Samurai Sellers: Ron Popeil

Second on our list of elite sellers of crap, we have Master Ronco, Ron Popeil.


In the mastery of selling crap, the name Ronco is synonymous with phrases like:

"Oh my god why the hell did I buy that?"

"I just have to find the perfect recipee to use it for the first time"

"This will make a great pass along gift for grandma"

And other bullshit lines to try to accept, understand or justify buying a piece of kitchen equipment that seems pulled out of Ripley Believe It or Not's ass.

Few people have the innate talent of mesmerizing viewers into generating 3:00 a.m. phone calls to buy obscure kitchen equipment. So what if he looks like Eric Robert's gay uncle? This man can sell. That soothing tone is the trick to luring you in and once he's crossed out two prices, you're in for one hell of a ride as he trickles down to the selling price, inspiring people at the same time as he convinces them that the three digit price is not only reasonable, but downright gracious on his part. I lost count how many times I tried to convince mom to buy the Food Dehydrator (3) when I was in gradeschool. Need evidence of the greatness that is Ronco? Then look below.



Video Evidence:






As you can see, the cool demeanor thinly veils one of the sharpest selling styles in the history of selling anything. The formula is simple, slash a price at least 16 times, include at least four extra products that are equally or even more useless than the one you are being hypnotized into buying, say wait there's more before every extra little thingamajig and include a lame recipe book a toddler would scoff at. But make no mistake, the Vanilla Swirl goodness of his hair was only the icing on the seller's cake. He obviously brainwashed a fairly heterogenous crowd of people so that all races were represented and you were doubly sold.

Marquis Products:

Ronco Food Dehydrator




Rotisserie



Pasta Maker




NOTABLE MENTION: The Flavor Injector... because after all, what the hell type of science is there in a flavor injector?

Skills:

- Hiding the real price of ANYTHING in three to five "easy installments"
- Persuading people to genuinely believe that they NEED a food dehydrator
- Coming up with great copy to sell all his products: "Set it and forget it"... Fucking brilliant.


Weapon of Choice:

Ingenious ploys to toy around with the impulsive buy sector of our lymbic system.


Strengths:

- Slashing prices
- Lowering prices
- Reducing prices
- Setting and forgetting but never forgetting to set
- Generating ludicrous amounts of empathy from a biased (bought out) crowd

Weaknesses:

- Short Pitches (Where billy mays excells, Ron fails and vice versa. No one can marathon like this man... well maybe one... but that's another Samurai)
- Hair dishevelling gusts of wind
- Taffy

Special maneuvres:

- The Eternal Price Slash
- The Wait There's More
- The Neverending Price Drop
- The Hidden Fee-liner

Likes:

- Dehydrating
- Making Pasta look like play doh
- Setting and forgetting

Hates:

- Forgetting to set
- Hurrying
- Logic

Fears:

- Humidity
- Chef Boyardee and Bertolli
- Real products

Owns:

- Liza Minelli lips
- A vast array of aprons


Summary:

If it's an untimely death, Fear the Reaper. But if you fear an untimely purchase, fear the Ronco.

I need to get this for my babe. Stat.

World's Biggest, Most Annoying Alarm Clock - Watch more Funny Videos

That One Special Place that you gotta see before you die.

We started off with Carradine and now have ended with the King of Pop. June ends and trust me, I'm tired of talking about death. Not one single person is allowed to die this month, dammit. Wait until Wednesday, ok?

Anyway. I was channel surfing and I heard the term Bucket List. While I didn't particularly love the flick, it does have a interesting point in exploring all your wishes before you see Buddha, God or Satan - which ever you choose. You have to live and enjoy life now before you expire, right?

So I'm not going into a full Bucket List. We've done this experiment in some way a couple of years ago. But... if you only had one place to go before you die, that one place that is very important for some reason that you be there... which would you choose and why? No caveats. Just one place. No second runner ups, no backup places. Just one.

My place? Tibet. Why? Apart from the fact that it seems to be an incredible and peaceful place to be at, for me it would be like the hardest dream to make true. This is not an easy trip to achieve. Paris, London... even Tokyo seem like just normal everyday places to visit. When was the last time you heard someone talking about their last trip to Tibet? Besides making it will mean for me that I can do whatever I want in my life. Getting there will be hard, walking up the mountain will be even worse. If I make it, I lived.

So, that's my single bucket list place to be. What about you?

Samurai Sellers: Billy Mays

I made a brief comment but I really meant it when I said I'd put up my favorite infomercial Gods, give their stats and see in the end who would win. Consider this the Deadliest Sellers Grudge Match. Though I could post all the infomercials I've ever watched, I'll save my dignity and simply put up the five guys I watched the most.

Here's how it will work. First an intro. Then a video or two. Then their marquis products. Last but not least. The stats.

Up first, our dearly departed Billy Mays.


While monotone usually communicates drab, boring and one tone communication, Billy Mays could definitely be ranked as a monotone seller. This is simply because he spoke in only one tone:

LOUD.

If you don't like energy, you're watching the wrong seller. Billy Mays was all about power selling and pushing the product's attributes so far down your gullet that you'd be a fool to question his wisdom. With a beard to envy, that flawlessly transitioned into his hair, Billy Mays looked like the love child of Sean Connery and Super Mario and he could pretty much sell whatever the hell he wanted. Cranked up on more high octane rocket fuel than your local space project, Billy Mays yelled his way into your pockets and sold his way into your heart. Like the other elite sellers he could call brethren, Billy Mays' talent to keep you up late at night watching a ten minute commercial was something to behold.

Video Evidence:






Marquis Products:


Mighty Putty




Oxi Clean





Orange Glo





Skills:

- Pumping more blood through his heart than an entire blood drive
- Getting you excited over an epoxy
- Scaring and thrilling you at the same time over something you really didn't need to buy
- Convincing you that you DID have to buy his product


Weapon of Choice:

Adrenaline fed vocal blasts


Strengths:

- Beard Shine
- Beard Volume
- Beard Strength
- Kabooming voice

Weaknesses:

- Punches out quickly. He couldn't do a marathon or at least he shouldn't have. He was quick to the punch and quicker to the sale
- Nacho Cheese
- Mechanical Equipment

Special maneuvres:

- Kaboom
- Super Kaboom double thumbs up
- Index Sales finger of death
- The Beard Slam
- The bilingual pitch

Likes:

- Trimmers
- Volumizing beard shampoo
- The smell of Oxi Clean in the morning

Hates:

- Shaving Cream
- Shamwows
- Grey hairs

Fears:

- Hot Wax
- Chewing Gum
- Beard pulling toddlers
- Static electricity

Owned:

- A beard to make Chuck Norris proud
- Enough Silly putty to go Fight Club on your ass


Summary:

A true legend of his era, Billy Mays embodied the no holds barred seller that car dealers wet their beds thinking of. That he spoke hundreds of decibles louder than he had to was just a testament at how gun ho he was to sell you his product, even at the expense of his vocal chords.

Ogilvy who?

People, an advertising/marketing icon has left the building way before last call.

Billy Mays was the embodiment of advertising's purest form: while most of us rack our brains night after night trying to come up with creative, out-of-the-box, gregarious, witty, engaging, yogurt-worthy ways of selling crap, Mays actually got the job done by yelling and overacting the truth. A ture practioner of the KISS method of marketing (Keep It Simple, Stupid), his schtick was all about see-it-to-believe it. Forget about high concept strategies - just show me what the thing does and how much it cost. Unique selling proposition? Whatever!

I'll miss those 2:30 a.m. infomercials and that kick-ass beard.

If only we could all be so bold.

RIP, Billy Mays

Let's keep the Michael Jackson Tribute going...

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 286-290

On working tired

Fatigue often brings out the cruelest honesty.


On current events

The world waits for no rush job.


On working too much

Rights exist but are rarely defended in advertising.


On supervisors

One day your job will also be to tell someone what they did wrong.


On observations

The line between recommendation and mandate is often a blurry one.

A chapter of my life, closed.

This is one of those days that start out as simpler as it can be and then... bingo. One of the icons of your youth is gone. Whoa, you think. Michael Jackson is dead.

As I sit here obviously watching CNN, MTV and other channel tributes, the only thing I can remember is this: the first LP I ever bought, the one vinyl that you remember your whole life... was Michael Jackson's Thriller. I can remember forking up my 18 bucks, a hard earned money for a teenager doing chores and other stuff so I could buy myself what now is one classic piece of music.

I think I listened to that LP a gizillion times. Of course, as anything I moved on to greener and kinkier pastures - Prince, anyone? - but it would be blasphemy if I don't acknowledge the man for being my first Jonas Brother, if you will.

I'm not going into his "love of children" stint, out of respect. I have a strong opinion on that part of his life, but for at least tonight, I'm going the happy and cool route, honoring the man that one day made me want to wear a single white glove. While I cringe at that memory now, I will not deny that I "didn't stop till I got enough" a shitload of times.

Was the man talented? Dammit of course. You just had to sit there and watch. Remember, when we were young, this man seemed to have come from outer space. In an era when The Matrix was just a weird idea in your head from time to time, when talking thru a computer or connecting with other people thru something called the internet was just simply 2090 material, this weird and skinny guy came singing and dancing like he was suspended on wires.

We were all hooked. As much as you could try to hate the guy later on in your life for many reasons as possible, admit it: at one time, you all singed Thriller, Beat It and even... dare I say, Pretty Young Thing. Ugh. That one was painful to admit.

Anyway... The weird thing about age is, there is one single moment when you gasp and say, damn, my youth is over. You don't ever think it's coming.

Today was that day for many people, including me.

Thank you Wacko Jacko for all those wonderful years of my childhood.

PS: I looked for this picture knowing that this is not the latest one of him. Hey, let's remember him as a powerful black singer and not the sick, frail white woman he became.

Adiós, Farrah.

Hope you have a blast with even more angels at your side, darling.

A little bit o latin flavor

enjoy

Make sure this guy never gives you the finger

I've seen people fight through pain.... but damn.........

For the Joker Man.

Give me cola or give me health

We live in times of tofurkey, vitamin water, nutri bars, wheatgrass and protein suppositories. We also live in times of triple fudge burgers, diabetic size cola and deep fried anything. We are at our fittest and our fattest all at the same time and fitter is not always better, though fatter is never any good. In an era of demigoddesses and six pack absolution, you just have to wonder how much money and time people spend digesting the food adverts they come into contact with.

How many messages do we get bombarded with and how many resonate? How many times are perceptions and personnas patiently molded by sales pitches and trendy imagery? And in the end, how much can we deny the effect of insistent messages that get showered upon our senses from the day we have a consciousness?

It's almost as if we're predestined to be anorexic or obese and normalcy gets farther from us every day. Hell, just look at the logic of our existence. Want something refreshing, cool, crisp with no calories? Drink your diet cola of preference. The other option is drinking filtered tap water (DASANI), or some bullshit artesan water that's $3 a pop and is mostly artesan in the sense that it has to be considered art to fool people into paying THAT much for water.

Everyone's deepthroating the Noni and chasing it with a peanut butter Fudgy the Whale placenta saucer. We gobble both extremes hoping to find a happy middle and balance doesn't work that way. If it weren't for advanced life prolongation (I don't think we can truly call some of the shit we do to ourselves medicine), we'd probably be dead by age thirty six.

But all of this leaves me wondering, where's the grey area in nutrition? When was the last time we all just let something edible be? No, everything is improved, healthier, zero trans fat, zero carbs, 100% fiber, 250% Vitamin C and 1000% retarded. Every burger is more outrageous than the last, every health bullshit is less satisfying than the last.

If this all seems rather back and forthish, then just watch cable tv; Tivo it if you want and put up a score board where you check what's being sold to you for three hours straight. Shampoos, loan consolidation, aftershave and or shaving cream to perfectly go with the sixteen blade mach ludicrous, your weekend getaway you can't afford, a car you don't identify with and enough food to feed twelve starving nations. When you focus on the food ads, it's even more bizarre because for every Special K there's an Ore-O, for every peaceful fruit bar, there's an angry whopper and for every slimfast, there's a hand blended shake. It's like an on off switch that's eternally flipping back and forth between healthy and hearty, low fat and high octane.

Want crack in a can? Don't worry, we have enough NON FDA approved chemicals to burn through titanium and make steroid users cry bullshit. And in the crossfire of health and girth, there is the public, pinballing from one vice to the next, from eating cereal at night, to gorging five cakesters in a sitting.

One thing is for sure though, slowly but surely people are prompted to eventually pick a side. Will you give in to gluttunnous temptation or will you glorify the temple that is your body? And to be honest, though we most often go on a junk bonanza with every visit to a CVS or Walgreens where a trip for aspirin turns into a $40 splurge fest, there's still that little morsel of conscience that insists we don't want to put ourselves at risk of a pre-forty coronary.

But we continue to buy everything we can get our hands on, demostrating that the focus group that approved pickle flavored potato chips, and blue cheese raspberry dressing were right in their call. We'll seriously try most anything at least once if it's sold right. Think it's all bullshit, then look at your grocery shopping receipt and say what was necessary and what was a completely capricious whim.

After you tally up the score you're going to notice two things. One is that about half of the shit you buy, you really don't need. The second thing is that you will probably have bought equal parts bullshit healthy foods and junk crap. What this means is that we went the Red Shirt way in regards to resisting advertising efforts. For however much we try, advertising and marketing has formed part of who and what we are and who and what we represent in society. To what extent? Well I'm not totally sure. What do you think?

Band of Brothers: ANVIL!

This past weekend I had a Birthday Getaway for both Me and Travis at Manhattan (Yep, we're one year older and wiser this month). Among the many different things we wanted to do, we decided to hunt down the ONLY movie theater that had Anvil to see what all the buzz was about. (East Village, don't remember but can look for it if you want)

Dudes and dudettes out there. YOU GOTTA SEE THIS FILM. You gotta call up your local theater and ask for it to be played. Demand some Anvil near you!!!

What a great documentary, dammit! Anvil is the greatest flick about one thing: true friendship. Um. Shit I forgot Rock and Roll. So it's two things. Unless... You count Rock apart from Roll... So it's three? Hm. LOL.

Anyways. I've tried to follow Metal Music as much as I can but I always land on the basic or most famous ones. Anvil passed by when I was a teenager without me even glancing at them. But for some people out there, they kind of remembered that band and thought... Where the fuck are they, anyways?

Well. That, in itself, is the documentary about. One band that could have made it great... but didn't. Two guys who wanted fame and just could not make it. What do you do when you love to do something but it's not giving anything back? Well, according to Anvil, you just keep doing it and doing it and doing it... Until maybe something happens.

What I loved about Anvil was how simply funny and sweet that movie was. You laugh silly hundreds of times and you even can shed some tears at one point. The guys from Anvil have had a very tough rock and roll life, but you're there with them wanting the band to make it! You are sitting there just hoping. Like they are. Like they have been doing for ages now.

The thing that kills me is that this is one of those movies that if people don't ask about, it will go on dvd to be forgotten. This for all I know is Spinal Tap, the actual real documentary. And I AM NOT KIDDING. THEY ACTUALLY GO TO ELEVEN at one point of the movie. I almost died from laughter.

So come on. Help the guys out. We already know they are on Tour with ACDC. But just ask for Anvil. You'll be glad you did.

Clients pay the bills… but they drive me nuts!

Ok people, this is hot off the press. The Most Anal Client in the World is at it again. A simple ad that we prepared for him was finally approved… after 13 revisions; mostly stupid stuff such as placing periods at the end of bullet points, changing the font size of the legal disclaimer, moving the logo here, the website there, etc.

The ad finally saw the light of day: it ran in three major newspapers across the country, four days in a row. That’s 12 runs in just one week! Well, the client just called… AND WANTS TO MAKE SOME CHANGES!!! AFTER 12 INSERTIONS!!! MORE CHANGES!!!

But wait! Here’s the killer: the changes are nothing more than adding more space between the border of the ad and the legal disclaimer!

This just goes to show that an ad is never final, even after it has aired...

Shoot me, please!

If you’re so smart, why are you still here?

Dear Overeducated Office Drone:

You went to all the privileged schools. Even you pre-pre-school was off the charts. You have two Bachelor’s degrees, a Masters, and even did a few years working on your PhD, which you had to put on hold because you were offered a dream job because you are so brilliant.

Your career has been nothing but stellar… or so you say. Your first job was as Associate VP and it just went up from there. You’ve been an Executive Director, a Senior VP, a Senior Manager, and a General Manager. Hell, you’ve even been Creative Director and Senior Advisor to some of the Most Important People in the World and have traveled the globe on more than one occasion because of your commanding professional expertise.

So then, my question to you is: Why the hell are you down here now with me, in the throes of middle management, taking orders from shitball clients, playing the game, stuck in the rat race, doing the 9 to 5 thing? How is it that we are equals when I have not one fraction of the “credentials” you’ve got? What went wrong? Is this the best you can do? If not, then shut the hell up and keep your nose in the cubicle!

Are we doing the right thing?

Many years ago I read about a copywriter who was fired from her agency because she refused to work on the Barbie account she was assigned. It was her belief that Barbie was not a positive role model for girls, that it instilled false female values. She sued and got her job back.

The last agency I worked at had a beer account. I was going to hire a rookie voice actor for a radio spot for the beer client, but he declined the offer because he did not agree with promoting beer/alcohol consumption. His parents and brother had died at the hands of a drunk driver, a powerful and influential person who was acquitted of multiple counts of involuntary manslaughter and literally drove away with murder. This actor was a rookie and badly needed the job to help build his portfolio and get known in the industry, and it was to be a high-profile campaign. He still said no.

I was recently assigned a particularly disturbing account that made me question just what the hell I am doing, professionally. Nine times out of ten, I am the devil’s advocate.

Among my clients are/have been:
• A developer that uses large sums of money to break laws and rape my country’s natural resources to build hotels and condos, all in the name of “economic development.”

• A pharmaceutical company that charges $300 for a pill that costs them three cents to make. This pill literally saves lives, but only the lives of those who can pay.

• A health insurance company that makes it all but impossible for you to get the coverage you need, yet has no problem debiting their monthly fee from your checking account.

• Beer and rum companies that on one hand encourage you to drink as much as you can, yet on the other ask that you “drink responsibly,” all in the name corporate social responsibility.

• A lottery management company that preys on the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of the poor (rich people rarely play lottery), with promises of streets paved of gold. Their efforts are disguised as initiatives to help fund better schools, road improvements, and boosting the public employees’ retirement fund.

• An ultra and openly fascist industrial manufacturer’s association that bombs the government with ridiculous amounts of campaign funding, all to create legislation that favors their private interests, while putting at risk the civil liberties and social stability of our society.

• An education association that represents companies that provide tutoring services for public school students. They milk federal funding year after year, while the quality of public education goes down the tubes. It’s in their best interest that the students keep failing… and we (I) helped develop strategies to make this so.

These are just a few that come to mind right now.
I know that it’s no use crying over spilled milk. This is the path that I chose, after all. But I can’t help but think of all the crap that goes on behind closed doors and the role that I – and my employers, past and present – play in these grand schemes.

Um... Does he actually have a point?

Is it me or things are just not moving forward?

Pound for pound debate: Manny VS Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Being the pound for pound king is no joke. You can have all the titles in the world, but being recognized as the best fighter in the world says what it means. Boxing fans might discuss who won in the Hagler vs. Leonard fight (I saw Hagler winning), they might discuss who was the best all time boxer (I say Sugar Ray Robinson or Hank Armstrong) and they vehemntly give their opinion over who is the best pound for pound boxer of the moment.

In case you need the info, here's the actual list of the top 10 pound for pound fighters in the world, as seen by The Ring boxing magazine.

1 Manny Pacquiao 49-3-2 (37 KO)

Junior welterweight WBC Emeritus Champion, The Ring Junior Welterweight Champion
IBO Junior Welterweight Champion

2 Juan Manuel Márquez 50-4-1 (37 KO)

Lightweight WBA and WBO Lightweight Champion ("Undisputed")
The Ring Lightweight Champion, WBO Super Champion

3 Bernard Hopkins 49-5-1-1 (32 KO)
Light heavyweight WBC Emeritus Champion, WBO Super Champion

4 Shane Mosley 46-5-0-1 (39 KO)
Welterweight WBA Welterweight Champion ("Undisputed")

5 Israel Vázquez 43-4 (31 KO)
Junior featherweight WBC Emeritus Champion

6 Rafael Márquez 38-5 (34 KO)
Junior featherweight

7 Miguel Ángel Cotto 34-1 (27 KO)
Welterweight WBO Welterweight Champion

8 Nonito Donaire 21-1 (14 KO)
Flyweight IBF Flyweight Champion

9 Vic Darchinyan 32-1-1 (26 KO)
Junior bantamweight WBA, WBC and IBF Junior Bantamweight Champion ("Undisputed")

10 Celestino Caballero 32-2 (22 KO)
Junior featherweight WBA and IBF Junior Featherweight Champion ("Undisputed"


After seeing this list, it jumps out to me that Cotto and Vic Darchinyan are on the list while fighters like Paul Williams and Ivan Calderon are out. In other words, up to #6 I think the list is more than fair while the last four spots have at least two fighters I'm not sure should be on the list, and I'm actually fans of those two fighters.

Regardless. What is obvious is that the top two names on the list are in the right spots even if I could make a rock solid case that JM Marquez is #1, especially since he won two fights against Manny, I don't care what the score cards said. The first fight was a clear Marquez victory even after three knockdowns in the first round (do yourself a favor and get a copy of this fight) and the second fight was much closer, but I still saw Marquez win the fight by at least one round. But the main thing is that I have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with Manny being the P4P King because unlike other fighters, he's never EVER ducked a fight. Actually, I think few people could ever dream of a more complete resumé than Manny's. He's fought the best and beat the best. He destroyed Marco Antonio Barrera once and dominated the second fight. He lost a close fight to Erik Morales but then gave the Mexican warrior two of the worst beatings I've ever seen. He fought Juan Manual Marquez, often cited as one of the most avoided boxers in the world (except to Chris John, the only clear cut loss on Marquez's career), and he showed the heart, the skills and the punch of a champion.




So what next for Manny? Why not fight Oscar De la Hoya? Sure. If Floyd could eek out a decision, so should Manny, right? Umm.... While Floyd and Oscar was a competitive match, Manny made Oscar look, old, outclassed, slow, and weak. He made Oscar look like a shell of himself, (credit to Freddy Roach for the plan and for Manny executing it to a T). Ok, so what next? Why not fight Ricky Hatton, which gave Floyd a run for his money until he got caught with a check left hook in the 9th. While, Floyd and Ricky were in a close fight, Manny Pacquiao desimated Ricky Hatton, prompting fans to urge him to consider retirement.

THAT's why Manny is the pound for pound king. He's never ducked one opponent and shows that he would gladly die in the ring rather than quit and that he's not in there to win some BS decision. He's soft spoken, confident but humble, hard hitting, ever evolving, and grateful. So I have no problem seeing Manny as the top fighter in the world, even though I think JM Marquez could make a case, let's see what happens in his fight with Floyd Mayweather.




Now comes Floyd, self proclaimed greatest fighter of all time, pound for pound king and safely one of the true master of mind games. Is he or has he been P4P king? Well on paper he has, but like Roy Jones Jr., his career has a healthy amount of questionable opposition and like Roy, his defensive skills are not limited to the ring, ducking so many boxers, it's amazing to see him sign for a fight. Floyd is undeniably an amazing athlete and a boxer with such an incredible skill set that it's dissapointing to see him have to depend more on his mouth than on his fists to prove a point. While Manny was knocking Erik Morales and Marco Antonio Barrera into possible retirement, Floyd was doing target practice with Carlos Baldomir, Arturo Gatti, and winning close decisions with Oscar De La Hoya and Zab Judah. He lambasted Diego Corrales when Diego was having troubles making weight and even though I loved Chico, he wasn't a Pound for Pound fighter, he was just a guy you loved to watch fight.

He's cocky, has a big mouth and talks a huge game while fighting a safe fight. THAT'S why floyd is a true to form pound for pound champion and why Manny will leave a more lasting impression on this sport, than he ever could. True, he did 24/7 and he's generated more money than everyone except Oscar De la Hoya, but that's peanuts compared to the achievements in Manny's career.

Now Floyd is going to fight Juan Manuel Marquez at a catch weight of 143. As per usual, Floyd is talking the trash and pumping himself up to fight a guy who's fighting one and a half to two weight classes over his prime fighting weight. He's got the reach advantage, the speed advantage and the skill advantage and I still think Juan Manuel Marquez can win because of one thing, heart.




The main thing Manny and Juan Manuel have that Floyd is very short of is heart. Yes it's a cold and cruel thing to say since I don't personally know Floyd, but when you see the adversity the other two fighters have had to live through and the fact that they have constantly fought out of their comfort zone, it shows that they are hungry to prove they are the best while Floyd settles for letting people coming to him and not taking risks. Is this smart? Endlessly. That's the only reasons Floyd has been able to fight as long as he has with the brittle hands he has. But it doesn't show heart, and in a sport where fans are won over through skill, excitement, and courage, Floyd is short on two of those categories while JM Marquez and Pacquiao have ample amounts of all three and to Marquez's credit, it takes balls to take Floyd on in his comfort zone.

What JM Marquez and Manny are doing is the equivalent of Floyd lacing up gloves and fighting Sergio Martinez at 154 and then Kelly Pavlik at 160. But that's never going to happen because Floyd will never leave his comfy 147 division.

That's the difference between these two types of fighters... One waits for you to come to him and settles for winning on points while the others wait for no one and are deadset on never leaving a fight's outcome to the judges. Which leads me to one final question:

Who would you rather watch?

Cheers

Cotto VS Clottey - The Aftermath

Going into this welterweight fight, I was clear on two things:

1. Cotto was hands on the favorite.

2. Clottey could pull off an upset.

From the opening bell, it was clear Cotto was in for a tough night, as was Clottey; they just didn't know how tough. For his part, Cotto fought the way he had to fight. In the first round he actually put down Clottey with a jab that caught Clottey, off base, off guard and off balance. 10-8 Cotto round. The second round had Clottey coming back and raking Cotto with uppercuts and straight right hands, both key weapons to win this fight, had he chosen to pursue this game plan unflinchingly, which he did not do. Then in the 3rd round, the second significant event of the fight occured. After an accidental head butt, Cotto had a cut over his left eye which could win an Oscar for best imitation of raw sashimi by human flesh in a fight or musical. Clottey would then see Cotto bounce back to dominate round 4 and round six. Rounds five and seven, clearly Clottey.



Then during an odd exchange in Cotto's corner, clottey did a thrusting, jump clinch and Cotto responded in kind by standing upright and pretty much launching clottey WWE style to the canvas. Some people would cry foul play, but rather than blame the fighters, I'd like to stress that this situation was more a product of slick logos on a boxing apron than Cotto wanting to bludgeon Clottey.

A brief pause though, I'd like to focus on the head butt and the power slam. If you were to see the fight, you could complain on both events, but what they are in context are moments of adversity. For his part, Cotto pulled a Mickey Ward, pawing at his wound, but not bitching once. How this fight was not stopped on that cut, how the corner did not make a case for it, and how did a fighter insist to finish the fight is beyond me, because honestly they could have stopped this fight after the 7th. But that wasn't the case. Cotto fought on and continued to do all in his power to win rounds and connect to Clottey. On the other side of the spectrum, Clottey took a real bad slam and for a moment I didn't think he'd fight on because he seriously looked like he got the wind knocked the hell out of him and his leg could have been injured. That being said, both fighters fought on and though Cotto demonstrated a mental toughness that eclipsed Clottey, they both deserve props for fighting through their injuries.

The fight continued back and forth and quite honestly, Cotto lost rounds 7,8, and 9. Round ten to me was truly on the table but then the unthinkable happened in rounds 11 and 12, Clottey dropped his punch output and to be honest, gave the rounds to Cotto. Why do I make this dinstinction? Simple, though I was for Cotto from the getgo, I gave him the decision by one point because the fight was a draw and thanks to the knockdown, Cotto won. This means that on my card, Clottey was winning after the tenth by one round and then Cotto showed why he's been a champion and Clottey hasn't. Cotto knew every round counted and didn't play safe, he put himself in harms way and willed those two rounds in his favor. I want to stress the importance of this because to be honest, for however much of a fan I am, I have to admit that Cotto was there for the taking and Clottey didn't. Was it the knee? Was he gassed? Did Cotto's movement in the last two rounds confuse him? I don't know, but I really want to stress that Clottey wasn't robbed in the general sense of the word. I make this distinction because I honestly thought Cotto eeked out the win though wouldn't have a problem with Clottey getting the nod either. It was that close a fight. But what I did mind was the scorecard saying Cotto won 116-111. Everyone ringside had a problem with that score and I agree whole heartedly because that score means Cotto would have won eight rounds to four, which is preposterous at best.

After the fight, Cotto said it was a tough fight but that in the end he got the nod and he thought he had done enough to win. Cut to Clottey and he went on a tirade of how he was robbed and that this was bullshit. Robbed he wasn't, except by one judge but my question is real simple, why even put yourself in that situation if you didn't have to. His fighting in the last two rounds alone are reason enough to give Cotto the fight simply because he had a fish in the barrel and he didn't pull the trigger. So honestly, Clottey has only himself to blame for the loss. Sorry, but though that one score card was bullshit, it didn't have to get to that point and many other boxers would have put Cotto out of his misery, even if he wasn't significantly buzzed in the fight. Actually, neither fighter was because for their own particular reasons, both fighters were fighting WAY out of their comfort zones.

So though Clottey may still be pissed, I have Cotto winning 114-113. I watched the fight a second time and the score was the same because with two rounds as an exception, each fighter won and lost rounds convincingly.

In a final note, Joshua Clottey claimed he was robbed because of X or Y. Though I know it is a boxer's nature to do this, I'd like to highlight three things.

On one hand, I don't think Joshua was robbed last night. I do however think he was robbed in the Margarito fight. I watched that fight, rooting for Margarito and had Clottey winning by two points until shady judging peeked its head and gave the Mexican the nod.

Should there be a rematch? Yes. I'm not eager to see these two fight again to be honest, but the fight had enough controversy to prompt a rematch by the end of the year. Will it be marketable is another question.

The last thing I want to highlight is that if Joshua Clottey wants an example of what it is to get robbed, he need only look to the career of Glen Johnson. The reality is that the main difference between these two fighters is that I don't have a problem with Clottey not having a belt; but Glen Johnson not being a world champion is a sad crime.

So Joshua, suck it up and next time go for broke, because you have nothing to lose, except the decision.

All together now!

Who's up for cute?

Cute things are fun. Click at the name of the post for more aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw moments.

Some people have all the balls in the world

Before you formulate an opinion, please don’t think I’m going on an eco-tirade saying that this franchise owner is a behemoth and should be put down like some stray, rabid, republican dog. That’s not what I’m going for at all with this post. Instead, let me put is as simple as possible:

I applaud the balls of anyone who puts this sign up.

I’m not saying I’m for or against the message, but you need a special kind of gonads to let the bird fly upon a leftist/environmentalist society such as ours nowadays. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a cleaner environment. I truly wish we would all help clean the oceans we’ve so efficiently laid to waste with our waste, I wish everyone would use more energy efficient cars and that everyone did their part to stop our oil addiction, but the entire Global Warming debate is something I haven’t completely decided upon because though you’d have to be blind to neglect the damage we’ve done the world, I think it would be unwise to rule out Climate Change as something that will continue to happen, regardless of our parasitic attempts to exert our influence over the pretty blue planet. That we’re affecting the final outcome, I can’t argue because we are; but that we’re the sole responsible party for a warmer earth? Well I can’t say I’m 100% convinced because the Earth has done and will continue to do as it pleases.

I am convinced that the human race is quite the pack of disgusting litterbugs to put it lightly and I’d like to see the world after a month where people truly commit themselves to being cleaner and picking up trash even if it’s not theirs. That’s the thing though, many a would be climate pundit waves their index at anyone who litters but is incapable of picking up something someone else threw away because heaven forbid the .01% of bacteria that isn’t killed by a hand sanitizer gets on their skin.

What I’m basically hinting at is that in a time when we’re supposed to be entering real debates, political, religious and judgmental cards are being played with no consideration for anyone else’s opinion and with no solution or alternative, just a complaint. Being an expert at bitching about pretty much anything I can think of, I’m the first to admit that as a race, we just bitch too damn much. That there is someone exercising their right to freedom of speech is even refreshing, since we basically shit on anyone that says something we’re not particularly thrilled to listen to, heaven forbid we could actually change the channel.

People walk around and get offended too easily by everything. True, there are things that are a stretch and naming your child Arian Nation is a bit irresponsible because you’re not giving your child the freedom to become a racist on their own, but so many other things, from political ideologies, to beliefs, mores, customs and a myriad of other aspects of our daily lives become debate topics because someone doesn’t want to listen to it. Pornography is evil, women can’t masturbate, men are justified in earning more money than women, salary caps should be implemented, my child shouldn’t be remotely exposed to that videogame, that TV show at 11 PM is too racy, she has too much cleavage and my favorite Cola is this one rather than that. Opinions abound about everything and it’s our responsibility to respectfully disagree and if desired enter into a mature debate, rather than the pushy “YOU BETTER DO THIS OR THAT” attitude.

If that’s your stance, then fuck you and your opinion for not respecting me and mine. I’m not for racism but would rather have a conversation with a racist to see why they hate me so much just for being Hispanic. I’m not for female genital mutilation but would try my best to attempt to be an advocate for female rights, being a man to offer a differing point of view since the ones responsible might think women speaking on this issue are compromised because of gender roles. I’m not one for supporting or condemning a franchisee who has the balls to put up a sign that might or might not be offensive, but I am one to ask why they think what they do, just to try and see things from a fresh perspective and see if we can’t find common ground. Hell, imagine if franchises with signs like that actually had a recycling program, a community health program or did something to assuage their message.

Instead, we just get people saying that the person who put up the sign is the worst franchise owner of the entire world and a bad human being. By the way, these are the same people who can’t get enough of the Jon and Kate Goslin implosion, spend billions of dollars sponsoring tabloids that make it lucrative to invade celebrities’ personal lives and are only too eager to force someone to buy hybrid or stop having an abortion, just because it’s more fun to have a picket than it is to really talk amongst ourselves.

What do you think? Oh and feel free to clock in how much time we've spent giving BK free exposure and see if the signs haven't been effective on some level.


Cheers

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 281-285

On revisions

Final decisions flow from the same source as money.


On keeping your job

The right to remain silent can serve you well.


On excuses

Unlike Baroque or Rococco, some things never go out of style.


On crabby people

24/7 scowls should be reserved for bikers and metal gods.


On follow-ups

Adults, much like children, never want to deal with dirty laundry, no matter how much you remind them to clean it up.

Moving my resolutions

If you've been reading this blog during the year, you know that I had some resolutions I wanted to document every month and post on my progress. Well thanks to a shitty connection, I missed like 4 months of posts, but I've been doing good on trying to keep tabs with the posting. Anyways, seeing as these posts are super long, I'm deciding to move them to my other blog or else I risk displacing all recent posts in favor of something that shouldn't be this space consuming, but hey such is the post. Anyways, if anyone is interested in seeing my results, I'll either send the link or post them on a mini post such as this one. Anyways, will be posting some other random shit soon, so stay tuned.

Cheers

Colbert says: Victory!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Why Are You Here?
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Ad Gold people

Additional words are not necessary... enjoy.

Nice.

Best Bud Light Commercial Yet - watch more funny videos

"You're only as good as your last work"

Funny how this is supposed to be true, yet how many Creatives do you know who latch on to some five year old award from their glory days that time they worked on an account and were fortunate enough to have all the conditions come together to produce award winning work? For my part, I know quite a few people who are stuck in the moment so to speak and base their egos on accolades they received half a decade ago. Then I see creatives that are constantly hungry to prove themselves, to do something new and groundbreaking and push the envelope while doing new and different ideas.

So how much truth is there to the ad more that titles this post? Well, if you ask me, it's pretty true because though a great ad you did a couple of years ago shows you should have talent, questions begin to arise of why you haven't been able to give another golden goose. Did you pop your load? Did you get lucky? Was it the CD who gave the idea and you took the credit? Was it your ad partner? Did you rip off an Archive? All these and more questions come out if you haven't recently shown you have the goods to be a top notch creative.

So what if you never got the chance to do good ad work? Well I worked some pretty shitty accounts and though not award winning, I did earn props with my team for pretty much managing hail mary ads with difficult clients that are known to not be responsive to creativity. From banks and mortgage houses, to health plans. I was able to pretty much together with my art director, pull rabbits out of our asses and even then sell them with little assistance from the exec.

I had a CD tell me in an interview, well you've done a lot of retail, but what you've been able to do with retail shows me you have potential to do something really good, you just seem to not have been given a chance to prove yourself. Though the job I was interviewing was just for a shitty account, he said I need someone for this account who is bilingually fluent, and you are a great candidate, but something tells me we could use you for other stuff as well.

For X or Y reason, I didn't take the job and maybe I'm better for it, but it was good to be told: "well what you got ain't that great, but what you made with what you had to work with is impressive". Just hearing that was enough for me because from the ads I showed, he'd seen and noticed a handful of them. In short, he basically told me that what I'd done recently at least showed promise for what I could do in the future, and that though not developing elite level advertising, with the right conditions at the very least I could get better.

After leaving that interview, I couldn't help but remember another interview where the guy was a creative burnout riding the coattails of an ad he'd done almost ten years before. He mentioned the ad at least 5 times and after a while started sounding like that forty year old car sales man that tells everybody of the game winning shot in high school.

Though I could elaborate further, I'd rather just ask one simple question. After the descriptions I gave above, which CD do you think is taken more seriously? (Not by me, but by anyone). Answer this, and you might have an idea of where you could be at in the next 5-10 years.

Cheers

6 degrees of frustration

Though the concept of 6 degrees of separation often proves true when you talk about people you know and the thin contact line between all of us, the same can be said for advertising. I think no other industry is less forgiving if you make a mistake tham this one. Let's put it this way, if you mess up bad enough, your name can soar through a network system that at times loves to pull the old Jon and Kate, by building smoeone up just to tear them down. If you say you don't believe me, I'd say to try it out, but odds are the consequences would be nasty enough to partially compromise your career, at least locally. But honestly, I've seen cases where people have to work at odd cities if they've messed up because various NYC, Chicago and LA agencies have even got the ehads up on the person. It all pretty much depends on your fuckup and who got pissed off at you. If a well connected CD is your target of choice and they are of the type to hold a grudge, start looking at agencies off the beaten path because a phone call to verify references is all it takes to have you strike out even after a flawless industry.

That's part of the reason why it's good for people to not lose their cool, as I did so many times. Though having a reputation for being a hard worker, I also got a reputation of being stubborn and problematic at times. It doesn't matter that I had a point when I lost my cool, it just mattered that I lost my cool. That's why in the last job I had, I really kept my cool, and under anger I took a walk rather than speak my mind, because though I still had a reputation of being a good creative, being one of the best people to choose for a translation, for being ridiculously responsible and hard working, I still had that whole temper thing to live down.

This does turn out to be kind of funny because the people that spread the news weren't even sworn enemies, they were actually friends who I met up at a happy hour and who decided that after five or six beers, just NEEDED to tell about the two times I threw my shoe (in different agencies). Each time it was understandable that I lost my cool, but throwing a shoe? You'd think I was a middle east reporter watching a Bush conference. After getting nice and ribbed, the joke was there, the laughs were had, and the damage was done because people from that agency were always waiting for me to blow up.

Luckily I haven't given anyone else that satisfaction of losing it, mainly because it took me getting slammed against a wall to realize that it's not worth it. But in the good part, it also prompted me to give another type of company a chance and I can honestly say it's the first time I've ever been satisfied with a job, but hey, that's another post altogether.

If I do have to close this off with one more thought, then check your think tank and see if you can't find a memory log that has an adage which goes something like this:

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Well the reason I write that is because in advertising, tabs kept are asses saved and your friends can turn out to be your enemies if they happen to have a little too much drink and a little too much to say.

Cheers

Those crazy Japanese are at it again

Son of a pitch

When you're about to enter advertising, lots of people you actually trust butter you up for the industry saying that your life won't be the same, that you're in for a hell of a ride,and the classic line of "get ready".

The problem is that you're too naive to actually look past the creepy smile, the raccoon eyes and the sad reality that you're being told a half truth by people who have woken up at 3 AM thinking they had work on a Saturday and know that it's going to happen to you too. You get all excited and fuzzy just thinking of the great ideas you're going to be bringing to the table and the word pitch still has that exciting quality to it where you still hold it synonymous to adventure, opportunity, proving ground and sessions of pure team work.

Then you have your first pitch and you literally have to ask yourself what the hell you got yourself into as reality sinks in.

True, though not every pitch is dismal and some are actually even interestingly intense in a sadomasochistically enjoyable way, what messes you up is the rate that they come and the place you work at. In my experience, sales pitches were referred to as the second shift, the midnight gauntlet and a labor marathon you're actually protected by law from enduring repeatedly, though you take it because you feel there's no other option.

The shitty reality is that you work until 6 PM and then have to switch gears to get creative. This means long pizza nights, or Chinese Food and the eternal redeye no Visine will do away with. Just in case, please know that good material actually gets produced. Here's the problem though, your two options for what is going to happen to that great material will not make you smile.

Option 1: Some jackoff executive, a lackey VP or even the Agency owner see what you're doing, pat you on the back then tell you what you can change to make it really sink home. We call this sticking a spoon in my food, butting in, shoving your nose where it doesn't belong or just plain old internal sabotage. things start off as a suggestion and eventually escalate to a full on mandate. You see a great idea go down the shitter and it even gets to the point where you want to scrap what's been done because it's so far from what you initially created.

Option 2: Everyone loves what you do, the material even wins you the account but it never makes the light of day. What's the logic to this? None whatsoever, but I've worked five full pitches that won accounts and where COMPLETELY put to a side. This means that you still have work to do since the campaign launches in a week's time, they want a fully integrated campaign AND they want ideas completely unrelated to what you did to get their attention in the first place.

Only on two occassions have I been able to present creative in a pitch that actually got used as we suggested and guess what? The fucking material worked. In cred ible..... Who would have ever thought that a creative was interested in their client being succesful, that's just hilarious.

I used to have SO much portfolio work that was just locked away somewhere that it was sad because once you tabulate your efforts, you just start getting angry. Very angry. This is mainly because it gets to the point where you just don't see the sense in any of the work you do. that's when sales pitch starts to mean a bunch of other things: ah i'm fucked, say goodbye to the weekend, there goes sleeping 6 hours for a whole week, not again, and woohoo, more work for the same pay. Your enthusiasm is nonexistant and you start looking at people as if you want to kill them, because it's not like you're going to be left alone to work on the pitch. Heaven forbid that you put all your efforts to winning an account. No, this is the perfect time to talk about day to day work at 11 at night while your team brainstorm sessions are going on because the exec is a bit worried we won't make the deadline.

THAT'S the first time I realized that in some agencies, the food chain is quite unlike what I was sold as a motivated youth. I've worked in too many places where creative was hardly the king. More like a lackey, and we got screwed big time. I've worked in agencies where Creative had more pull, and the insanity was just as unnerving and frustrating. I worked at small agencies, where creativity is supposed to fluorish. Ummmm, let's just say no. And then I changed industries, have only done freelance and I stopped minding so much since I was actually having my time paid for AND I had control over what I sent in the first and last place.

Hmmmm.... might I be trying to plant seeds? You decide.

Cheers

So... wanna do something for us?

It's that time of the year when I beg. Guys, we need more people to enjoy the hate, the anger, the reviews, the weird videos, the cool pics... If you think someone would love to read us, please send them our link.

Will write for clicks!!!!!

Much Love, Me.

Adiós, David.

We didn't want you to go. But hey, you felt like it was enough. We all just hope that now you are ok... We will never know why you chose to leave us... Have fun doing some extreme Kung Fu with Jesus and God. And rest, David. Rest.

Revised information: Um... David... If you hanged yourself by... accident... Um. Still dude, we will miss you.



David Carradine: 1936 - 2009‎.

Face it sometimes you need some Darata

The Proclaimers - I Would Walk 500 Miles
by nex3uk

On days of rain, on days of sleet.
On days you'd rather kiss the sheets.

You need some Darata.

Everytime some thunder cunt decides to cut you off in traffic, every instant a douche decides to ruin your day. These are moments when we truly need some Darata.

That's because even though there is dharma, and kharma, and dianetics and flying dildos in the world, there are moments when you need a happy ear worm song to dance in your Calvin Klein's to. You need to just roll up your sleeves and look like some sad, sad Footloose reject and just say fuck it, and laugh at your life. But not because it's pathetic or because it's two gin and Tonic's away from a Betty Ford moment, but because even with all the shit we're going through, from swine flu to Krazy Koreans to an economy that high colonics the shit out of you, life is worth living and enjoying.

So what if this isn't your typical motivational pep talk. Shit, I don't often do ultra happy go lucky posts, so enjoy this what the fuck rant. Back to Darata.

While some people refer to joy, happiness and success as a good pussy moment or even an epiphany, I choose to echo the words of the random twins that look like Elvis Costello fucked the German terrorist from Die Hard. I say Darata.

When I can't find my keys, I say Darata.

When there's traffic, I say Darata.

When the sun goes down while I'm still at the office, I say Darata.

And so should you.

Hell, we always look for a reason to be pissed and angry, and bitchy. Trust me, I excell at this, but sometimes, I just need to smile for now reason. I need to just chuckle at life. I need to make voices in my car and say idiotic shit. I need to walk like a stoned crab. I need to call up a friend and leave a random message for them to laugh at later. I need to eat a piece of chocolate and REALLY enjoy it. I need a beer. I need to just say screw it and smile. I need to go to my friends section on Facebook and actually write someone a message rather than put a sixteen letter wall post.

I call friends, I really make myself a great cup of tea, I read, I write, I surf, I play guitar... whatever, I just enjoy the moment. And that's because I sometimes do and strongly recommend embracing your Darata moment.

Hell, it's just such a great non-word word because you can really scare the shit out of someone if you scream that next to their ear after having snuck up beside them.

So next time you're in a crappy moment of your day, brush it off and realize that you're just in need of a little something that starts with a D and ends in 'arata'.

So til next I write, which will probably be soon.

May the Darata be with you.

Cheers

I guess I'm Buying a Rock Band Set...

Now THIS is a reason to get silly in your living room. YEAH!

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 276-280

On mediocrity

The world has too many proud parents of C students.


On stupid moments

It is not a question of when but of how often they will occur.


On reality

Science has yet to develop a “get out of boring work” card


On office environs

Smelling of lavender does not make you more palatable.


On standing your creative ground

Opinions are the downfall of ideas.

Uwe Boll still sucks donkey dick

Ok so after seeing Heckler, there have been a few things nagging at my mind and among them is Uwe Boll bashing the brains of a few guys that were only too happy to get some cam time... until they realized Dr. Uwe is just a terrible as his movies, giving them a good shelacking for their trouble.

Ok, the other day I decided to watch yet another disaster directed by Dr. Uwe Boll..... Doctor.... right... That's like when a librarian insists they are doctors. Nothing against librarians, but fetishes aside, I don't think you're curing cancer, but I might be wrong.

Back to Dr. Suck My Bolls. If you haven't watched an Uwe Boll flick, then consider yourself lucky. It's like that video with the slaying of dolphins or when the US reporter unfortunately got decapitated. Most people wish they hadn't seen it in the first place, and though it might seem like hyperbole, a Boll flick is just about that. Something you wish you hadn't seen or to be fair, at least two of his movies are. Alone in the Dark and In the name of the king or something like that. I really can't even remember the name but it had Ray Liotta, the Transporter guy, Lili Soblieski and probably a few other people who you would think know how to act and are able to save a train wreck, but alas, it is proven that no direction or poor direction shall ALWAYS show.

Just in case, NO Í'm not a film major or a professional film critic, but I do have likes and dislikes and both flicks aimed straight for the second line and pooped pure pandemonium. Trust me, I loves me some tack B Flicks and this is like a grade below that. Imagine that ratty ass chinese deli that serves four day old chicken? Well what grade chicken is that? Ok. Then a grade lower. Honestly. Especially since some of the movies had some sort of a budget. The trick is that Dr. Boll Sacks doesn't earn money from theater revenue. He makes money and funds his would be projects via a little interesting scheme. From wikipedia here is a quote from a commentary on one of his films:

"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

So if you invest 20 million in a movie... well ... you see the math and you understand how he can make a movie. But seriously, don't take my word for it. Watch one of his movies, by all means rip it from somewhere. but if you want real crap by all means check out bloodrayne's 1 or 2, in the name of the king, alone in the dark or house of the dead and when you think of wanting to slap me for even writing down those names which I purposely put in lower case because I don't want to even recognize them as films, then you tell me if he doesn't suck herniated, musky, and flea bitten donkey balls.

You tell me you don't want to train for two years and take him on to kick the shit out of him. You tell me you don't get angry that he is a pure detriment to any videogame adaptation movie and that he makes things pretty much impossible to even pitch a videogame movie. Hell he makes Resident Evil look solid... how's that for bad?

So if by any chance Dr. Bolls has a problem with ANYONE writing anything against his movies, by all means he can either retire or finally decide to not be a Kopi Luwak... because no matter how much money he spends, his skills will still have been passed through the lower intestinal track of a a freaky monkey.

Pearl Jam unveils Back Spacer...

And I just creamed my shorts.

The new song ripped through bad stage audio to show why I love this band. Can't wait for the single to come out. fuck can't wait for the album to come out. Hell , can't wait to see em live again. YAHHH YAHHH YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Pearl Jam is going to play new music.... now

If you didn't know, well you're going to miss it. Pearl Jam will be playing new music on Conan's first Tonight Show. Friggin anxious, pumped, amped, smiling and happy. Who care if I have to get up at 6 AM. :D

Will write about this soon.

Cheers... tis a wonderful night.

Um. Really?

I don't know about you but this billboard definitively is not making me read the Bible...

Hey Guys... How to Take Care of your George Bush!