Losing someone that represents a part of your history is weird. Sometimes you say, damn, how sad. But then there are those who hurt a little bit more than what you thought it would. To me, losing John Hughes is big time sad. Hey, I'm not crying or anything, but it still is painful. Why?
There are two great characters that he wrote that I could totally relate to. I was Sam in Sixteen Candles. Awkward, insecure at times, daydreaming and purely in love with dudes that seemed way out of my league. Later I was Allison (no hair dandruff, glad to report) in Breakfast Club. Troubled, dark clothing lover, shy (can you believe that one?) and sort of mysterious by accident.
Did I get my Jake at the end? Yep, I did. Did I leave all my troubles behind and embrace a life full of color and less heavy makeup? Uh huh, that too. Oh! I forgot... Pretty in Pink! Did I have a Duckie and did not end up with him? Yep. My Duckie, by the way, had his baby girl born a week ago.
But John Hughes got to me. He understood being a teenager or a tween. Being a child of the 80's meant that you were depressed and not in a "poser" way, like these piece of shit emo's of today. We really were sad, we really felt lost, we really wore black because we kind of hated everything. At the same time, we embraced life as no other generation, we danced, we laughed... it was a very bizarre time. And he got it.
He made little teens like me get excited over boys and the possibility that true love was just around the corner. He made us think that being "just one of the guys" was cool and by the way, you could get your guy in the end just like the snobby high class chick. He made nerds cool for a while, even.
Some directors have connected with me over the different stages of my life. My childhood remains with John. Period.
So Hughey boy, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Hope God has a deal for you to write a great movie starring Jesus and George Carlin or something. The kids of the 80's and I love you dearly.
Aug 7, 2009
It's official - I'm getting old
First Michael Jackson.
And now John Hughes.
Our 80s icons are slowly disappearing. They're sporting more grey hair than ever, if they even have hair anymore. Generation X: Our youth is fading. We'll soon be receiving complimentary AARP newsletters.
Aug 6, 2009
GI Crap? A sort of warning-review.
Ok first of all, I have not seen this movie. Let me get that out of the way. I am still writing a sort of small warning, based on what happened yesterday night. Travis and a buddy of his went to see GI Joe at a sort of premier. On the way home, he called me. This is a short rendition of the conversation. Most of it is verbatim. You be the judge.
"Hun... I'm done."
"Hey babe! How was it?"
Long silence.
"They destroyed one of my childhood heroes."
"Fuck, that bad?"
"It was really bad. It felt like watching a late night sci-fi tv program. Do you remember that people used to say that the Transformers script was bad? That was nothing compared to this. We sat there saying what the fuck..."
He arrived home looking like someone died, basically. My warning is: usually Travis nails his reviews, dead on. If a movie sucks in his opinion, trust me there is a good chance it TRULY sucks. We have almost never disagreed on a film and it's not because he loves me long time, if you know what I mean.
He now approved this review by adding: that movie blows.
Some things never change: RUSH
No, I’m not talking about the iconic 80s band. I’m talking about those little surprises that pop up more often than you like: RUSH assignments that absolutely must get done yesterday because the existence of the human race – no, the universe! – depends on it.
You know rush jobs well. They appear in your inbox in the late afternoon… on a Friday. And they piss the hell out of you.
For those of you following this blog, you know that many years ago I walked away from the ad biz and am now doing the PR thing. Though I am much happier with my current career path and can complain about virtually nothing, there are some things that never change. Case in point: Said RUSH jobs. Yep, they happen here too.
Here are a few funny things about RUSH jobs:
- The more RUSH the job is, the greater the number of people involved in the approval process, thus slowing things down and rendering the entire RUSH concept moot
- RUSH jobs never pay RUSH fees
- They tell you that if it’s not done by 3:00 p.m., the sun will explode. Yet, there is always time for revisions
- Speaking of revisions, RUSH jobs make people come up with the dumbest comments: “make the logo bigger”; “change ‘socioeconomic’ for ‘economical-social’”; “bullet points end with periods, right?”; “wouldn’t it be better if…”
- Any and all creative resources are too expensive: stock photos, illustrations, scans, etc.
Lawyers, executives, and engineers assume dominant roles in the creative process behind RUSH jobs
So, the next time your AE comes screaming down the hall with a RUSH job that will make or break the agency, simply smile, peek at this list, order some expensive take out (on their penny, of course), and git’er done with the bespoken patience you’re known for.
You know rush jobs well. They appear in your inbox in the late afternoon… on a Friday. And they piss the hell out of you.
For those of you following this blog, you know that many years ago I walked away from the ad biz and am now doing the PR thing. Though I am much happier with my current career path and can complain about virtually nothing, there are some things that never change. Case in point: Said RUSH jobs. Yep, they happen here too.
Here are a few funny things about RUSH jobs:
- The more RUSH the job is, the greater the number of people involved in the approval process, thus slowing things down and rendering the entire RUSH concept moot
- RUSH jobs never pay RUSH fees
- They tell you that if it’s not done by 3:00 p.m., the sun will explode. Yet, there is always time for revisions
- Speaking of revisions, RUSH jobs make people come up with the dumbest comments: “make the logo bigger”; “change ‘socioeconomic’ for ‘economical-social’”; “bullet points end with periods, right?”; “wouldn’t it be better if…”
- Any and all creative resources are too expensive: stock photos, illustrations, scans, etc.
Lawyers, executives, and engineers assume dominant roles in the creative process behind RUSH jobs
So, the next time your AE comes screaming down the hall with a RUSH job that will make or break the agency, simply smile, peek at this list, order some expensive take out (on their penny, of course), and git’er done with the bespoken patience you’re known for.
Aug 5, 2009
Are we on WTF week or something?
Just... um. Click at the name of the post. Really. I'm not going there.
This is just... Eh... Sad.
See anything you like?
Yup. That special time has come again. Where I ask you gently to look into your address book and beg: please spread the WAS around. Please help us get a decent amount of people so we can publish our book somewhere in the near century...
Don't have any friends? Live under a rock? Well if you have any social networking tool (I really hate saying those three words) link us from time to time. Find something funny or simply disgusting? Share!
Do you have Google Friend Connect? You can add us and get our blog delivered right to your computer or electronic device of your choosing. That's delivery for you, better that a Porn Pizza and with less sperm!
You will not be saving kids. You will not be going green by doing this. But you will be cool to us. That counts for something.
Keep reading... Much love. Me.
Please spread the word: The Cove Trailer
Go to YouTube. Copy either the URL or Embed this on any Facebook or blog that you have. Please. Let's get these shitty excuse of human beings!
Cool: Life Saver
Just one thing, dude. You're giving them away, right? I mean... you DID invent this to save the people... right? 'Cause people down at Uganda don't have 140 plus bucks to buy your water bottle... Just sayin'.
This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship: Suck my Job
This is one blog I am definitively reading every single day. Amazing is not a word that does it justice. BRILLIANT, is. Go right now. Click at the name of the post.
Coolest video I've seen in a long time.
Scary thing is? I think I actually played all of these games. Scary shit. Enjoy.
I suck. I watch NYC Prep.
Hi. I'm Me. I'm a NYC Prep watcher. Yes. I suck. I actually suck donkey cock. I am the worst human being ever. I deserve to be whipped in my ovaries, gut open with some plastic fork and then burned at the stake.
I cannot help myself. This is the most stupid yet addictive show in the history of Bravo and yet... I just cannot change the channel. I am mesmerized. I feel dirty.
NYC Prep is the new reality show joke from Bravo. It centers around rich Manhattan kids during their High School years. Basically it's like chocolate covered tv with marshmallows on it. They are obnoxious. Pretentious. Immature. So money driven, it's simply disgusting. And yet... I cannot... for the life of me... stop... watching.
(Cue Alien music. I am wrapped in Alien goo. I open my eyes and beg to you: Kill... Me.)
Ah. NYC Prep. There is one guy who wears eye liner (and who I am secretly in love with) who treats everyone like shit, goes to fashion shows and from time to time goes to a therapist to talk about his "hectic" 18 year old life. Epic. There is one girl who insists on dating people just because they have money and that can make her look good in the social scene. Nice! There is one guy who is 16 but insists on wearing the biggest and ugliest comb-over hairdo in the world - and actually gets chicks to like him. Oh. Did I mention he speaks french to them so they actually give him some nookie - and it works?
This is the best show since Mtv's Rich Girls. Yummy. Whip cream on top? Yes. YES!
I swear this tv show is just bad for you, but it's like smoking. Once you get the taste, you find it hard to quit.
I am so addicted to this crap, I even - gasp - have TiVoed it. Yes. It has a season pass. That means that the suckiness never goes unwatched. Please, someone take my cable tv watching rights. Delete my TiVo. Do something. Help.
Now I feel like those other people who watched horrible tv like Rock of Love or... was it Daisy of Crap? Whatever. This post is good for me. I am owning up to one thing that I do that sucks. That's the beginning of a twelve step program to recovery, right?
Damn you Bravo. Damn you all to hell.
Aug 4, 2009
Suck it, Trebek.
A couple of months ago I wrote the post "Define Success" (link at the name of the post). I wrote about success according to Me, pun intended. At the end of the post, I realized that I wasn't crazy, that by being grateful for what I had and not needing anything else, I was happy, hence successful.
Here's the part I didn't write about. This person also told me, amongst other stupid things, that I needed an Account Executive because, and I quote: you take everything personal. This, coming from a person who has NEVER seen me with a client. EVER. I got so mad I forgot the rest of the now very sad conversation.
For me that was truly an insult. One of my greatest achievements is how well I have learned to deal with my clients. I never, ever take a single bit of information, change, opinion, revision or whatever personal. In fact, I am dead sure I have written about not doing this over and over here at WAS. I am working for them, how the fuck do I take a change personal?
Don't get me wrong. I do get frustrated. I do think some changes are idiotic. But I never voice my opinions all the time because it's just stupid. I will take as much changes as they want me to and if I don't agree, I will say it out loud. At the end of the day, it's their ad, their money... so taking it personal is by far a "rookie" example. After fifteen years doing advertising, I would have guessed my "friend" would know that I am not a rookie anymore... Oh well.
But life has a way to prove you right down the line. Today was a great example. Humbling, even. I smiled all the way home. What happened?????
Early in 2001 I left one big agency. I worked there for 9 years. I needed to grow, in some ways, and I decided enough was enough. I loved working there. The single most important thing about that job specifically? I got to meet every single client in the agency. My boss turned a very shy little woman into some crazy chick who actually enjoys talking to huge amounts of people instead of just two or three dudes. He showed me how to take changes, present my stuff, handle problems... everything. I got a feeling that all my clients enjoyed working with me.
The day my "friend" told me that I basically sucked in his opinion... I actually started doubting myself. Maybe I do suck. Maybe I don't know how to treat clients. You know, sometimes people "get" to you and make you doubt yourself. Hm.
Cut to today. One client of mine from almost a decade ago found me. She searched high and low and actually got my email and my number. She has invited me to pitch her new business. Yes. She remembered my name. She remembered my work. She wants me back.
Ah... how I would love to tell this to my friend and end it with... Suck it.
Fanboys. Stupid but Funny.
Yesterday night the Netflix fairy came to my place and delivered a couple of movies. Amongst them, a small little flick called Fanboys. The agreement was simple: if it sucked, we were going to press "eject". No if's or but's about it. Deal? Deal.
Let me tell you, this is just one of those movies that requires stupid when describing it... but boy is it fun. Fanboys is a simple story. Four guys decide to break in the Lucas' Skywalker Ranch in order to see Star Wars Episode 1, The Phantom Menace. They will drive in their "sort of Millenium Falcon Van" for 20 something hours, get inside the ranch and hopefully get to see what they have been waiting since they are nerd kids. Simple. To the point.
The movie is not your run of the mill comedy. In fact, don't expect too much. If you are a true Star Wars fan, or you enjoy anything sci-fi, then maybe this flick is for you. If you are a total fanboy, then run to your local video store, this sure will be a gem for you.
It's not consistently funny, but you will get a chuckle or two all the way through. The actors are not huge stars, that's a plus. But you do get cameos from Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams and... the one. The only. The greatest of all time. William. Alan. Shatner. YES! YES! Fucking EPIC SCENE!
The thing about this movie is, if you ever went to a comic con, if you loved Star Wars or have been in a serious "Why the fuck did Leia kiss his brother twice" conversations, compared Star Wars to Star Trek... then Fanboys will deliver. Think about a movie that doesn't need to have a consistent line of thought, just random scenes that make you giggle and go... shit, we are all nerds deep inside.
Why did it connect with me? Dudes. I actually drove for two and a half hours to a movie theater WAAAAAAAAY far away from the comfort of my apartment that year in order to watch and hear Episode 1 perfectly. I even stayed at a hotel to do this. Oh and I took the day off from work. So yes, I qualify as a total sci fi geek. I remember driving and thinking... shit the line is going to be fucking awesome. I still remember that night. Maybe because it rocked, the whole idea. Maybe because I left the theater thinking... Jar Jar can suck a donkey dick, that movie sucked because of that idiotic character. Oh and Mannequin Skywalker (Aka Young Darth). Aaaaaanyway...
Would I recommend it? On a heartbeat. Then again, I am a FanGirl, so bear that in mind. Is it for everyone? No way. You have to have a little bit of nerd/geek inside you.
So there, if you're interested, by all means rent away. Here's a trailer to get you curious. Enjoy. Oh. Live long and prosper. The force sucks balls.
A Samurai Seller victim
Not to come off as homoerotic or anything, but Joker, you’ve brought me to me knees. Your Samurai Seller series has forced me to come clean and admit that on multiple occasions I have given in to the sneaky ways of Samurai Sellers.
Though I have been watching late night infomercials since my vodka-fueled college days, the surrender to direct-response’s seduction began, oddly enough, when I got married. I guess it’s because these “programs” just so happen to offer what every married couple needs to make domestic bliss that much more convenient.
It all started out innocently enough with the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine, BEFORE it became readily available at your local Sears/Bed Bath & Beyond. There he was, the champ with his laughable enthusiasm, hawking this miraculous thingamajig that cooks just about anything in minutes, easy to clean, requires no special installation of kitchen remodeling to accommodate. For just $29.95? Shit, get two!
The purchase process was so pleasant, and delivery so quick, that we were hooked.
Several years later, after which any growing family accumulates lots of stuff, we bought the Space Bags, special plastic storage bags that triple your storage space. All you have to do is suck all the air out with your vacuum cleaner and voilá – your shit is stored away without taking up space.
Of course, safety is a must for any budding family… and this is where the power of Billy Mays and his Black Beard of Paycheck Death did us in. The only thing better for hands-free driving than BlueTooth technology is Mays’ Jupiter Jack, a simple device that turns your car’s stereo system into one giant speaker phone. Just plug in you cell and talk all you want with crystal clarity, while keeping complete focus on the road. Genius!
After that, my mother-in-law (of all people!!!) duped us into getting what has been, hands-down, the BEST infomercial purchase ever. I’m talking about the Flavor Wave Oven, as sold by Clubber Lang himself, Mr. T!!! This thing is beyond belief. It’s like a microwave-hotplate-convection mash-up that cooks EVERYTHING to perfection, from steaks and vegetables to fish and cupcakes and everything in between, in MINUTES!!! It doesn’t matter if the food is frozen – just throw it in, wait a few minutes, and enjoy. I don’t know how it does it, but it gets the job done. People, I’m not kidding, if you don’t like to cook but love to eat great tasting food, this thing is it… for just three easy payments of $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
So Joker, you’re right, these guys are awesome at what they do because they accomplish what no catchy or witty headline can do – they deliver results; they drive people to purchase things than can easily live without, though I am beginning to seriously question if I can live my life without the Mr. T’s 3-heat oven.
Though I have been watching late night infomercials since my vodka-fueled college days, the surrender to direct-response’s seduction began, oddly enough, when I got married. I guess it’s because these “programs” just so happen to offer what every married couple needs to make domestic bliss that much more convenient.
It all started out innocently enough with the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine, BEFORE it became readily available at your local Sears/Bed Bath & Beyond. There he was, the champ with his laughable enthusiasm, hawking this miraculous thingamajig that cooks just about anything in minutes, easy to clean, requires no special installation of kitchen remodeling to accommodate. For just $29.95? Shit, get two!
The purchase process was so pleasant, and delivery so quick, that we were hooked.
Several years later, after which any growing family accumulates lots of stuff, we bought the Space Bags, special plastic storage bags that triple your storage space. All you have to do is suck all the air out with your vacuum cleaner and voilá – your shit is stored away without taking up space.
Of course, safety is a must for any budding family… and this is where the power of Billy Mays and his Black Beard of Paycheck Death did us in. The only thing better for hands-free driving than BlueTooth technology is Mays’ Jupiter Jack, a simple device that turns your car’s stereo system into one giant speaker phone. Just plug in you cell and talk all you want with crystal clarity, while keeping complete focus on the road. Genius!
After that, my mother-in-law (of all people!!!) duped us into getting what has been, hands-down, the BEST infomercial purchase ever. I’m talking about the Flavor Wave Oven, as sold by Clubber Lang himself, Mr. T!!! This thing is beyond belief. It’s like a microwave-hotplate-convection mash-up that cooks EVERYTHING to perfection, from steaks and vegetables to fish and cupcakes and everything in between, in MINUTES!!! It doesn’t matter if the food is frozen – just throw it in, wait a few minutes, and enjoy. I don’t know how it does it, but it gets the job done. People, I’m not kidding, if you don’t like to cook but love to eat great tasting food, this thing is it… for just three easy payments of $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
So Joker, you’re right, these guys are awesome at what they do because they accomplish what no catchy or witty headline can do – they deliver results; they drive people to purchase things than can easily live without, though I am beginning to seriously question if I can live my life without the Mr. T’s 3-heat oven.
Ah, Seinfeld. I miss you.
Enjoy this great rendition of Seinfeld, via cslacker.com. Click on the name of the post to visit their site.
Aug 3, 2009
The End of Web 2.0?
Why do you read this blog? Why do you spend so much time on Facebook? Why are you sending tweets every other minute? There is no doubt that the so-called Web 2.0 (a term that I hate and do not agree with) is a virtual playground where we can be ourselves and share our thoughts, interests, opinions, baby pictures (ugh!), and even most personal details with the universe.
The way things are evolving, it seems like the Internet is finally becoming what it was supposed to be – a purely democratic forum for all. Even traditional news outlets have had to bow down to the power of “social media”. Heck, I predict that the next major social-political revolutions will be carried out on the web – yeah, I’m talking about you, Iran and North Korea. Cuba, you’re not too far behind.
So, why isn’t anyone bothered about marketers trying to ruin the fun by wanting to “monetize” Web 2.0? Every day I come across reports and studies showing how social media is the next big thing for marketing professionals, how the brand MUST take advantage of this if it wants to be successful. Everyone is saying Fuck It to traditional media and is looking for a way to get on the Web 2.0 marketing bandwagon.
We saw what happened to the magazine, newspaper, television, movie, and the music industries. They started out innocently enough until advertising dollars and the hungry-for-profit marketing monster took over. Now, big corporate interests dictate what we are supposed to like. They establish the terms of how we get our entertainment and information. They feed us their point of view… just look at the Fox News Channel and countless other news media outlets. Radio stations only play what’s profitable, not what holds artistic merit. TV shows are killed if the number$ don’t add up.
The scariest thing, of course, is the threat to content. Advertising dollars means controlled content because you don’t want to piss off corporate sponsors with “inappropriate material.” The same will happen if marketers invade our Facebook page, our Tweets, and our blogs. Believe me, WAS would be a very different blog if it were sponsored by Toyota or if we were to open the door to marketing messages.
Advertisers are desperate. They are struggling to keep up with TiVO, DVRs, Internet streaming, etc. They’re even uglifying our urban landscape, wrapping every fucking building in downtown with those damn mesh ads. If we let them into our Facebook profiles or whatever, then we can’t complain when things begin to suck, when we have to watch our mouths or check our thoughts. The fun inherent in social media will cease. It will become another marketing vehicle. Don’t we have enough of these already?
Sure, one can make the argument that advertising dollars is what makes TV, radio, and print possible, but at what cost will you give up the freedom you have now?
The way things are evolving, it seems like the Internet is finally becoming what it was supposed to be – a purely democratic forum for all. Even traditional news outlets have had to bow down to the power of “social media”. Heck, I predict that the next major social-political revolutions will be carried out on the web – yeah, I’m talking about you, Iran and North Korea. Cuba, you’re not too far behind.
So, why isn’t anyone bothered about marketers trying to ruin the fun by wanting to “monetize” Web 2.0? Every day I come across reports and studies showing how social media is the next big thing for marketing professionals, how the brand MUST take advantage of this if it wants to be successful. Everyone is saying Fuck It to traditional media and is looking for a way to get on the Web 2.0 marketing bandwagon.
We saw what happened to the magazine, newspaper, television, movie, and the music industries. They started out innocently enough until advertising dollars and the hungry-for-profit marketing monster took over. Now, big corporate interests dictate what we are supposed to like. They establish the terms of how we get our entertainment and information. They feed us their point of view… just look at the Fox News Channel and countless other news media outlets. Radio stations only play what’s profitable, not what holds artistic merit. TV shows are killed if the number$ don’t add up.
The scariest thing, of course, is the threat to content. Advertising dollars means controlled content because you don’t want to piss off corporate sponsors with “inappropriate material.” The same will happen if marketers invade our Facebook page, our Tweets, and our blogs. Believe me, WAS would be a very different blog if it were sponsored by Toyota or if we were to open the door to marketing messages.
Advertisers are desperate. They are struggling to keep up with TiVO, DVRs, Internet streaming, etc. They’re even uglifying our urban landscape, wrapping every fucking building in downtown with those damn mesh ads. If we let them into our Facebook profiles or whatever, then we can’t complain when things begin to suck, when we have to watch our mouths or check our thoughts. The fun inherent in social media will cease. It will become another marketing vehicle. Don’t we have enough of these already?
Sure, one can make the argument that advertising dollars is what makes TV, radio, and print possible, but at what cost will you give up the freedom you have now?
Aug 2, 2009
Seven Deadly Ad Client Sins #4
Ok, So I left this list WAYYYY incomplete last year, as happened with various other series, which I'm going to try and complete before the year is over... That said, here are the links to the other three sins:
1.) Stuffage (stew-fage)
2.) Arogantia Correcta (a-row gan-chia coe-rec-tah)
3.) Velocita (vey-low-see-tah)
So continuing with this series, we have #4
Revitentia Infinita
This common sin repeats itself ANYWHERE you work at. Caprice, idiocy, and balls have no limits when it comes to revisions, and I had the wonderful luck of landing in places where revisions aren't charged ever, which means that if a client screws a choirboy and gets an idea at 3 a.m., we're going to have to do that young boy booty tainted revision, first come the morning... but it doesn't stop there. Hell.... it NEVER stops there. That's just the beginning; an aperitif for what's ahead for you.
Not too long into the morning and three revisions into the job and you know you will have a long day, a long week, a long month or even a long trimester. The thing is that depending on the nature of a project, you might be facing lord knows how many revision batches before the day is over.
Change the logo from position, switch the typography, move the second line to where the first one is, the first one where the fourth one is, eliminate the third one and rephrase the fourth one because I showed it to my twelve year old and he doesn't get it even if the child is obviously not within the target market. Supervisors, AE directors, planners and even the CEO try to intervene but the monster is already loose, there is no way to threaten them with charging per revision and you're stuck further hating something that was lame to begin with.
All this happens because Revitentia Infinita knows no limits, knows no logic and respect no type of law, be it of physics, criminal, labor or whatnot. The revision will get done or the ever present threat of leaving the agency will help change your opinion. Thank you for playing try again and don't think you'll get the lucky number.
Revision after revision continues to arrive and the main problem is that they don't come down like torrential rains, they trickle down like an impotent leak that squeeks through a squirt every hour or so, which means you can't actually hurry. Typically it starts slow and snowballs out of control be it in minutes, hours, or even days.
If you happen to be guilty of this sin, say a Hail Me for every revision you've sent, three our holy Jokers and strap a cilice high enough on your thigh to invade your crotch. You will not be forgiven until your blood has been shed.
Cheers
1.) Stuffage (stew-fage)
2.) Arogantia Correcta (a-row gan-chia coe-rec-tah)
3.) Velocita (vey-low-see-tah)
So continuing with this series, we have #4
Revitentia Infinita
This common sin repeats itself ANYWHERE you work at. Caprice, idiocy, and balls have no limits when it comes to revisions, and I had the wonderful luck of landing in places where revisions aren't charged ever, which means that if a client screws a choirboy and gets an idea at 3 a.m., we're going to have to do that young boy booty tainted revision, first come the morning... but it doesn't stop there. Hell.... it NEVER stops there. That's just the beginning; an aperitif for what's ahead for you.
Not too long into the morning and three revisions into the job and you know you will have a long day, a long week, a long month or even a long trimester. The thing is that depending on the nature of a project, you might be facing lord knows how many revision batches before the day is over.
Change the logo from position, switch the typography, move the second line to where the first one is, the first one where the fourth one is, eliminate the third one and rephrase the fourth one because I showed it to my twelve year old and he doesn't get it even if the child is obviously not within the target market. Supervisors, AE directors, planners and even the CEO try to intervene but the monster is already loose, there is no way to threaten them with charging per revision and you're stuck further hating something that was lame to begin with.
All this happens because Revitentia Infinita knows no limits, knows no logic and respect no type of law, be it of physics, criminal, labor or whatnot. The revision will get done or the ever present threat of leaving the agency will help change your opinion. Thank you for playing try again and don't think you'll get the lucky number.
Revision after revision continues to arrive and the main problem is that they don't come down like torrential rains, they trickle down like an impotent leak that squeeks through a squirt every hour or so, which means you can't actually hurry. Typically it starts slow and snowballs out of control be it in minutes, hours, or even days.
If you happen to be guilty of this sin, say a Hail Me for every revision you've sent, three our holy Jokers and strap a cilice high enough on your thigh to invade your crotch. You will not be forgiven until your blood has been shed.
Cheers
Being in the news means nothing...
I remember when my name appeared in three little articles in a publication talking about creativity and whatnot. I was so proud? I was bloody beaming at the thought that moi was included in a real newspaper. Well times passes and feeling jaded just becomes second nature after furious battles lost in the advertising arena. If you have a poor assigned account streak, you get to the point where you feel pure contempt for what you produce.
Just a day and a half ago, I decided to check that creative newspaper coffee talk section and what do I find, another review of a commercial that was painfully lame at best. I read the article and read how such a revolutionary concept was actually freshening up the category... I've seen the commercial, and it's not just that it's been done, but it's been done EXACTLY the same as the one that appeared in the article...
From that same newspaper I've also read two articles that had me scratching my head at best. Turns out that after five years in advertising, I met a lot of people, and I'd just been part of one of the most gossippy industries on the face of the universe. You learn about people that get fired, salaries that get cut, accounts that have or are about to leave agencies, and other juicy bits that just don't add up if you happen to believe in everything the news says.
Hell, I know the news can't be trusted, but WOW, reality and news are really facing in opposite directions so often, that I can't help but wonder how clients even trust us (oh wait, they don't). Every single word I read in those articles was total bullshit and I knew because I have much more reliable sources, which got me to thinking back to the three or so articles I've been a part from, and it dawned on me that apart from making an interesting show and tell object for family members, there is absolutely NO use for being mentioned in a publication other than for ego, bragging, or exposure's sake. So kids, if you ever appear in a news article, don't treat as much, because it isn't.
Just a day and a half ago, I decided to check that creative newspaper coffee talk section and what do I find, another review of a commercial that was painfully lame at best. I read the article and read how such a revolutionary concept was actually freshening up the category... I've seen the commercial, and it's not just that it's been done, but it's been done EXACTLY the same as the one that appeared in the article...
From that same newspaper I've also read two articles that had me scratching my head at best. Turns out that after five years in advertising, I met a lot of people, and I'd just been part of one of the most gossippy industries on the face of the universe. You learn about people that get fired, salaries that get cut, accounts that have or are about to leave agencies, and other juicy bits that just don't add up if you happen to believe in everything the news says.
Hell, I know the news can't be trusted, but WOW, reality and news are really facing in opposite directions so often, that I can't help but wonder how clients even trust us (oh wait, they don't). Every single word I read in those articles was total bullshit and I knew because I have much more reliable sources, which got me to thinking back to the three or so articles I've been a part from, and it dawned on me that apart from making an interesting show and tell object for family members, there is absolutely NO use for being mentioned in a publication other than for ego, bragging, or exposure's sake. So kids, if you ever appear in a news article, don't treat as much, because it isn't.
Check your children at the door
I truly enjoy going to the movies and the only thing that can make an experience better apart from the content I will watch is if the sound system kicks ass, if the chairs are comfy, if the popcorn doesn't taste like buttered styrofoam and if everyone can please behave and only offer the audio feedback you are asked to deliver from a joke, a fright or whatever. Apart from swine flu, there is apparently another variety of pandemics, including, annoying little shit virus.
You see, I think kids are adorable and whatnot, but there are just some places where I do not appreciate their existence. Call me Scrooge like that but from surveys and memory, I never kicked someone in an airplane and played peek a boo for two hours and in the movies I kept my thoughts to myself and my noise to a minimum. Sure I'll laugh if something's funny, I'll even guffaw, but I won't talk on the phone at normal volume levels and I will go out of my way to not annoy anyone else in the theater. Questions are to be left to the end of the movie, if you're in dire need of an answer you have a two question minimum. Comments do not have any type of limit as long as you keep it to a whisper.
So I'm watching the trailers and the variety of commercials that either make me cringe or actually do resonate and right before the movie, there's a little bullshit clip that should be helpful, but it's really just going along with protocol.
First off, it says phones are to be turned off or put in silent mode, second off, crying babies must be taking to the lobby, and third off, unnecesary noises should be kept to a minimum. So i find myself asking one simple question when I'm halfway through the movie, why do I have to put up with an orally fixated gremlin that can't seem to stop playing with his water bottle, chewing it and making just an unnecessary amount of racket. Why do the parents sit idly by, while people like me, who may or may not be about to snap, sit at mere feet from their child, fantasizing of all the ways I could offer some good old catholic discipline since the very nature of respecting others has definitely not sunk into this little shit. I pay cold hard cash to go to the movies and yet, I have no rights to donkey kick the kid so the rest of the theater can enjoy the movie.
And what is this shit about brining eight year olds into R movies. I know the economy is fucked, but again, since I'm paying cold hard cash for this "experience", why the fuck don't you go out of your way to let everyone enjoy.
But know, the little fucker keeps chewing the bottle, even after I shushed him, even after I stood up and squeezed my bottle next to his pretty little head and even after I looked him in the eye and courteously asked him to please stop the bottle munching. Alas, my efforts were for not, and this little fucker is going to grow up to run daddy's business to the ground. I know this is a pecadillo, but even the smallest of sin can lead to irreversible assholeness, so please, next time you insist on taking and annoying child into a movie, know that if they don't behave, one day thirty year old nobody, with an average job is going to snap and become a headline...
Sweet dreams.
You see, I think kids are adorable and whatnot, but there are just some places where I do not appreciate their existence. Call me Scrooge like that but from surveys and memory, I never kicked someone in an airplane and played peek a boo for two hours and in the movies I kept my thoughts to myself and my noise to a minimum. Sure I'll laugh if something's funny, I'll even guffaw, but I won't talk on the phone at normal volume levels and I will go out of my way to not annoy anyone else in the theater. Questions are to be left to the end of the movie, if you're in dire need of an answer you have a two question minimum. Comments do not have any type of limit as long as you keep it to a whisper.
So I'm watching the trailers and the variety of commercials that either make me cringe or actually do resonate and right before the movie, there's a little bullshit clip that should be helpful, but it's really just going along with protocol.
First off, it says phones are to be turned off or put in silent mode, second off, crying babies must be taking to the lobby, and third off, unnecesary noises should be kept to a minimum. So i find myself asking one simple question when I'm halfway through the movie, why do I have to put up with an orally fixated gremlin that can't seem to stop playing with his water bottle, chewing it and making just an unnecessary amount of racket. Why do the parents sit idly by, while people like me, who may or may not be about to snap, sit at mere feet from their child, fantasizing of all the ways I could offer some good old catholic discipline since the very nature of respecting others has definitely not sunk into this little shit. I pay cold hard cash to go to the movies and yet, I have no rights to donkey kick the kid so the rest of the theater can enjoy the movie.
And what is this shit about brining eight year olds into R movies. I know the economy is fucked, but again, since I'm paying cold hard cash for this "experience", why the fuck don't you go out of your way to let everyone enjoy.
But know, the little fucker keeps chewing the bottle, even after I shushed him, even after I stood up and squeezed my bottle next to his pretty little head and even after I looked him in the eye and courteously asked him to please stop the bottle munching. Alas, my efforts were for not, and this little fucker is going to grow up to run daddy's business to the ground. I know this is a pecadillo, but even the smallest of sin can lead to irreversible assholeness, so please, next time you insist on taking and annoying child into a movie, know that if they don't behave, one day thirty year old nobody, with an average job is going to snap and become a headline...
Sweet dreams.
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