Divine 69 - Part 1 of 7 -- 69- 60

As stated before, us men have issues and try as we may, our dicks are at times mightier than our sense of logic. So here's the first installment of the Divine 69. The number chosen is as childish as the premise so by all means, if you don't have a sense of humor, check another post.

69 fictitious female characters that for one reason or another were appealing at some point of our lives.

So where do we start? Well at the bottom of the list.


69. Marcy - Peanuts

Before you go scratching your heads and screaming ugh, hear me out. This is officially the first lesbian cartoon ever and the fact that she had those fogged up glasses made you wonder just what it would look like for her to be eating Peppermint's Patty while asking for more sir. Stoic, nerdy, submissive. The only ugh's you should be hearing should be muffled and sexual.


68. Farah - Prince of Persia




Ok so a palace's worth of people have just been slaughtered and you're still going after the girl.... she'd better be worth it right? Farah is one of a papyrus scroll's worth of damsel's in distress that prompt men to do stupid shit just to save the day. Courageous to some, but to us men who know what his motivation is, this is one of those cases where the penis is mightier than the sword.


67. Sailor Jupiter - Sailor Moon series



Move over Sailor Moon, this green clad, tomboy schoolgirl from this overly formulaic series was a much better choice when it comes to picking your favorite fake schoolgirl badass. She could kick your ass, score higher in any sport than you and poke you in the eye with her breast. Millions of teenage guys watch at least one episode of Sailor Moon and truth be told, this gal probably got their attention much more because she wasn't that much of a ditz and because since she was such a sports hound, you were sure she knew how to handle her balls.



66. Judy Jetson - The Jetsons



I was amazed at how many white haired girls and the furthest down was the trampy Judy Jetson. I'm 100% sure Astro had to be taken to a vet after he saw her come out of the shower and proceed to lick himself until the lipstick went splooge. Judy is your typical American teen hottie and she probably knows it, but that doesn't take from her assets. Pretty, hip, cute, knows how to manipulate her father with the best of them, weird 80's abstrac oblong hairdo... she pretty much had it all and you'd be hard pressed not to spring your sprocket at least once in honor of Madame Judy.



65. Dead or Alive Girls



In life there are very few things certain. 1. We have no idea how enormous the universe is. 2. The only thing more common on Earth than hydrogen is stupidity. 3. We're going to die eventually. 4. Men are fascinated by breast. My friends, this is not a confession, it's pretty much comfirming the obvious, and I repeat... men love breast. We are childish, visual, oral, and are fans of supersizing everything from combos, to cars, to well... videogame characters. That the Dead or Alive series put such a focus on bouncing breast almost undermines that the games were actually pretty good. That they were able to come out with a spinoff of the girls playing volleyball on a beach resort just cements it... men love breast.



64. Tula - Pirates of Dark Water



In the lineage of olive skinned heroines, Tula definitely ranks high on my list of fictitious women I was fascinated by in part because this excellent series went so under the radar. Simply put, dark skin, cat eyes, night sky hair and braids, and I say uncle. Trust me people, if a guy saw this series, he definitely wanted to do some sinking in the seas of Tula.


63. Six - Tripping the Rift



How many chauvanistic pig men would love a robot that performed their every sexual whim... and how many would curse their luck if she actually happened to have taste. That's Six for you. Sexy, sexual, intelligent, resillient and freakishly nimble. If you need anything else to get your libido stirring you should cut out the propofol from your diet.


62. April O'Neil - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



Delicious reporter in a yellow jumpsuit, how we love thee. More nourishing than a pizza, how those turtles didn't try and give you some shell is beyond me. April O'Neill was one of the reasons why Saturday mornings were so awesome to begin with. So what if she could find any piece of dirt on you, wouldn't it be worth it just to trump KC Jones for once and show her the true meaning of Turtle Power?



61. Ariel - The little Mermaid




Tell me that you didn't want to have a seashell flipping spatula and I know you're lying. Ariel was Disney's answer to splash and Darryl Hannah ain't got nothing on this redhead. Ariel was quirky, fun, adorable, beautiful, curious, odd and more than a little out of sorts with the english language. But face it, if you were faced with a woman that cool and beautiful, wouldn't you think the term dingle hopper sounded sexy? Well I would.



60. Aspen Mathews - Fathom Comic series



In my initial search for the top ten characters this list was supposed to be, a friend of mine actually sent me five names he insisted on being included on this list, and among them I was introduced to Aspen Mathews... She's a badass, she surfs and she is probably hotter than anything you've ever dreamed of. Keep the drooling to a minimum though guys, I did mention she's a badass and if needbe, she'll kick your ass and make you swear you like it... and you probably will.

The Divine 69

My lady friends, us men are twisted, juvenile, visual, often superficial and hornier than a water buffalo. At any point of any day, ANYTHING at all can cause sexual thoughts in our penis diving brains and just so we make this clear, this didn't start with the first dry hump that chaffed our penises. From the earliest days in our lives, sexual tension has been charging up in our nether regions and all kinds of things have coupled with a generous libido and that first time we thought we'd broken ourselves while cleaning ourselves.

Yes my lady friends, us men can find carnal expressions of our fantasies in just about everything and pry long enough and be open enough about it, and you'll see that your man has alaundry list of dirty things on his mind that he'd love to do to you.

So I got to making yet another list.. From a top ten, I went to a top twenty, then to a top forty until realizing that I could actually make a list of 69 of the most desirable women that don't exist that have at one moment or another soiled my thoughts with impure imagery ripe for the Japanese hentai market.

I discussed the list with various close friends and it was unanimous... we're all fucked in the head and have our own list of personal demons when it comes to women that do not exist that left a hell of an imprint... so throughout this week, I'll be offering the Divine 69... 69 women from cartoons, videogames, comics or whatever animated medium, that made me soil my inner child's pants.

Feel free to comment and by all means, disagree, it'll spice things up.

Cheers

Five Body Snatchings for Beauty that define: Me

One of my favorite scary movies of all time is Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978). As a little girl, it truly fucked me up when the snatchers started screaming and pointing. FUCKED UP! The Invasion was truly a turd of a movie and most of all, an insult to true fans ('56 movie was also very cool). Now, think about it. You get to live inside another human being. Sort of Being John Malkovich but slimier. That got me thinking, this could be a great Five Things post... in chapters.

You see, there are many reasons why I would want to body snatch. Be it beauty, brains or just lifestyle... just picking five would be extremely hard. So, let's start with Beauty and this week I promise to deliver on "Brain Snatchings" and "Lifestyle Snatchings" - I have to think them over as well.

Why beauty first? Easiest post, dammit! Besides, let's put it out on the table. We sometimes see people and say, hm, what would life be if I was that person instead of me? Well, let's find out who's body I would invade in a very violent and slimy way.

Now, I would keep my personality and brain. All I need are the carcasses. Oh and they have to be alive. No dead chicks. And I'm talking babe quality chicks. Not ooooh she's beautiful inside and out. Fuck that. This experiment is only on chicks that men go fucking nuts for gorgeous. Let's have the beauty is in the eye of the beholder post sometime in the future.

So, in no particular order, here are five women that I would body snatch.

1) Angelina Jolie
Come on, this is a no brainer.

2) Scarlett Johansson
'Cause I would get to eat a little bit more and still look fuckable.

3) Megan Fox
Picture this woman without the I'm better than you attitude!!

4) Dita Von Teese
This is one of those chicks I can relate to in a very strange way. Maybe I was a burlesque dancer in another dimension.

5) Mila Kunis
I would get to tape Family Guy! How fucking cool is that???

Top 10 characters you love not knowing what they look like

Some characters are remembered for their charming smile, or potent stare. Others are immortalized by their expressions. But then, there are just some characters that you have no idea what they really look like and you could care less. Actually, the fact that they are largely obscured makes them that more special.

So thinking back to all the miscellaneous crap I've been exposed to in 29 years on this third rock from the sun, here's my top 10 people I love not knowing what the hell they look like.


10. Wilson - Home Improvement



Love the series or hate it, you can't help but marvel at the wisdom and accesibility of Mr. Picket Face, Wilson. This Jedi of the school of life was always there to spit some wisdom in the face of Tim and while tennage girls' panties were spontaneously combusting at the sight of Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I was torn between the enigma known as Wilson and the desire to be worked on by a Tool Girl.




9. Michael Meyers - Halloween



Out of all the Slashers, Michael Meyers has been the only one to perservere in never showing his face. Jason, Jigsaw, Predator, you name it, and they showed their faces, except Michael. Having survived mor ebullets, stabbings and electrocutions than you could ever imagine, the main thing about Mike is that he never talks either so his representation is devoid of face and voice, which make it all that much better. Hell you wouldn't want the guy to have a thirty pound battle axe ready to decapitate some sexy couple only to have him speak in an Elmer Fudd voice. So keep silent Mike, that'll help your kill count as well.


8. The Black Smoke - LOST



Ok so I haven't finished season 5 of LOST, where I'm supposed to get a good idea of what the hell that thing is... but we still don't know what lies beneath the smoke. Conspiracy theories abound as to what it really looks like but who knows, maybe it is just smoke and mirrors.... it still scares the poop right on out of me.


7. Adults - Tom and Jerry & Peanuts Cartoons

Rarely has there been an abstract or offscreen character used more by comedians to get a point through. I included the Tom & Jerry characters as well because be it the ditzy stepford wife or that sweet husky voiced Aunt Jemima relative, the adults in the Tom and Jerry characters were just as memorable as the wah wah speaking adults in peanuts cartoons.


6. Cousin Itt - Addams Family




Hair today, gone tomorrow? NEVER. With hair so strong that Vidal Sassoon would gawk with envy, Cousin Itt had it going on in regards to style, flow and mad lady skills. Be it the complimentary shades or the occasional hat, Itt, was the Sh-Itt and he further cements that girls love a guy with long hair.


5. Dr. Claw - Inspector Gadget




Striking from memory the action figures and the atrotious feature films, Dr. Claw was clearly one of the coolest faceless people in the realm of cartoon entertainment. How many times did we get teased to almost see his face? Countless and the fact that we didn't get one glimpse from the cartoons, well that just makes the action figures, video games and feature films that much more of heresy to all things Claw.


4. Snake Eyes - Gi Joe



As far as ninjas go, Snake Eyes tops my list since most people you know from this hemisphere wanted to be like him. Like Michael Meyers, Snake Eyes had the gift of being über cool without needing to show his face or use his voice. Besides, his expressions were that much better because of his very nature. So next time someone gives you the silent treatment, nod at least once in approval, for they are not ignoring you, they are paying genuine tribute to greatness that only comes in black wielding a katana in one hand and a semi automatic weapon in the other.



3. Cobra Commander - Gi Joe


Opposite of Snake eyes and higher on the list is the shrill voiced Cobra Commander, as much capable of being wicked as running away like a coward coward, the various garbs of the Commander left us always wondering how good his visibility really was and just what the hell he looked like, because though we all assume he was a man... we never really knew now, did we.


2. V - V For Vendetta



Veni, vidi, vici... well almost. Barely missing the top spot, V represents all things cool and all things extreme. Complacency through coersion and control is something to be reviled, and V did the nasty to the establishment by bringing true anarchy to the UK. Brilliant, strong, skillful, witty and a great person to chat with when he doesn't have you locked up thinking you're at a concentration camp, V represents an idea that sometimes sounds like just what the world needs.


And the #1 spot goes to.........

1. Nanny - Muppet Babies



No other single character from my childhood has more begged the question, what the hell does she look like than Nanny. I watched Muppet Babies marathons, owned the entire McDonald's set and progressed from Babies to adult Muppets at the correct time. To say that I miss the satisfactin I got from Saturday morning cartoons is a huge understatement, that I can say that I miss the Muppet Babies is an even larger one. Who ever thought striped leg warmers, a purple sweater and a pink skirt could be THAT comforting.

Top Ten Week

When it comes to lists, it seems everyone can relate. We all have an opinion, we all have arguments to defend our points and we all love to see how our own respective hierarchies compare to those of other people.

So for this week, at least once a day we'll have a random list stating our top 10, 20, 40 or whatever number for any specific topic. If you happen to have a comment, a list you'd like us to link to or maybe even an idea for a list, by all means, give a shout out and share the insanity.

Cheers

The Demise of a Legend: Tyson

I am sitting here with my heart snuggled up somewhere in my throat. I had to pause what now may be one of my favorite boxing documentaries: Tyson.

First of all, I have to say that my love for boxing came from this man. I marveled for some strange reason at him when I was younger. He looked like he had the power of Superman. Like he was out of this world. I sometimes wondered what a punch coming from that man felt like. Yes, there have been better boxers. I really don't care, my interest in learning a little bit more about the sport came from watching this small man destroy men after men.

And then, destroying himself in the process.

Tyson is a great documentary because it takes you really deep inside the craziest and angriest man you will ever know. He's bitter. He's sad. He's furious. The reasons are many to list. By watching you go... yeah, I can relate, I understand.

Trust me, this man has got issues. But in a way, there are many misconceptions about him. This is like a "This is me, so deal with it - making my peace" documentary. The thing is, it's very sad. Mike knows he had a shot, he had a life, but the story was going to end bad from the beginning. Ever since Cus died, the end was set. Losing his father figure was all it took.

The one thing I loved is that for the first time, I felt like he was being brutally honest. He explains what happened in Japan with Douglas. He goes round by round on the now famous Ear Bite with Holyfield. My babe always says there are two sides of a coin in every story. Listening to Tyson describe what took him to want to bite the ear of another man is, almost, logical.

Remember that campaign slogan, I want to be like Mike? Well, you know what? I want to be like this Mike. I like my heroes real and fucked up at the same time.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 296-300

On honesty

Never confuse work ethic with fear.


On manners

Like a bathroom and a lunch lounge, a conference room always benefits from good manners.


On being professional

Success does not give you carte blanche to be rude.


On mid management officials

Relevance


On work hours

In and out – the first for one is usually the last for the other.

Get yer Pearl Jam Fix right here.

The fixer, first single off Pearl Jam's Backspacer. If the video gets blocked click the link to go to the youtube vid. Just spreading the love :D

Triple H is soooooo cool.

Now we're cooking!

We've been cracking our skulls trying to find new readers and suddenly, bingo. One click and bang, we're on our way to more people reading our rants, bad language and other crazy shit we like to put up here.

We added the Share this Widget! Yeah! We embraced the 21st Century, my friends. Now if you like a post, instead of mailing it, you can share it in any way shape or form. Come on, help a sister and three brothers out, we need to spread the message that advertising truly sucks.

Click away, my friends... Click away!

I'm telling you for the last time: VECTORS!

This is sort of a Public Service Post. The idea is, you copy and paste this and send it to your client. The thing is, I am so freaking mad right now, some "shit", "fuck", "ass muncher" and other bad words might get in the copy, making this post work only for this blog. Oh well. Here we go.

Dear Client. I am telling you for the last time. Send me a logo in vectors. If you send me another low res jpg and tell me to use it for my artwork, I swear... OOOOOh I swear I will go to your office with a donkey, some gaffer tape, X-Acto Knifes and a video camera. You will pay.

How many goddamn times I have to say this shit? Really! I've been working in this crap business for a shitload of years and still, to this day, I have to keep repeating myself.

The kicker is when I write it and send it by email. I get a FUCKING LOGO IN WORD! YOU FUCKING FUCK! A Word document? What am I supposed to do? Write a memo with my artwork?

"But can't you get it from the internet?" NO YOU MORON DONKEY TURD! Those are GIF's! The lowest crap of the bunch? Oh. Well JPG then. PERFECT! Jpg are also pixels you damn stupid human being!

The thing that bugs me the most is... I just can't do it. There are some rotten designers out there who will send the artwork with fucked up logos and laugh all the way to the bank. I still have some dignity dammit. I still want my design to look good. So when I see stupid crap logos, I get really mad.

And you know what? Sometimes it's not the client's fault. Sometimes it's Account Executives who really don't give a shit and send you the crappiest jpg or pdf they can find (a pdf with a fucking low res photo in it) so the client can pass it along and end of story.

Oh! And another thing. Going to do a logo? DO IT ON VECTORS! Yeah, I know you likey likey the special effects and that 3d looks better. So does my fist in your nuts. I hate it when designers do photoshop logos only, you know why? Because I'm the asshole trying to figure out how I am going to do a 30 feet wide artwork with a 2.5 x 5 inch psd logo, 300 dpi. Oh and I am NOT retracing your logo, dude. You do it.

Honestly. Give me vectors or give me death! Here ends my wrath post of the day. Sorry. Really mad.

PS: Johnny Cash giving the finger? EPIC!

When your ad agency gives you a pink slip, you make: Lemonade.

25 dollars for not killing yourself.

Tell me how many of you out there have done this:

You are working on an old Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop version because, let's just say it, you're either too cheap to upgrade, you're lazy and haven't done it, you let time pass way too long to pay for the upgrade and now you have to buy the whole shebang again... or let's just say the word: warez.

The thing is, now you decided to upgrade (and this is just an hipothetical situation... um... yeah... a friend just... um... told me this story) because you want to join the 21st century and catch up. Only to find: you are completely lost and swearing every five minutes at your computer because strange things are happening to your designs.

Maybe this is old news for some, but for me, discovering Lynda.com was like being a kid again and believing in Santa Claus. For just 25 bucks you can access a month of tutorial videos on ALL the programs you can possibly think of. If you want to learn more, you just keep paying until you reached your goal. HOW COOL IS THIS?

Today I learned in a sitting all the things I could not do at 3pm sitting at my Mac. Tomorrow I am dying to go to work just so that I can click away on some fucking awesome crap that comes with the new CS4. Um. I mean my friend... Yeah, my friend wants to... Ok so it's me. I suck. I used CS. Tried CS3 for almost 5 months and decided to finally buy the CS4 (credit card still bleeding, damn you Adobe). Lynda made my day.

So, avoid suicidal thoughts. Go to their website now. Enjoy!

Too much time = Too little productivity

As a creative, time is a commodity that rarely arrives in abundance. Our day to day lives flow from one rush job to the next and crunch time campaigns development is almost your basic work mantra. But every thousand years or so, we actually get TOO much time to work on a project. Be it because work is slow, the agency is about to go under or the miracle that a kind AE was responsible enough to coordinate things like we only dream of, we have three to six weeks of time to do a project.

You’d think this would be a prime scenario for the development of the greatest assortment of ideas not to be used in a major motion picture. Dreams of Gold Cannes twinkle in your noggin and you swear to yourself that you will make every second count. Then you wake up and realize four weeks are up and your late for your second due date. The AE drinks coffee embittered by tears of frustration, the CD finally gets a real headache, and you are on the spot.

What the hell happened?

Well, just as having too little time is a crime against quality, so is having too much time. By having the illusion that the deadline is eons in the future, EVERYONE dicks around, takes a stroll short stop and asks how they got tacked out at first. This happens because the illusion of comfort and would be ideal scenarios play out in brains, but don’t seem to make it into the real world.

In layman’s terms, too much time equals trouble or as it were:

Time18 = Late half assed work

In that sense, creativity works like some of the world’s best soups or sauces, they reach their peak at the perfect balance of heat, time and pressure. Screw one thing up, be it too little or too much, and your gag reflex will go off quicker than you can say “uh oh”.

What seems to be the case is that though most creatives detest working under pressure, we have undoubtedly been conditioned to perform under the worst conditions, meaning that getting plush time frames and resources at times yields poor results. Hell I won’t having an extra week hasn’t done wonders for a campaign, a presentation, or even an ad, but I’d be disingenuous if I didn’t admit that at least once when I had enough time to do something, we didn’t hit a home… actually we kind of bunted once or twice. What’s worse, who suffers the most are the AEs that actually did their job, broke the norm, pulled through for you and you crapped on their good will.

So next time you get more than enough time to do something right, be sure to hand in work that is more than enough amazing. Either that or get used to working late and in a constant state of rush.

Stuck in a Funk

Though you might read the title and think I’m going to refer to the economy, jobless rates, or the unlikely event that you get stuck inside a latrine, I’m actually referring to something much more basic, much simpler, and much more common. For the purposes of this post, let us define funk as:

n. General state of dejection that lasts anywhere from 12 hours to fifteen years.

Bad hair days, unaligned chakras, depression, being and ambassador for the nation of Mope, attack of the Incredible Sulk, getting out of bed on the wrong side of bed or just having a plain ole crappy day; these and thousands more expressions are used to describe that icky feeling that really gets us down. Chock it up to poor diet, too little exercise, a genetic disorder or Libra invading the constellation of Virgo, some days we just can’t lift off. We’re tired, limp like a Viagra deprived ED sufferer and stale like last weeks old bread. Try as we may, we just stay in the funk and much like quicksand, the more we fight it, the deeper we sink into it.

As stated above, possible explanations abound and self help books to help you avoid that state of funk sell for $19.95 with a complimentary vinegar holy water enema included. Of course there’s also the Topical Aisle of Club Meds to pop a pill and say goodbye to logical or natural emotions, because after all, why feel dejected even if there’s reason to do so. But I stray from the path towards the point, as usually happens.

So we get stuck in a funk. Some people have a hard time getting it hard. Other people find it tough to act tough. For me, being in a state of funk means not being able or not even wanting to write. It means switching outlets until I finally find something that soothes the unabashed feeling of ugh. You see, some people take a double shot blahtté while other people seem impervious to reality and always stay perky, albeit often hatefully so. So what makes Ms. Ditsy Sprinkles different from the average layperson?

Well everything and nothing if you want an honest answer. On a genetic level, the difference between one human and another is infinitesimal in a best case scenario. If we can donate most body organs (compatibility allowing), then it becomes a matter of context, experience, lifestyles and general outlooks on life that determine the way we react to stimuli. I’m not saying that the secret to living a happy life is to believe and preach THE Secret, but perspective definitely has a lot to do with how satisfied we are with our jobs, our lives and our basic daily routines. But EVEN when we’re capable of rationalizing our ways out of a poopy mood, sometimes I think we just can’t help but want to have sour times to better cherish those high points during the year.

How about you? Why do you think you land in a funk? And when possible, how do you get out of it?

Cheers

Cult of Anti Fat: Miss Universe

Beauty pageants, much like advertising, are mainly designed to bask in the glory of supposed beauty. I say supposed not to even suggest that the women that participate in these contests aren’t drop dead gorgeous, but I do add the supposed for a variety of reasons.

1.) Many of these women have been edited, augmented and end up being highly manufactured in the beauty sense of the word. Jaws are aligned, procedures are made and an army of fembots compete for a crown.
2.) Beauty is relative and saying a woman is more or less beautiful than another has everything to do with taste, and nothing to do with actual beauty.
3.) Just in case, often times, the difference between a fashion model and a porn star are 6 inches and key decisions. Many porn stars are short while most models and miss universi, are quite tall.
4.) Fasting and purging ones system shouldn’t be applauded and some of the girls in these contests truly scream eating disorder.
5.) Beauty is not skin deep and some of these gals are just fancy frosting with no cake.

But in yet another element of our Cult of Anti Fat, we stare, ogle and leave our gaping mouths drooping in awe at the sheer beauty of some of these women. But it gets me thinking, if athletes are penalized and suspended for taking anabolic steroids and other performance enhancers, why doesn’t the same apply to beauty pageants. It’s gotten to the point where it’s a competition of the best surgeon rather than the most complete woman, and I really want to stress on COMPLETE WOMAN part.

A complete woman should have thoughts and aspirations, rather than tic tacs and hydrogen for a brain. They should have wants, desires, skill, and should inspire us to think much more than to offer a lame golf clap because they gave the “right” answer to an open ended question. Complete women know much more than just how to walk down a cat walk, because that’s a testament to good balance much more than to their character.

But a definite byproduct of all this beauty queen loving is that women get even more reference points in regards to what they’re not, what they’re supposed to be, and what they should envy and emulate. Young women have been taught to hate the way they are and how they look and pageants, television, Hollywood and advertising have all had a hand in distorting the self image of millions of young women around the world. You’re too fat, you’re too small, you’re not pretty enough. Too much for many things, too little for about the same amount of criteria and I can’t help but cringe every time I hear a friend or a loved one despise the way they feel about how they look.

Diets and masochistic exercise regimens are adopted in the name of physical beauty. Purging and starving are delightful remedies to lose a quick pound and quality of life and self worth are tossed out the window. To what point will this dangerous scenario repeat itself? Let us hope and pray we don’t have to weigh and find out.

Cheers

5 Podcasts that define: Me

It started with a little bit of YouTube. First, a little bit of Ask a Ninja (before they got famous and didn't crap all over the show) Sxe-Phil, William Sledd (I am a girl, sue me), Jon LaJolie. That was fun while it lasted.

Then, a little bit of clicking and bingo, I had my podcasts, for life. I was set. Not watching was simply painful. And then, my TiVo did something that was simply amazing: it started to download them direct to my Tv. No more downloading from my computer, no more streaming, no more little screen. Now I get to watch them on my huge ass tv. I am happy.

So since it's been a while, let's go to those special Five things that define us and let's discuss: Five Podcasts that define you. Ok, so define is a strong word for this particular post, but let's play along, shall we?

So in order of preference:

1) Diggnation.
Started watching extremely early on, from the twenty somethings. Two years and some change has gone by. The guys still are awesome. They drink, they swear, they talk tech, entertainment and stupid posts. I gobble it right up. Apart from being the nerd's ultimate podcast, you get to learn about shit that you are too tired to look for in the internet. The only bad side is that if you read Digg, you kind of know what's coming up in the show. Since Digg is on my iGoogle page, sometimes there is no surprise for me but... I can't miss one episode. I love those two guys.

2) Totally Rad Show.
This one I got to watch from the start. Let me tell you, if Movies and Videogames are your shit, this podcast is definitively for you. They sometimes discuss Comic Books and TV shows as well, but I always watch the first two chapters, movies and videogames. The movie reviews are very good, but you gotta know the guys first in order to know if you'll like the movie or not - they're three dudes with very different opinions. I have agreed with them on some and totally hated movies that they loved: but still, I cannot skip even one.

3) Epic Fu.
Now this is one painful subject. This was one 5 minute podcast that anyone being in advertising, design, internet and simply cool ass living just HAD to see. Just five minutes of your life and it had soooooo many interesting things that you had to pause it every 20 seconds or so to look for the cool pages that they featured. They suddenly disappeared from my TiVo and the net (website still working), claiming that they were doing some changes. This shit happened in May and no news yet. Sucks.

4) Sentimental Choice - SxePhil
This is the one YouTube podcast that I don't watch that often anymore but it's because I forget to look for them. Phil is still funny and witty. Ok. Witty sucks as a word, but trust me, Phil writes some funny ass shit still. I made a promise to start watching again 'cause this dude is going to make it someday.

5) Keith Olbermann's Show.
Since I don't want my TiVo to get crammed with daily programs, Olbermann's show is one that I click in his website to watch. This may not classify as a podcast but... um... I make the rules! Ha! Um. Where was I? Oh! Instead of getting day by day Keith, I cram a month of news goodness in one sitting. This man is my first source of news, period. If you haven't seen his rant "Gay Marriage is a question of love", watch it. You'll be a better person for having seen that clip.

So there it is. Now, share with the group, will you?

Love you long time, Me.

Link it to Me.

It's that time again when I open up the link gates and ask you to give me links that I have been missing or for being a lazy bitch have not added to our "Must Read List" - um, I'm not lazy, I'm just working, ya' know?

So please, start sending me stuff so I can link some more!!!

Hey Rat. Snake wants to be friends.

Office Max doesn't sell this shredder for a reason...

Another What the Fuck Moment.

Staring dude scares me. I must rent this film.

I am a better human being for having watched: Inglorius Basterds.

It's 12:35 p.m. and I have just watched Inglorious Basterds. Lord Have mercy. What a simply fucking incredible movie. I even don't know where to start...

Ok so let's start with saying this: some people say that some movies are roller coasters. Well. The Basterds then is one of those that go up and then go down at full force, making you want to scream, hurl and go cry to mommy. The level of anxiety starts off from the beginning and lets go only temporarily, only to grab you by the balls again.

Script? Epic. Let me tell you, this is Quentin, but a little more sophisticated. While we are accustomed to incredible scenes as "What does Marcellus Wallace looks like?", the "Like a Virgin" explanation or the "Clock up my ass" scene to name a few, Inglorious Basterds is a new writing style from Quentin. And I like, I like.

What else? Oh yeah, actors. Sa-weeeet! All the people that walked in are brilliant. Even Pitt, which should be a scene stealer, seems very nice in his part. Eli Roth? OOOh man you don't want to play baseball near this guy. The thing about the movie is that Tarantino delivered an impeccable script and found some amazing people to play the parts at their best. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but apart from Quentin and Eli, I didn't really know all the other actors, so that made it more cool, in a way.

But then... there is Christoph Waltz. If there is one villain that scares the shit out of you, delete him from your memory and insert his portrayal of Hans Landa. I cannot remember for the life of me someone that has scared me the most in a film without being a zombie, monster or mass murderer. He truly steals the show.

Trust me, the trailer for this film does not do the movie any justice. Just give your money, buy a small popcorn (I would recommend not eating) and enjoy.

Gracias, Quentin.

I guess we are assholes...

Hate to admit it, but sometimes cats are cool.

I just love Kinetic Typography

Today is a good day.

Just a quick shot of news.

Went to the doc. Today is the official day of the last contraceptives I will ever take. Just three months and I'm off to look for my baby.

I feel like a grownup... Yey!

We now return to our regular programming.

Cool Business Cards - see, we talk shop once in a while.

Webdesignerdepot.com posted 100 Really Creative Business Cards. Here are some to spark your curiosity, click at the name of the post to go to their website and enjoy great Business Cards that your clients would never approve.

Now I know why I hate this song.

Ok this will not be the funniest video ever, but it sure proves a point: some people shoot some weird videos. Can someone please explain all the crap that was rammed in this one?

Epic!

Image property of Elontirien via Mashable.

He's not that into you, Betty: The Biggest Mistake ever?

I am well known for not caring so much for reading comics. Although I encourage my boyfriend's addiction for them, I seldom read two or three pages of any of his comic collection. Now... this doesn't mean that I didn't get my fix when I was a kid. I read Archie.

For years and years, the best part of coming home from school was walking to my pharmacy and buying the latest Archie comic book. It was like getting a christmas gift, all year round. In fact, I cannot remember reading anything else but that crazy redhead idiot. I loved each character and most of all... I rooted for Betty. Veronica, the rich chick was not for him. We just had to wait a little while and, like any other men, he would realize that he was choosing the wrong girl... right?

Cut to 2009. A couple of weeks ago I went into my local Borders and passed by the latest Archie. I joked: long time since I read it. My boyfriend told me something that brought me to my knees. That fucker idiot proposed to Veronica.

WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

Why is Archie relevant in any way? He's not. It's just funny that after almost thirty years, one simple thing from my childhood has turned out badly. One fan decided to sell his Number 1 Archie in protest of this proposal. Look, I know this is a comic book. I know this is a stupid post. But you gotta give it to me. I bought a shitload of comic books in my time. I curled up with my favorite readheaded guy and hoped for him to see the light and get some nookie with Betty.

Archie getting married to that beeyatch Veronica?

I don't like it one bit, dude. Say it isn't so.

Alan. ALAN! = ROFL.

Bugs are Awesome!

I really cringed when I watched this.

Air Traffic in 24 Hours = Cool!

Vote Family Guy!

Brad and Bill.

For that Idiot Client who lives under a rock.

What the F**K is Social Media: One Year Later

View more documents from Marta Kagan.

Pantene Markets New Shampoo As Best For Masturbating Boyfriend In Shower

Click on post title for full article. A must read.

And God created woman...

On the first day, He created Beyoncé, and she was fine...

On the second day, He created Shakira, and she was super fine...

Free Samples Frenzy

If there ever was any question that I live in a Third World country that pretends to be a Hyper-Developed Nation, I saw the proof last weekend at my local Costco and Sam’s. I made the mistake of going to these mega stores on a Saturday afternoon, and both were packed to all hell with crazed shoppers, eager to get their hands on super-sized shit they don’t need.

But what got me was the feeding frenzy at the end of the aisles, where store employees were cooking up free samples.

You know the expression “Live every week like its Shark Week?” My friends, these people were living it in the most literal sense possible. Hoards of overweight, government-subsidized shoppers were practically jumping over each other to score a free sample of Veggie patties/pulled pork/gouda cheese/strawberry yogurt, etc. They resembled frenzied sharks or piranhas going in for the kill, with the smell of blood deep in their noses, crystallized eyes and drool oozing from the corner of their mouths, death in their sights.

And here’s the kicker: when the poor sample girl ran out of whatever she was peddling (a microwave can only cook so many spinach tortellini at the same time!), these people shouted insults at her, angry and blaming her for their unsatisfied hunger. As she prepared the next batch, mini riots would break out near the sample station as shoppers fought each other off to position themselves for the next serving.

As I walked around trying to avoid these death traps, I realized that the stores weren’t packed because people were shopping; they were packed because thousands of people were jamming up the aisles waiting to be fed. The attitude among them was not one of curious shoppers discovering something new, but that of desperate consumers demanding to feast on what is rightfully theirs. The gall of these people!

Since when is gorging on free samples a consumer right? When did it become acceptable behavior to send your kid to the sample station to snatch up goodies for everyone in the family? Do you really expect to walk out of the store with breakfast, lunch, and dinner under your belt?

Jeez, this is what happens when a society is given everything they need, and more, without having to work for it – they suddenly feel that they deserve it all.

TMI Ver. 2.0

With every single day, microblogging reaches an all time low in regards of the too much information department. If you're going to be a Tweetker, at least be decent enough to have interesting shit to share. But no, between Tweets and Facebook status I have the luxury of finding out everything I didn't want to know about people I should seriously consider deleting from my "friend list".

I'm not completely sure when it became trendy, hip or the in thing to let everyone know the six colors floating in your toilet bowl, or what you're having for breakfast, but it's ironic on a base level that some people even bother with privacy laws at all.

Then I see Facebook status that like, are totally, like, so awesome, like, it says so much cool stuff, like, I dunno, it's just awesome and like deep...........

Seriously people. I could care less what your Facebook fortune cookie said, what new adventures you've traversed in Farmville or your level in Mob Wars.

That said, I also don't want to read about your break up or the opinion of eighty nosy people who just HAVE to leave a comment saying fuck him/her, they don't deserve you or all the other typically mundane and trite bullshit that I read every day on my wall. People, it's a life, live it, don't post it for Christ's Sake.

And then the 20,000 causes no one supports but has on their wall, me included because I'm too lazy to delete them. What have any of us done for these causes except give three clicks for them?

Save the third nippled dolphin, protect global terra forming, stop the insanity and recycle your condoms. The list goes on and on and people keep clicking and clicking away, and though I do fall prey to the hundreds of quizzes that appear on Facebook, I stray from pretty much everything else and tend to write direct messages rather than wall posts because I want to treat a Facebook friend as if they were a real friend, because odds are that once upon a time, they were... but I don't go plastering all we talk about on my wall.

Some people do feel the need to give a peek into the world they live, and that may be fine for some people, but guess what... most of what you say is painfully boring. So you had chicken for lunch, so your baby took a shit, so you think you have swine flu, so you're watching the hills. Honestly, if people read most of what they post, maybe they'd take a second to reconsider because man, some of the shit you read is more on the lines of "really, did I need to know that" rather than "wow, look what so and so is doing. Isn't that cool." The answer is painfully simple, no it isn't entertaining, yes you demonstrate that in a country cleansing you'd probably go, and obviously, yor status would read something like: Phooey :`( I'm going to get fed to a meat grinder. Oh well. At least I'll meet God.

Just in case, let me be the first one to let you know that if you don't make it to Purgatory or Hell, or are forced to repeat your life since you failed this grade, God will not take away from the busy schedule just to see how Farmville nurtured your sense of worth in existence.

In short, TMI is the new OMG and most of it all can just SMC. So kindly, next time you feel the urge to tell me how clean your colon feels after doing an Oat Bran Squat Dump or the new color coordinated door knobs you bought for your home, kindly reconsider.

Cheers

Bet you a Million Bucks he's High and not on God.

I'm ashamed to be a woman.

You see? THIS is what pisses me off. Stupid Psycho women doing idiotic things. I mean... COME ON LADIES! You are giving us a bad rep, dammit! Guys, if you've ever dated a Psycho lady, this is the video for you.

Guys out there? I feel your pain. But no worries, not all of us are insane in the membrane. Just a few rotten apples. The rest of us chicks are normal, you just have to find us. Enjoy.

Why I don’t go to the movies (follow-up to Joker’s “Check Your Children at the Door” post)

It hurts me to write this. It pains me, but… I must confess to the blogosphere: I can no longer stand going to the cinema.

This is difficult for me because I am a rabid film aficionado. I LOVE MOVIES. Movies have played an important role at every stage of my life and I am not ashamed to admit that some films have even shaped the very essence of my personality. Old, new, foreign, Hollywood, Bollywood, obscure, kitsch… you name it, I’ve enjoyed it.

However, I can no longer stand going to an actual movie theater for a night out. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m becoming a Grumpy Old Man, but the cinema experience just isn’t what it used to be, even with Digital 3D and 18.1 surround sound. There was a time when going to the cinema was an EVENT. You looked forward to it. You were anxious to get there. You sat in the theater to be wowed by the magic of the story. The movie was the showstopper. Even if the movie sucked, you still had an experience. It was still a night out.

Today, there’s just too much shit going on competing for your attention:

Cell phones: No matter how many warnings the theater threatens you with, people cannot let go of their phones. Did you really pay $35.00 for a night at the movies just to spend a large part of two hours on the phone? And just because you silenced the ringer doesn’t mean that the glow from the screen isn’t interrupting my enjoyment of the movie. If you made time to enjoy the show, the least you can do is show some respect and give the entertainment your undivided attention. Since when did it become so urgent to answer every call you receive? We were born without cell phones. Surely we can live without them for at least two hours.

Kids: Before I became a dad, I always deemed it inconsiderate to bring babies to the movies. I am now a dad and STILL feel the same way. Sure, kids have every right to enjoy their movies, but why drag along your two-year old to see “Childern of Men” or “Planet Terror?” As soon as I felt that my daughter was ready to see movies we could both enjoy (aside from Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks stuff), and that she more or less knew proper movie theater etiquette, I dared to take her with me. Some parents consider it “cute” when their toddler plays with their Tonka trucks in the aisles. Other’s see no harm in bringing their months-old baby to a 9:00 p.m. screening. Instead of getting a good night’s rest, they’re balling their eyes out. I feel sorry for these people.

The Art of Conversation: Of course I love to talk about movies. Let’s get down to postmodern cinematic tendencies and the Wellesian script treatment, but let’s do it when the movie’s over. People talking during the middle of a film, out loud like they were in their living room, drives me nuts. And it happens more often than not. Again, did you really drop serious bank just to talk your way through a film with a buddy? In most cases, these people aren’t even talking about the film. I’ve been at the theater and learned from my fellow audience members that so-and-so missed her period, that Joe Schmoe is two months late on his car payments, and that Jane Doe is on the outs with her husband…

My wife jokes that I’m getting cranky in my old age, but the fact remains: It takes a lot for me to actually go to a movie theater nowadays. In fact, I only go: (1) on the first showing of the day, hopefully before noon, and NEVER on the weekend of the film’s release; (2) with my crew, the group of friends (more like family) that I humbly call The Power Penis Posse. You know who you are. If it weren’t for you guys, I’d still be locked away in the peace and quiet of my home watching DVDs. Plus, anything looks good on screen with one too many tequila’s in your system.

I miss playing at my High School Band.

You would never guess what instrument I played.

Suckersssssssss...

Oldie but goodie.

Happy Bday Joker!

Just to let you know, WAS lovers... Joker is celebrating his birthday this week! I thought some of you would want to write him so here you go, a post just for that.

And from me, my dear friend... I am very grateful to still have you as a friend and as a brother from another mother. My life is better for having met you and your lovely wife to be. You have been with me in my good and really bad times, listened to me bitch about shit via email, messenger, phone calls... more than I can count. Life without a friend like you would definitively suck.

Happy Birthday, my dear Joker. From Me and all the WAS crowd.

Terry Gilliam RULES

My Thoughts, exactly.

I'll light Sixteen Candles for John Hughes.

Losing someone that represents a part of your history is weird. Sometimes you say, damn, how sad. But then there are those who hurt a little bit more than what you thought it would. To me, losing John Hughes is big time sad. Hey, I'm not crying or anything, but it still is painful. Why?

There are two great characters that he wrote that I could totally relate to. I was Sam in Sixteen Candles. Awkward, insecure at times, daydreaming and purely in love with dudes that seemed way out of my league. Later I was Allison (no hair dandruff, glad to report) in Breakfast Club. Troubled, dark clothing lover, shy (can you believe that one?) and sort of mysterious by accident.

Did I get my Jake at the end? Yep, I did. Did I leave all my troubles behind and embrace a life full of color and less heavy makeup? Uh huh, that too. Oh! I forgot... Pretty in Pink! Did I have a Duckie and did not end up with him? Yep. My Duckie, by the way, had his baby girl born a week ago.

But John Hughes got to me. He understood being a teenager or a tween. Being a child of the 80's meant that you were depressed and not in a "poser" way, like these piece of shit emo's of today. We really were sad, we really felt lost, we really wore black because we kind of hated everything. At the same time, we embraced life as no other generation, we danced, we laughed... it was a very bizarre time. And he got it.

He made little teens like me get excited over boys and the possibility that true love was just around the corner. He made us think that being "just one of the guys" was cool and by the way, you could get your guy in the end just like the snobby high class chick. He made nerds cool for a while, even.

Some directors have connected with me over the different stages of my life. My childhood remains with John. Period.

So Hughey boy, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Hope God has a deal for you to write a great movie starring Jesus and George Carlin or something. The kids of the 80's and I love you dearly.

It's official - I'm getting old

First Michael Jackson.

And now John Hughes.

Our 80s icons are slowly disappearing. They're sporting more grey hair than ever, if they even have hair anymore. Generation X: Our youth is fading. We'll soon be receiving complimentary AARP newsletters.

C'est Magnifique! The True Hamburglar!

GI Crap? A sort of warning-review.

Ok first of all, I have not seen this movie. Let me get that out of the way. I am still writing a sort of small warning, based on what happened yesterday night. Travis and a buddy of his went to see GI Joe at a sort of premier. On the way home, he called me. This is a short rendition of the conversation. Most of it is verbatim. You be the judge.

"Hun... I'm done."

"Hey babe! How was it?"

Long silence.

"They destroyed one of my childhood heroes."

"Fuck, that bad?"

"It was really bad. It felt like watching a late night sci-fi tv program. Do you remember that people used to say that the Transformers script was bad? That was nothing compared to this. We sat there saying what the fuck..."

He arrived home looking like someone died, basically. My warning is: usually Travis nails his reviews, dead on. If a movie sucks in his opinion, trust me there is a good chance it TRULY sucks. We have almost never disagreed on a film and it's not because he loves me long time, if you know what I mean.

He now approved this review by adding: that movie blows.

Some things never change: RUSH

No, I’m not talking about the iconic 80s band. I’m talking about those little surprises that pop up more often than you like: RUSH assignments that absolutely must get done yesterday because the existence of the human race – no, the universe! – depends on it.

You know rush jobs well. They appear in your inbox in the late afternoon… on a Friday. And they piss the hell out of you.

For those of you following this blog, you know that many years ago I walked away from the ad biz and am now doing the PR thing. Though I am much happier with my current career path and can complain about virtually nothing, there are some things that never change. Case in point: Said RUSH jobs. Yep, they happen here too.

Here are a few funny things about RUSH jobs:
- The more RUSH the job is, the greater the number of people involved in the approval process, thus slowing things down and rendering the entire RUSH concept moot

- RUSH jobs never pay RUSH fees

- They tell you that if it’s not done by 3:00 p.m., the sun will explode. Yet, there is always time for revisions

- Speaking of revisions, RUSH jobs make people come up with the dumbest comments: “make the logo bigger”; “change ‘socioeconomic’ for ‘economical-social’”; “bullet points end with periods, right?”; “wouldn’t it be better if…”

- Any and all creative resources are too expensive: stock photos, illustrations, scans, etc.
Lawyers, executives, and engineers assume dominant roles in the creative process behind RUSH jobs

So, the next time your AE comes screaming down the hall with a RUSH job that will make or break the agency, simply smile, peek at this list, order some expensive take out (on their penny, of course), and git’er done with the bespoken patience you’re known for.

Are we on WTF week or something?

Just... um. Click at the name of the post. Really. I'm not going there.

This is just... Eh... Sad.

See anything you like?

Yup. That special time has come again. Where I ask you gently to look into your address book and beg: please spread the WAS around. Please help us get a decent amount of people so we can publish our book somewhere in the near century...

Don't have any friends? Live under a rock? Well if you have any social networking tool (I really hate saying those three words) link us from time to time. Find something funny or simply disgusting? Share!

Do you have Google Friend Connect? You can add us and get our blog delivered right to your computer or electronic device of your choosing. That's delivery for you, better that a Porn Pizza and with less sperm!

You will not be saving kids. You will not be going green by doing this. But you will be cool to us. That counts for something.

Keep reading... Much love. Me.

Please spread the word: The Cove Trailer

Go to YouTube. Copy either the URL or Embed this on any Facebook or blog that you have. Please. Let's get these shitty excuse of human beings!

Cool: Life Saver

Just one thing, dude. You're giving them away, right? I mean... you DID invent this to save the people... right? 'Cause people down at Uganda don't have 140 plus bucks to buy your water bottle... Just sayin'.

This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship: Suck my Job

This is one blog I am definitively reading every single day. Amazing is not a word that does it justice. BRILLIANT, is. Go right now. Click at the name of the post.

All aboard! Ozzy doc seems amazing!

WRECKAGE OF MY PAST from MIKE PISCITELLI on Vimeo.

Coolest video I've seen in a long time.

Scary thing is? I think I actually played all of these games. Scary shit. Enjoy.

I suck. I watch NYC Prep.

Hi. I'm Me. I'm a NYC Prep watcher. Yes. I suck. I actually suck donkey cock. I am the worst human being ever. I deserve to be whipped in my ovaries, gut open with some plastic fork and then burned at the stake.

I cannot help myself. This is the most stupid yet addictive show in the history of Bravo and yet... I just cannot change the channel. I am mesmerized. I feel dirty.

NYC Prep is the new reality show joke from Bravo. It centers around rich Manhattan kids during their High School years. Basically it's like chocolate covered tv with marshmallows on it. They are obnoxious. Pretentious. Immature. So money driven, it's simply disgusting. And yet... I cannot... for the life of me... stop... watching.

(Cue Alien music. I am wrapped in Alien goo. I open my eyes and beg to you: Kill... Me.)

Ah. NYC Prep. There is one guy who wears eye liner (and who I am secretly in love with) who treats everyone like shit, goes to fashion shows and from time to time goes to a therapist to talk about his "hectic" 18 year old life. Epic. There is one girl who insists on dating people just because they have money and that can make her look good in the social scene. Nice! There is one guy who is 16 but insists on wearing the biggest and ugliest comb-over hairdo in the world - and actually gets chicks to like him. Oh. Did I mention he speaks french to them so they actually give him some nookie - and it works?

This is the best show since Mtv's Rich Girls. Yummy. Whip cream on top? Yes. YES!

I swear this tv show is just bad for you, but it's like smoking. Once you get the taste, you find it hard to quit.

I am so addicted to this crap, I even - gasp - have TiVoed it. Yes. It has a season pass. That means that the suckiness never goes unwatched. Please, someone take my cable tv watching rights. Delete my TiVo. Do something. Help.

Now I feel like those other people who watched horrible tv like Rock of Love or... was it Daisy of Crap? Whatever. This post is good for me. I am owning up to one thing that I do that sucks. That's the beginning of a twelve step program to recovery, right?

Damn you Bravo. Damn you all to hell.

Suck it, Trebek.

A couple of months ago I wrote the post "Define Success" (link at the name of the post). I wrote about success according to Me, pun intended. At the end of the post, I realized that I wasn't crazy, that by being grateful for what I had and not needing anything else, I was happy, hence successful.

Here's the part I didn't write about. This person also told me, amongst other stupid things, that I needed an Account Executive because, and I quote: you take everything personal. This, coming from a person who has NEVER seen me with a client. EVER. I got so mad I forgot the rest of the now very sad conversation.

For me that was truly an insult. One of my greatest achievements is how well I have learned to deal with my clients. I never, ever take a single bit of information, change, opinion, revision or whatever personal. In fact, I am dead sure I have written about not doing this over and over here at WAS. I am working for them, how the fuck do I take a change personal?

Don't get me wrong. I do get frustrated. I do think some changes are idiotic. But I never voice my opinions all the time because it's just stupid. I will take as much changes as they want me to and if I don't agree, I will say it out loud. At the end of the day, it's their ad, their money... so taking it personal is by far a "rookie" example. After fifteen years doing advertising, I would have guessed my "friend" would know that I am not a rookie anymore... Oh well.

But life has a way to prove you right down the line. Today was a great example. Humbling, even. I smiled all the way home. What happened?????

Early in 2001 I left one big agency. I worked there for 9 years. I needed to grow, in some ways, and I decided enough was enough. I loved working there. The single most important thing about that job specifically? I got to meet every single client in the agency. My boss turned a very shy little woman into some crazy chick who actually enjoys talking to huge amounts of people instead of just two or three dudes. He showed me how to take changes, present my stuff, handle problems... everything. I got a feeling that all my clients enjoyed working with me.

The day my "friend" told me that I basically sucked in his opinion... I actually started doubting myself. Maybe I do suck. Maybe I don't know how to treat clients. You know, sometimes people "get" to you and make you doubt yourself. Hm.

Cut to today. One client of mine from almost a decade ago found me. She searched high and low and actually got my email and my number. She has invited me to pitch her new business. Yes. She remembered my name. She remembered my work. She wants me back.

Ah... how I would love to tell this to my friend and end it with... Suck it.

Fanboys. Stupid but Funny.

Yesterday night the Netflix fairy came to my place and delivered a couple of movies. Amongst them, a small little flick called Fanboys. The agreement was simple: if it sucked, we were going to press "eject". No if's or but's about it. Deal? Deal.

Let me tell you, this is just one of those movies that requires stupid when describing it... but boy is it fun. Fanboys is a simple story. Four guys decide to break in the Lucas' Skywalker Ranch in order to see Star Wars Episode 1, The Phantom Menace. They will drive in their "sort of Millenium Falcon Van" for 20 something hours, get inside the ranch and hopefully get to see what they have been waiting since they are nerd kids. Simple. To the point.

The movie is not your run of the mill comedy. In fact, don't expect too much. If you are a true Star Wars fan, or you enjoy anything sci-fi, then maybe this flick is for you. If you are a total fanboy, then run to your local video store, this sure will be a gem for you.

It's not consistently funny, but you will get a chuckle or two all the way through. The actors are not huge stars, that's a plus. But you do get cameos from Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams and... the one. The only. The greatest of all time. William. Alan. Shatner. YES! YES! Fucking EPIC SCENE!

The thing about this movie is, if you ever went to a comic con, if you loved Star Wars or have been in a serious "Why the fuck did Leia kiss his brother twice" conversations, compared Star Wars to Star Trek... then Fanboys will deliver. Think about a movie that doesn't need to have a consistent line of thought, just random scenes that make you giggle and go... shit, we are all nerds deep inside.

Why did it connect with me? Dudes. I actually drove for two and a half hours to a movie theater WAAAAAAAAY far away from the comfort of my apartment that year in order to watch and hear Episode 1 perfectly. I even stayed at a hotel to do this. Oh and I took the day off from work. So yes, I qualify as a total sci fi geek. I remember driving and thinking... shit the line is going to be fucking awesome. I still remember that night. Maybe because it rocked, the whole idea. Maybe because I left the theater thinking... Jar Jar can suck a donkey dick, that movie sucked because of that idiotic character. Oh and Mannequin Skywalker (Aka Young Darth). Aaaaaanyway...

Would I recommend it? On a heartbeat. Then again, I am a FanGirl, so bear that in mind. Is it for everyone? No way. You have to have a little bit of nerd/geek inside you.

So there, if you're interested, by all means rent away. Here's a trailer to get you curious. Enjoy. Oh. Live long and prosper. The force sucks balls.