Suddenly one thing catches my eye. I hear a sweet voice. "Hey, Me. Look here." I am dumbfounded. There they were, the greatest shoes known to human kind. They start to talk even more. "I come in your size, lady. Care to wear me a bit to see if we fit?" I could not resist. Shoes have some strange power over women. I succumbed. I was left with an incredible pair of shoes and a 150 dollar bill. Yes. 150 dollars for a pair of shoes. I must be crazy.
For as long as I can remember, men have always asked us women what is the deal with shoes. Well, I think they are like crack cocaine. You get a hit and you want more. You try to figure this on your brain a bit. I should not get those shoes. I have more than I can handle. I cannot afford them. So you walk away a bit, but those fuckers talk back, I swear. "Get me!" I have always have a dilemma 'cause I sometimes leave the store, knowing full well that I really don't need them... and then I sit at home, wondering... Shit. I should have gotten them.
Oh and don't get me started on why women can't control their shoe buying addiction. Just one trip to your local Sears Brand Central and all you see is men, drooling. I mean, you just would need to mop the floor or get buckets. There are hundreds of men out there every Saturday buying tools that they will definitively will not use. A Dremel, really? In what moment will you need to make a hole in anything near your house? Honestly, come on. An electrical Saw? Yes, YES! It will look lovely on its case, not being used for anything related to cutting. I've seen houses that are run down but they have all the tools to fix them... But the lady of the house sure has her shoe thing going on!
Guys, at least us women will actually put the shoes on, even if it is for going to the supermarket. Call us crazy, call us deranged. Hey, at least we'll wear them. Ok, ok. So sometimes we spend way too much (example, me last Saturday) but... but... hey at least if you sum up your tool bill it kind of adds up, right?
Look, I write this because I know somewhere in this earth there is a man shitting himself over a huge bill caused by shoe addiction. All I can say is, dude... I'm sorry. It's just a condition, much like your tool or watch addiction (men sure love their watches, wouldn't you say?). Next time your lady comes with a shitload of boxes... just smile and go visit your tools.
By the way. I put on my new shoes today. They were awesome. Orgasm awesome.
Mar 16, 2009
Green Imperialism
Think Green. Act Green. Be Green. Shit Green. Fuck Green. Like my boy Kermit said back in the day, It ain’t easy being green.
This new environmental movement has gotten way out of hand. I mean, I’m down with saving the planet and am a vocal advocate of practical living, but this whole Green Revolution has taken on a completely new – and disturbing – direction, and this is more apparent when you work in marketing and PR.
Green is the new buzz word, a concept that has marketers and PR people going gaga over the opportunities to sell irresponsible shit in a “responsible” manner. With all this new hype, psychographic studies suddenly have a much needed and sellable dimension. Like all trends, Green is here today and will be gone tomorrow, especially in light of the new economic landscape we are all facing – because as you may have found out by now, it’s expensive to be Green.
What bothers me about this issue is the double standard behind it all. It’s ironic that the Westernized world is the force behind the Green Movement, demanding that the rest of the world comply, yet they are the very ones who rely on Third World nations to pollute and harm the environment in the name of manufacturing iPods, computers, furniture, appliances, and other crap for their exclusive consumption. The Chinese government bravely called this Green Imperialism, singling out the U.S.’s hypocritical move to sanction China for environmental reasons because China was too busy assembling all the cool stuff only Americans enjoy.
Being Green is a virtuous thing. But as always, politics and money screw it up. In our particular line of business, Green is a very profitable avenue. An entire industry is being built around “Corporate Social Responsibility” programs, the perfect rock for companies to hide behind; every imaginable consumer product is now environmentally conscious; corporate polluters are challenging you to be more responsible, and charging you for it.
On this issue we go back to square one: Green is not the color of saving the environment; it’s the color of money.
This new environmental movement has gotten way out of hand. I mean, I’m down with saving the planet and am a vocal advocate of practical living, but this whole Green Revolution has taken on a completely new – and disturbing – direction, and this is more apparent when you work in marketing and PR.
Green is the new buzz word, a concept that has marketers and PR people going gaga over the opportunities to sell irresponsible shit in a “responsible” manner. With all this new hype, psychographic studies suddenly have a much needed and sellable dimension. Like all trends, Green is here today and will be gone tomorrow, especially in light of the new economic landscape we are all facing – because as you may have found out by now, it’s expensive to be Green.
What bothers me about this issue is the double standard behind it all. It’s ironic that the Westernized world is the force behind the Green Movement, demanding that the rest of the world comply, yet they are the very ones who rely on Third World nations to pollute and harm the environment in the name of manufacturing iPods, computers, furniture, appliances, and other crap for their exclusive consumption. The Chinese government bravely called this Green Imperialism, singling out the U.S.’s hypocritical move to sanction China for environmental reasons because China was too busy assembling all the cool stuff only Americans enjoy.
Being Green is a virtuous thing. But as always, politics and money screw it up. In our particular line of business, Green is a very profitable avenue. An entire industry is being built around “Corporate Social Responsibility” programs, the perfect rock for companies to hide behind; every imaginable consumer product is now environmentally conscious; corporate polluters are challenging you to be more responsible, and charging you for it.
On this issue we go back to square one: Green is not the color of saving the environment; it’s the color of money.
Mar 14, 2009
People who annoy me: Volume 7: High School Musical
As if the success of the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus wasn't enough, I have to stomach the existence of High School Musical. Seriously, what demon must I appease to get rid of these undie stains or at least not have copious amounts of their merch thrown to me like the hideous cumshot of a merchandising demon?
Last year I was able to enjoy pretty much the best trip in my life, but on the way we were literally bombarded with High School Musical artefacts while roaming the streets of Disney.
Granted I'm not a massive fan of musicals, but I can enjoy them... when they don't suck. High School musical is not only a shitty musical in pretty much every aspect, but it ties Hairspray, raw whale blubber and naked grandmas with dirty thongs on things I think about to turn myself off. Yet it generates millions and millions of dollars.
Seriously, I thought The New Kids on the Block were disgusting but trust in latter generations always taking things a couple of steps further when it comes to sucking. Somehow along the way, the message of evolution has been lost on humanity and instead of becoming better, we're just becoming worse.
But what I do enjoy of High School musical though, it's one thing. There are definite chinks in the wholesome image they have developed courtesy of naked chicks and horny teenagers. Ah haaaa... there is hope for the tweenage nation of money slingers buying this crap. The problem is when I hear someone say these pieces of butt lint have any discernible talent to speak of. Sure they can make a song and dance or some shit, but that doesn't mean they're talented. Shit, they're no different than field mice, dogs, dolphins or your pick of assorted trained animals.
The only way I'd watch a High School Musical movie is if it were released by Vivid, Elegant Angel or Wicked pictures; otherwise, I'm still convinced that these pieces of shit are better suited to recycling programs or to use the DVD's as coasters for your drinks.
The worst of it all is when these teen-banging douches insist on talking, dancing, singing or acting with what hollywood moguls call an urban edge, a hip hop essence or the would be theatrics of white kids that want to be black. It's the same type of bullshit you see in Epic Movie, the latest Scary Movies, Super Hero Movie, Meet the Spartans or any of those pieces o shit that also piss me off to no end. It's not funny, it's not cute, it's not cool, it's just stupid and lame and I don't need a long ass sentence to say so. You look stupid, disingenous, money grubbing and anything but current.
That's another thing that pisses me off about these future where-are-they-now contestants. That they're so current, so edgy, so awesome and incredible that they won't mean one thing in less than a decade.
Nuh uh... no way, no how.....? Is this what you say?
Then just tell me where the hell are New Kids on the Block? Which was Back Street Boyz' last great selling album? How current is Mandy Moore and where in the hell is Rick Astley apart from Rick Rolling people? They're all insignificant unless you're using them as punchlines and that's what High School Musical is, a bad punchline for a lame joke called your kids' record and DVD collection.
Want to know how genuine these wholesome kids are? Pretty easy; when you go for the Donkey Punch, aim for the base of the neck, that's where their registered marks are. This is a product... nothing more... nothing less and all you're really buying are the items you'll be putting in your 25 cent bin just about when your kids realize that they didn't know what real music was.
Cheers
Oh and as requested, if you're curious to see what else annoys the steaming piss out of me, by all means click below.
Volume 4
Volume 3
Volume 2
Volume 1
Mar 12, 2009
The problem of being: Religulous. A review.
I have a really strong beef against people who vomit their beliefs into innocent bystanders (mainly Me). The one thing that annoys me worst than voicemails are people who insist on me hearing how much God loves me. Now... do I make fun of them believing in some dude in "heaven"? No way. I respect people's belief and I never say they're crazy like other people. Case in point? Bill Maher.
Last night, Religulous arrived via Netflix. I always wanted to see it and never had the chance, so when it came to press play I was very much interested on this documentary. I share one and only one thing with our friend Bill: extreme doubt. I doubt that God exists (even though my experiences with Grandma's Shining give me enough reasons to believe in something, whatever that might be) and I have even doubted that Jesus truly was the son of God. For me, he maybe was a cool cat, Ghandi like, who spreaded some nice words around and some people transformed his story into something more extravagant than it really was. The thing is, religion has never clicked with me, so I understand Bill's search to understand. Or.. is he trying?
This documentary has some extreme good points and some bad examples of intolerance. While Bill interviews a shitload of people trying to "investigate" why they believe what they want to, I got a sense that he wasn't really trying to understand. Yes, religion as a whole has some great inconsistencies. Even the Good Book can be compared to many other ancient religions. Yes, the Bible insists that Jesus existed, for example, but still, there are no gospels to talk about when he was twentysomething. Did he hit the bottle a bit too much? Did he go out with crazy women during that time? What the hell happened that we don't deserve to know that part? This is just one example of why it doesn't click with me, at least. Basic information, deleted.
Anyway, the problem is that Bill just is a wise ass during the whole flick. Instead of showing fact after fact, he just dances around everything and we don't ever get more than a few interesting points. I think the premise of this movie was... Let's just confront people and laugh at their points. Not good in my book.
I must say, the movie is very interesting and sometimes even funny. But it crosses the line of intolerant and, well, there lies the problem. Is the only excuse for not understanding God is the Santa Claus question? (Why don't you believe in SC but you do believe in some dude in heaven that can hear everyone's thoughts?)
While Morgan Spurlock did an excellent job in sitting down with people and listening to other people's opinion on politics, trying to make amends, if you will, with others who think a little bit different than him, Maher just plainly confronts them and laughs when they talk. For someone that is supposed to be on his camp, I found that his movie was lacking substance and most of all, research.
I ended up feeling as confused as I always am. I never got an answer why I should believe or not believe. He states that he promotes Doubt. Hm. Well, I strongly doubt him and his motives. I would have preferred some cold hard facts and a high discussion of all the points, and I never got them.
Would I recommend this movie? Maybe. That's the only doubt I ended up having.
Mar 11, 2009
Fuck you and the Snuggy you rode in on
As if we weren't a joke enough as it is, America has declared that the snuggy is our new weapon of choice when wanting to look like some cult leader hellbent on being warm while having our arms free from the confines of a blanket.
I feel like Chef Ramsie when all his cooks are fucking up. I feel like a Hoosiers coach playing with the special ed team. I feel like someone who can't cope with not having thought of it sooner.
I admit it. I wish I would have invented something so dumb as the Snuggy so that over 40 million units could be sold in less than a quarter of a year. I wish I could also invent some shitty product no one would buy until Ron Popeil gave it his Ronco treatment or maybe some wonderful young snazzy salesman could Shamwow the shit out of my joke of a product. But no. I insist on working for a living rather than smoking pot and coming up with inane shit that shouldn't be a success but alas, I underestimate the public's willingness to buy stupid shit.
I should squeeze the cillice a bit harder and whip myself a couple of dozen extra times since I used to be an avid watcher of infomercials and still enjoy the guilty pleasure that is the 20 minute sales pitch. A blanket with sleeves... GENIUS!!!
Between this and the waterglobe, I'm still asking myself which one is more proof that we're compulsive buyers. On one side, you have a blanket with sleeves so you can go to a pep rally and look like some velvet straight jacket wearing douche in the crowd. On the other you have the results of someone sticking a bong in a pot to get rid of the bong water. In both cases I marvel at the sheer madness of their success and on both cases I salute the astute fucker that called Marty McFly on the phone and asked him what was being trendy in the year 2020.
Oh well, guess I might drink my own Koolaid and see if I can't invent something moronic enough to be ridiculed, yet attractive enough to force middle aged people to pick up their credit cards and telephones and dial my number. If only eh? Alas, I insist on working... oh well.
Cheers
I feel like Chef Ramsie when all his cooks are fucking up. I feel like a Hoosiers coach playing with the special ed team. I feel like someone who can't cope with not having thought of it sooner.
I admit it. I wish I would have invented something so dumb as the Snuggy so that over 40 million units could be sold in less than a quarter of a year. I wish I could also invent some shitty product no one would buy until Ron Popeil gave it his Ronco treatment or maybe some wonderful young snazzy salesman could Shamwow the shit out of my joke of a product. But no. I insist on working for a living rather than smoking pot and coming up with inane shit that shouldn't be a success but alas, I underestimate the public's willingness to buy stupid shit.
I should squeeze the cillice a bit harder and whip myself a couple of dozen extra times since I used to be an avid watcher of infomercials and still enjoy the guilty pleasure that is the 20 minute sales pitch. A blanket with sleeves... GENIUS!!!
Between this and the waterglobe, I'm still asking myself which one is more proof that we're compulsive buyers. On one side, you have a blanket with sleeves so you can go to a pep rally and look like some velvet straight jacket wearing douche in the crowd. On the other you have the results of someone sticking a bong in a pot to get rid of the bong water. In both cases I marvel at the sheer madness of their success and on both cases I salute the astute fucker that called Marty McFly on the phone and asked him what was being trendy in the year 2020.
Oh well, guess I might drink my own Koolaid and see if I can't invent something moronic enough to be ridiculed, yet attractive enough to force middle aged people to pick up their credit cards and telephones and dial my number. If only eh? Alas, I insist on working... oh well.
Cheers
Labels:
compulsive buys,
dumb inventions,
Snuggy
People who annoy me: volume 6: Miley Cyrus
What's five foot nothing, has the accumulated wealth to solve the recession and annoys the living piss out of me?
Miley Cyrus.
Be it Miley, Molly, Mailey, Male, Miley or however the fuck you write her name, This Disney Messiah came at a time where the channel had nothing going for it, no clue as to how it would survive and the prayers of Gen Xers and Gen Yers who grew up on the channel and had seen how far it had detoriorated had been answered.
Hanna Mon-fucking-Tana. It's the success of this type of bullshit that makes me believe those annoying Hulu ads. Our brain is Jell-o, our taste has gone down the track of Shit Creek and the Dalai Lama weeps equally for Tibet and for common sense to finally reach our souls while brainwashed toddlers gobble this crap up.
As if billy Ray Cyrus procreating wasn't a big enough crime, she had to completely eclipse any damage he might have caused with his achy brakey heart by selling more merchandise than Star Wars. And as if that weren't enough, the tiny diva had the balls and gall to say that she hoped her new Hannah Montana movie would be taken seriously because she thought the acting was daring and edgy enough to garner her AT LEAST a nomination. I'll give you a nomination Molly, I'll nominate you for a hanging, or maybe I'll settle for med or a psych ward visit.
But no, success spreads on her like melted margarine... with disgusting ease. And children cheer and force their parents to spend their hard earned money on Hannah Montana lunchboxes, Hannah Montana T-shirts, Hannah Montana gummy bears and even Hannah Montana collectible deluxe edition tampons. They buy the albums, the DVD's and their children are pressed through the Hannah-Montana Playdoh machine and molded into annoying Bratz like heathens that make me think that child labor isn't that bad idea so that at least the kids who coerce their parents to buy them all this crap at least help pay for half of it.
Seriously people, if the youth of America can't help themselves, they need our help. Feel free to strap your kids into a chair while forcing them to view good family movies from the eighties, clockwork orange and make them find the meaning of life by listening to the Dark side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz and synchronising 2001 Space Oddyssey's what the fuck segment with echo. It's for their well being and for a future that's not as limp as Michael Jackson's penis when surrounded by attractive 30 year old women.
cheers
Labels:
Disney's Messiah,
Miley Cyrus
People who annoy me: Volume 5 The Jonas Brothers
And as if modern music didn't suck enough, behold... the JONAS brothers.
My fucking lord. If I see another advert for these self loving abstinence sponsoring mini douches, I'll just know that corporate america is alive and well. It's amazing to see that an economic recession bordering on depression, a war on terror that's being lost and more issues than National Geographic have all come together as the perfect components to spawn this legion of rotted placenta. I mean come on. This soccer mom wet dream come true is just too much for me to take.
"They're good wholesome boys with great values."
Great values? GREAT VALUES. Rockers that don't want adventure and pussy? That proclaim their love for not getting any poontang? I'm supposed to applaud this? I'm supposed to feel good for their positive vibrations and easy going demeanor as they bring me closer to Christ? What bullshit.
I thought Hanson was our trial by fire, but no. I was wrong. That was just the aperitif for what was to come. Fuck, only in a world where Aaron Carter, the Jonas Brothers and Malley Cyrus are succesful (I'm still gonna write your name however the hell I want), can there be such love for something so hackneyed and Wiggleriffic.
For fuck's sake people, rings proclaiming abstinence. Rings... outwardly saying they've resisted all offers from virile hormone crazy sixteen year old girls doing god knows what on the webcam while twittering that their still developing organs can't wait to get their hands on them. Oh but wait, I can see where this is going. I'm feeling that pretty soon, a little of the Clinton way of life is going to burst forth from the Jonas camp because last I checked, a blowjob was not considered sexual relations. So technically they can keep their cute little fuzzy rings if they do anything except vaginal intercourse. True, you may be able to throw in the asshole in the mix just to ensure that no penetration is occuring. But a handjob, a hummer, or a hershey double fudgewhipple titty fuck is still kosher since they only got the gooey stuff on the girls, not in them.
Music is not supposed to brain wash moral values into our society's youth.
It's supposed to entertain us, to engage us and to inspire us to do what Trent Reznor so beautifully put in the Nine Inch Nails song, "I do not want this" from The Downward Spiral album.
"I want to know everything.
I want to go everywhere.
I want to fuck everyone in the world.
I want to do something that matters."
So feel free to keep to your Mmm Bop ways and crawl back into the demon womb you were spawned from.
Labels:
crap music,
Jonas brothers,
nausea,
the future of america
Careful what you say...
It will eventually reach the ears of whom you're talking about.
For my part I can't say I've never talked smack about anyone. Hell I think it's pretty obvious I have a doctorate in bitching and whining so ripping someone a new asshole in friendly banter among colleagues is just natural.
That being said, I've always made sure to do my best to ensure that I don't mind if what I say about someone reaches their ears. This means that if I've talked shit about someone and they confront me, I'll already have a class A argument to not only defend my stance, but to communicate any and every reason of why they're on my shit list. It hasn't happened often, but I've always been as honest as possible because I don't like wasting energy on hypochrisy if it can be avoided.
Why am I talking about this? Well a few reasons actually. For starters, not two weeks had passed since I'd left when the CD I'd worked for had put words in my mouth regarding the reasons why I left and had talked smack about me just to cover his own ass. From reading that or frequenting this blog, you might think I was the ultra problematic copywriter who would never yield to client requests and who never did anything with love or the genuine desire of success for the clients for whom I helped create advertising for.
True, advertising might suck more than a black hole, but it was still my job and if anything, I've always prided myself on doing as much as is allowed by boxed in clients, to work towards something that is strategically sound yet within their comfort zone. Obviuosly I've always welcomed, cherished, adored and made the most out of every chance I was told to go batshit, but the fact of the matter is that most times, the accounts I had weren't the most fun and I had to work towards a consensus so as the client could be happy and I wouldn't want to rip the flesh off my skin every time I saw an advert I'd worked on. This was the same for any client who wasn't literally a waste of time, money, effort, energy and oxygen, and lets face it, there are a couple of clients that just seem to be destined to make the life of the team working on their crap, a living hell. But even with stuck up assholes, I always stuck to the gameplan of at least making them happy and ensuring the best possible work flow for that account as long as I worked it. So to hear this hack say that type of shit about me is doubly offending since he later called me for help on two different occassions.
What I'm trying to get at though is that this prancing nancy opened his mouth and said something. Something I'm not totally happy about hearing since I left a generous chunk of my essence in exchange for a paycheck, some takeout food and a whole lot of grief. So if that person said something, and I found about it about a week later, do you really think mid to low level addions are exempt? Do you think that AE isn't conscious of your desire to put mace into her tortilla soup? Do you think that art director doesn't know you fantasize about shoving their shitty artwork up their ass? Do you think the copywriter doesn't know the traffic director rejoices that they got a Power Mac with Windows 95? I didn't think so. So take it from me, if you're going to say it, mean it and don't back down when someone confronts you about it.
I know it's great entertainment for me, but you should see how silly you look.
Cheers
For my part I can't say I've never talked smack about anyone. Hell I think it's pretty obvious I have a doctorate in bitching and whining so ripping someone a new asshole in friendly banter among colleagues is just natural.
That being said, I've always made sure to do my best to ensure that I don't mind if what I say about someone reaches their ears. This means that if I've talked shit about someone and they confront me, I'll already have a class A argument to not only defend my stance, but to communicate any and every reason of why they're on my shit list. It hasn't happened often, but I've always been as honest as possible because I don't like wasting energy on hypochrisy if it can be avoided.
Why am I talking about this? Well a few reasons actually. For starters, not two weeks had passed since I'd left when the CD I'd worked for had put words in my mouth regarding the reasons why I left and had talked smack about me just to cover his own ass. From reading that or frequenting this blog, you might think I was the ultra problematic copywriter who would never yield to client requests and who never did anything with love or the genuine desire of success for the clients for whom I helped create advertising for.
True, advertising might suck more than a black hole, but it was still my job and if anything, I've always prided myself on doing as much as is allowed by boxed in clients, to work towards something that is strategically sound yet within their comfort zone. Obviuosly I've always welcomed, cherished, adored and made the most out of every chance I was told to go batshit, but the fact of the matter is that most times, the accounts I had weren't the most fun and I had to work towards a consensus so as the client could be happy and I wouldn't want to rip the flesh off my skin every time I saw an advert I'd worked on. This was the same for any client who wasn't literally a waste of time, money, effort, energy and oxygen, and lets face it, there are a couple of clients that just seem to be destined to make the life of the team working on their crap, a living hell. But even with stuck up assholes, I always stuck to the gameplan of at least making them happy and ensuring the best possible work flow for that account as long as I worked it. So to hear this hack say that type of shit about me is doubly offending since he later called me for help on two different occassions.
What I'm trying to get at though is that this prancing nancy opened his mouth and said something. Something I'm not totally happy about hearing since I left a generous chunk of my essence in exchange for a paycheck, some takeout food and a whole lot of grief. So if that person said something, and I found about it about a week later, do you really think mid to low level addions are exempt? Do you think that AE isn't conscious of your desire to put mace into her tortilla soup? Do you think that art director doesn't know you fantasize about shoving their shitty artwork up their ass? Do you think the copywriter doesn't know the traffic director rejoices that they got a Power Mac with Windows 95? I didn't think so. So take it from me, if you're going to say it, mean it and don't back down when someone confronts you about it.
I know it's great entertainment for me, but you should see how silly you look.
Cheers
Alcohol is the ultimate truth serum
Though some people need to be coerced into talking, your average ad person just needs a shot of Jäger and a few beers to tell you all the secrets of the world, their agency and their private life.
You want to find out if someone likes getting a finger up the ass? just hang out at an advertising happy hour and chances are that if you stay long enough, you might just find out more than you bargained for. True, if you earn someone's trust you might find all of this out, but when people truly get shit faced they say the darndest things.
Who should be the creative director? Who's an asshole that's keeping other people working late? Who's fault is it that there was a mistake? What undesirable things would the IT guy to do the intern while covered in peanut butter? Trust me, just stick around for a few rounds.
As I read what I've written, it strikes me that some people might actually question whether or not this is bullshit. To put it simply, thanks to happy hours I've had the pleasure of finding out about inter agency divorces, inter departmental threesomes, an aborted baby, what accounts are in peril in an agency, who's pitching to whom, what client is shopping, and how many people can and will get fired next january.... and that's just by listening.
True there are confidentiality laws and rules but when alcohol is thrown into the mix (or drugs, or sex) anything is fair game. I've seen the beginnings of divorces and how the people in question gravitate towards those that applaud their bravado while thinking of how to tell their significant others to screw them in one fell swoop.
While most companies have their chit chats by the water cooler, Ad people tend to speak the most when next to the Heineken cooler. I've seen informal interviews happen at social gatherings and I've seen the seeds of destruction in the professional career of people who get overly friendly with pretty much any sapient being in existence that just happens to be nearby.
Don't believe a word I've written, then go to the next happy hour and see if you stay past 3 AM if you don't find out more than what you bargained for. I dare ya.
Cheers
You want to find out if someone likes getting a finger up the ass? just hang out at an advertising happy hour and chances are that if you stay long enough, you might just find out more than you bargained for. True, if you earn someone's trust you might find all of this out, but when people truly get shit faced they say the darndest things.
Who should be the creative director? Who's an asshole that's keeping other people working late? Who's fault is it that there was a mistake? What undesirable things would the IT guy to do the intern while covered in peanut butter? Trust me, just stick around for a few rounds.
As I read what I've written, it strikes me that some people might actually question whether or not this is bullshit. To put it simply, thanks to happy hours I've had the pleasure of finding out about inter agency divorces, inter departmental threesomes, an aborted baby, what accounts are in peril in an agency, who's pitching to whom, what client is shopping, and how many people can and will get fired next january.... and that's just by listening.
True there are confidentiality laws and rules but when alcohol is thrown into the mix (or drugs, or sex) anything is fair game. I've seen the beginnings of divorces and how the people in question gravitate towards those that applaud their bravado while thinking of how to tell their significant others to screw them in one fell swoop.
While most companies have their chit chats by the water cooler, Ad people tend to speak the most when next to the Heineken cooler. I've seen informal interviews happen at social gatherings and I've seen the seeds of destruction in the professional career of people who get overly friendly with pretty much any sapient being in existence that just happens to be nearby.
Don't believe a word I've written, then go to the next happy hour and see if you stay past 3 AM if you don't find out more than what you bargained for. I dare ya.
Cheers
Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 251-255
On the economy
One man's fortune is another country's bailout.
On freebies
To guarantee a line forming, just give something away for free.
On the value of what you do
Unlike your shortcomings, your efforts and talent shall never have a price tag.
On who you work for
The true identity of people is often revealed when you leave a job.
One man's fortune is another country's bailout.
On freebies
To guarantee a line forming, just give something away for free.
On the value of what you do
Unlike your shortcomings, your efforts and talent shall never have a price tag.
On who you work for
The true identity of people is often revealed when you leave a job.
Mar 10, 2009
Projects from hell
I’m sure that at one time or another in our careers we’ve been involved in some super important project that generated loads of money for the client and the agency, and maybe even changed the cultural landscape of the market. Maybe it was a new product launch; perhaps an innovative idea that no one could resist. Sure, you sweated the deal, but at the end of the day it was worth it because the project made an impact.
But some projects are even more difficult than developing a worldwide branding campaign, more stressful than launching a beer brand in a Muslim country; more nerve-wrecking than producing five TV spots with a total budget of $10,000. Of course, I speak of the Advertising Trifecta: Mission Statement; Vision Statement; Position Statement.
Tackling these assignments makes even the most highly-paid, egomaniac creative shudder in fear. You see, these are projects that have no tangible merit in the branding/advertising process because nothing can come out of them. They do not inspire any type of creative work. Who reads or pays attention to Mission and Vision Statements and Positioning, aside from other marketing geeks?
Why then, do clients spend so much time belaboring these points? Why does generating these statements take up to six months or more? Why is it so difficult for everyone to come to an agreement on these items?
My guess is that this is the only situation in which the client, his marketing cronies, and agency executives can actually feel that they are assuming an active role in a “creative” process. It is the one forum in which everyone’s opinion counts, no matter where you are on the corporate ladder. It is a source of great pride for a company CEO to boast his snazzy positioning statement among his competitors. It’s the equivalent of comparing dick length in the country club steam room.
Notice how these are the only projects that garner the full attention of everyone, from Chairman of the Board on down. They are only important because “important” people think they are. And therefore, it’s worth hiring millions of dollars’ worth of consultants and spending months developing them. Priorities, people!
Mar 8, 2009
Taking Chance
Just in case, this is not just a movie review. I was channel surfing and chanced upon his movie (disregard the pun, it just came out that way). What happened while I was watching is that anything I've felt in regards to this war effort just kind of flared up in me and for a variety of reasons.
First off, I know we're a bunch of liberal sons of bitches here at WAS, or at least I am. I make this disclaimer because for some reason, I feel the need to clear that one up. I don't enjoy the idea of abortions, but I am pro choice. I'm not gay, yet I support the right to gay marriage. I've never smoked pot, but I don't think legalizing it would be a bad idea. I hate the war, but I know some pretty remarkable people that have served the armed forces.
I say this not because I saw a movie that's designed to tug at your heart strings, but because I have friends that serve proudly in something I don't believe in, and that maybe they don't believe in. But they're still honorable people who truly showcase a variety of values that if embedded into the social psyche of most people, then I'm sure the world would be a better place to be in. True, I know there were those soldiers that screwed up and did some stupid things but judging a soldier based on that would be a crass injustice.
For my part, I had the distasteful experience of reading the wall with Vietnam veterans in Washington, and seeing the name of one of my cousins. I was like 8 and that memory still sticks. A name on that wall simultaneously meant he was being honored and that he was gone. Unnecessarilly since Vietnam was another sordid affair that makes no sense to someone like me.
From my friends, I can tell you that I have about eight or so friends who serve or have served in the Armed forces. Actually, I just remembered that in an internship in NYC, I met an ACD, this great guy proud of all his hats, well to do elegant black man. He was young (in his thirties) strong, and successful... and when he was on top of the world, he went back to serve his country knowing full well he might not make it back, but he felt like he owed something to his country.
Now I can't say I relate to this since I don't think I'd ever enlist, it's just not in me. But wehn I see something like that, when I'm able to have a beer with a friend that made it back from Korea, Iraq or Afghanistan, well I smile on the inside at my luck for their wellbeing... and I also think of the people that aren't able to have that beer with their friends, that can't get a hug from their brother, that have to remember their fathers and mothers with the memory deposited months ago or via images on a webcam, and I still remember why I think we should be way past warring, but recognize the need for a military.
That doesn't mean I don't wish and hope for a world without conflict or strife... it just means that I'm not ignorant enough to think the world is yet capable of achieving peace. So to all people who serve or have served in the armed forces, my thanks and my best wishes, regardless of my being a left wing liberal.
First off, I know we're a bunch of liberal sons of bitches here at WAS, or at least I am. I make this disclaimer because for some reason, I feel the need to clear that one up. I don't enjoy the idea of abortions, but I am pro choice. I'm not gay, yet I support the right to gay marriage. I've never smoked pot, but I don't think legalizing it would be a bad idea. I hate the war, but I know some pretty remarkable people that have served the armed forces.
I say this not because I saw a movie that's designed to tug at your heart strings, but because I have friends that serve proudly in something I don't believe in, and that maybe they don't believe in. But they're still honorable people who truly showcase a variety of values that if embedded into the social psyche of most people, then I'm sure the world would be a better place to be in. True, I know there were those soldiers that screwed up and did some stupid things but judging a soldier based on that would be a crass injustice.
For my part, I had the distasteful experience of reading the wall with Vietnam veterans in Washington, and seeing the name of one of my cousins. I was like 8 and that memory still sticks. A name on that wall simultaneously meant he was being honored and that he was gone. Unnecessarilly since Vietnam was another sordid affair that makes no sense to someone like me.
From my friends, I can tell you that I have about eight or so friends who serve or have served in the Armed forces. Actually, I just remembered that in an internship in NYC, I met an ACD, this great guy proud of all his hats, well to do elegant black man. He was young (in his thirties) strong, and successful... and when he was on top of the world, he went back to serve his country knowing full well he might not make it back, but he felt like he owed something to his country.
Now I can't say I relate to this since I don't think I'd ever enlist, it's just not in me. But wehn I see something like that, when I'm able to have a beer with a friend that made it back from Korea, Iraq or Afghanistan, well I smile on the inside at my luck for their wellbeing... and I also think of the people that aren't able to have that beer with their friends, that can't get a hug from their brother, that have to remember their fathers and mothers with the memory deposited months ago or via images on a webcam, and I still remember why I think we should be way past warring, but recognize the need for a military.
That doesn't mean I don't wish and hope for a world without conflict or strife... it just means that I'm not ignorant enough to think the world is yet capable of achieving peace. So to all people who serve or have served in the armed forces, my thanks and my best wishes, regardless of my being a left wing liberal.
Resolution Distribution
So eight days have passed in March, but I haven't dropped my quest for resolution bliss. Two months and seven full days have gone by in 2009, but I'm making progress. Hére's what I have so far.
In the physical aspect of my resolutions, I've gotten up a nice routine and numbers have all gone up. Here's my progress so far:
PHYSICAL
Bicep Curls
570 / 5,000
Butterfly curls
570 / 5,000
Pushups
570 / 5,000
Sit-ups
1,000 / 10,000
Jumping Jacks
1,350 / 10,000
Squats
1,100 / 10,000
Miles run/walked
0 / 100
Yoga classes
N/A
Hours meditated
0 / 100
Still batting zero in yoga, meditation and walking. I'm focusing on the other, and maybe waiting to buy a decent pair of sneakers for that, but I recognize I'm sucking in those three sections.
PROFESSIONAL
Freelance jobs
2 / 8 freelance
Got my second freelance job and looking forward to making good on this resolution so I can put my finances even more in order.
Work proposals
7 of 10
I've already submitted 7 ideas, should hear if they're worthwhile or not this week. So I might keep you informed on this with a soon to be submitted post.
Work on portfolio
N/A
Don't think the artist from my comp is too interested in this so I might just have to find an alternative. This isn't in my top resolutions, but want to do this regardless.
RECAP:
I might actually get to submit most of my ideas, so it's all good. About freelancing, could be faster, but happy I'm getting extra work regardless.
ACTIVITIES:
Surf Sessions
10 / 50
Started off February extremely solid but saw myself scrapping for surf sessions which sucks. I need to make March a better surf month, but for now, still sucking. We'll see if I can't pick it up.
Swim / bodysurf
0 / 10
Still think this is a summer activity for me, we'll see if I don't have a session before long though.
Local tourism
N/A
No plans yet, but finally working to pay off my debt. Fucking amen.
Concerts
0 / 5
Still no break to see a good concert, but hopeful to change this.
Trips
0 / 2
Ugh, ugh, ugh. I want to travel bad, but lets be realistic, it isn't like I've been even four months on the new job or that the times are nice and sweet.
Writing with Pen & Paper
Have actually kept to this though not as much as I should.
Movies
4 / 40
The Wrestler: It'd been a long while since I saw a movie that stuck with me so long. The Wrestler is one of the oscar darlings this year... well actually, Mickey Rourke, Aronofsky and company are still avoided by the Academy but that doesn't matter when you make movies as good as Darren. Fantastic movie, it reminded me of the time I was a wrestling fan and the more I thought about the movie, the more I loved it. Definitely going to buy this movie.
Slumdog Millionaire: Though this is a marvelous movie, I already gave my thoughts regarding it's movie of the year status. It's just not. Great movie, good score, good filming, good acting. Solid movie you really shouldn't miss, but please, don't think it's the best movie you'll ever see in your life. It isn't and it probably won't be on your top twenty all time list.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Now THIS movie might actually make it to that list. Simply put, Ben was robbed. Hell of a movie, buy it, rent it, Netflick it just don't miss it.
Watch DVD’s I’ve bought
I've rewatched some DVD's I'd already seen, but nothing that I've yet to see. Lets see if I take the finger out of my ass and get some watching done.
Videogames finished
4 / 20
Metal gear Solid 3: How about the best boss fight you've ever played? That's what the boss fight with The End was like for me. simply put, this is the best MGS game i've played. I still have to play #4, but man.... this is one hell of a game, one hell of a story, and just one hell of an experience. One of my favorite games ever.
Books read
1/30
On the third book for the Bartimeus Trilogy. it's the best by far and much like Peter and the Star Catchers, the author saved the best for last. Still haven't finished it but on my way to.
Playing guitar
Practicing a lot and have actually penned two new songs. Have to finish these up but I'm happy with what I'm playing.
ACQUISITIVE:
Get new computer
In between buying the comp I want and the one I should buy. The time is near for me to be able to blog about again. I'm looking forward to that and to say goodbye to this faithful albeit slow as hell comp.
Net connection
Same as above.
Digital recorder
Still don't have the cash for this, but might actually buy it all for the comp and use that as my recording station.
MONETARY
Save Money
My prognosis wasn't spot on but I'm making headway to working up to it.
Payments
Batting 1.000 booyakasha.
Mom’s cakes
Kind of helped again but could be doing more. not sure what though.
Donations
Already put up the other money and have bought miscellaneous things for charities
KNOWLEDGE:
Learn / record songs
Writing my own but still deciding on what I'm going to pick as covers.
Learn Random Info
Been unusually busy the last month hence me not being able to keep my vouch for that new random ass info series.
Read the news
Doing decent, could do more but happy with where I'm at.
Retake French
Still haven't looked into it, but it's coming. :D
Dance classes
We already have a wedding date so yeah, should be focusing on this soon.
WRITING:
WAS posts
35 / 200
Up to this post, this is the count so far.
Posts in other blog
0 / 100
Already working on 3 but haven't posted them, what the hell lol.
Finish book
FINALLY finishing chapter 37. Yes I've taken my sweet time but I'm finally happy with where it's going. Had to scrap what I wrote for that 3 full times. What the hell.
Write short stories
0 / 10*
Egads I suck for not having penned that short story I had pending. In my defense, just jotting down more and more ideas for it.
Essay project
0 / 20
Still on zero, but have a lot of things pending.
Draft story arcs
0 / 3
Still writing down ideas and though not penning down arcs, am making subtle progress with this.
WAS Movie
Still pending
Will be writing down the characters in the coming month or so.
Progress reports
2 / 12
Número dos. Ten to go.
Standup piece
Haven't put it in the agenda. I suck.
Be more positive
Still in the balance of funk and great feelings but hey, it's all good.
Forgive people
Still clean slate on this one. No need to sulk over things that aren't worth my time or energy :)
Negative energy
Actually wish I wouyld be doing better in this, but for now could be doing better in a few things. Still using the rage as fuel though mind you and that's the best thing I can do.
Love Mrs. Joker
We've begun our wedding plans and I'm excited. Call me girly, call me gay, I'm just happy to get this party started :)
Next up, the Joker of March. We'll see what progress I've made for then.
Cheers
In the physical aspect of my resolutions, I've gotten up a nice routine and numbers have all gone up. Here's my progress so far:
PHYSICAL
Bicep Curls
570 / 5,000
Butterfly curls
570 / 5,000
Pushups
570 / 5,000
Sit-ups
1,000 / 10,000
Jumping Jacks
1,350 / 10,000
Squats
1,100 / 10,000
Miles run/walked
0 / 100
Yoga classes
N/A
Hours meditated
0 / 100
Still batting zero in yoga, meditation and walking. I'm focusing on the other, and maybe waiting to buy a decent pair of sneakers for that, but I recognize I'm sucking in those three sections.
PROFESSIONAL
Freelance jobs
2 / 8 freelance
Got my second freelance job and looking forward to making good on this resolution so I can put my finances even more in order.
Work proposals
7 of 10
I've already submitted 7 ideas, should hear if they're worthwhile or not this week. So I might keep you informed on this with a soon to be submitted post.
Work on portfolio
N/A
Don't think the artist from my comp is too interested in this so I might just have to find an alternative. This isn't in my top resolutions, but want to do this regardless.
RECAP:
I might actually get to submit most of my ideas, so it's all good. About freelancing, could be faster, but happy I'm getting extra work regardless.
ACTIVITIES:
Surf Sessions
10 / 50
Started off February extremely solid but saw myself scrapping for surf sessions which sucks. I need to make March a better surf month, but for now, still sucking. We'll see if I can't pick it up.
Swim / bodysurf
0 / 10
Still think this is a summer activity for me, we'll see if I don't have a session before long though.
Local tourism
N/A
No plans yet, but finally working to pay off my debt. Fucking amen.
Concerts
0 / 5
Still no break to see a good concert, but hopeful to change this.
Trips
0 / 2
Ugh, ugh, ugh. I want to travel bad, but lets be realistic, it isn't like I've been even four months on the new job or that the times are nice and sweet.
Writing with Pen & Paper
Have actually kept to this though not as much as I should.
Movies
4 / 40
The Wrestler: It'd been a long while since I saw a movie that stuck with me so long. The Wrestler is one of the oscar darlings this year... well actually, Mickey Rourke, Aronofsky and company are still avoided by the Academy but that doesn't matter when you make movies as good as Darren. Fantastic movie, it reminded me of the time I was a wrestling fan and the more I thought about the movie, the more I loved it. Definitely going to buy this movie.
Slumdog Millionaire: Though this is a marvelous movie, I already gave my thoughts regarding it's movie of the year status. It's just not. Great movie, good score, good filming, good acting. Solid movie you really shouldn't miss, but please, don't think it's the best movie you'll ever see in your life. It isn't and it probably won't be on your top twenty all time list.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Now THIS movie might actually make it to that list. Simply put, Ben was robbed. Hell of a movie, buy it, rent it, Netflick it just don't miss it.
Watch DVD’s I’ve bought
I've rewatched some DVD's I'd already seen, but nothing that I've yet to see. Lets see if I take the finger out of my ass and get some watching done.
Videogames finished
4 / 20
Metal gear Solid 3: How about the best boss fight you've ever played? That's what the boss fight with The End was like for me. simply put, this is the best MGS game i've played. I still have to play #4, but man.... this is one hell of a game, one hell of a story, and just one hell of an experience. One of my favorite games ever.
Books read
1/30
On the third book for the Bartimeus Trilogy. it's the best by far and much like Peter and the Star Catchers, the author saved the best for last. Still haven't finished it but on my way to.
Playing guitar
Practicing a lot and have actually penned two new songs. Have to finish these up but I'm happy with what I'm playing.
ACQUISITIVE:
Get new computer
In between buying the comp I want and the one I should buy. The time is near for me to be able to blog about again. I'm looking forward to that and to say goodbye to this faithful albeit slow as hell comp.
Net connection
Same as above.
Digital recorder
Still don't have the cash for this, but might actually buy it all for the comp and use that as my recording station.
MONETARY
Save Money
My prognosis wasn't spot on but I'm making headway to working up to it.
Payments
Batting 1.000 booyakasha.
Mom’s cakes
Kind of helped again but could be doing more. not sure what though.
Donations
Already put up the other money and have bought miscellaneous things for charities
KNOWLEDGE:
Learn / record songs
Writing my own but still deciding on what I'm going to pick as covers.
Learn Random Info
Been unusually busy the last month hence me not being able to keep my vouch for that new random ass info series.
Read the news
Doing decent, could do more but happy with where I'm at.
Retake French
Still haven't looked into it, but it's coming. :D
Dance classes
We already have a wedding date so yeah, should be focusing on this soon.
WRITING:
WAS posts
35 / 200
Up to this post, this is the count so far.
Posts in other blog
0 / 100
Already working on 3 but haven't posted them, what the hell lol.
Finish book
FINALLY finishing chapter 37. Yes I've taken my sweet time but I'm finally happy with where it's going. Had to scrap what I wrote for that 3 full times. What the hell.
Write short stories
0 / 10*
Egads I suck for not having penned that short story I had pending. In my defense, just jotting down more and more ideas for it.
Essay project
0 / 20
Still on zero, but have a lot of things pending.
Draft story arcs
0 / 3
Still writing down ideas and though not penning down arcs, am making subtle progress with this.
WAS Movie
Still pending
Will be writing down the characters in the coming month or so.
Progress reports
2 / 12
Número dos. Ten to go.
Standup piece
Haven't put it in the agenda. I suck.
Be more positive
Still in the balance of funk and great feelings but hey, it's all good.
Forgive people
Still clean slate on this one. No need to sulk over things that aren't worth my time or energy :)
Negative energy
Actually wish I wouyld be doing better in this, but for now could be doing better in a few things. Still using the rage as fuel though mind you and that's the best thing I can do.
Love Mrs. Joker
We've begun our wedding plans and I'm excited. Call me girly, call me gay, I'm just happy to get this party started :)
Next up, the Joker of March. We'll see what progress I've made for then.
Cheers
Mar 5, 2009
W. A really F. short review.
This will be extremely short: the W. review.
I pressed play.
I gave it 20 minutes.
I stopped the movie.
That's it. Sorry.
This movie does not merit me writing more about it.
F. Waste of Time.
I want my M. back.
I pressed play.
I gave it 20 minutes.
I stopped the movie.
That's it. Sorry.
This movie does not merit me writing more about it.
F. Waste of Time.
I want my M. back.
We'll miss you little Bug.
A couple of weeks ago I posted a video of a cute rat called Bug. She was the most precious little thing. I found it thru my Flickr account a while back, and when I had a really tough day at work I used to go to her gallery to see cute pictures of her and smile in an instant. Well, Bug recently passed away but her cuteness still lives on, and it may be a little rat but if you look at the pictures you'll see why some of us will miss her.
So, thank you dear Bug, you will always have a cute place in my heart. Click at the name of the post to smile and enjoy her...
So, thank you dear Bug, you will always have a cute place in my heart. Click at the name of the post to smile and enjoy her...
104 Ways to Ruin the Watchmen Movie
Click at the name of the post for a very cool Photoshop contest from our friends at Gizmodo... Enjoy
Mar 4, 2009
Grafitti is the Bomb.
Since the day I started traveling, I always liked to "document" grafitti all around the globe. The few places I've been lucky to travel have given me awesome, and most important, free art. The streets are filled with such beauty, some people don't look enough to realize that they are surrounded by art.
Some cities have more urban artwork than others, but it's always like an adventure for me to keep an eye out on the most cool art there is: urban art.
The last time I traveled to Manhattan we were walking down at SoHo and kind of bumped on a great artist near Dean and Deluca. It was incredible and totally affordable. When my lovely TravisFkcr started seeing a skateboard deck painted by hand by this cool guy, I decided to give it to him as a gift. I've never felt better buying a piece of art, period. My sweetie has it hanging proudly on his office. Please, support your local street art vendors. They don't have the luxury of showing their pieces at a museum or gallery all the time, and by helping out you are making an artist not to give up. Besides, there are more talented people out in the street than in most museums right now, trust me.
Click at the name of the post for some great artists, near your block. Enjoy.
Mar 2, 2009
He's not that into you - I am a Traitor.
This is the most disturbing thing ever. You see, in all my life, the best friends that I've ever had were men. I've always been just one of the guys, and I've had the pleasure of listening to them and also, trying to comfort them when they needed it the most. That has given me an unprecedented access to the way men think.
The thing is, in my own past relationships, I never could get it. The "He's not that into you" debacle was not clear to me for quite a while, until once I started thinking... women tend to over complicate everything. I started accepting that only we, women across the world see things where there isn't a thing. I was the first idiot who had a bad relationship with someone and thought... hey maybe he's confused. Nope. That person specifically was not that into me. It took me years, but I finally saw the light: if I just were clear and listened a bit more, things were going to be fine.
I found that by being logical and reasonable I could have a better relationship the next time, and trust me, it has payed of. Not that I think like a man, I just undertand men a whole lot better.
Cut to tonight. One of my best friends when I was little reappeared. I was so happy. He and I have been brother and sister for years, and getting back in touch with him was very easy.
So he calls me up today. Last Saturday, he went out with some chick. Um, let me backtrack a bit. He just got divorced and he's feeling lonely and miserable. He's truly confused and sad. So he did what the rest of us at some point have done: got a little bit wild on alcohol and slept with an innocent bystander. It happens.
So after leaving her at her mother's - long story of her car being there instead of her own house - she calls him back, this one person who gave him her nookie hours before, and tells him "mother wants to meet you". Yeah. Fatal Attraction Bunny Cooker moment. He gets so freaked out, he leaves and tells her... Um, maybe later. Click.
He calls me up. This woman is calling me everyday and I am not that into her. Besides, he tells me, the meet the mother thing just hours after she slept with me gave me the creeps. I am so sorry that I slept with her because I didn't mean to, but hey, I was lonely. What can I say, he asked.
This is where I turn on my own sex and truly become a traitor. I listened to him talk about how difficult this moment in his life was, and that she just pushed his vulnerable button. For the first time in all my life, here I was listening to the complete other side of the coin, the male point of view... and he actually had a point. He didn't mean to have sex with her and now he felt that she wanted something that he could not offer. She has called him nonstop for every single day that has passed. Again, a woman that just slept with him on a whim, now wants a relationship and date? What the honest fuck is going on with single woman in this age?
I asked... Did you try to tell her that this would not go any further? Yes. Did you tell her that you were not looking for a relationship with anybody? Yes. Is her a clinger, in your eyes? Yes! Well dude, if you tell her the truth, if you tell her that it was just a weak moment from your part, you will be the asshole. So... I did the unthinkable. I told him to utter the ugliest line that I could ever listen myself: tell her "It's not you, it's me."
Um... Do you think it will work? Yup. Trust me, been there got a tshirt, I replied. It's better for you to let her think you're damaged than to break her self esteem because you just made a mistake. If you tell her that it was just sex, it will ruin her. Just be gentle... and say a white lie.
I was astonished. Here I was telling my best friend to be the usual asshole that all women meet, just because he truly was totally right. For as long as I've hated men doing this to women, I've never fully understood why this practice still goes on. I thought that all men said it because they didn't have any other interesting excuse out there. I was wrong. They sometimes have an excuse, but it's too painful for the women to hear. WHOA.
This woman expected way too much from someone she just met a couple of hours ago. Clinger women are the worst and he doesn't deserve a stalker just because he boinged her silly. He needed a get free from jail card and quick... and I was the one that gave it to him. A woman. Lord kill me.
The thing is, while having listened to a couple of guys tell it to me at one point of my past, I finally got it. Men usually lie to make you feel better because the truth for some women is just too harsh.
I've known women who insist on dating someone just because they are so lonely they think that they won't find a better man. Or saw women imagining love where there clearly wasn't nothing beyond caring. Those men see that and opt for a nicer goodbye, see you later, we'll always be friends. The "It's not you, it's me" is a nice, civil way to end something and salvage whatever is left. Amazing shit.
It's not having my friend's back completely. I scolded him for not thinking things through and not thinking that this might hurt this poor woman down the road. But he also had a point. He didn't offer promises, he didn't talk beyond his boundaries and the woman just took one little thing and blew it out of proportion.
But tonight, by helping out my sweet friend to become the asshole he doesn't truly want to be but has no other option but break her heart... I was happy. Not because I turned on my own sex. It's simple. It means that at some point of my past, the men that uttered that same phrase... well, they were not into me-into me, but at least, they cared enough not to break my heart.
That's nice to know. Hundred of years later.
UPDATED: He called the chick and used the get free out of jail card. It worked. Some things never change...
The thing is, in my own past relationships, I never could get it. The "He's not that into you" debacle was not clear to me for quite a while, until once I started thinking... women tend to over complicate everything. I started accepting that only we, women across the world see things where there isn't a thing. I was the first idiot who had a bad relationship with someone and thought... hey maybe he's confused. Nope. That person specifically was not that into me. It took me years, but I finally saw the light: if I just were clear and listened a bit more, things were going to be fine.
I found that by being logical and reasonable I could have a better relationship the next time, and trust me, it has payed of. Not that I think like a man, I just undertand men a whole lot better.
Cut to tonight. One of my best friends when I was little reappeared. I was so happy. He and I have been brother and sister for years, and getting back in touch with him was very easy.
So he calls me up today. Last Saturday, he went out with some chick. Um, let me backtrack a bit. He just got divorced and he's feeling lonely and miserable. He's truly confused and sad. So he did what the rest of us at some point have done: got a little bit wild on alcohol and slept with an innocent bystander. It happens.
So after leaving her at her mother's - long story of her car being there instead of her own house - she calls him back, this one person who gave him her nookie hours before, and tells him "mother wants to meet you". Yeah. Fatal Attraction Bunny Cooker moment. He gets so freaked out, he leaves and tells her... Um, maybe later. Click.
He calls me up. This woman is calling me everyday and I am not that into her. Besides, he tells me, the meet the mother thing just hours after she slept with me gave me the creeps. I am so sorry that I slept with her because I didn't mean to, but hey, I was lonely. What can I say, he asked.
This is where I turn on my own sex and truly become a traitor. I listened to him talk about how difficult this moment in his life was, and that she just pushed his vulnerable button. For the first time in all my life, here I was listening to the complete other side of the coin, the male point of view... and he actually had a point. He didn't mean to have sex with her and now he felt that she wanted something that he could not offer. She has called him nonstop for every single day that has passed. Again, a woman that just slept with him on a whim, now wants a relationship and date? What the honest fuck is going on with single woman in this age?
I asked... Did you try to tell her that this would not go any further? Yes. Did you tell her that you were not looking for a relationship with anybody? Yes. Is her a clinger, in your eyes? Yes! Well dude, if you tell her the truth, if you tell her that it was just a weak moment from your part, you will be the asshole. So... I did the unthinkable. I told him to utter the ugliest line that I could ever listen myself: tell her "It's not you, it's me."
Um... Do you think it will work? Yup. Trust me, been there got a tshirt, I replied. It's better for you to let her think you're damaged than to break her self esteem because you just made a mistake. If you tell her that it was just sex, it will ruin her. Just be gentle... and say a white lie.
I was astonished. Here I was telling my best friend to be the usual asshole that all women meet, just because he truly was totally right. For as long as I've hated men doing this to women, I've never fully understood why this practice still goes on. I thought that all men said it because they didn't have any other interesting excuse out there. I was wrong. They sometimes have an excuse, but it's too painful for the women to hear. WHOA.
This woman expected way too much from someone she just met a couple of hours ago. Clinger women are the worst and he doesn't deserve a stalker just because he boinged her silly. He needed a get free from jail card and quick... and I was the one that gave it to him. A woman. Lord kill me.
The thing is, while having listened to a couple of guys tell it to me at one point of my past, I finally got it. Men usually lie to make you feel better because the truth for some women is just too harsh.
I've known women who insist on dating someone just because they are so lonely they think that they won't find a better man. Or saw women imagining love where there clearly wasn't nothing beyond caring. Those men see that and opt for a nicer goodbye, see you later, we'll always be friends. The "It's not you, it's me" is a nice, civil way to end something and salvage whatever is left. Amazing shit.
It's not having my friend's back completely. I scolded him for not thinking things through and not thinking that this might hurt this poor woman down the road. But he also had a point. He didn't offer promises, he didn't talk beyond his boundaries and the woman just took one little thing and blew it out of proportion.
But tonight, by helping out my sweet friend to become the asshole he doesn't truly want to be but has no other option but break her heart... I was happy. Not because I turned on my own sex. It's simple. It means that at some point of my past, the men that uttered that same phrase... well, they were not into me-into me, but at least, they cared enough not to break my heart.
That's nice to know. Hundred of years later.
UPDATED: He called the chick and used the get free out of jail card. It worked. Some things never change...
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